Salvation
by SomeRandomMuggle
Summary: Sequel: Ichigo returns to Karakura after a year of absence. Facing those that pain him to look upon, he finally finds his salvation in a very unexpected person. Ichigo/Tatsuki
1. Salvation

_I do not own Tite Kubo's Bleach or make any profit of this story. The only things I own are the crazy chain of events I put his characters through._

**Prologue**

Karakura was the last place he wanted to be. Seeing the same small buildings of businesses and homes coexisting side by side through the passenger window of the moving car as his father talked like he hadn't talked in years, he regretted ever coming back. There were far too many memories there and he knew that as soon as his friends found out that he was in town, he would have them jumping on him, going off about why he hadn't said a word over a year.

He had left after graduation, unlike his friends that all had decided to go to the local college. He just couldn't stay around them anymore, most of all seeing the two people that had him feeling a mixture of nausea and regret.

Ogichi and Orihime.

The Hollow hadn't completely adapted to human life, but he remained calm as long as Inoue was around him. It was like she was a soft welcomed analgesia that kept his usual killer instinct on hold. And with them being always together, Ichigo had been forced to watch nearly every aspect of their twisted, _wrong_, relationship.

As if it hadn't been bad enough that he had seen them having sex using his body and also had set Ogichi free in order for Orihime to attain her long delayed happiness.

Yeah, he was an idiot. He told himself that everyday. Understanding what Orihime had been living through for so many years in darkness of having him ignore her, he wondered if he was suffering in a larger scale. She hadn't seen him having sex with Rukia or anything remotely close to that. She hadn't yearned to be one with him or had fought for him...

No. She had fought for _Ogichi_, had given herself willingly to him and had completely forgotten about Ichigo, not even taking the time to feel _anything _stronger for him that had been starting to reciprocate her lost sentiments.

When he had been away in Tokyo, he had some peace of mind at not seeing them or talking to any of his friends for that matter. Out of sight, out of mind.

He had forgotten about Karakura and his past... Going to parties, meeting new people at the University where he was studying medicine. Sleeping with random faceless girls that were too similar to her. His body, regardless of how much of a degenerate he had become, was never satiated with any of them because all he could see was her face... Tear streaked and yelling at him about keeping her and Ogichi from each other, about how she wanted and missed _him_.

Was it love or obsession? Was it because his Hollow that was still somewhat connected to his soul was now enjoying her smiles and body like he wished he was? Or was it that he missed the way she had always looked at him with such sad grey eyes and tagged behind him, desperate for him to look at her, to actually _see_her?

He had his chance and wasted it by being too fucking blind.

Because of him wanting to ignore that sordid tragic past chain of events, he had completely pushed all of his friends to the side. No emails, phone calls, or letters. He had no idea what had happened to them and had insisted that his crazy father that was currently bouncing excitedly in his seat probably talking about something absolutely stupid and his sisters that were in the back seat, didn't tell him _anything_.

Every time they had spoken over the phone and had made the mistake of bringing up one of his friends, he would hurriedly change the subject and say 'maybe some other day'. It didn't take his family long to realize that he just didn't want to hear it.

"Did you know that Orihime-chan got married?"

Wincing as if a bucket of cold water had been dropped on him, he glared at his father that was widely grinning with his eyes focused on the traffic jammed road.

"Just a couple of weeks back! She married some Ogichi fellow!"

If there was an easy way to kill him, the news of Orihime's marriage was a dagger sharp enough. He knew that if he asked further, he would be only torturing himself like the fool he was.

_I can't help it..._, clenching his fists, he grinded his molars before breathing through his nose.

"Is...," he cleared his throat hating how his voice croaked, "Is that right?" Forcing out a laugh, he stiffened when his father shot him a strange studying glance.

_Bastard knows and is shoving it in my face._

"Yeah," that measuring look dissipating, Isshin's eyes returned to the road, "just a couple of weeks ago. Tatsuki-chan came over to ask if she could contact you, but since you," he shrugged, "don't want to know about any of them, she left after she told me."

"Oh. Have... have you met this... Ogichi guy?" He didn't particularly like that thought. Ogichi looked far too much like him to pass off as a mere freak coincidence.

"Nope! But I do know that Orihime-chan and her husband moved out of her apartment and got a bigger one downtown," frowning, wearing a smile, he added, "He does have a weird last name though... What was it...? Hiroshacky... Firosnacky...?"

"His last name is Shirosaki, dad," Karin muttered dryly from behind them, stopping their father from continuing to give Ogichi last names not even remotely similar to his own.

"Yeah! Yeah! That's the name!"

"So I guess...," feeling awkward, Ichigo murmured lowly, once again letting his gaze return to the window beside him, "that she's now Shirosaki Orihime."

"Yup!"

Shuddering, he forced himself to pretend that he didn't just hear his father telling him of Orihime's marriage.

Not seeing his turmoil, Isshin said more to himself than him, "A damned shame though... Really sweet girl. Wouldn't have minded it if you had shacked up with her yourself."

Forgetting that he didn't want others to see his misery, he snapped, "Could we _please _change the subject?" His furious eyes looked at all of his surprised family members.

"Geez, Ichigo! You were the one that kept the conversation going!" Karin kicked the back of his seat to get his attention.

"I know, but...," looking away from them, he slouched in his seat, his vacant eyes going back to looking at the other passing cars and familiar buildings that seemed to never change over the years.

The rest of the ride home was done in silence.

* * *

><p>This is actually the sequel to a HichiHime fic I have on AFF called 'Reflection', but don't worry! This is Ichi/Tat (I don't like repeating pairings twice). This is a CENSORED story, meaning that all sex-scenes will be omitted from this version, while the uncensored version is in my profile via link. NOTE: You don't have to read 'Reflection' to understand this fic. I wrote it in a manner so people wouldn't feel the need to. And if anyone is wondering why the Hichi/Hime 'Reflection' isn't on here; it's very strong and sexual in every chapter and people would have heartattacks reading it, but everyone loved it in AFF. Hope you guys enjoy this fic and leave a review! =)


	2. Tatsuki

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own Kubo Tite's Bleach and I also do not make profit of this fic._

**Chapter 1**

Ichigo's room had remained the same as when he had left it. The only things that made the room look odd were the suitcases placed in front of his bed. The room, in spite of having not changed one bit, felt vacant even with him standing in the middle of it.

That was the emotion that overcame him when he was alone. How many times had he told himself that he had to take charge of life and move on...? Whenever he tried to take one step forward, he got stuck back in the same endless bleakness. There was no end to it. All he could think about was how clueless he was about certain things and over the past year he had tried to learn how to see further into people's expressions, but he still didn't understand them.

How could he even call himself 'human', if he didn't know how to look deep enough into the people around him?

Though he wasn't thinking of _them_, the void within him was still present. Perhaps it was because he didn't have his friends there to suffocate him with questions and accusations about his 'disappearance'. In that room of his, he was trully alone, which probably added more to how downtrodden he already felt.

Sighing, thinking about putting his stuff away later, he did what he hadn't done ever since the 'incident' had begun to take place.

Go to Rukia's closet.

When he reached it, his hand poised over the handle meant to slide it open, he hesitated, not really knowing what to expect on the other side. The closet was supposed to be empty anyway.

Sucking in a deep breath, he slammed the closet open and saw just what he had been expecting to see.

Wood and no signs of life. From what he could see, his sister Yuzu had been storing clean linen in the closet that had once housed Rukia. Just stacks of clean, white folded cloth greeted his flat gaze.

Closing the closet door, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

_I feel so stupid... Maybe I should call someone over..._

Even though he had thought that, he pushed it to the back of his mind. Just like his luggage.

_Maybe later..._

* * *

><p>"Don't tell me that bull that he isn't over here! I just saw him going in!"<p>

Isshin should have known that _somebody_ would have discovered Ichigo's arrival. Arisawa Tatsuki was just as persistent as the new _Shirosaki_ Orihime. Those two girls had constantly tried to find ways to contact his son over the last year and though he barely knew any of the details of what had gotten Ichigo so depressed, he had instinctively turned them away.

_He has to face all of them someday._

Tatsuki came alone this time. Five out of every ten times she came over Orihime accompanied her. Maybe it was a godsend that she had come without the other girl. Ichigo hadn't elaborated what had caused their falling out, but he had refused to even speak of Orihime ever since leaving for Tokyo. It didn't take a genious to know that he was upset with her over something personal, that probably had to do with the strange young man named Ogichi.

Seeing the girl now glaring at him with her arms crossed and tapping one foot that went at the same tempo as her twitching left eyebrow, he caved in. He had known that girl since she was in pre-school. She had grown up alongside Ichigo and was practically a sister to his daughters.

"Fine!" raising his hands in defeat, he shrugged while declaring dramatically. "You got me!"

"I _knew_ it!" she breathed in outrage and he flinched when he was heartily shoved to the side. Tatsuki had taken him by such surprise that his shoulder was slammed against the doorframe and he yelped girlishly at the jarring pain.

_My! She's become quite a strong woman!_

He couldn't keep a smile from his lips of course. Rubbing his offended shoulder without so much as wincing, he turned to see her rushing up the stairs to the second floor. From how fast she was going, Ichigo was going to get a couple of bruises before dinnertime.

No, Isshin had made the right desicion in letting her know of Ichigo's arrival. He was a father and as a father, he knew his children.

Ichigo needed his friends more than he ever imagined.

* * *

><p><em>About damned time he stopped covering for him!<em>

Already knowing which door was his due to having visited him plenty of times when they were younger, she shoved it open thunderously, startling the form laying on the bed within. He had been laying facing the wall beside his narrow bed, his back to her, but now that he looked over at her she felt all of the demanding questions lined up inside her head disappear.

_He looks horrible..._

It wasn't that he was unkept... It was the look in his eyes that held a glimmer of recognition along with calm detachment. He didn't even look surprised to see her standing in his room.

Not even bothering to sit up to greet her properly, there was no emotion in his voice when he spoke to her, "Hey, Tatsuki."

Her jaw dropped. There was no other way to react to how nonchalant and cold he was. They hadn't seen each other for the past year and there he was acting like a zombie after she had been worried sick. Sure, Ichigo could be sometimes a total dweeb when it came to the 'art' of socializing, but he wasn't a frigid heartless jerk.

"Is... Is _that all_ you're going to tell me after you leave for a freaking year?"

He frowned, slowly shifting his body to sit up. The only thing different about his appearance was the tiredness of his features and the dark shadows under his dull amber eyes. Just seeing him that way was eerie and disturbing. His hair was still a riot of orange spikes and his body, though it looked just as leanly muscled as the last time she had seen him, appeared to be stronger than before. She had noticed this by how his hardened shoulders moved under his shirt at his movements.

"Sorry about that," he said slowly once sitting up with his bare feet touching the floor, his voice displaying some sluggishness. Smiling sleepily at her, he scratched the back of his head, "It's just that I've gotten back and I..." not finishing, he yawned without covering his mouth and she narrowed her eyes at him.

_Is that his excuse?_ She knew him well. He always made up the lamest excuses to avoid certain 'sticky' subjects and at the moment, he was doing just that. Avoiding talking about something that he couldn't bear to remember.

"Cut the act, Ichigo," she said lowly, sighing at how some things always stayed the same. Walking over to his bed, his bloodshot eyes following her with a barely hidden wariness that confused her, she sat down beside him.

His apprehensive gaze was heavy on her.

_He feels like a completely different person..._

Feeling heat rush to her face, she forced herself to look at him. It was unnerving how he studied her face. Had he always done that? She couldn't recall him doing that. As far as she could remember he usually just glanced at people, not stared at them as if trying to memorize every detail about their faces.

"Is something wrong?" she edged testily and he blinked in surprise, proving to her that he hadn't realized that he was rudely staring at her.

Ichigo might as well have been a stranger to her. The Ichigo she knew would have at least told her something about his life in Tokyo or would have called her or any of their friends upon reaching Karakura... The Ichigo _she_ knew would have never cut off all contact in the first place.

"How... How have you been?" the question came out forced. Like he had read it off a script. It had the same tone as somebody asking about the weather. Droll and lacking in true interest. If he hadn't been her childhood friend, she would have disliked him immediately for his attitude alone.

"Good." The truth was that a lot of things had happened to her and all of their friends, but his apathy kept her from telling him everything. The heaviness surrounding him simply zapped her enthudiasm. Even the anger she had felt for him once she had reached his room was weeded out and sucked dry. His presence felt _worse_ than that of Ogichi and that in her book meant that he had really gone deep into wallowing in self-pity.

"That's nice to hear."

She almost felt like punching him for saying that.

"Tell me how you've been," he opened his mouth, but she continued, halting his words, "and you better tell me everything. None of that bullshit about class schedules and regular stuff. I want to know how you've _really_ been."

Regardless of the room being somewhat dark due to late afternoon, his blanching face wasn't missed by her.

"I've been doing great!" he smiled without meeting her eyes, his gaze fleeting over the room.

_He's as bad as Orihime-chan._ She had seen that behavior before. He had always done that when the anniversary of his mother's death came up, but now he appeared to be doing it all the time.

Standing up, she knew what would snap him out of it at least for a while. Confused over her cold hard mask and her rising off the bed to face him, he frowned at her.

"Stand up, Ichigo," she ordered flatly, gesturing with her hand for him to rise.

Making a face, he then shook his head. "No. Knowing you, you'll just hit me."

True, but now that he had seen through her act, she was thinking of doing things differently .

"Just. Stand. Up." If he didn't do it, she would have to do it with him sitting down. What she had in mind had to be done when he was completely facing her.

He eyed her for a couple of seconds, taking in her cold focused glare. After a couple of moments of him studying her, which made her skin crawl , he finally rose to face her. He was taller than her, and in her mind she was just average height, but he practically dwarfed her.

_At least I know that he's still as gullible as I remember him._ Only Ichigo would be stupid enough to be pressured into doing something physically threatening. He had always been like that since they were children. He would always say no, knowing perfectly well that he would get into trouble, but after a couple of commands he would awkwardly give in.

He was standing just an arms distance and that was all the space she would need.

Suddenly she swiped one of her hands out and grabbed him by the ear, and he yelped in surprise. In the begining she had been planning on punching him and he had probably been ready to dodge her blows, but a good ear twisting was an unexpected painful shock to him.

Gripping the top of his ear between her forefinger and thumb, she twisted the delicate flesh until he screamed and fell on his knees, his hands futilely grabbing her wrist to dislodge her. Gritting her teeth because he was a lot stronger than she had thought, she tugged at him to force him closer.

His eyes were glazed and his face was contorted in a grimace, "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, TATSUKI?"

Widening her eyes over how clueless he could be, she yelled back at him, leaning down to look at him closer, "THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO ASK YOU! WHAT THE FUCK IS _YOUR_ PROBLEM?"

The vice-like grip he had on her wrist slackened and though his face still displayed pain, she had seen the eerie barely discernable dullness of guilt flash in his eyes.

"I-I don't know...," hearing that helplessness in his broken whisper, she finally released his abused ear and took a step back.

Eyeing her warily, he rubbed the offended ear, moving to sit down on the floor he had been kneeling on.

"Is that your best answer?" her body trembled. She really was having an internal struggle being around him. Just the sight of him had her wanting to hit him or yell at him. How could he _abandon_ them and act as if their worries meant nothing? He had practically treated her like she was a stranger!

Blinking and then looking away from her angry eyes to stare blankly at the floor, a muscle twitched on the side of his cheek.

He didn't answer her.

What a pitiful parody of life he had become. Had he always been like this? Sure he had his moments in which he could be friggid, like when Orihime had been kidnapped and taken to Hueco Mundo. He had been insensitve and shuttered during that time. Refusing to tell her anything to give her some peace of mind and saying things that had her rethinking their long friendship.

Even punching him in the face back then hadn't worked. Ichigo could be trully stubborn.

"You have anything _else_ to say?" she demanded evenly, her glare unwavering on his impassive expression.

"Is... Is she alright?" his voice was so low, it almost went unheard. "I mean... With her marriage and everything...?"

Taken by surprise, she blinked.

_Should I tell him?_

"Yeah," discomforted at talking about something that obviously hurt him, she put her hands in her jean pockets and didn't elaborate further.

Orihime and Ogichi had married a mere three weeks earlier. It was a small wedding that consisted of signing papers and having two legal adults there to act as witnessess. The ones to do that had been Orihime's former neighbors that lived across from her. As for the rest of their friends... Rukia, Ishida and her were the only ones present since it had been a rush wedding. Sado had been working while Asano had class and Kojima had been out of town.

At first she had been somewhat against them getting married, but had never voiced her opinion. Orihime was the one to decide. After a year she was still strugging to get used to her Hollow live in 'boyfriend' that was now her husband.

It was a distant _almost_ cordial aquaintance. He was blunt, a major asshole, and loud. The others were usually intimidated by his overwhelming personality but after graduation, he had, with Orihime's help, become an accepted member of their group. Of course they didn't do all things together... Like just hanging out as when Ichigo had been around...

Rukia had stunned her in her determination to keep the Soul Society from knowing what Ogichi trully was. She had gone far enough to take semi-permanent residence in Karakura and even owned an apartment in the metro-area. In the past Tatsuki hadn't stomached the girl, but seeing how she made sure that Orihime and Ogichi (that had made it clear that he couldn't stand her), had some peace, she had learned how to respect her in spite of all of the problems her relationship with Ichigo had brought on all of them.

She wasn't surprised that Orihime had been the one that selflessly helped Rukia become better at socializing with the rest of them. To her, no one had a bigger more forgiving heart than Orihime. For the last year, the only thing that had shadowed her happiness was her concern for Ichigo's wellbeing.

He had made it no secret during the first months of her relationship that he was cutting ties with all of them. Withdrawing into himself, he had become a shell that just smiled to brush people off.

_He acts like he hates all of us, even Orihime-chan..._

Most of all her and Ogichi.

"You don't have to hide the truth from me, Tatsuki."

Tensing, she pressed her lips together into a thin line. What could she tell him? That Orihime had become the perfect wife and was even thinking of starting a family? That Asano and Kojima had even hung out with the loud-mouthed Ogichi? That would be like a slap in the face for Ichigo.

His unnerving dull eyes looked at her almost accusingly now. For some reason, she felt as if he _already_ knew the truth. That everyone had started a routine life, carefully stepping around his disappearance, only mentioning him on occasion. The only ones that truly wondered about him were her, Sado, Orihime, Rukia and even Ogichi that was unwillingly connected to his emotions. Through the Hollow they had been able to figure out that Ichigo was in a endless downward spiral of hate and detachment. Tatsuki hadn't believed the albino until her friend had completely severed all ties with them.

"What do you mean hide the truth?" her question was direct, not showing a hint of lies.

Scoffing mirthlessly, the smile that lifted the corner of his lips was sinister and self-loathing.

"That you have all replaced me."

She had to part her lips to breathe. Of all of the things she would have expected Ichigo to say, she would have never even guessed he would think that way.

"You bastard!" her hiss didn't make him flinch, but his eyes showed a glint that had a chill go down her spine.

_This isn't Ichigo._

"Well isn't it true? You probably visit them every day," the cruel smile on his lips remained, "and Inoue, or should I say _Shirosaki_? Is more than happy with him. Let me ask you...," his eyes narrowed in misplaced secretive amusement, "Do you guys go do normal things together? Like go to the movies or concerts? Maybe even road-trips?"

Her jaw dropped at what he was telling her.

Letting out a single lifeless laugh, he leaned his head back to look at the ceiling, resting his back on the bed while still sitting on the floor.

"Should have known that coming back here was a mistake."

Anger pumped through her veins. For the past year, all Orihime had worried about was how he was doing. They all had been concerned, some more than others. To see that they were all wondering over a _hollow_ shell that used to be their friend was an insult to all of them. She knew how Ichigo _used_ to be better than anyone else.

Before his mother death, he had been gentle and caring of others. A bit of a wimp, but people couldn't help but like him back in those days because his smiles were genuine and effortless and he always displayed an honest interest about what was bothering people around him. Unfortunately, after his mother died, he had lost that gentleness and merely glanced over everyone, not taking time to see into them.

That had been his mistake with Orihime. Tatsuki was certain that if his mother had been alive, he would have been more intuned to what she had been feeling for years and probably would have reciprocated. But no... He had been avoiding how to _feel_ out of fear of losing someone important to him again and of being hurt and lost.

However, that gloomy cloud that permanently hovered over him, that seemed stronger as she now glared at him with barely contained rage and disbelief, was no excuse for him to be so heartless.

Squaring her shoulders, she asked him cooly, "Is that what you've been thinking this whole time? That we've replaced you?"

"I don't need to think it, I _know_ it's like that," his eyes met hers briefly as he shook his head before looking back at the ceiling, "I saw the signs way before I left for Tokyo."

_We replaced him? Is he talking about all of us, or just Orihime-chan?_

Breathing heavily through her nose, her hands within her pockets suddenly felt cold.

"I went to Tokyo for a tournament," she informed him quietly and he glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "I knew that you were going to the university there and when I looked for you, I _saw_ you."

Sitting up, he frowned in confusion.

"I saw you laughing and joking with a bunch of other kids and two bimbos all over you," her voice kept raising in volume and his eyes grew large. "You were having _fun_ with them and not once did you look my way when I walked up to the table you were sitting at, Ichigo!"

"I-I didn't know," he said in clear disbelief, stunned by the fact that she had ever sought him out.

"You still think we replaced you?" she ignored his confusion.

He opened his lips but no words came out.

One of her hands shot out of her pockets to point down at him,"YOU REPLACED _US_, ICHIGO!"

Hardness entered his face as he stood up, not showing any of the stiffness he had shown earlier. Her words must have angered him to the point of alertness.

"First of all, I didn't even _know_ you were there!" she rolled her eyes and shook her head, "And _second_ of all, you should have _said_ something!"

"I didn't have to say _anything_-!"

"Well, you should have instead of going off on me-!"

"WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IS NOT SHUT US OUT!" she blew up, successfully shutting him up. Her chest heaving in pent up breathing, she continued heatedly as he stared at her in a combination of anger and surprise. "You think that you're the only one that feels pain? You have _always ignored_ people! That's why Orihime-chan-!"

"DON'T TALK ABOUT HER!" he thundered, making her recoil. Just mentioning her friend's name had made his whole demeanor shift to one of pure outrage. "I DON'T WANT TO EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT HER! SEEING YOU HERE IS JUST BRINGING IT ALL BACK!"

Clenching her jaw, she was determined to hurt him as much as he had hurt her, Orihime and everyone else.

"I am not surprised that she went to him instead of you," her dark direct tone and words had him gaping and paling. "You are the most ignorant, self-centered asshole I've ever met, Ichigo. You had made a desicion in letting them be together and you now resent all of us for accepting your choice. For shit's sakes! _I_ had to tell you how she felt since you were too busy playing super hero and pretending to love Kuchiki because it was easier for you!"

"Regardless of all of the shit you have done, Orihime-chan wants you to be a part of her life!" he glowered hatefully at that, but she pushed the loathing glare to the back of her mind in order to finish. "She doesn't even _think_ about how much of a jackass you've been! Just because she doesn't cry over you anymore and wants you as her friend, doesn't mean that we've _all_ replaced you! Instead of being closed into yourself and thinking badly of everyone, you should at least _try_ to fix what made you enter this mess in the first place!"

Fuming, his heavy breathing was the only thing heard in the room before he spat, "Why the fuck should I fix _anything_, huh? I already messed up, Tatsuki! Don't _any_ of you get it? I was in the center of _everything_! Don't you ever wonder how fucked up I felt when all of that shit was happening? Did any of you even ask me?"

"I had asked you... Ichigo," Tatsuki, unable to take his anguished stare, looked at the floor. "You just smiled and lied to me and forced yourself to act like it didn't bother you..."

_Now I know exactly how much it hurts him._

Hearing nothing coming out of him, she glanced at him and saw his cold mask that hid what he was feeling.

"I really... _honestly_ hope that you don't say shit like this to Orihime-chan," she gritted, noting that not even a hint of emotion passed his eyes. "She'll want to see you once she finds out you're in town and if she hears you talk like this, you'll just be fucking up like you always do."

She wasn't the best as giving advice, but after what had happened with Orihime a year earlier, she had been learning, going as far as entering psychology while keeping martial arts as an elective. No professional needed to tell her that Ichigo was far too deep into depression. It perhaps didn't even have anything to do with Orihime, but with all of the things that he had realized where missing inside of himself. With the events that had unfolded in their circle of friends, he had been forced to see his flaws in a very harsh way.

He wasn't as strong as he thought he was.

Nodding to himself, he let that emotionless void enter his face.

Seeing that as a sign that the conversation was over and that he had shut himself away like he always did, she sighed and closed her eyes, turning away from him.

He didn't even call her back when she left his room. She walked unhurriedly to the downstairs, her body numbed by seeing him in that darkened state. What she felt was anger, and helplessness. She cared for her friends and even if they found her pushy on occasion, she tried to find a way to help them, just like she had done for Orihime's and Ichigo's broken friendship.

Unfortunately, all that she had accomplished was supporting Orihime's and Ogichi's relationship while Ichigo retreated further into himself, unwilling to show any emotion of loss or anger.

That day, he had finally reached the breaking point.

_I don't know what to do..._

"Didn't go well, huh?"

Jumping at hearing Isshin's low question, she looked at him that was standing at the foot of the stairs only to let out a snort at his appearance.

The older man, in spite of his worried paternal expression was wearing a large cooking pot on his head and holding a metal spatula in one hand as if it were a weapon.

Holding a hand over her stomach, she coughed out, not wishing to laugh after what had transpired between her and Ichigo, "What... the heck are you _wearing_?"

"Oh!" he blinked and quickly hid the spatula behind his back then shrugged, smiling sheepishly, "I was just ready in case you and Ichigo took the fight to the first floor." Laughing almost sadly, he finally took the metal pot off and shook his uncovered head. "Guess I over-exagerated."

"Yeah..." nodding, she personally thought he had every reason to think that they would have fought explosively through the whole entire house.

"He's in bad shape, isn't he?"

Raising her brows, she hesitated before nodding.

Sighing tiredly, Isshin murmured, "Then I hope that you and everyone else stick with him." Surprised, she studied him and saw that he was serious. "He has been acting like that ever since coming back home and quite frankly, he needs someone to tell him things straight even if it hurts."

"So you want me to give him shock treatment?" she asked with an edge of disbelief.

"Hah!," he grinned at her. "That sounds like a good strategy!"

Shaking her head, she smirked,"Fine... I'll see what I can do for that idiot son of yours." She was still angry and had many doubts over actually helping Ichigo, as bad as that may seem.

Unfortunately, she also knew that she was in way over her head and that she couldn't allow Orihime or any of Ichigo's close friends, like Asano, Kojima and Sado to see him that way. No... She would need to enlist the assistance of people that thought more cooly and weren't as close and she had a good idea who could help her at least find a way to break through his shell.

Thinking of two names, she smiled. Something had to be done before Orihime started to ask for him again. Her friend would insist on seeing him no matter how cruel he was and knowing how sensitive she naturally was, he wouald only upset her all over again.

Sadly, what she didn't know was that Orihime would find out sooner than expected.

*** 


	3. Disturbing

**Warning: **Brief non-descriptive sexuality.

Two nude figures laid over a large bed of messy white silken sheets. They were both equally pale and though their bodies didn't touch, their intimacy was obvious by the way they closely faced one another in their peaceful sleep. Sun light shone brightly upon them, but they didn't stir from the heat of intense light filtering through glass or the blinding radiance. Exhaustion had done that to them.

Ringing accompanied by a rhythmic buzzing was what awakened Uryuu. He didn't know what time it was, but he was certain that he had overslept because the warm morning sun was shining directly on his face.

Moving to sit up, his squinting foggy gaze fell on the pale delicate feminine figure beside him. Though he couldn't see her clearly without his glasses, he smiled knowing that she was breathing steadily, probably wearing an angelic expression on her youthful doll-like face.

The ringing stopped for a couple of seconds only to recommence persistantly and he reluctantly tore his gaze away from the woman on the bed with him. He didn't want the phone to awaken her. She was tired from working a double-shift and somehow she had still managed to find a way to see him and that in his mind was enough to want to let her sleep longer than him.

He still couldn't believe he was in a forbidden relationship with her, but for the past eight months he had guarded the secret zealously, fearing that circumstances and opposing sides that could separate and twist their love.

They didn't even need to speak of love to know that it was there. They surprisingly understood each other to that level. Like twin souls.

Sighing in annoyance, he turned towards the night table beside the bed and snatched the irritating platinum cellphone up. Opening it with a snap of his hand, he gave one last glance at the delicate woman on the bed before rising up naked to walk over to the bathroom to keep his voice from waking her.

Finding his glasses on the bathroom's counter, he snatched them up before snapping on the receiver,"This better be good!"

_"Ishida?"_

A blush stained his cheeks at hearing Arisawa Tatsuki's surprised voice on the other line.

_This is... unexpected._

Pushing his already donned glasses up his nose, he focused on his image reflected on the long bathroom mirror and saw how his black hair was tousled around his head and his face showed a placid satiated albeit tired look. Just seeing himself at times made him blush, like in that very moment that the heat on his cheeks heightened at the image.

"Arisawa-san?" his tone was smooth; a well-practiced gift of his was acting calm while discomforted.

_"Listen! I know that I called at a bad time! I just thought that since it's nine am that you would be up. I really didn't have anyone else to talk to about this..."_

"No!" he laughed nervously, passing a hand over his hair in a lame effort to smooth it out. "It's just that you've really surprised me that's all!"

_"I'm not calling you at a bad time, am I?"_

"No, you didn't," his face was starting to hurt at the force of his blushes.

_"Good, because what I have to tell you can't be told to anyone else... At least not yet."_ Hearing the hesitance in Tatsuki's voice, Uryuu's eyes widened.

"Did something happen?" He could only recall two times Arisawa had called his cellphone. One time it was because there was a Hollow incident taking place over at the dojo and she hadn't been able to handle it or reach anyone else. The other occasion was for Orihime's wedding in the local courthouse. It was clear that she wasn't one to call for idle chit chat.

_"Well,"_ a long resigned breath was heard before she blurted out what she needed to tell him, _"Ichigo is back in town."_

His chest tightened and his now unclouded eyes glanced over to the feminine figure on the bed that had begun to move, showing signs of awakening. This was the last news he wanted to hear.

The return of Kurosaki.

Lowering his voice, he turned his back on the open doorway that faced the bedroom,"Kurosaki? But I thought that he was still studying in Tokyo." Trying to keep panic from his voice, he sounded composed though blood was quickly rushing to his head.

_"Yeah. He still is. His dad didn't tell me much but Ichigo had taken a bunch of classes all at once and that has given him six months of free time until the rest of his class can catch up."_

He almost scoffed aloud at that. Ichigo wasn't the studious type, but then again neither was he the kind of guy that blocked out his friends. He was well aware of what had happened one year earlier with Inoue and Shirosaki. All of them had seen how Ichigo became more and more withdrawn and snappish until just after graduation... He had disappeared from Karakura altogether and hadn't told anyone, except for his family. Tatsuki and Orihime had really suffered because of that. In one hand Tatsuki had been angry and felt betrayed while Orihime had been understandably worried about him.

Everything had changed for them from then on. Rukia had stayed in Karakura and strengthened her friendship with Orihime, easily befriending the rest of the group with her help. Sado, he knew, called the Kurosaki household to know _any_ news of Ichigo at least once a week. Keigo and Mizuiro had spent the first couple of months visiting his house asking about him.

Eventually they all fell into a routine that involved snaking around his absence. They all thought about him, but just didn't talk about it like before. Orihime and Tatsuki were the only ones that sought him out constantly only to return empty-handed. One crestfallen and concerned, the other one angrier with every passing day.

_"I just don't know what to do with him! When I came over he was so cold and started saying nonsense about us replacing him with Ogichi! If you had seen him, you'd think it was another person!"_

"Has he...?" he glanced over his shoulder and saw his lover rising off the bed and stretching, her pale delicate boned body glowing under the sunlight. For a brief moment he forgot even to breathe. Only she could have such an effect on him. Like the first time they'd made love.

_"Ishida?"_

"Ah, yes, my apologies," forcing his gaze away from the young woman, he felt more nervous than ever before in his life. "What... I _meant_ to ask you is if he has mentioned anyone else? I know that he has mentioned Shirosaki, but has he mentioned us or Kuchiki?"

_"No. He just yelled about how none of us understood what he had been feeling during Ogichi and Orihime's relationship... Which is true,"_ there was a short pause in which he heard her let out a long breath, _"I'll admit that I kind of overlooked the fact that his body was being used without his permission and now... now I feel like shit for it!... And why are you whispering?"_

"No particular reason," he walked further into the bathroom and closed the door behind him without turning around. It was just a matter of time before his lover overheard him or asked about who he was talking to.

_"Oh... I just really needed to speak with someone that is part of the group but wouldn't be easily hurt by his attitude problem. Kuchiki was my other choice, but when I went to her apartment she wasn't there and I don't have her cellphone."_

"I see...," No, he didn't see. Up to a certain point, Tatsuki's view point was good. None of Ichigo's close friends would like to suffer his apathy, but he just didn't understand how he could be of help or even Kuchiki for that matter. Both Ichigo and the shinigami had been a couple and regardless of how much Orihime had tried to mend their broken relationship, they had lost all closeness as friends _or_ lovers.

_And I doubt that Kuchiki's presence would help him get better._

"Arisawa, exactly what did he tell you? Word for word."

Taking a deep breath, she then relayed everything that had happened during her visit with Ichigo and during the conversation, Ishida's eyes had widened in disbelief.

_He must be in bad shape if he reacted like that at just hearing her name,_ he said inside of himself after Tatsuki had informed him of how he had exploded at the mention of Orihime's name. From what she was telling him, Ichigo appeared to have become a monster devoid of emotion or even familiarity.

_"He's a lot worse than we all thought. Being away in Tokyo just made him... Shit! I don't recognize him anymore! If you had seen the way he looked at me, Ishida! He was scarier than Ogichi for crying out loud! That_ guy_ isn't Ichigo!"_

Clenching his jaw, the thought of Ichigo acting in that manner towards Orihime if he were to unfortunately run into her for the following six months ran through his mind.

_"Orihime-chan will want to see him... And if she hears him talking like this, she'll blame herself all over again..."_

"What do you think could help?"

_"He needs to start getting used to us again and get his mind off things before going to see her. I_ know_ that it's dangerous considering how angry he is right now, but I really want to have Orihime-chan stop worrying so much about him and to see that he's alright... She's been worried sick and he blames her for everything!"_

"When do you want me to go see him?" he didn't need to have her tell him that he _had_ to confront Ichigo himself.

_"I guess it'll take him a day or so to cool off after what I said to him. He does tend to stay pissed for awhile... So... Is tomorrow a good time? I mean, if you don't anything else to do."_

"Sounds good to me," he didn't have any plans he could recall and his lover only came over during late nights, so visiting Ichigo during the day in spite of how much the shinigami irritated him wasn't going to be a problem.

_"Thanks, Ishida...,"_ he frowned, waiting for her to say something more. _"And don't try to hide her so much. She might not like that."_

All blood rushed from his face, but before he could demand how she had figured out he had a lover by simply speaking over the phone she had already hung up with a 'later'.

"Arisawa," he muttered under his breath. They weren't particularly close. Mere acquaintances from school that had a connection through other friends. He had met her through Ichigo, just as he had met Orihime. Their group were all contrasts yet they got along except for random occassions in which he wanted to throttle Ichigo for a thoughtless smart ass comment.

Tatsuki though... she was almost too much like Ichigo. The only differences in her personality was that she was far more astute and actually thought of words before saying them unlike her childhood friend that just blurted things out.

Ishida believed it was the first time he had heard her sound so helpless. She had been the one trying to cope with the changes and make them work for Orihime that saddened easily. Helping Ichigo wasn't just about her nearly obsolete childhood friendship... It was about her lessening Orihime's own load of guilt.

The door behind him creaked open and a soft welcomed voice asked curiously, "Who was that you were talking to?"

He stiffened, unwilling to tell her. It wasn't because he was afraid of admitting speaking with another woman... He merely didn't want her to know the content of the conversation.

"Arisawa," he murmured, turning around to face her.

A confused expression made her doll-like features look more endearing to him. She had yet to put on her clothes, all of her elegant gentle curves for him to see. It had taken weeks for her to feel comfortable with showing her whole body to him so easily. Just as it had been for him. They both had been too reserved to display overflowing passions, yet after they had decided to continue seeing each other those barriers of embarrassment had gone away leaving something deeper and more meaningful. Sometimes he feared that she would just disappear without a word...

"She must have had something important to tell you if she called," seeing the concern in her eyes, he shook his head and stepped closer to her until his own naked skin was almost touching hers. The heat of the sun was still permeating her and it warmed him by merely standing near.

"It's nothing for you to worry too much about," he lied in a whisper, wearing a soft smile and he could see that she didn't believe him, yet thankfully didn't question him further as he wrapped his arms around her, his fingertips touching the silken skin of her small back. Shuddering, she stiffened at first, probably wishing to speak, but like always she ended giving in once his lips found hers.

* * *

><p>Ichigo had spent most of his first night in Karakura mulling over Tatsuki's angry words. It wasn't the first time she had gone off on him but this time it had been different.<p>

In the outside Tatsuki was tough and level-headed. However when she had faced off with him in his room she had been unable to completely hide the hurt in her eyes. He hadn't seen that expression except for the time that Orihime had been kidnapped. She only looked that way when he kept things of great significance from her.

Things that only brought pain to those she cared for.

He had to admit thta everything she had shouted at him was the truth. For the sake of safeguarding himself from loss, he ignored people. It was second nature to him already; to not involve himself emotionally. He could risk his life to protect without any hesitation, yet he always shuttered away his heart by instinct.

It was something hard to give up, especially after it had become a bad habit that had set into his personality for years. Ogichi and Orihime weren't even the gist of it. Those two had only opened his eyes to grieve all that was inhuman in him.

He had begun to wish to connect with someone as lost and closed as him or at least someone who could bring a gleam of light into the empty gap he surely had in his soul. By light he didn't mean love... He meant an opening.

Sadly, he knew that as soon as that light entered his life it would be snuffed out before he could bask in it. It was his bad luck to never enjoy peace in his soul.

As a shinigami, everyone around him was in danger. As a student, he had been bullied and mostly kept to himself until slowly starting to socialize. As a man, he was bleak, empty and felt trully without purpose.

_When have I become so damned... deep?_ It was probably his own state of mind making him reflect on his many short-comings.

Seeing his destination, his walking slowed. He had never been good at apologizing. Making admissions of being wrong was difficult for anyone and yet there he was taking procrastinating steps to Tatsuki's house.

Usually he never even apogized for anything he said or did. Orihime... Whenever he messed up would forgive him instantly before he uttered a word.

Tatsuki was a different matter. He had known her since they were four and she knew how to hold a grudge. He had seen her stop talking to classmates altogether for offending her and her friends. She had even defended him when he was little which had been downright embarrassing.

'Cry Baby Kurosaki' being protected by a girl. How many times had she beaten up older boys only because they had called him that?

He had lost count. When little he had been a runt and she had helped him in spite of how weak and sensitive he had been. Orihime probably had reminded her of how he used to before the rainy day that his light and naive childhood had been ripped from him.

He owed her because she had never asked for anything in return.

_Crap! This is going to be harder than I thought!_

With his hands shoved into his pockets, he grimaced and almost turned around to leave though he had managed to reach the foot of the steps leading to her porch.

_Coward! This is what I get for always being a coward!_

Mentally cursing himsef, he forced his eyes to look at the closed inoffensice door of her house. It was the most frightening thing he had seen in the past year.

Straightening his usually sloppily slouching shoulders and sucking in a deep breath to strengthen himself, he finally put his foot on the first step. With that simple task, taking one step after the other became easy for him though upon reaching the door he froze up again.

He hated when that happened... The crippling sensation of being a failure would wash down on him and robbed the little confidence he had left. In battle that stiffening of his limbs and loss of thought had almost costed his life many tines.

_Just raise your hand and ring the doorbell._

Yanking his hand jerkily out of his pocket, he pushed the narrow white button next to the door. It was just a furtive tap that let out a short 'bzz' that didn't last the fraction of a second.

_Even the freaking doors knows how much of a coward I am!_

His hovering hand was actually begining to sweat in his nervousness when he pressed the button again for a straight three seconds.

_"OKAY! I'm coming!"_ angry fast steps hurried to the door from inside. _"And this better not be you little brats playing pranks or I'll-!"_

Her loud threat halted once she jerked the door open and saw him standing there.

"Tatsuki, I-" he didn't even finish before yelling out a "OW _FUCK_!" when the door was directly slammed on his face, hitting him painfully on the nose.

Stunned by the increadible pain the door had caused, he quickly cupped a hand to his nose and wasn't surprised that not only was the smell of blood present, but his hand was getting soaked in it.

"SHIT, TATSUKI!" he yelled nasally, his wide teary stare begining to blur on the close door. Now he knew why the freaking thing had scared him so much. Perhaps he was psychic enough to predict that the blasted door would nearly rearrange his face!

"YOU'RE STILL PISSED AT ME, AREN'T YOU?"

No answer.

Gulping as much oxygen as he could through his mouth, he gripped the veranda of the porch with his free hand for support just to get over the shock of the blow.

"Tatsuki...?" his brows lowered when he looked at the door and she didn't even yell at him through it.

"I'm...," his nose hurt so much that the whole entire front of his face was aching. He was sure that his eyes would start swelling soon.

"Tatsuki... I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>She had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let anger get in the way after seeing him again... Yet the moment she saw him standing in the front doorstep with such a sad puppy expression, she had gotten so pissed that out of reflex her hand just threw the door at him.<p>

Sitting on the steps leading to the second floor of her house, sipping a soda casually, one of her legs twitched as his pathetic wounded voice kept calling through the door.

_"Tatsuki... I was a total asshole the other day! Just let me talk to you!"_ She snorted and took a deep gulp of the red can in her hand, her eyes glaring at the door as if it were see-through.

_"I_ know_ I deserved that!"_

"Damn right, you did," she muttered darkly through her teeth.

_"I'm not leaving until you let me inside! That's it!"_ dull thuds hit the outside of the door with some sliding, and she cocked an eyebrow, _"I'm going to sit here until you open up!"_

Widening her eyes, she debated over actually opening the door for him. She had acted immaturely in practically slamming the door on his face but he was keeping the childishness flowing by camping outside her house. There was no way of knowing how much time he was willing to sit outside on the hard ground on such a hot day.

_"I'm freaking dehydrating, Tatsuki! Open up!"_ he yelled in a whiny tone that hurt her ears.

Her fingers tigtened on the can until nearly bending the thin aluminum. Part of her wanted to throw the can at the door while another part of her wanted to let him in just to keep him from embarrassing her in front of the whole neighborhood. People in her street were awfully nosy and spread every small detail of the lives of others like wildfire.

_"I'm going to climb up to your window,"_ the determination in his voice was tangible as the sound of him noisily rising.

_Fuck no!_ Forgetting about making him suffer, she speedily rose off the steps and rushed to the door. Opening it she was somewhat relieved to see that he had been bluffing. The bastard hadn't even left the porch.

"What the hell do you want to talk about?" when he opened his mouth she interrupted by raising a hand, "And before you say anything, I'm _not_ sorry about busting your face like that."

Pitiful to look upon with his reddened abused nose and slightly puffy eyes, the hints of a smile twitched his lips.

"I knew that as soon as you did it."

For some reason, seeing him there so calm... was disturbing. They had fought many times in the past. Sometimes over the stupidest shit imaginable like a favorite manga edition or who got the last cookie when they were in grade school. Now they were nineteen year olds that had more adult things separating them. This fight wasn't over a material object that faded away and lost worth in time. No. This was about years of him stepping on people to protect his sight of deeper things.

Stepping over her.

There were no answers as to why he would shut _her_ out. Back in the old days, he had told her the most insignificant things that were apparently important to him. She hadn't critized him then... He knew that in her he had someone he could tell anything to without judging him. At least... she tried to never judge like she was doing now and had done when the incident with Orihime had begun.

Over the years, she'd had friends, but none were like Orihime or Ichigo. Those two were people that made her feel comfortable. Unlike at that moment that just the very image of Ichigo was unfamiliar to her. Maybe it was how much time it had been since she had last seen him... or was it that something in him had changed. Something dark and hidden that was almost screaming to get out... His Hollow was out of him already, so it couldn't be him anymore.

It was something else. Like Ichigo could lose control at any given moment. That was why the hairs on her arms rose at having him standing before her. He felt as if he were a caged animal staring back at her through a deceptively earnest eyes.

_What's the matter with me? This is Ichigo!_

"I... I know that you were just trying to help and that I worried you guys for leaving like that," he made a face, his eyes leaving hers. His body language was still the same as when he was nervous. He would always slouch his shoulders and avoid looking at the person straight in the eyes. It was far different from battle. During a bloody fight he would fake bravado and talk big, making the opponent believe that he was fearless when in fact he was frightened out of his mind.

Pressing her lips together to keep from gaping at where he was going, she forced herself to listen.

One of his hands left his pockets to scratch the back of his head and a wince crossed his features.

"I'm sorry."

Shock was too small a word to describe how surprised she was at him. Her face didn't show it, but it was a rarity to hear him say those two words that carried so much meaning. She didn't know if he barely said them out of shyness or stubborness at admitting when he was wrong.

Looking into his eyes, she saw that it had been a struggle for him to come there; his friend that knew him the longest before he had become so callous.

Taking a deep breath and exhaling in a sigh, she said dryly, "You're _almost_ forgiven."

Some relief showed on his face for a split second just before a confused scowl replaced it.

"What do you mean _'almost'_?"

"I'm not forgiving you until you _really_ get your shit together," he blinked hard as she stared back at him grimly. Once his eyes collided with her own, they held. Their gazes held for what seemed to be an eternity until his cheeks reddened and he looked away.

_Hopefully now he'll understand that I'm not bullshitting him._

It had been uncomfortable to stare into his eyes like that but at least she had finally gotten her point across when he lowly said, "You have every right to still be mad at me."

Crossing her arms, she leaned a shoulder against the doorframe, feeling that he had more to say.

"When I saw you at the house... I just started remembering...," his head lowered, so his eyes could not be seen by her studying gaze, "how big of a failure I am. It just pissed me off to see how everyone else has moved on while I'm still stuck in the same place I was a year ago."

It was almost as if his words were cracking her shell. _Almost._ She still was angry at him for centering only on his own shattered feelings and not once wondering of how his friends had felt.

"Ichigo...," she didn't know why she stopped the instant his hooded amber eyes looked at her. It was like her face had been hit with a cold draft followed by a hot one. Her face paled and then flushed so quickly that her words were forgotten. Her head actually hurt at the sensation.

"Yeah...?" one of his brows shot up in confusion.

Shaking her head quickly, removing her eyes from his, she dragged the open side of her hand over her suddenly clammy forehead.

_Am I sick?_

"You look like you're about to pass out," hearing him come closer to her, she shook her head again to keep him back. The feeling had been disorienting, but it had disappeared as soon as it had appeared.

"No... It's just that I felt weird for a sec," shrugging, pushing whatever questions she had about the strange moment that had occured when he had looked at her, she smirked at him half-heartedly, lowering her hand.

Eyeing her dubiously, Ichigo muttered, "You still need to get that checked out though."

Rolling her eyes, she avoided furthering the subject by saying drolly, "What I was trying to tell you was that you're only _stuck_ because you want to."

Stiffening, he nodded in agreement.

Sighing, she added quietly, "You just need to learn how to handle it or something. Learn how to forgive yourself for forgetting."

His face tensed, but he didn't say anything further. It was so like him to remain in silence when something beyond his understanding faced him head on. Knowing him, he was probably mentally berating himself and also asking a million and one questions.

She would have wanted to stay angry at him...

Looking at him so there yet far from her reach, she slumped her shoulders in defeat and stepped away from the doorframe. Pointing over her shoulder to the dark confines of her house with her thumb, she said dryly, "If you don't want my mother talking your ear off about shopping bargains, I suggest you get your ass inside before she comes back."

Smirking, he asked, "She still does that?"

"Yeah, but it's _much_ worse." her eyes were wide to over-dramatize, "If you think your dad is embarassing you haven't seen her after a fifty percent discount morning sale... There's _no way_ to shut her up," she finished with a snort.

"Believe me, _no one_ is as bad as my dad."

"If you say so. I still think she's worse," she replied back, stepping inside, sensing him following behind her. It felt like the old times, though she could only recall him going to her house a handful of times. When they had entered middle-school, or should she say, puberty in general, he had barely set foot inside. She didn't know if it was because it was odd for him or if it he had merely been too busy to visit her. She had still visited him and he hadn't seemed to mind. His sisters knew her by name, calling her '-chan' easily since they had met her and so did his father.

That didn't take away the fact that he hadn't gone beyond the living room for five years. The last time he had gone up to her room had been when Orihime had insisted on playing a new board game. He had only played out of courtesy until getting bored and making up an excuse to leave. That day Orihime had been trying to gather up strength to tell him how she felt and Tatsuki had the bad luck of being asked to be her 'support'. Unfortunately, her friend had caved in and just pulled out a board game. It had been one of those rare times that Ichigo had been around Orihime before Rukia had appeared and awakened his shinigami powers. Like usual, he kept forgetting her name afterwards, just remembering her as 'Inoue, Tatsuki's friend'.

How it had hurt her to see how the adoring light in Orihime's light dimmed at that. It had dimmed year after year until... she had fallen in love with his inner Hollow.

A soft scoff left her lips at the irony of it all now. Ichigo had ignored her friend and now he had become a dismal mess after he had realized how she had loved him for so long only to lose her to someone who had been watching her more closely than anyone.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," she lied easily, walking up the stairs.

Not feeling his presence behind her, she looked over her shoulder, furrowing her brow.

He was standing there, shifting nervously with his hands still in his pockets.

"What's the matter with you all of the sudden?"

"It's just that...," a strained smile spread his lips as he shook his head, his broad shoulders lifting, "It's been awhile since we've been in your room."

Wearing a bored expression, she asked flatly, "Is there something wrong with that?" Honestly, she didn't know what the heck his problem was. The only difference now from then was that they had been children back in those days.

"Forget it! Lead the way!" though still reluctant he waved a hand at her, to dismiss any futher questioning.

_Whatever._ thinking that it was perhaps the awkwardness of them being apart for over a year, she continued going up the stairs, his steps finally echoing hers.

Arriving at the half-open door of her small bedroom at the end of the hall on the second floor, she pushed it all the way open to walk over to her bed and flop on it, setting her now lukewarm soda on the small night-table beside it. Seeing that Ichigo was debating going inside still standing in the doorway, she scowled.

"Geez, Ichigo! You act like it's the first time you've been here!"

"I know... it's just that I don't think it's a good idea," his answer was said with adverted eyes.

_How the heck am I supposed to get him used to me if he isn't making a fucking effort?_

Huffing in exasperation, she got off the bed and stomped over to him to yank him by the shirt. Pulling him inside while his eyes were as big as saucers, she stopped when he was standing in the middle of her small room.

"See? That wasn't so damned hard now was it?" she took her hand off the front of his shirt and his face seemed to be redder than before.

_What is up with him?_ Finding his reluctant behavior stranger than before, she scrutanized him through narrowed eyes. He was avoiding her eyes again and his breathing seemed to be growing agitated.

"You need... to relax," she said slowly, stepping away from him and stiffly walking back to her bed to sit on it.

"Yeah... I guess," seeming to relax, his breathing slowed though he didn't once look at her as he headed to her bed to sit beside her. She couldn't help but stiffening when he did because the normal movement of going to her side had him accidently brushing her arm with his. The mattress dipped when his weight settled, innocently having her hip bumping against his. Blood rushed to her cheeks at how close he was.

Why did he sit close enough to _touch_ her? It was as if he had done it on purpose and for a moment her eyes betrayed her when the slightest of secret smiles danced across his lips. Like he knew the effect he was having on her.

_I'm just seeing shit._

Subtly scooting to the side so that he didn't continue the disturbing contact, she cleared her throat and asked lamely, "So how's the university in Tokyo?" It was the stupidest thing she could ask him since the day before she had wanted to punch him for talking that way.

"It's alright I guess," his eyes looked at her and she felt that cold and hot sensation eating at her face again. It made all of the details of his own face clearer to her. Like how she hadn't noticed that his eyes were more like copper. An autumn reddish brown. Or how his eyelashes appeared to be black but were actually brown when the sunlight entering her bedroom window hit them.

"Is... Is that right?" she was certain that her face showed every bit of nervousness he was creating. His expression didn't show any signs of seeing anything bizarre in her face, but those damned _eyes_ of his... It was like he was sifting thoroughly into her soul. She found that the sensation of him looking at her so directly was too unusual for her to prolong it.

Her chest felt tight as she directed her eyes to a wall.

"Yeah... I mean it's a bit crazy at times, but the people are nice. Sometimes a bit _too_ nice. A lot of Americans go there as well."

Tatsuki almost snorted aloud. The two bimbos he had been literally _wearing_ when she had seen him in Tokyo had been obviously westerners. The nearly white bleached blonde hair, perky fake breasts and plastic smiles were not that far from the women she had seen in the movies from the West.

"I suppose you miss it there," wanting to keep him talking, even if it was idle things, could probably work him out of his depression.

"Not really. I kinda' missed it here, though... I didn't want to come back, I still thought about Karakura a lot."

Surprised at his answer, she made the mistake of looking at him. Thankfully, those cursed eyes of his weren't on her. There was just a distant quality in them as a melancholic smile curved the corner of his lips.

"If you missed Karakura so much; why didn't you at least try to talk to any of us?"

"Well," he laughed out, shooting her a quick sheepish glance, "you've got me there!"

"Sheez!" annoyed at how much of a evasive dork he could be, she playfully punched him on this surprisingly hard shoulder.

"Damn it, Tatsuki!" he leaned away from her, grabbing the area she had hit, his wide eyes wary of her. "You really need to cut that shit out!"

"I'll cut it out when you stop being such a socially retarded dweeb."

"I'm not a-! I'm not a freaking socially retarded dweeb!" he gaped at her.

"Keep telling yourself that until you believe it," she grinned playfully, finally feeling what they had lost so many years ago before they had gotten older. It was a good feeling. To just annoy him and get him flustered. It had been so long since she had teased him like that. When they had entered high school none of the remarks she had tossed at him had worked. He usually just brushed them off distractedly.

"So...? Who were two girls with you at that restaurant?" she asked not really interested.

"Oh... them," he passed a hand over his wildly spiked hair, blushing. "They're just friends... from class."

"That's what friends in Tokyo are, huh?" she snorted, trying to keep from outright laughing at the purely embarassed expression he had. If only she had a camera to take the almost constipated pale face of Ichigo and immortalize it to later mortify him. "I didn't know you were such a ladies' man."

Her words didn't embarass him further. In fact, it did the exact opposite. His face hardened and so did his intimidating eyes that sharply looked at her.

"A guy has to get off somehow," he stated bluntly, annoyance barely coloring his tone.

_What the hell...?_ That eerie strange crawling wintry heat hit her face once more and for a moment, she hated having brought it up.

"Would you chill out?" his glare didn't go away and she glared back to counter him. "I was just kidding with you! You can't take things so seriously!"

Clenching his jaw, he studied her irritated face and then, finally, the unrelenting hardness disappeared.

"I... I've just been doing a lot of things lately...," he whispered grimly. "Some shit that I don't want others here to know about."

"Then don't worry about it!" she snapped heatedly at him, still pissed off over him nearly blowing up for her comment, "It's not that big a deal if you do your... _thing_! All guys do it! If you do it, it's normal, right? It's _weird_ as hell for _you_ to actually get some," he glowered at that, "but its still a _guy_ thing!" No matter how hard she tried to play it cool, the tension in the room was far too obvious and choking.

"You act like you know a lot about this," he gave a crooked sarcastic smile.

"Only an blind idiot wouldn't see it," shrugging, she remembered her lukewarm soda and picked it up from the side of her bed, turning away from him for only a moment.

That was when she felt the matress underneath her move slightly and his arm casually caressing hers.

_What the hell?_ Widening her eyes about to bite his head off for being just plain weird, she snapped her head to glare at him furiously only to blanch at hearing the door downstairs slam open.

_"Tatsuki! Guess who I found at the store and is here to see you!"_ her mother's cheerful voice yelled loud enough to reach her. Only her mother could sound so excited. Orihime wasn't that much different from her in that respect.

Not tearing her angry eyes from Ichigo's dubiously placid expression, she shouted back, "Who?"

He made it seem like he hadn't done anything wrong, yet he was still touching her, his body too close for comfort. "What the fuck is up with you?" she whispered loudly at him before her mother answered.

_"Orihime-chan!"_

That was when he to her relief put a couple of inches between them, showing a bit of nervousness, a familiar red tinge coloring his cheeks.

Her lips parted as she hurriedly looked at him and then at the wide open doorway of her bedroom.

_CRAP!_ Deciding to pretend that Ichigo hadn't been apparently crowding her on purpose, she jumped off the bed and rushed to the door then slammed it hard enough to shake the walls.

Pressing herself against it, she shouted, "DON'T LET HER UP YET! I'M...," she hesitated briefly, making a face of frustration between beating the crap out of Ichigo and dealing with her other close friend that was surely innocently waiting for her to greet her, "I'M NAKED!"

_Smooth one, Tatsuki! It's not like that has stopped you from letting her inside your room before!_

Turning her head to side, she noted that Ichigo was now standing probably feeling as much desperation as her.

_She's not ready yet. Neither of them are._

***


	4. Ichigo's Secret Life

**Warning: **Sexuality deleted, only leaving innuendo.

Tatsuki looked at him in evident fright.

_Shit! She's here!_

His whole body was shuddering at the mere thought that Orihime was in the first floor as his fingers flexed nervously. He had yet to know if it was fear or anger that caused that physical reaction. There was a sensation of both defeat and relief at the interrupting shout that had come moments earlier.

"Get in the closet!" Tatsuki hissed, waving a frantic hand to signal the closed closet on the far wall of her bedroom.

Grinding his teeth, he didn't put up any arguments. He couldn't blame her in the least for wanting to keep him from seeing Orihime. Stiffly taking long strides over to the closet and opening it, he rolled his eyes to look at her once he saw what was inside.

"What?" she spat anxiously, pressing her back against the door as if she could prevent anyone outside from entering.

Smiling wryly, he pointed a finger at the disaster of stacked cds and trophies nearly spilling out of the small confines she wanted him to huddle into,"You honestly think I can fit in _there_?"

Scowling, she gritted through her teeth, losing what little patience she had left, "So what if it's a mess? Just get in there and _don't breathe_!"

"Okay! Okay!" raising his hands defensively, he messily stepped into the tight space, making plastic cases of cds and balled up clothing fall on the floor. Not only was he too tall, the closet was narrow and overcrowded making it hard for him to shoulder himself in. Broodily facing the wood panels of the cramped space inclining his head to the side in order to fit his height, he mentally cursed his predicament. He had hidden in closets before, but this was a different situation. Now he was trying to completely disappear in both sight and mind.

_Inoue is going inside this room. She's going to be here..._That was what made it all the more uncomfortable. Willing himself to pretend that it was normal like other times, his breathing evened.

Tatsuki's heavily running steps reached somewhere behind him and he clutched his eyes closed when the closet door slid harshly, locking him in darkness.

_This really sucks._

Rubbing his teeth together in frustration, he told himself that the soft feminine voice hesitantly questioning moments later from just outside of the bedroom wasn't _hers_. Just standing there, avoiding moving a muscle was pure hell on him when all he wanted to do was burst out and yell at her. To hurt her fragile state of mind.

The sugary female voice came nearer accompanied by Tatsuki's calm tones that didn't have any betraying hint of nervousness

_Calm down and just breathe. It'll be over soon. She's married now, so she can't stay all day, right?_

Inhaling deeply through his nose, he waited, all of his muscles aching for staying so still while leaning his head at an odd angle. It was pretty obvious that his position inside Tatsuki's little closet would give him neck pains later on that day.

_"So how's everything?"_he heard Tatsuki ask from somewhere in the room; he guessed it was the bed they had once been sitting on.

Breathing in such a closed space was growing difficult for him, most of all when he heard Orihime's voice replying clearly as if he were completely in the room.

_"Um... Well, I came here because... I just need to talk to somebody."_

_"Okay...,"_hesitant and slow Tatsuki then remained silent to listen to what her friend had to say.

_"I've been feeling really sick lately and I... I don't don't know what's wrong with me."_

_"What do you mean 'you don't know'? If you're sick, you just go to the doctor and that's it,"_Tatsuki reasoned and Ichigo could almost picture her shrugging after her comment.

_"That's just the thing, Tatsuki-chan! I've never felt like this before! It's not like a cold or anything. Ogichi has been nagging me about it because I've barely been eating for the last week-"_

_"If you're not eating, then you_ have_ to go to the doctor! I know you don't like doing it, but... geez, Orihime-chan! How long have you been feeling sick?"_

Some seconds elapsed before Orihime said meekly.

_"I've been sick for three weeks, but the whole eating thing didn't start until a week ago..."_

A huff of exasperation left Tatsuki.

_"What other symptoms have you had?"_It was evident in her strained tone that she was trying to keep from exploding in a nervous fit.

_"Um, whenever I lay down on my stomach, it feels funny... and then if I eat something that's too sweet or smell my favorite foods I want to throw up..."_

The silence was tangible. It was long enough to have Orihime worriedly questioning.

_"Tatsuki-chan...?"_

_"I know this is personal stuff, but... you and Ogichi have never used any protection have you?"_

A familiar pain began to spear his stomach at what Tatsuki was hinting it. It was the last thing he wanted to overhear. Orihime couldn't be...

_"No... not really. Why? Do you think that has something to do with it?"_Orihime asked alarmed.

_"Ah..."_

_"Please, Tatsuki-chan!"_

_"When was the last time you had your period?"_Tatsuki exclaimed in a rush, nearly jumbling her words together. She was embarassed by the subject at hand.

_"Um, to tell you the truth..."_ Orihime trailed off in thought. _"I've always been pretty irregular, so I don't really keep track of it... Maybe about two to three months."_

_"AND YOU HAVEN'T GONE TO A DOCTOR OR GOTTEN A PREGNANCY TEST?"_thundering at her friend, Tatsuki obviously rose from the bed. Ichigo could already hear her begin pacing back and forth.

_"Me? Pregnant...?"_ her voice was so soft in disbelief, until a dismissive little giggle escaped her. _"Oh, Tatsuki-chan! You say some of the funniest things-!"_

_"What? This is serious, Orihime-chan! How could just sit there acting like this is a joke? You need to go to a doctor, get that apartment of yours prepared for the baby-!"_

_"But I can't be pregnant! This whole time...! I don't understand! I mean, we've been trying and nothing happened! It's been almost a year already!"_Orihime sounded trully confused and helpless.

Sighing loudly, the sound of Tatsuki slumping on her bed reached his aching ears. He really wished to disappear at that moment. Hearing about Orihime's possible pregnancy was like stabbing him in the chest.

_"Didn't you tell me that Urahara said he would take some time to fully adapt to his gigai?"_the question was low, holding none of the aggresiveness from before.

_"Yeah..."_

_"Maybe that was what kept him from impregnating you this whole time. He couldn't have done it unless his body was ready... at least that's what_ I _think."_

_"Oh... That makes more sense, but... I'm still having a hard time. I mean! I thought that it was parasites, or something I ate! Maybe even a brain tumor-!"_

_"I_ doubt_ that brain tumors could make you throw up and feel funny when laying down on your stomach."_

_"We-well it could have been kidney stones or some exotic intestinal disease!"_

_"Orihime-chan... We're going to the farmacy and getting you some tests. No arguments."_

_"Bu-but I just-!"_

_"You're scared of knowing, aren't you?"_

_"Is it that easy to tell?... When I talked to him about wanting a baby he said that it was fine as long as I was happy, but now... I'm just so s-scared!"_ a loud sob ended her broken words. _"I don't even know how to react!"_her voice was muffled and sad.

_"If this is what you wanted, then you should be happy! There's nothing wrong! You're married already so no one could bother you guys-!"_

_"It's not that! I just remember how it was when I was little before nii-san rescued me and I don't want... I don't want my baby to ever go through something like what my parents...!"_ her voice faltered before she steered the painful subject away quickly, _"Tatsuki-chan, what if I'm not a good mother?"_

_"Honestly, you worry too much! You'll be a good mother because I_ know_ you! You practically mother everybody and care for even strangers! You're..._ mother_ material,"_Tatsuki chuckled only to let out a surprised cry as the other girl apparently jumped on her.

_"I'm ready now!"_ the sadness had vanished from Orihime's voice and was replaced with a more upbeat tone. _"I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll handle it!"_

_"Ah, Orihime-chan...,"_ Tatsuki croaked breathlessly_,"my ribs are starting... to hurt."_

_"Oh! Sorry about that!"_Laughing nervously, Orihime did indeed sound trully happy and without any worries.

He closed his eyes tightly, hoping that it would all soon end. Even the pain of his neck had gone to the back of his mind over what he had just learned.

_Inoue... Pregnant by my inner Hollow._

His fists were so tight at his sides that his knuckles began to lose sensation. There was an irresistable need to yell and yet burrow deep into himself to shelter away from the sharp angry jealousy he always felt when thinking of them.

Was he even jealous because he wanted Orihime? He hadn't thought lustful things or any of the like, but had suffered the dulled pain of loss, like when someone recalled something that had hurt them in the far away past.

It still pained him like hell though.

_"Tatsuki-chan? Why are you so pale all of the sudden? I didn't hurt you too much did I?"_

His lids slowly lifted over his now flat emotionless eyes.

_"Tatsuki-chan! What's wrong? Why do you keep looking at the closet like that?"_

The beating in his chest almost ceased at that.

_Please don't tell her I'm here!_

He forced himself to listen to at least know if there were any signs of her giving his location away.

_"Actually, Orihime-chan... I have to get dressed and take care of something before going to the drug store... Could you go down stairs with mom?"_

Orihime, probably finding something odd about her request, hesitated before saying, _"Ah, okay, Tatsuki-chan."_

It wasn't long before he heard their voices moving about the room and the door opening and closing. A couple of minutes passed before Tatsuki's steps headed towards the closet.

_She's going to beat the shit out of me for what I was doing earlier. _He had known what he had been doing and to tell the truth, he hadn't been able to help it. As soon as he was alone with her, that needing to numb himself had come. At the moment he had begun to discreetly insinuate himself, he hadn't been thinking about how Tatsuki was his best childhood friend and that she wasn't like the other girls back in Tokyo.

Now he was reminded of what a desperate pervert he had become.

The sliding door of her closet was finally opened, letting in the minimal light of the day from her room enter it.

"You can come out now," her tired voice informed.

Relieved to leave that tiny place that was starting to make him claustraphobic, he let out a pent up breath and stepped back, straightening his neck.

_Crap!_

Rubbing the hurting area, he turned around and faced her.

_Oh, yeah. She's pissed alright._

It wasn't that she was glowering at him. She was wearing a solemn expression that somehow held a hint of confusion.

"You heard everything." It wasn't a question. She was just stating the obvious.

Smiling brightly, he shrugged while still massaging the side of his neck. "It's no big deal!" the lie came out so easily that he had almost begun to believe it himself.

Her eyes narrowed, seeing through his words the moment they left his smiling lips. "Don't bullshit me, Ichigo. I _know_that listening to all of that was killing you."

_Damn it! Why can't she just let it go? There's nothing wrong with me! Honest!_

"I can handle it!" his smile faltered yet still held. "I thought it would hurt more, but after a while I just kinda' forgot about it and thought about other stuff!"

Studying him hard, she eventually nodded, her eyes sharp in suspicion.

"I might be going to the drug store with Orihime-chan, but I _still _have to talk to you about some things," he stiffened, knowing what she meant.

"Oh, really...?"

"Yeah," her face contorted into a scowl, "like that shit you were trying to pull off earlier."

In spite of his smile stubbornly lingering, he felt his face blanching. He should have known that Tatsuki wasn't going to forget that.

"I don't... I don't really know what you're talking about, Tatsuki."

"You think?" her eyes flashed. "I know that everything that happened might have been traumatic enough to change some parts of you and what you were doing earlier was a sign."

_Oh, great! Now she thinks I'm crazy! _His inner thoughts were probably written on his face because her brows raised slightly.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"No, you're not," his voice came out harder than he had intentioned.

"No matter what you say, something _is _wrong with you," not intimidated by how his faux happy demeanor had disappeared, she turned around and headed over to her drawers across the room. Once there, he heard her mutter more to herself, "And don't think that I'm going to just back off."

Inwardly swearing, he kept himself from saying anything as she pulled some clothes out. Finished picking out what she was going to wear, she glanced his way.

"I'm changing in the bathroom and you can leave when we're gone. I doubt that mom is even going to notice with all of the junk she has bought."

Nodding, he clenched his jaw watching her as she left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

_I have to be more careful... Tatsuki has begun to notice._ He had almost made a very stupid mistake in nearly showing his true colors to someone as observant as her.

* * *

><p>She was a nervous wreck. Watching Tatsuki as she laid out stacks of now empty boxes on the counter of her bathroom, she continued to fidget with her hands, not really knowing what to do to keep them still. What her friend had said couldn't be true, right? As she had told her over at her house, she couldn't be pregnant after trying for a year. Both her and Ogichi were overly active and to have something of this magnitude suddenly spring up on them.<p>

She only hoped that he would be happy with the news. To be honest, she didn't know if she was going to pass out or jump in joy at finding out what the six tests Tatsuki had made her buy at the drug store had to say.

"Okay... This test...," Tatsuki paused to pick up a small box to read the back, "this one turns blue if it's positive."

"Does-does it say anything yet?" she stammered out from her seat a top the lowered toilet lid, wringing her hands together.

"Nope! The only thing these tests have in common other than being for pregnancy is that they take about five minutes to give results."

"Oh," a bit disappointed at having to wait, she forced herself to relax by flattening her sweaty palms on her lap.

"This other one is supposed to show two pink lines..."

If it weren't for her friend being there keeping her calm, she would have run out of the apartment screaming at how long the tests were taking. As soon as they had both reached her new bigger apartment, she had gone off to the bathroom and did what was required to get the test results started while Tatsuki had waitied for her. She had been so anxious that as soon as she was finished, she had begged her friend to be with her once the tests were done.

"This one shows a purple plus sign..."

Just how many kinds of pregnancy tests were there? Orihime had been shocked to see that a whole isle in the farmacy was dedicated to just that. One side were ovulating tests to tell a woman when she was fertile and the other side was just for pregnancy. She had been trembling and so jumpy that Tatsuki had just rolled her eyes and picked tests that had special seals to be 99.9% effective in giving correct results.

_I'm defenitely going to pass out if they all come out positive! _Her heart literally wanted to leap out of her chest. Even though it made her feel bad, she was glad that Ogichi wasn't home yet because if he had seen her so close to a nervous breakdown he would have gone into one of his fits.

"How much time has passed?"

"Huh?" jumping at Tatsuki's question, she blinked then raised her wrist to look at her watch. "Um... Three minutes."

"Okay, then we'll know for sure in a little bit."

Only two minutes left? She felt like it had been an eternity since she had taken those tests! How long was it going to take? Now she understood that when anxiety took hold time just took a snail-like pace.

Leaning her hips against the counter with her arms crossed, Tatsuki smirked. "You need to calm down. You look like you're about to have a heart attack."

"Sorry, I'm just...," blushing, she looked down at her hands that had started to grip the cloth of her long skirt desperately.

"It's okay... You know you have a lot of people that will help you through this."

Her confident words brought comfort because they were true. There was only one thing dampening her normal enthudiasm lately.

Ichigo's disappearance. For a year they hadn't heard a word from him and she was certain that her and Ogichi had everything to do with it. If things had been fine... she wouldn't have minded having him there with her other best friend, the one that was like a protective sister, supporting her.

She no longer loved him like in the past. In fact she knew that hadn't even been love. More like gratitude and admiration mingling with the need to connect with someone unreachable. Ogichi had been the one that had surprisingly filled that void and made her happy just by always being there unconditionally. He was still rough around the edges, but he had somehow adapted to society's rules just to be able to stay with her.

What she wished was for Ichigo to not still be suffering for his sacrifice. Everyone had seen the emptiness in his eyes and in her guilt she had tried to help him and Rukia get back together again.

It had all been a complete and utter failure, time after time. Both of them would be too awkward and wouldn't even look at each other directly in the eyes. After a couple of weeks, she had unwillingly given up on fixing what was left of their relationship.

What she really wanted for Ichigo was for him to fill the void in himself. She had forgiven him long ago and it hurt her that the flatness in his eyes was all too recognizeable to her. He was feeling what she had once and that to her was painful. She couldn't stand the thought of him going through that torture. He was her dear friend...

"I think enough time has passed," Tatsuki murmured.

Gulping, she checked her wristwatch again and saw that indeed the five minutes were up.

"Do you want to check or do you want me to do it?" understanding, her friend didn't look like she would judge her for being too cowardly to look.

"Um, could you look for me?" she winced apologeticaly and Tatsuki just smiled.

"I'll do it, but you try not to pass out now. Promise?"

"Promise!" giving a single nod, she straightened her back ready for anything.

Seeing her friend turn to the tests lined up on the white counter, she started to tremble in excitement. She didn't want to pass out because she had promised, but she knew that one thing was certain...

If all of the tests were positive, she would scream at the top of her lungs and run around her building just telling everyone she ran into.

"Ready for the first result?"

"Yup!" she nodded eagerly though her friend was looking at the tests and not her.

"Positive."

_Oh, Kami-sama! _To keep from squealing in delight, she moved her energetic hands to the sides of the toilet lid and held on for dear life.

"Here's the second one... Positive."

Her breathing quickened.

Tatsuki kept calling out the results. One after another had the same answer... positive. By the time she had told her the last confirming result, Orihime was already hyper-ventilating.

_I'm-I'M PREGNANT!_

"Congrats, Orihime-chan!" Tatsuki grinned at her and then widened her eyes comically when Orihime jumped from the toiled seat and gave out a long high-pitched scream of happiness. Jumping up and down in excitement, she could already feel tears tingling in the back of her eyes when she then nearly knocked Tatsuki over in a fierce hug.

"THANK YOU! THANK YOU, TATSUKI-CHAN!" she tearfully shouted wearing a smile that was so wide that it hurt her cheeks.

"Urm! Who you need to thank is that horny creep you have as a husband! He's the one that made that baby!"

A giggle escaped her since that was only something Tatsuki would say. She was just so happy that she had someone like a sister there with her to share the good news. It made the news all the more special and real to her.

And then just like that, her over-excitement made her feel vaguely light-headed.

_Oh, no!_

Luckily, her friend had a firm hold of her when her body slackened in her arms and her mind entered blissful unconsciousness.

"Darn it, Orihime-chan! You promised to _not_ pass out!" Tatsuki laughingly said, not surprised in the least.

* * *

><p><strong>(explicit content deleted-<span>Ichigo with some random girl in the back of a car<span>.)**

She smiled back, lifting half her body on her elbows to study him as he dragged both hands over his sweat dampened hair distractedly. When he had left Tatsuki's house he had ran into Ito Misuki, some random girl that had been a senior when he had been a freshman. She had been considered the prettiest girl in school and when he had seen her, he had instantly began to reel her in.

He had been very surprised at how willing she was. If Keigo ever found out that he had just made the most popular stuck-up girl in their school scream, he would probably drown in a pool of jealousy... Too bad that Ichigo hadn't really cared one wit for having sex with someone as unattainable as her. He hadn't even thought of it when he had done it.

He had just thought about coming and undergoing that temporary euphoria that came with orgasm.

That girl and all of the others he'd had over the past year were nothing to him, though he never treated them rudely even when he was rough and most of the time distracted. He didn't see them when they fucked. To tell the truth, he didn't _need _to see them. All he had to do was the required movements that brought him to climax.

It was the exact thing he had been planning on doing to Tatsuki back at her house... He grimaced mentally at the truth. When he had been alone with her, he had started to have those thoughts of inferiorioty that always pushed him for an outlet to find numbness.

Sex numbed it.

_Sick! Twisted! Nasty son of a bitch! _How could he have thought of using her for something so meaningless? She would have killed him if she found out what he had wanted from her. Tatsuki wasn't like the easy girls in Tokyo or even Karakura like Ito Misuki had turned out to be. She was his friend for shit's sakes! He would have fucked up big time if he had dared to push things further!

He even had to admit that she wasn't his type, if he even had a type. Usually the girls he picked were femininity personafied. The kind of girls that acted like ladies in the street but were true sluts were it counted. Those were easier for him to handle. Tatsuki on the other hand would have castrated him without batting an eyelash. She wouldn't have tolerated that shit from him or any other guy. He couldn't even remember if she'd had a boyfriend or even liked boys for that matter. She wasn't exactly into the same things normal girls were into which was why he had been friends with her for so long.

Tatsuki wasn't as sensitive and gullible as the women he targetted. He could have shattered their friendship that was already hanging by a delicate thread if he had continued insinuating himself...

_I need to control this shit!_

* * *

><p><em>Geez, that Ogichi is a complete nut-job!<em>

It had taken longer time for Tatsuki to actually leave Orihime's apartment than initially thought. Just five minutes after she had lain Orihime down on her living-room couch Ogichi had appeared and went into one of his high-strung tantrums over why his 'lil 'hime' was knocked out like a log. She hadn't wanted to tell him the news since that was up to Orihime. It would have just spoiled it.

Spending over ten minutes explaining to him that she had just suffered from shock over learning something, he started spitting out questions. He eventually found the boxes in the bathroom and started trying to figure out exactly what those boxes meant. He hadn't stopped bugging her about them and when she had stated that it was Orihime's place to tell him, he then started trying to gently rouse her up.

It had been comical to her seeing how the albino had leaned over her friend, saying his nickname for her in a sing-song voice while clutching an empty pregnancy test to his chest. Unfortunately when she woke up and told him the news, Tatsuki then knew she'd be forced to stay longer to 'celebrate'.

Ogichi had taken the news better than she imagined. At first, he had scoffed and thought they were 'shittin' him, but after he saw how solemn she was and Orihime who was bouncing up and down on the couch, he finally blew up by saying 'Bout fuckin' time!' and bursting out laughing afterwards before hugging her over-excited friend that positively glowed at his reaction.

She couldn't help but feel like a third wheel in their joy, but Orihime had insisted. During the whole time her friend had told her of her plans for the baby, her mind kept going back to Ichigo's odd behavior back at her house.

Something told her that he had done something stupid to push the news out of his mind. He had smiled, but the wounded expression in his eyes had spoke volumes of how Orihime's startling news had affected him.

Ichigo wasn't alright with it. Far from it. How he had been trying to touch her in her room, told her that there was something strange that he was doing. Something that he didn't want others to find out. When she had confronted him before leaving to dress to accompany Orihime to the drug store, he had been trying to lamely hide his discomfort at having _that_brought up.

_What is wrong with him?_

Walking now under the waning evening sunlight, she headed over to the bus stop that was a block's distance from Orihime's apartment, her mind distracted by her inner questions.

The bus stop was set right in front of a parking lot meant for people who left their vehicles to later uses buses for out of town destinations. Going to stand under the half-roof of the station, her ears picked up a sound that she wouldn't have expected to hear in such a public place.

Moans and the unmistakeable noise of a car shaking under tremendous force.

One of her brows shot up and her face turned an immediate shade of red, but she refused to turn to the obvious sound of two freaks fucking in a car so damned close to the fencing off area of the parking lot.

_Horny perverts._

Crossing her arms, she waited with barely hidden impatience for the cursed bus meant to take her back to her house to show up. She really hated being around people that disgusting and knowing herself, she would probably walk up to the car and tell them off if she didn't leave fast.

_"Ah...! Kurosaki!"_

_SAY WHAT?_

Not believing that it could be _Ichigo _doing something that sick in public, she abruptly turned around, her eyes finding the white car that conspicuously moved. It was one of the ones closest to the bus stop.

"You've gotta' be fucking kidding me," she whispered, her eyes so wide that it was a miracle they didn't spill out of their sockets

The car was so close that she could even make out the moving shadow of a thrusting male figure.

Her jaw dropped in shock when the car finally stopped bouncing and the figure sat up. Unable to look away, she watched for a couple of more seconds as the suspicious male stepped out, rearranging his clothes and running hands through his very recognizable orange hair.

"Fuck no!" the shout was loud enough to make him jerk and look at her in frightened amazement. The look on his face said it all. She was the last person he had wanted to see at that moment.

_Ichigo!_

His stunned expression mirrored hers.

Still in shock, her face not losing it's traumatized appearance, she breathed loudly,"You raunchy sick asshole!"

He visibly stiffened and then quickly looked at the car just as a female wearing close to nothing leaped at him from its insides. She watched as the girl wrapped her slender arms around his neck, holding herself to give him a harsh kiss in spite of him being tense and not responding.

This wasn't the Ichigo she knew... That Ichigo was gone. She realized it when he gently pushed the girl away, prying her arms off him while wearing a seductive little smirk that didn't reach his eyes.

Discreetly his emotionless eyes met hers again as he spoke a couple of words with the somehow familiar girl.

_So this is what he had been doing this whole time? Being a womanizing prick? _He sure hadn't wasted time in making 'friends' after just recently returning to Karakura. She had seen how he had been with those other two girls in Tokyo...

Shaking her head, she decided that she no longer wanted to use that bus stop to get home. Just discovering Ichigo's new side had made her want to leave the whole street altogether and find another one to go home. She knew that if she stayed, he would try to talk to her as soon as his, ahem, 'friend' left.

After seeing that, she wasn't sure if she was willing to listen to him...

Shoving her hands in her jean pockets, she stiffly walked away and though he didn't call out her name, she did feel the heat of his eyes following her.

It still gave off that skin blistering sensation of being both hot and cold.

* * *

><p><em>Modified the chapter because someone obviously bypassed the part about this fic being censored and complained about being confused and not knowing 'WTF' was happening in that scene. *grins* The people that read the original didn't find it confusing, but that's a different situation. Hopefully saying that Ichigo was with some random girl in that scene (that was deleted because of PM whiners that don't even review) will hopefully shed some light on what was going on in there. <em>If anyone see any grotesque typing errors or anything of the sort, tell me (I have just wordpad so writing this out is an odyssey for me, mostly because English is my second language.)


	5. Confessions

"He's not at his house. His old man said he didn't even stay the night," Tatsuki informed Uryuu while his brows shot up.

Ichigo was turning downright unpredictable. First was the detestation at hearing Orihime's name and then his disappearance.

Not knowing where to meet up with both Ichigo and Tatsuki, Uryuu had to resort to going directly to the Arisawa residence. From how cold Tatsuki was acting at Ichigo's evasiveness, he began to believe that there was something more to his angry behavior.

The girl had the said the words stiffly while sitting on the top step of her porch. Her body language showed hints of discomfort at even speaking of her long time friend. This perturbed attitude was enhanced by the barely detectable air of distrust and sadness.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. He has always had a bad habit of running off without telling anyone," Uryuu murmured, still feeling a prickling suspicion.

Her eyes shot up briefly to his.

"This time it's different, Ishida," she looked off distantly, resting both elbows on her knees. "He's doing some shit that is only hurting him."

Frowning, he asked slowly while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "What kind of things?"

Her shoulders showed unyielding rigidness at his question and once again her eyes avoided his.

"I don't like talking about the personal lives of others," she flexed her fingers that were hovering over the ground. "I know that he's just hurting himself. Crap!" she rubbed her face vigorously with both hands as if to cleanse her mind of all thoughts, " I'm even afraid of being alone with him!"

_Just what in the world is Kurosaki doing?_

"Is it something... illegal?"

She snorted removing her hands from her face to look at him.

"Doesn't seem like it, but it's _not_ Ichigo. I know that he's very stressed about coming back... and hearing about Orihime-chan's pregnancy..."

"She told you too?" he smiled when her eyes widened. Orihime had made the news spread wildly by calling everyone in her phone book, including him. He hadn't minded thought a half-Hollow child was a disturbing idea. Years earlier he would have felt envy towards the man that had captured her heart, yet he had always known that she only saw him as a friend. Letting go of her _before_ any intense infatuation had begun had actually saved him.

Otherwise he would have been suffering like Ichigo who could have had a chance if he had acted quicker than his wilder bluntly spoken Hollow.

Orihime's love for Ogichi had been a shock for everyone, but after seeing how they interacted together everyone had to admit that they complimented each other. There was something freakish and almost childlike in their relationship. It was just so open and they were both unbelievably energetic. Their enthudiasm was quite infectious and people instantly felt drained yet with the need to chuckle at seeing how they reacted excitedly over small everyday things.

They learned to tolerate Ogichi because he made her happy. Trully happy... not the false cheerfullness Orihime had been forcing herself to show for years. No, now she was no longer acting while suffering inside.

Unfortunately Ichigo was the one having a hard time letting go of what he couldn't have due to his own inadequacies and his whole life in general.

_Now he's about to lose his best friend._

Smirking, Tatsuki remarked wryly, "Should have known she would tell everybody. I was with her when she found and from how much she was bouncing around, it's logical that everyone would find out overnight."

Smiling in agreement, Uryuu nodded, "Hopefully this will make Shirosaki shape up."

At that she burst out laughing.

It wasn't a secret that Ogichi was still impulsive. The very day both him and Orihime had moved to their new apartment he had attacked a man employed by the moving crew for saying a rude comment about his wife. It had been frightening and very abrupt when the Hollow had joyously smashed the bigger man's face against the wall while having one of his laughing fits. It had to take three powerful zaps from the monitoring device around his ankle and Tatsuki, Uryuu and a couple of new neighbors to bodily pull him off the bleeding unconscious man. Even after the incident he was still hyper and out for blood, resenting them for preventing his planned dismemberment of the 'ugly hairy bug'. It had almost been a twisted humorous short-lived fight, though none of them said so to avoid encouraging Ogichi's already dangerously spontanious temper.

"I'm really sorry for making you come all the way here for nothing, Ishida," Tatsuki said quietly once her laughter had died down.

Frowing at how absolutely guilty she appeared, he shook his head, "It's understandable, Arisawa. Though he could infuriate me by simply breathing, Kurosaki is still... a friend."

She flinched before nodding, her eyes downcast.

Feeling a bit ashamed for changing the subject, he blushed and shifted nervously before tentively asking, "How did you know?"

"Huh?" she finally looked at him in confusion. "Know about what?"

His blush was starting to sting his cheeks.

"Um... about the girl with me." He felt he could trust her, but there was no way of knowing how she would react at the identity of his lover... How would _everyone_ react. It still wasn't the right time to let the truth out and to be frank, he wasn't sure if there ever would be a right time.

"Oh that!" she let out a laugh, lifting a shoulder up casually, "Just a hunch told me. I get those a lot when people...," snorting she waved a dismissive hand as if it was no big deal, "Forget what I said! It's just crazy stuff that happens to me sometimes."

One of his brows raised.

_Just a mere 'hunch'? Why do I get a feeling that there's more?_

Everyone in the group was aware that Tatsuki had spiritual powers that hadn't been fully explored. He had noted that she sometimes knew things without being told and could read people's actions no matter how hard they tried to hide their true intentions.

_Could she have the power of psychic intuition or clairsentience?_

"Why?" she frowned.

Laughing nervously, he said quickly, "Nothing! I just found it odd."

"Is you say so," eyeing him weirdly, she tilted her head to the side, contemplating him. "But you really shouldn't hide it so much. If we have accepted Ogichi and Orihime-chan, then we can accept you and whoever she is."

Surprised, he coughed behind his hand to hide the fact that she had stunned him with her words.

Taking his hand away from his mouth, he took a deep breath and solemnly said, "I highly doubt some of you will take my relationship very kindly."

She scoffed wearing a knowing smirk,"You'd be surprised. After the storm those two have created, your own relationship won't be that big a deal."

He hoped that she was right. He didn't know how much longer they could keep hiding it. There was his father that still tried to dominate every aspect of his life and then her own family that would be scandalized by them being together. Most of all... for being with him.

Every little hope he had for making them have a normal relationship was crushed under the weight of how wrong it was.

"Don't you worry. None of us will be set off by it."

For a moment he almost believed her. 

* * *

><p>It took three days for Tatsuki to cave in and seek Ichigo out. He had yet to return to his house and though his father tried to act like it was normal, the fact that Ichigo had taken a couple of days clothes before disappearing was worrying him.<p>

Tatsuki was getting more pissed by the minute. What kind of insensitve jerk would leave his family so worried about him? It had taken everything she had in her to keep from calling all of their friends to start a search party. For all she knew, he could have skipped town or worse.

_I should have tried to listen to him._ Ichigo hadn't tried once to contact her, but from how she had reacted upon discovering his little escapade, he was probably too ashamed to face her. She had grown tired of thinking up excuses for what he had been doing. Like that the girl could have been someone he knew from Tokyo or a girlfriend... That it was a one time thing.

However, the more she thought about it the more the truth became clearer. Ichigo had been too casual and uncaring about it. Like it was too _normal_ for him which disturbed her further in spite of how embarassed he had been when she caught him.

In a brief moment of insanity she had even considered telling Orihime of Ichigo's arrival in Karakura, so Ogichi who was connected to him unwillingly could help track him down. At the last minute she had thought against it because his state of mind was questionable.

_Just where the hell could he be?_ She had searched for places he had used to frequent when they had been in high school. Parks, fast-food joints, clubs, every place he had ever so much as set foot on in his early days... The last place she had been willing to check was by the river... Where his mother had died.

He usually avoided that particular spot like the plague. In the begining, just after his mother's death he would stay there every day. One time, when he had left his father and sisters in a panic, her and her own parents had gone in search for him, only to find him sleeping on the dirt in a fetal position.

As the years passed, he stopped going there altogether probably to keep his family from worrying and seeing how deeply affected he was.

If he wasn't anywhere else... perhaps he was there. In that specific patch of dirt in which grass refused to grow for over ten years since that horrible day.

It was strangely sunny outside as she walked on the sidewalk that aligned the particularl peaceful river. Her eyes kept discreetly scanning on the ground bellow, half-hoping that she would see a familiar head of orange spikes and slouched broad shoulders. Not many people fit his description...

After an eternity of her briskly covering the cement ground, she finally spotted what she had been waiting for.

Coming to a stop, she studied her friend that was a couple of feet bellow, just at the foot of the steep hill. He was just sitting there with his back turned to her. There were no signs that she could see that said he was harmed.

Breathing in deeply, she cupped her hands around her mouth to shout down towards him, "ICHIGO!"

He jerked and looked up at her in surprise.

Taking that as a good omen, since he didn't appear to be mad at her for going off on him days earlier, she began to slowly walk down the hill as he watched her without standing up from his seat on the ground.

Once she was close enough to see how he was physically, a small hint of relief had her relax her stiff gait. He looked fine, but that didn't mean he was complete all there. His clothes were clean, but his cursed amber eyes were flat and without any remorse. That was what kept her from being completely relieved. His lack of emotion. The only thing he had shown the moment she had appeared was surprise at her shout... Nothing else.

Gulping at how unnerving his stare was on her, she fought against blushing in nervousness when she reached his side.

Opening her mouth to say something, she shut her lips at finding no words.

_No matter what he does, he's still Ichigo. Why do I feel like he's a stranger to me?_

Tearing her eyes away from his penetrating stare, she sat down beside him, this time avoiding all unwanted intimacy like in her room. He had been purposely touching her back then and though something flashed in his eyes at her actions of sitting a good three feet from him, he didn't comment on it.

_Okay... Is he going to start talking or will I have to do it?_ Carefully avoiding looking at him, her eyes looked off at the water that was moving in a gentle current that contrasted with what her friend was probably feeling.

"I've...," she cleared her throat and shivered when she felt his gaze fall on the side of her face, "I've searched for you everywhere and thought that this might be where you went off to."

Hearing no reply from him, she sighed, closing her eyes feeling defeated.

_Things aren't the same anymore._

"I _know_ that what you do is _your_ business and that I over-reacted without any right to," it was the closest thing to an apology she had ever said to him.

"You had every right to think badly of me..."

His low words had her looking at him. He was still staring at her, but now his eyes actually had emotion. Shame swum in them.

"No, I didn't, Ichigo." It was almost physically painful to see him that way. She didn't understand why his self-loathing could affect her so personally. "You are an adult now. We _both_ are. As adults...," she blushed, shutting her eyes to keep from looking at him, "we do a lot of stupid shit."

"That still isn't an excuse, Tatsuki. I've known for a long time that what I'm doing is wrong," her eyes snapped open to study him. "I've been messing up ever since graduation."

Taking a deep breath, she asked slowly, afraid of his answer, "How long have you been doing this? And how bad is it?" Something told her that it wasn't what she had initially thought.

His cheeks reddened, but he forced himself to look into her eyes. It was a honest attempt to come clean.

"For almost the past year," he shuddered before closing his eyes and continuing. "Just two days after graduation, some college girls were trying to pick me up at a cd store. I guess...," his face hardened, "I was so stressed out about how everyone in our school were talking about Ogichi and Inoue that I eventually gave in, not really knowing what I was getting into."

Tensing, she clenched her jaw to prevent any more questions from spilling from her lips. She knew where he was going with his confession. It would probably be the most intimate thing Ichigo would ever tell her, other than when he had spoken of Ogichi's sexual activities with Orihime while using his body so long ago.

_He's trusting you! Don't_ judge _him like before._

"They took me back to their apartment and well... you can guess the rest."

His words were chilling her to the bone. What he was admitting to doing under a moment of depression... It didn't make her feel angry towards him, but more like pity combined with rage at those unnamed girls that had obviously taken advantage of him. How couldn't they have noticed that he had been emotionally weakened and lost? Everyone with eyes could have seen that during those days!

"Go on," she edged him through her teeth.

Opening his eyes, he looked at her in reluctance, "I don't think... you're mad again."

"No, I'm _not_ mad at you. I'm pissed at those sluts for using you when you weren't even thinking straight! That's what I'm so pissed about, Ichigo!" she snapped before stopping herself.

_Perfect. Now I've shut him down._

"How many times are we talking about?" she forced out the question in order to keep him talking.

"That was," he swallowed,"the first incident. The second time was after I left for Tokyo with some girl I met at a party...," his voice started to tremble in shame, "the third time was with... my roommate and his girlfriend."

_A guy?_ It was hard to keep the shock away from her face.

"I've being doing _a lot_ of sick shit, Tatsuki... at first... I thought that it was some kind of phase or experimenting but everytime I did it... I just felt numbed down and I started using it to stop thinking so much..." his shoulders shook and though there were no tears, he closed his eyes in a grimace.

"Have-have you been taking care of yourself?" his behaviour was self-destructive, but it would be even more so if he was doing it recklessly.

"Yeah, I'm not _that_ stupid," a coughed out mirthless short laugh escaped him.

She let out a breath of relief at knowing that.

"It's not even as pleasurable as it used to be," he admitted, daring to look at her suddenly very pale face. "Sometimes I skip a week or so before I start going through... anxiety or other shit and that's when I find someone willing to do it."

Forcing her anger and shock down, she had to ask.

"Did you try to do it to me too, Ichigo?"

All color drained from his face.

"Just tell me."

_I _will not_ get mad at him._

His brows trembled and the expression of guilt was evident on his face.

"Yes."

If she hadn't promised herself to understand what he was going through, she would have broken every bone in his body. What he had just said could have very well ended their friendship but she refused to think that way. From what Ichigo was telling her, he was using sex as a outlet to forget. He could have been using drugs or other things to push his hateful thoughts out of the way, but sex made it more intimate and psychological than anything else. Majoring in psychology for a year had taught her to see how the minds of people worked.

What was happening to him was due to years of shielding himself. All he needed was help in getting out of that consuming darkness he couldn't leave behind.

Looking away from him, she took a couple of deep breaths before smiling.

"This place isn't good for you."

"I knew you'd say that."

She shook her head, glancing at the ground that no longer grew life. Maybe the death of the grass on that spot was brought on by the tragic event that occurred there in the past. It defenitely wasn't a good place for Ichigo to start seeing life from a different unclouded perspective.

"That's not what I meant, Ichigo. What I mean is that you need to stop putting yourself through this. Coming here is," she sighed, dragging a hand over her face, "not helping you."

"I guessed that much but I keep being drawn back here. I can't help thinking about all of the 'what ifs'."

Nodding, she glanced at him, seeing how he sheltered himself by gazing into the tranquil waters of the river that showed the opposite of what he had been carrying since being a child.

"Then let's go somewhere that doesn't have these memories."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" One of his eyebrows shot up in confusion as she rose off the ground and dusted off her behind of all dirt that might have stuck to her.

Grinning, she offered him one of her hands and he stared at it as if it were infected by leprosy.

"Would you just take it?" It was hard enough that she had accepted everything he had just told her and had decided to help him. Why did he have to be such a pain in the ass? She was trying hard to forget that he had just admitted to wanting to have sex with her because he needed 'numbing down'. If someone else had said it, she would probably be in jail for murder and dismemberment.

After a couple of tense seconds, his hand finally rose up and met hers.

***


	6. Unwanted Attraction

The last thing Tatsuki would have wanted to use to create 'new memories' for Ichigo was going to her house and having her dad talk him into helping him fix the family car.

Her father had never been good with mechanics or dealing with regular house and plumbing troubles, which made Tatsuki the 'fixer upper' in the household. Unfortunately when she had led a very apprehensive silent Ichigo to the house, her father had started complaining about his car making an 'odd noise' and her friend had just jumped at the chance to help him. She suspected that he offered his help just to get away from her altogether. It wasn't that he didn't know how to deal with cars... Their high-school had offered electives that dealed with mechanics and he had taken them three years straight, but he had seemed too eager to let go of her hand when a good excuse showed up.

Another reason why she felt as if their friendship had a impenetrable barrier separating them. It wasn't the first time they had held hands. Whenever he had been too shy to do something, she always had to grab his hand and lead him like a lost puppy. However... that had been when they were in grade-school. Now Ichigo had issues that understandably made him uncomfortable around her. Like the fact that they were older and that he had even considered having sex with her, in spite of it being out of stress.

"It's so nice to see you and Ichi-kun together again after so long!" hearing her mother's cheerful tones from behind the couch she was sitting on, Tatsuki flinched. Her mother was like the goddess of sugar. She was certain that she had already drunk at least ten cups of coffee that morning from how energetic she was moving around the house.

"I guess so," she murmured, her eyes staring absentmindedly at the tv screen. For the past hour Ichigo had been away in the garage with her very clumsy father.

"Is there something wrong?" no longer hearing the peppiness her mother usually carried in her voice, she arched a brow and turned to look at her in questioning.

"No," she lied after a couple of moments and her mother narrowed her eyes before nodding.

"If that's the case, then you won't have a problem taking drinks to Ichi-kun and your father. Men forget to refuel when they're preoccupied," both of Tatsuki's eyes widened as her mother smiled knowingly setting two glasses of water she had been holding on a table close to the living room's entrance.

_She's trying to mortify the shit out of me!_

"Why-why can't _you_take them?" she asked lamely, her throat dry. Playing good hostess wasn't her strongest suit. Frankly, she quite sucked at attending guests. Whenever a friend was over at the house, she just tossed a can of soda at them and said 'Drink up'. Her mother and Orihime were better for those kind of 'housewifey' things.

Looking offended, her mother placed both hands on her hips, "I can't because I have to match the drapes of the master bedroom with the quilts! I can't stand mismatching! You know that! It's chaos in there!"

_What a fucking catastrophe,_ she mentally rolled her eyes. Her mother even liked matching the _food_ to the dinnerwear they used. How any woman in her right mind could be so _picky _over the smallest of things was beyond her.

Huffing in both defeat and exasperation, she moodily got off her comfortable place on the couch.

"Atta' good girl!" her mother exclaimed cheerful before skipping off to her 'mission' leaving her completely alone.

_I hate it when she does stuff like this._

Lifting her arms above her head to stretch, she grimaced over having to deal once more with Ichigo. An hour earlier she had been fine with it, but being alone in the living room had left her too much time to think over the new problems affecting them. Now it would be downright awkward to face him again.

Eyeing the innocent looking water glasses that her mother has unsurprisingly wrapped with flower-printed paper towels, she sighed in defeat and dragged her feet over to them. Ichigo would probably laugh his ass off at her for taking him something to drink. He knew that she hated doing that shit and avoided it at all costs.

_Stupid drapes and quilts..._

Picking up the glasses, keeping in mind to not accidently mess up the neatly wrapped paper towels surrounding them, she forced her feet to lead her to the kitchen where the door that entered the garage was located. There was no use in her leaving the house to go in there.

The closer she got to that door, the louder low male voices and chuckles became.

She took a deep breath, feeling nervous once again. She was honestly starting to hate feeling that way. Rarely anything got her flustered and lately her friend's change had been doing that to her quite effortlessly. It had made her notice things she used to overlook. She had told herself that it wasn't anything remotely sexual. It was just difficult to realize that Ichigo even _had_ a sex life. He had been a runty dork when they had been growing up. For a time he had even been _shorter _than her until going through the mother of all growth spurts in fifth grade.

That was when he had became a foot taller than her, though his limbs had been too long which made him seem clumsy as hell. He had been bony, and goofy looking in her eyes. Then there had been the way his voice started squeaking and cracking when they had entered middle school before it changed into a more masculine voice and how his hands had been too big for his thin wrists... When he had come back from Tokyo she had begun to see that he had filled out better. In fact, he had been filled out for quite some time, but ever since the day he had tried to put a move on her she had _seen _the change.

She still thought he was a dork, of course. A boy she used to beat up easily during practice. A boy that cried over the tiniest of things. Not as a man. Not _ever _as a man. It was something she reminded herself as she put her hand on the doorhandle leading to the male voices.

Ichigo wasn't even her type. Well, to tell the truth, she could recall only a handful of times that she had gone out with a boy and those times hadn't been official dates, but more like friends hanging out. The one time she had a crush had been on a substitute coach when in seventh grade. That crush had vanished the day he had left so it hadn't been anything intense or worth remembering.

Finally opening the door, she went down the three single steps heading down to the garage.

"Oh, Tatsuki brought us something!" a glower appeared on her face at how her father just _had_to point out the obvious. He might as well had said she was wearing a dress or make-up which there was no way in hell that she would.

Though her father had been the one to speak, she could only see Ichigo's long jeaned legs peeking from under the car. In spite of the him being under the vehicle, she didn't miss the sound of snickering coming from him.

_Thanks a lot, dad._Normally she wouldn't give a shit about what people thought of her, but with Ichigo there it was suddenly embarrassing the crap out of her. She felt like a little girly girl being given away by her father. He might as well said that she wanted to jump Ichigo.

_Stop thinking like that!_

"This will be the only time I do this! Mom is too busy with one of her drape/quilts attacks!" she argued while her father chuckled, reaching out for one of the glasses in her hands.

"Sure, sweetie, we know how your mother is," he grinned, his face covered in black grime that could only belong to the car. She didn't even want to imagine what Ichigo looked like.

"Yo, Ichigo! I'm not a table to hold up your glass!" she spat, angry over how her father was treating her with him around.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt you to be nicer!" he snapped, pushing himself from under the car. She swallowed hard at seeing his state of undress and regardless of how smudged up he was, he was practically...

_Stupid Ichigo! Why did he have to take his dumb shirt off?_ Her face reddened and she could hear her father chuckling at her expression of utter dismay as her friend sat up. She couldn't hide _anything_, but catching herself on time she put on a fully annoyed facade when he looked up at her.

"Happy now?" he scowled at her before pushing himself up, his obviously superior height making him tower over both her and her father. She forced herself to only look at his face as she extended her hand holding the glass to him. It wasn't as if she hadn't gotten a good look at what he hid under his clothes.

His fingers accidenly brushed hers when he took the glass, and she almost shuddered at how odd it felt even if it was just normal involuntary contact. It was a welcome relief when he had the glass in his hand.

_Put your fucking shirt on!_ Even though she wanted him to put it back on, he probably wouldn't. Ichigo had become quite a mess while working under the car. Even his orange hair had black oil sticking to it, and his face was mainly blackened making his damnable amber eyes stand out more. What she had seen of his leanly muscled chest and arms was even more shiny black grime. As a mess, he looked too _interesting _to her.

In the past she had seen plenty of shirtless guys, some even bigger than Ichigo, but seeing him was different and downright disturbing to her. It just pointed out that he wasn't the same wimp she had always known. His forearms were bigger with corded muscle and he actually had abdominal muscles that hadn't been present years earlier. It wouldn't be a surprise if she could bend a nail against his stomach alone.

Feeling her face heat up when he drank from his glass, her eyes accidently glanced at how his pants slightly hung around his narrow hips. She could even see a fair dusting of hair leading further bellow.

_I've had it!_

"I-I'll be back in the house! No one better bug me!" both of the very dirty men looked at her in surprise as she abruptly left them.

_"What's her problem all of the sudden?"_Ichigo wondered aloud once she was inside the kitchen.

_"Dunno. She has her moments."_was her father's reply.

"Goddamn it! What's wrong with me?" she hissed, quickly abandoning the kitchen, hating to even think of Ichigo and his... _chest _there... All gloriously dirty.

_CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! _Slapping a hand on her forehead a couple of times to force her thoughts to become neutral, she headed over to the living room to resume sitting on the couch to stare uninterestedly at the tv.

She hadn't been able to think straight while in the garage with him. There was something seriously off with that. It was like her eyes loved to feast on the sight of him.

_Can't let anyone else know about this...,_closing her eyes, she stretched out on the couch to make her stiff body relax. It was shameful that for an instant she had been fascinated by Ichigo. It had happened in her room when he had sat too close to her with those eyes of his... and mostly the way his lips had subtly lifted in the corners when she began to show nervousness over how his skin rubbed hers.

_Why did he have to become like this?,_ grimacing over how she kept seeing his chest in her mind, she raised an arm to shield her eyes from the sun streaming through the living room window. This was starting to irritate and confuse her. Ichigo was the first guy to ever _think_ of touching her and the thought that it was because he had somehow needed it pricked her pride. It wasn't like she _wanted _him to honestly desire her, but the truth behind his actions had shown her how little he thought of their friendship.

Hurt and anger tightened her chest. She didn't want to _want_him to see her differently. That was why she had just snapped to cover it up. She was obviously the only one feeling something because he had been surprised at her reaction.

_I'm acting like an idiot. It's just that it has been a while since I've seen him with his shirt off... Yeah! It freaked me out! I don't even find him good-looking! Just like he doesn't find me attractive!, _For some reason the thought that he wasn't attracted to her annoyed her more. She knew that she wasn't a femme fatale. Her body was too athletic to be feminine unlike Orihime's shapely form or even Rukia's own delicate petite frame. Things like her appearance had never bothered her before, yet now she thought about her small pert breasts and the fact that she had toned boyish limbs due to doing sports for years.

She definitely wasn't a large-breasted foreigner or a slutty girl like the ones she had seen with Ichigo. Her thoughts of how _different_ she was from other girls were making her earlier thoughts seem dirtier. Like she was _unworthy _of looking at Ichigo's bare chest. That his body was more suited for girls that equalled him in attractiveness.

"I'm so stupid for even thinking this shit! Like I'd want him to...! Ah!" she fummed at no one in particular since there was no one else there with her. Her disturbing thoughts had been so embarassing for her that she hadn't even stuck around in the garage to take the empty glasses into the kitchen. It had been so _fucking _obvious that she was uncomfortable.

A shrill ringing interrupted into her inner ranting. It was the phone on the small glass table next to the couch.

_Just what I freaking needed now. Someone to make me feel like shit by calling here._

Annoyed at how her inner ranting and self-badgering had been cut short by an unexpected caller, she sat up moodily and lazily picked up the receiver by leaning over the armrest. She didn't feel like standing up when she could easily reach it while still on the couch.

"Arisawa residence," she greeted boredly once the phone was over her ear.

_"Arisawa-san?"_

A bit confused over the feminine voice, she rested her back on the couch and asked unsure if it was who she thought it was, "Kuchiki?"

_"Yeah. It's me. Sorry for calling you like this... I know we're not exactly friends or anything, but I happened to have your number."_

Wearing a frown, she shook her head,"No! It's okay! I'm just surprised..."

Rukia breathed heavily on the other line. _"I wasn't sure if it was my eyes tricking me... I figured that if anyone knew something, it'd have to be you."_

"Know something about what?" she wasn't liking where the conversation was going. Rukia was taking too long in telling her.

_"I think I saw Ichigo in my apartment building,"_ her heart skipped a beat. _"He didn't see me, but I_ did_ see him."_

"Wh-what was he doing there?" she asked curiously, starting to feel anxious. Ichigo hadn't once told her where he had been for the past couple of days. It had been normal to asume that he had gone to some friend's house or even a hotel.

_"That's the thing... He was staying on the floor just under mine... In a apartment some girl lives in."_

Her eyes closed at what Rukia had probably seen.

_Ichigo is not very good in covering his tracks._

If Ichigo had been staying in Rukia's apartment building, then he had been about a block and a half away from Ogichi and Orihime. Staying in there longer than three days would have meant that he would have had a run in with the newly wed Shirosaki couple.

"Does anyone else know about this?"

_"No. I don't know how the others would react to what I... Is there something wrong with Ichigo?" _Rukia was obviously taking care of what she said.

"Did you figure it out too? His problem?" Tatsuki knew that she had figured something out most of all if she living right above the place he had been staying at.

_"I try not to think about it... I mean-Is he alright? He's been gone for the last year and hearing those things in the same building I live in... It just made me worry a bit. We're not together anymore... I still like to think of him as a friend and if he's doing something he shouldn't I'd like to know just to get him out of it."_

"I understand. I want to help him too, but it's up to him to change." It was a painful truth. He was the only one that could take that first step and in a way he had already made some progress in admitting that he was having a problem controlling himself.

_"I see...,"_ though she knew what she meant, Rukia had a hint of disappointment in her voice,_"Have you seen him often?"_

Gulping, she admitted, "Yeah. He's here at my house."

_"Then I suppose that seeing me wouldn't help. The last time we had seen each other... things had been too hard for us."_

Tatsuki didn't reply, not wanting to upset her. She had never particularly cared for the other girl, but telling her that, yes, Ichigo didn't only want to see her or anyone else would be like a direct insult. It was already proving to be difficult even for _her _to get him to relax. He still had that lingering air of detachment and 'don't get to close to me' about him.

Ichigo wasn't ready for dealing with all of them at once. If he had ran away after learning of Orihime's pregnancy and seeing her disgust at what he had been doing at a public parking lot, then she didn't want to imagine what he would do if something of much bigger scale where to happen.

_"He's not good, is he?" _hearing Rukia's earnest concerned voice just made her remember how bad things had become.

"No, he's not."

_"If there's anything I can do, just call me."_

"I... I don't have your cell phone number."

_"Oh...!"_

For the next couple of minutes, she had to search for a pen and paper to take Rukia's number down. When she finally noted it down, she spent a while longer talking to her. By that time she had already moved to the kitchen where she had first found the pen and paper.

_"Just know that you can call me if_ anything_ happens,"_Rukia reminded her once she had confirmed that she had her number.

"I'll keep that in mind... Thanks, Kuchiki."

Saying their farewells, both of them hung up at the same time. Clicking the off button on the small cordless phone, she set it on the counter and let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Closing her eyes, she put both fists on the counter on either sides of small paper square with Kuchiki's number. Things were going to start getting very complicated. She knew it if Ichigo continued to avoid everyone. Kuchiki's call proved it.

_This isn't helping him. He could get worse, but I can't just force him to see them either._

Running into someone by accident could set him off.

"Damn it!" she hissed to herself.

"Who was that?"

All blood drained from her face upon hearing Ichigo's suddenly hard question.

Spinning around, she saw him standing there rigidly, still shirtless, _blast him_. Her father was probably still in the garage.

Discreetly, she snaked one of her hands behind her to grab the paper with number jotted on it and put into her back pocket.

"Someone that just called."

"Is that right?" he narrowed his eyes at her. "I thought I heard you say 'Kuchiki', unless I need to get my fucking hearing checked."

Her eyes widened. Ichigo was testing her and had already known who had been speaking to her. Apparently the fact that she had unknowingly lied to him had pissed him off.

Ichigo was stiff, but breathing heavily, like that day in her bedroom when she had to grab him by the shirt to get him in. It was sometimes hard to forget that he was no longer the same boy she had grown up with. Other than the fact that he was much bigger than her, he was probably better trained in fighting due to being a shinigami and his demeanor altogether was unstable. Anything could set him off.

Not knowing what to say, since he was clearly accusing her of lying, she ran a hand through her messy short black hair in frustration.

"Fine, it was her! Got a _problem _with it?" If he was pissed at her for trying to lie to him, then she was pissed for him being an asshole about it.

Clenching his jaw, he shot a glance over his shoulder to where the half-way closed door to the garage was.

"I'd rather talk about this where no one can hear us."

One of her brows raised.

_Talk or argue?_

Grinding her own molars when his angry amber eyes looked at her once more, she gritted, "_Fine! _Let's go to the backyard."

Not surprised over him not saying anything, she walked to another door in the kitchen and pushed it open to reveal a small grassy space. In the past it used to have a playground set and even a punching bag that she had used for at home practice, but since graduating those things were no longer neccessary. With psychology as a major most of her training was left for her free-time at the college's own gym.

He followed her to the middle of the small yard that was only closed off with ten-foot tall wooden fencing from the backyards of other houses.

Once she was sure that he was ready, she turned and crossed her arms ready to hear him going off. That was what he obviously wanted to do at present from how much angrier he appeared now that they were in a open space that looked good for yelling.

"What did she want?"

She stared at him, her heart begining to pound strangely. Why was it that her body was reacting to his annoyance? He was doing an admirable job at hiding it, but she seemed to be having a physical reaction similar to barely contained rage.

_Weird..._Usually that kind of thing happened when Orihime was upset; never with anyone else.

"She wanted to know if there was something wrong with you," he continued to stare down at her and though he was an arm's distance from her, he was turning out to be intimidating. She hated when people had her feeling weak and he was doing that easily by remaining silently angry. Why didn't he just blow up or yell at her? It would have been easier for her to handle.

"So, you told her I was back."

"_No,_ I didn't have to," now her anger was begining to rise because of exactly _how_ Rukia had discovered his presence in Karakura. "You and your little girlfriend that lives right _under_ her own apartment were quite noisy while _numbing down._" She couldn't keep the edgy sarcasm from her tone and face.

"What...?" he blinked, a bit of dismay and confusion on his face.

"You _heard_ me. She saw you in her building and figured that something was up with you and ended up calling _me_," she pointed sharply at herself, "of all people to know how you are really doing!"

"And what did you tell her?" he suddenly snapped. "Did you tell her that I was going all around town fucking any girl that crosses my path? That I'm a freaking mess? Or that I need _everybody's_," he raised his arms in annoyance,"to help because I'm a crazy sex addict?"

"Ichigo, I _never _once said that about you or even thought it!" she spat, finally relieved that he was letting it at all out. It would have been bad to go off on someone that didn't fight back.

"You've never thought about it? TATSUKI, THE MOMENT YOU SAW ME AT THAT PARKING LOT YOU WERE _JUDGING _ME!" he bellowed thunderously, his whole body shaking in anger, stunning her at the force of his shout.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A PROBLEM! YOU NEED HELP!"

"And who the _fuck_ said I wanted help?" he asked darkly as she gaped. "Ever since you showed up trying to help me move on, I feel _worse_, Tatsuki! Do you think I'm proud of admitting that shit to you to later have you rubbing it in? HUH?"

Breathing heavily while mentally counting to ten, she tried her hardest to calm down.

"Ichigo," she began, closing her eyes. "I am sorry for being a total bitch about it, but seeing you doing that took me by surprise."

He snorted, "Yeah. I'm sure it did. You yourself said that it wasn't any of your business."

What could she tell him? That it bothered her to the bone that he was degrading himself foolishly? That he had almost tossed away the respectful barrier of their long-time friendship because he had clearly not given a damn and only cared for his own suffering?

This wasn't the Ichigo she knew. That Ichigo was gone, but she had stupidly wished that somewhere within him he was still the same.

"It's none of my business-"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU FUCKING INSISTING? I DON'T _WANT_HELP!"

_Ichigo...,_snapping her eyes open to study him now, he was completely unrecognizable to her. He furious and panting as if having an inner struggle from going off further. His familiar features were hardened as were his eyes that glittered at her accusingly.

"Do you honestly want to keep living this way, Ichigo?" she asked quietly.

His eyes widened slightly, though his angered expression didn't change.

"It's my business and I can stop whenever I want to. It's not like it's that big a problem," there was a betraying tremble in his voice that proved otherwise. He doubted himself.

Not believing him, she'd had it with his sudden bout of denial, "Then what about what you said by the river? You _admitted_ it, Ichigo! You _know _that you have a problem!"

He flinched at her words, yet he continued to stubbornly glare at her.

"It's still _my_," he pointed at his bare chest as she scoffed at him,"problem." his eyes narrowed in malice before he said his next words, "You know if you got _fucked _you wouldn't be so uptight about this shit!"

Her jaw dropped in disbelief at how far he had gone to get back at her.

"You little mother-fucker!" she hissed and for once, he showed that he was smart by taking a step back in apprehension. "You're _so_going to pay for saying that!"

His eyes were huge as she let out a yell of pure rage and leapt at him. Her stomach managed to hit him in the shoulder at her high jumping and the strength behind it had him fall on the grass with her on top.

_He's dead! FUCKING DEAD!_

Since he was stunned, she sat up on his chest and punched him directly in his mouth. It wasn't hard enough to knock his teeth down his throat but it was enough to split his lip. Apparently her blow was what gave him enough energy to grab her by the shoulders to easily shove her off to the side. Not giving a shit that her back had hit the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of her lungs, she leapt at him again as he was trying to stand up holding a hand to his bleeding mouth.

"FUCK, TATSUKI!" he shouted in surprise as she knocked him back on the ground by lunging at his side. Wrestling to remain on top of his larger frame, she grabbed one of his arms and twisted it while stradding the side of his hips.

"CRAP! GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!"

Ignoring his pained yelling, she forced him on his stomach as he tried to buck her off, her hold still vicelike on his arm. Bending it so that his hand was nearly touching between his shoulderblades, she spat, "TAKE IT BACK!"

"FUCK NO! LEMME GO!" he tried to sharply raise his hips so she would fall off him, but she wrapped her legs around him, locking them firmly in place with her ankles. Her legs were strong and long enough to clamp him down.

"NOT UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHIT BACK, YOU DUMBASS OR I'LL SNAP YOUR ARM OFF!" she pushed his hand down on his back and he choked out a yelp of agony. His insult had broken a dam in her. She knew that she wasn't that 'kind of girl'... Having him be so crude about it had just set her off.

"NOOOOOOO!" the side of his face that wasn't pinned to the ground was flushed in anger.

_That's it! He wants a fight, I'll give him a fight!_

"STUBBORN ASSHOLE!" using both hands to hold his already twisted arm, she raised them higher up his back and he cried out at all of her weight and strength being put on the pulling.

"AHAHAH! GEEZ!" what sounded like a laugh escaped him.

Her brows shot up at that. For him to laugh while in obvious pain was just plain crazy. What she didn't know was that he wasn't laughing because he liked the pain being inflicted on him. He was actually laughing because he finally had her in his trap.

Lifting his free arm, he pushed his palm flatly on the ground to not only roll her off him, but with him still attached to her.

The oxygen of her lungs left in a loud 'whoosh!' when all of his weight landed and pinned her chest.

"DAMN YOU, ICHIGO!" she yelled at his back as he shook in loud laughter, holding her down. Her hands were being held prisoner by not only his twisted arm but by his back as well. All of his weight was paralyzing her.

"GET THE HELL OFF, YOU'RE HEAVY!" having his rear pressing between her legs was the most embarassing thing to ever happen to her. She felt him purposely press that area of his down on her, to rub her own pants over her privates. Her face reddened in mortification at what he was doing. He had _undulated _against her to create some friction yet it had been so brief that she began to doubt that he even knew he had done it.

"YOU DID IT TO ME, I'LL DO IT TO YOU!" far from angry his shout was laced in laughter at how she had underestimated his own strength. He had been playing easy to get her guard down.

_Oh, no... He can't be planning to...!_

Suddenly his weight abandoned her and the moment she sucked some oxygen into her deprived lungs, she was suddenly flipped on her stomach, the side of her face hitting the grass. Her wild eyes saw that the area they had been wrestling in had patches of grass missing. If she didn't know any better, those missing pieces were probably stuck to both her and Ichigo.

He didn't warn her when he jammed a hand under her body to grab one of her wrists that was under her stomach. She gaped at what he was about to do. He was going to twist _her _arm now. His weight settled over the back of her hips, easily holding her in place. He didn't even need to wrap his legs around her like she had to do with him.

_Crap! He's stronger than I gave him credit for!_

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" she yelled when her much smaller arm was pulled up to the middle of her own back. "FUCK! STOP IT!"

"You shouldn't have tried to pick a fight with me, Tatsuki," his words were solemn now and though she was in pain, she grimaced trying to move her eyes to look at him sitting on her ass.

"You... _asshole!_" she hissed through her teeth as he held her arm in that painful angle. Her shoulder muscles were aching increadibly at being stretched so far.

Hearing his soft scoff, she was relieved when his hands left her arm and his weight was no longer on top of her. He sat down on the ground beside her trembling form as she eyed him warily.

He didn't appear to want to continue the fight. In fact, he looked like he was downtrodden once more as he panted, resting his elbows on his knees, his eyes staring at the grass. She wondered if she was as big as mess as him. He now had dirt plastered on one side of his face and even chunks of it in his hair.

"You really... went overboard," she gasped while straightening her abused arm to lay it beside her stretched out body. His reply was just another scoff and a slight smile playing on his lips. He still refused to look at her, perhaps out of embarassment at fighting her like a little kid.

"You started it," he finally said as she stared at him silently.

"If it makes you... feel better to blame someone other than yourself, so be it," she growled breathlessly and wasn't surprised when his eyes snapped to her face.

"Is that what you think I've been doing this whole time? Blaming everyone but myself?"

_Here we go again. _Rolling her eyes at his sudden mood-swing, she rolled on her back.

"You're awfully touchy," her eyes lazily looked up at the deceptive still blue sky hanging above them. The weather always seemed to not match her mood. At the present moment, she felt as if a storm were raging inside of her. Her chest was filled with it. "All of us have problems and have different ways of handling them." pointing at his direction absentmindedly while still looking at the sky, she stated, "You use sex, I use fighting, Ishida uses putting people he doesn't like down or at least trying to...," trailing off she didn't want to say more. She had been about to use Orihime as an example as well and that would have just made him angrier.

"So _this _was you numbing down on me?"

"I guess you can say that!" she coughed out a laugh upon realizing that punching and wrestling with him had indeed helped soothe her temper.

The sound of him coming closer to her didn't alarm her like it should of had. Feeling his body heat too brush her skin without touching, she raised a brow in questioning to look at him.

He was now sitting close enough to become uncomfortable, his eyes showing some sort of silent intent.

"What's up with you?"

Smirking slowly, he whispered,"I'm still mad at you."

"Yeah, so?" she raised herself on her elbows, frowning at him. It wasn't that big a revelation, but it was off that he would smile about that. There was something about his smile that barely showed any teeth that reminded her of the girl at the parking lot. It was just a quirk lifting the side of his lips that didn't hold any warmth or humor.

_Don't tell me he's going to..._

When he abruptly moved to get on top of her, she yelped in shock at how his tall frame covered her own. Without his chest pressing on hers due to him putting half his weight on his strong arms that were on either sides of her head, his thigh went between her legs and she blushed hotly at the contact.

"What the fuck, Ichigo? Get the hell off!" she snapped, her heart pounding madly while making the mistake of thrusting her hips to push him off. All she did was rub her own leg between his and at that he shut his eyes tightly. He was keeping most of his body off her, but when she did that simple movement, the thigh between her legs rubbed firmly against her privates in retaliation. She was so discomforted by it, mostly since it was a new sensation that she wasn't even getting aroused.

_He's a dead man!_

"Tatsuki...," he whispered, grimacing without opening his eyes, "I want you to stop trying to help me."

Her thundering heart stilled.

_Is he... is he_ warning_ me?_

"DARN IT! WHERE'S A CAMERA WHEN I NEED IT?" a familiar male voice yelled in over-acted annoyance and Ichigo finding that a good time to stop 'warning' her, pulled away as if burned.

_Please don't tell me_ they_ saw that!_

With Ichigo finally away from her she sat up sharply and felt her entire face inflamed in embarassment at seeing a beaming Isshin and two very stunned gaping Yuzu and Karin staring at the both of them from the steps leading to the open kitchen door.

"Ichigo! You dirty boy, you!" Isshin laughed, clapping his hands but his son that was standing a couple of feet from Tatsuki was far from amused as he shoved both hands in his pockets to walk towards them, or most likely to the open door of the house to later leave altogether.

Gulping at what it _looked _like they had been doing, Tatsuki held a hand out in alarm and yelled back at the older man that seemed to be about to pull out fireworks, "IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"

"Oh, isn't it now?" he exclaimed teasingly and then looked confused as Ichigo walked right past him without sparing him a glance to go inside the house.

_This is just what I needed..._

Her long-time friend trying to scare her away through sexual intimidation, there was a hyper-ventilating old man that didn't know when to quit, people calling her house about said friend's activities and now... Her eyes subtly moved to a red-faced gaping Karin that was still staring at her in a combination of both disappointment and confusion.

_Crap. I'm going to have a whole lot of explaining to do., _Closing her eyes, she hung her head, feeling absolutely overwhelmed.


	7. Misery Doesn't Always Love Company

**Warning: **Ichigo's peverted thoughts.

Though he had intentioned to keep Tatsuki away permanently, Ichigo still loathed what he had done to make her understand that he wasn't worth saving... not with all of the dirty images he'd had piercing his brain while she had been underneath him. It was rare for him to actually want sex for mutual pleasure. To him it was almost out of neccesity to push away the things he hated about himself, but when Tatsuki had been under his control for that brief moment, he had felt a thrill he had forgotten over the past year.

He had honestly wanted _her_. Not just for coming, but for _her_, his own friend. When the realization had come he had wanted to lash out at her in order to save her from himself.

Why would he have such a reaction when touching her? Perhaps it was the familiarity between them or their bond of friendship. She wasn't just a pretty stranger. She was someone that probably knew him better than he knew himself.

When she had been panting angrily beneath him, he had wondered things he wouldn't have dared to think of.

Things like if she was still a virgin or what she would look like naked... How long and strong her toned legs had felt when she had restrained him. The way her warm, small yet powerful hands had made goose-bumps rise over his skin.

He was disgusting. _Tatsuki_ wasn't like _them_. She had good intentions for helping the likes of him. He had taken note of that, but when her leg had pressed between his own in a firm teasing drag, he had also noted how smooth her skin looked up close and her large chocolate brown eyes looking up at him in confusion, fear and maybe a smidge of anticipation for what he was going to do next.

_Hopefully she'll stay away._

He had wanted to fuck her. There was no other way to describe it. Her strong slender body was built in such a way that fascinated his baser urges. Long slender waist with hard fit stomach, boyish firm hips, smallish yet firm looking breasts. Her face, so familiar to him over the years was oddly exquisitely feminine and soft featured. It made her look both mature and young at the same time. When close to her he had seen that she had long lashes that curled making her eyes look more feminine and expressive. Even her clean smell had burned the inside of his nostrils since it was the opposite of the perfumed girls he used...

_What the hell is wrong with me? I'm a fucking degenerate! And I thought Ogichi was the perverted one!_

"Wow! You've must've really ticked Tatsuki-chan off if she gave you such a cute little love tap!" Isshin laughed from the driver's seat beside him.

_Love tap my ass!_ Holding a wrinkled moist paper towel to his split lower lip, he glowered at the windshield without glancing at his father.

Tatsuki's blow had been more powerful than he had imagined. He had been punched in the face plenty of times by stronger opponents but the moment her fist had connected with his mouth he had feared that his teeth would be knocked to the back of his throat.

_I deserved that. I shouldn't have said shit that sick to her._ He had just been growing anxious at having his secrets known that he had wanted to hurt her by pointing out that she wasn't remotely sexual in attitude. It had been a crude low insult on his part.

Removing the blood-stained paper towel from his lip, he asked quietly,"How... How did you know I was there?"

"Oh, that! Tatsuki-chan's mother called me saying something about you helping with the car!" snorting at that since Ichigo _never_ helped him with his own car troubles, his eyes were glued on the road.

Yuzu, who was sitting behind them leaned forward so that her head was between them,"I'm so happy you're alright, Ichi-nii! We were so worried about you!"

He stiffened and didn't comment or look at her as she sat back on her seat.

"Yeah... most of all since that Ito girl came over to bring your stuff," Karin commented snidely as his face paled.

_WHAT?_

Apprehensive, he glanced at his other sister and saw her sharp accusing glare right before her eyes dismissed him to gaze out the window.

Karin was _pissed_ at him.

_Why is she-?_

"My wasn't _I_ surprised to see Ito-san!" Isshin exclaimed making Ichigo look at him. Shaking his head, he said wryly,"A bit flashy but very _very_ pretty. She looks like she's very fond of you."

"I'd say," Karin muttered darkly.

"Just what the heck is your problem, Karin?" he snapped turning in his seat the best he could to glare at her.

"I don't _have_ a problem. It's just that it's sick to have some superficial stuck-up girl pop up at the house talking about how you've stayed with her and then _seeing_ you all over Tatsuki-chan!"

His eyes widened.

Karin thought that he didn't take her idol Tatsuki seriously. That was why she was so mad at him.

Knowing that it was true, he swallowed dryly and closed his eyes before turning away from her. He didn't like having his own family knowing about his disgusting life.

"Now, Karin! Ichigo is your big brother and what he does is in his personal life! Good thing it _was_ a girl! I was starting to worry about him being a complete fruitcake!" barking out a laugh, Isshin shot him a quick amused glance much to his annoyance.

He hadn't even planned on staying with Misuki. In fact, he had been heading to a hotel, thinking of buying a train ticket to either Tokyo or even Osaka. Anywhere but Karakura... but Misuki that worked in a office building across the street from said hotel had spotted him and had latched on like a giggling little leech.

Never had he liked to stay the night with girls. He had done it before and upon awakening in the morning _smelling_ of them and seeing them made him loathe his own body.

It made him feel guilty and cheap.

At her apartment, he had taken advantage of the 'easy access' she gave him to have sex regurlarly with her in the master bedroom. Yet... he didn't sleep with her. She had pouted about him always sleeping on her couch when she had a large comfortable bed.

It just worldn't have been right. The only other girl he'd had ever shared a bed to sleep in had been Rukia. It had been natural since he had known her and had been in a actual relationship with her. At first it had been awkward due to the intimacy and the occasional blanket hogging, elbow in the ribs or face and accidently knocking her off the bed altogether.

Their relationship had been just that... Fun, brief and too comfortable. Tatsuki had been right about him choosing Rukia because it was easier and 'un-complicated' for someone as emotional dismissive as him. No real emotion had been in their short romantic relationship.

He had cared about her, saw her as a trust-worthy friend and companion but the passion he had unwillingly experienced when Ogichi had begun obsessing and loving all of Orihime had made his concept of love look pale and completely lacking in truth.

He hadn't wanted Orihime... No. He yearned for what both Ogichi and Orihime had. That seemingly twisted love was consuming, unrestrained and painfully honest and clear to all who saw it as he had.

His envy of that had Orihime eventually turn her girlish idealistic love towards him into resentment.

Knowing that he was unworthy, he had given up on searching for that kind of love... only seeing sex as meaningless exercise with a small added 'bonus'. He wasn't as shy as before when he had been a fumbling blushing virgin with Rukia.

When needing to forget how low he'd gone, he didn't think about modesty or that of the girls with him. He teased, dominated... but was still so damned distracted, which in turn had him seem rough and even more deviant in his desperation to get off. Girls didn't notice that he didn't really feel them or take their beauty into account. All they cared about was how 'passionate' he was and how much they came with him, because he made certain that they did... if they didn't enjoy themselves then he would feel even more of an 'user'.

If they knew that he wasn't even really aroused they would want his dick thrown into a firepit.

His cock hardened, functioned the way it should but it was all meaningless. The sensation of soft skin rubbing his and the moans were ignored by him. Tatsuki... Without having sex with her he had felt more. Maybe it was curiousity because she wasn't like those other girls. The vast difference had been a turn on and adding to that fact, she was also unattainable. She didn't fall into his traps, seeing right through them immediately. It made her a challenge... or was it more?

He didn't know... all he knew was that he had to stay away from her. At least until he got over his problems if that would ever happen. He had already lost enough and losing yet another person in his life would be the end of him.

However a part of him said that he would seek her out. She was the one that used to track him down, but now he felt like he had to _see_ her again on his own. Even if it was just to have her friendship, or her presence. During the time of Ogichi and Orihime's blooming strange relationship, she had somehow managed to understand what had been going on around them without actually being a part of the problem. She had even known what was wrong with him in that dark time and had forced him to see what he was lacking.

Unfortunately that knowledge had only helped sink him deeper into himself as he sought answers and remedies to his empty spaces.

So many problems were surging all at once since his arrival back in his home town. Orihime's pregnancy was one of them. He had _given_ his own DNA so Ogichi could have his own body. In some way that meant... that their baby was a part of him as well even if he hadn't participated in making it. Regardless of their different coloring and personalities, both Ogichi and himself were unwilling parts of each other. Their DNA shouldn't be that different. He honestly didn't want to know... If he found out that the baby was remotely his it would be another added massive blow to the many he had already received.

Then there was Tatsuki and how she had sparked a morbid interest in him for being someone untouchable. It was the degenerate in him... playing a cruel joke by making him want something he shouldn't _ever_ have. She wasn't meant to be his toy to stave off boredom...

_Freak... Worthless..._ Sometimes insulting himself helped stop his thoughts, even if it made him sink in deeper.

Hearing his family talking around him furiously about things that no longer interested him, he rested the side of his forehead of the cool glass of the car window while closing his eyes that always seemed to ache whenever he thought of such things.

_I want this to end... How the hell can I get out of this?_

He usually never received an answer for that particular question, yet this time her name was shouted inside his head as if she were the one that could give it to him. 

* * *

><p><em>Damn it! Why can't I stop thinking about that idiot?<em> Tatsuki had been like that for an entire day. Her traitorous mind kept reminding her of Ichigo as if it were pissed at her for wanting to take his warning to heart.

She wasn't actually frightened of him. That would be a laugh! She had told herself that it was out of respect towards him...

However, it wasn't that. He had truly intimidated her. When he had been on top of her, it was a forceful reminder that he wasn't the same push over wimpy kid she had grown up with. Her voice of reasoning wasn't reaching him and there was a strong possibility that it never would.

He refused her help...

_I can't let him keep doing this. He_ can_ get out of it._

Depression didn't last forever, even if he had been in that deeply for quite a long time. He disrespected himself and his body because he felt that he actually hated himself for being so emotionally weak which wasn't true. He had proven his resilience. Not many kids can say that they had somehow seen a parent's death and had blamed themselves for years. Being still alive was a sign that he could indeed survive his ever spiraling downfall if _only_ he let her help him.

It would be a tough job, but how could she let him keep going on that way? If someone knew that there was a friend in trouble, they wouldn't turn their backs on them. It just spoke lowly of her... It pissed her off to tell the truth, that he would even _think_ that she would be fearful enough to stop.

Laughing at herself as she sat on the front doorstep to her house, she thought about how funny it was to one moment feel pity for her friend to being increadibly angry at him the next.

She might know him... However he didn't know her enough to think that she wasn't determined and hard set on turning him into the man he _should_ have been.

"I'm not giving up." Even if for a second she had allowed herself to be attracted to him. It had shocked her that she had thought that way for such a short moment, but it was something she would have to forget about. She was trying to get him out of using sex and lowering himself, _not_ encourage him to do it with her. It was sick that she had even thought that way. After he had left with his family, she had even asked herself what it would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted and had been pricked with annoyance at how _unaffected_ he had acted while she had been out of breath.

_Fucking jerk._

Shutting her eyes tightly, she shook her head briskly hoping to forget about those things.

_I'm not attracted him! I don't want him! He just needs help and that's it! He's still the same Ichigo! Goofy, ugly Ichigo with his bright crazy sherbet hair and droopy eyes! Not sexy! No sexy body or eyes! NOT SEXY/HOT ICHIGO! He can't be if he's such a dork! I even split his lip! How's that? I can still bust his face! See? He's the same guy! No huge difference, right?_

Craddling her head in her trembling hands, she whispered furiously while staring wide-eyed at the cement steps, "Shit, that _dork_ is driving me crazy!"

If only he hadn't tried to pull those stunts on her. If he hadn't done that, she wouldn't be in such a mess. He should have kept his distance... She felt safe in keeping herself unchanging. Ever since being a child she had kept the same haircut, same taste in things, hobbies... Weren't 'normal' people supposed to be constant? Ichigo's demeanor had shifted dramatically to that of some over-sexualized angry stranger that didn't trust anyone, even her. Everything about him just made her see physical changes that had been unnoticable to her before.

It was in the way he moved and how he looked at her. Those damned eyes of his and even his voice. He looked the same... He just made everything that was _him_ stand out. The coldness and heat in his bad-intentioned stares, his knowing humorless smirk... She really wanted to know if other people had suffered her current ailment.

_Orihime-chan..._

Her friend had fallen in love with none other than a sexually agressive Hollow. She had seen how Orihime had tortured herself for enjoying Ichigo's 'dark side'. She had felt her fear and confusion as it had been her own.

_Yeah, but Ogichi just tells it like it is while Ichigo just hides everything._

Yeah, she was stuck right where she had begun.

"I really don't want to be the guy that got you like that, though I'm starrrrrrrrrrrting to get a teeny bit jealous!"

Jerking her head away from her hands, she looked at the bearer of the male voice in confusion.

Keigo laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head when her glare fell on him.

"Asano?"

Lowering his hand to his side, he smiled tentatively.

"I was just in the neighborhood," he signaled at the old car he had gotten after graduation as she quirked a skeptical brow. "And I...," looking at her once more, his face turned beet red,"I just saw you here and decided to stop by."

_That's bullshit._

"What are you really here for, Asano?" He was far too nervous to just be there to say 'Hi'.

Slumping his shoulders in defeat, he meekly asked with his chin nearly touching his chest, "Is it true that Ichigo is back in town?"

Her face paled as her eyes widened largely.

"How... How did you know that?" her question came out in a dry slow tone that belied her true thoughts.

_Asano is the biggest mouth in all of Karakura! Everyone probably knows now thanks to him!_

"Well, I...," he gulped at how she continued to glare at him. Poor guy probably didn't know why she was so pissed over him finding out of Ichigo's return. "I think I saw him yesterday with his dad and sisters... When I went to his house, his dad told me that he wasn't in but I know that it wasn't true because I followed their car there and saw him going in."

_Shit. Now he knows that Ichigo is totally brushing everybody off._

"Who else have you told about this?"

At this question, he shifted and avoided her fierce eyes.

"I told... Mizuiro, Sado and maybe... Inoue and Shirosaki," the last two names to the list was said with a wince.

"WHAT THE FUCK, ASANO?" she jumped from the step she had been sitting on in a rush.

"I-I didn't think it would be that big a problem!" he wailed, waving his hands in fright at her outburst.

"THAT BIG A PROBLEM?" she bellowed in spite of it being true. Keigo was too dense to notice certain things and Ichigo's attitude change wouldn't even bother him as much as the others. He was used to being hit in the face by Ichigo for shit's sake!

Breathing furiously through her nose, she forced herself to sit back down on the step while Keigo continued to make excuses about him telling practically _everyone_ that Ichigo shouldn't see.

_I'll have to get them all together and tell them that he isn't ready..._ Wincing at how everything had just seemed to fall on her head, she fisted her hair and looked back down at the ground.

"-and though I thought it was weird for him to not want to see me I thought 'okay, this is Ichigo!' right? It's no biggie, so I came here knowing that he talks to you more than all of us-!"

"What time is it?" she interrupted him, not even listening to his long-winded one-sided conversation.

"Um!" Without looking at him, she knew that he paused to check his wrist watch.

"It's a quarter to four!"

_Orihime-chan has classes until five, Ishida already had his classes since he's on the same schedule as me..._ Mentally calling out the names of everyone in their group, including Uryuu, Rukia and Sado, she figured out the right time and place to have a plan set out to ready everyone for Ichigo's return.

Pulling her gripping hands from her now messy hair, she looked at Keigo tiredly. He was sometimes downright exhausting, especially with his lack of tact.

"Since you're so good and spreading stuff around, do you think you can have everyone in our group meet up at the club at seven?"

He blinked at her as if she had lost her mind. She couldn't really blame the guy. She had been about to rip his head off and now she was planning a deceivingly 'friendly' get together. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. All she needed to do was tell them that Ichigo was either too busy to see them or that he was undergoing a lot of stress.

Considering that Ogichi was very connected to Ichigo due to being a part of him, she should probably just say that he was stressing out. The Hollow was almost as much a big mouth as Asano and he would blurt it out if she lied, making a complete spectacle in the process.

"I think... I can," he finally said, looking uncomfortable.

Nodding, she said firmly,"Don't think it, just get it done."

"O-okay..."

Things were happening quicker than she had imagined and this new occurence made her feel that the time bomb within Ichigo was going to explode; taking all of them by surprise. It was just a feeling of foreboding, not for herself, but for Ichigo's own troubled state. He wouldn't be able to handle it. She was certain of it even if he tried to hide it.

His acting was just as bad as Orihime's had been when she had been dwelling on what could have been.

It was strained and destructive to all of those that wanted in.


	8. She Begins To Break

Ichigo had made a huge mistake on going out, yet there he was with the most annoying girl he'd ever had the bad luck to have sex with. Only his stupid desperation had put him in such an unescapable predicament.

Unfortunately Ito Misuki mistook their little fling as an official relationship. If he had known that she would have grown so clingy in just a period of days, he wouldn't have ever had sex with her. The girl had become a nuisance that not only called out to him whenever she mysteriously 'spotted' him, but had somehow found out the number of his house through the directory and called him there.

That was how he winded up at a restaurant downtown with her talking his ear off. As soon as he had gotten back to his house after the tense ride with his family, he had gone to lie down like he always did. Sleep tended to help him in forgetting troubles when there was no sex and just plain mental insults meant to keep him in line.

Just as he had been about to sleep, his father had barged into his room in his usual obnoxious way to announce that Ito had called and was _demanding_ to speak with him. When he finally did speak with her, all she had to tell him was that she wanted to 'hang out' which was very far from the truth.

The girl was obsessed. Upon arriving at the restaurant he had seen that she hadn't wasted time in calling a couple of friends from work to be introduced to him. She didn't say that he was her boyfriend but by how the laughing group had been treating him as one of their own, he got the nagging suspicion that they _thought_ he was.

This kind of thing had happened to him before. Back in Tokyo yet another girl had assumed wrongly after making out with him. There hadn't been any actual sex because his roommate had to spoil his plans by getting back to the dorm drunk and beaten up, just spoiling for a fight.

The girl, who he thought was named Yuki and was actually Suna (he really had a hard time with names) had thought that they had 'something', when in fact he'd already given up the idea of having any form of intercourse with her after being interrupted. After that night, her insistence on seeing him during class, free-time or just any time had gotten bad enough to the point that he had to press charges against her. It had been one of the most talked about events in the university's wild gossip mill and also the most embarassing moment of his life. If someone had told him years earlier that things would get to the point that he would have a stalker to take to court for a restraining order he would have laughed his ass off.

He had never thought of himself as attractive and was always surprised when girls told him he was. During his growing up years, he had been accostumed to being jumped by bigger boys and having girls sneer at him in distaste because of the mere fact that his hair wasn't black. In his school there had always been a barely discernable line between acceptance and outright racism; his hair color plainly stated that he wasn't one-hundred percent like the rest of the 'normal kids'.

If it hadn't been for the memory of his mother, he would have dyed it. Her hair had been a bright strawberry blonde and it people hated him because he had inherited it, they could go straight to hell.

He wasn't changing it.

Now... Going to an university that particular feature that had caused him so much trouble while growing up, including his above average height and fit body drew the attention he hadn't gotten back in high school. Instead of getting beaten up, he had girls smiling at him and people invinting him to parties.

And in Karakura, he had just earned himself yet another stalker by doing things without thinking clearly first.

_Why did I come here anyway?,_ his flat gaze fell on the strangers of the table surrounding him. He didn't know any of those people and yet he could tell by the way they laughed without worries, that not a single one had known a true day of suffering in their lives. Thoughts such as those always embittered him around certain jovial types. He tried to avoid thinking that way since Orihime herself had been cheerful while carrying a load of grief at being invisible to everyone.

Unlike her, he couldn't always pretend. He only did so for brief periods of time before his smiles faded and the coldness entered his eyes. How he despised so much noise and happy smiling faces. It was a slap to the face along with a hateful declaration stating 'you're alone in your misery, deal with it!'

Like when he had seen Tatsuki after so long... Unchanging and with a life full of promise and possible happiness ahead of her. For all he knew she'd probably graduate, get more trophies as head champion in vale tudo and meet some guy that could keep up with her... Just a productive, _predictable_ life that smacked of fate and contentment. Even Orihime had started a happy existance with a once bitter hateful Hollow that had turned his life into a living hell by opening his eyes to the bleakness within him.

At times such at these he hated everything and everyone. None of them understood him and never would if they tried. But then again, it wasn't like he let anyone get close enough to see what he kept hidden. He didn't relish the idea of someone knowing all of his secrets and that was one of the reasons why he had pushed Tatsuki away.

She already knew too much.

Their table was close to the window facing the crowded street. When he wasn't looking at the strangers that joked and acted immaturely in his point of view, his eyes would occasionally fleet over to the other strangers going past the glass.

The ones with families and other lives. The people that were too busy arguing with their kids for being too slow in catching up or gossiping over cell-phones while jingling their house keys between their fingers as if they were toys.

"Kurosaki?"

"Huh?" he jumped at realizing that his mind had been blank while staring at the passersby. Grinning at the pretty brunnette beside him, he raised his brows,"What's up?"

"Tetsuo was asking you if you want to go camping this weekend!"

He almost winced at that. His main intention for going to the restaurant was to tell her that they had _nothing_ together, yet her friends had botched his plans of letting her go 'easy'. He had never been good at break-ups, most of all when there had never been a relationship to begin with. When the incident with Rukia had happened they hadn't said anything... All she had done was empty out the closet while he was out and not come back until nearly a month later to make amends with Orihime for being cruel in not understanding what was going on.

Nothing else.

So telling a girl 'it's over' was a foreign thing to him.

"I-I," regardless of the things he did, he still blushed when nervous. Scratching the back of his head while stretching on the straight-backed metal seat he was on, he gave a strained apologetic smile,"I have plans with my family this weekend."

"Oh...," Misuki pouted prettily before brightening again. "What is it you guys are planning?"

_Fuck! This girl is like cancer!,_ his eyes widened slightly at how _difficult_ it was to give her a hint to 'back off'. At first he had wondered why she had been single, especially since she had been the prettiest and most popular girl in Karakura High School and now he understood why.

She was persistent and extremely irritating.

"We're...," he trailed off, hating how bad he was at lying. Some people actually fell for his excuses and he had no doubt that Misuki wasn't too bright, but he really _sucked_ at coming up with things at the last minute.

Not wanting to seem hesitant, mostly since everyone around the table were eyeing him strangely, he forced another grin,"We're going to visit my grandmother in Hokkaido."

_My grandmother has been dead since I was six and lived here in Karakura,_ but Misuki didn't need to know that.

"That's quite a way off, Kurosaki," a young man whose name he had already forgot mentioned, narrowing his eyes.

_Damn asshole._

"That's because we're leaving tonight." That could keep Misuki from following him. She wouldn't have enough time to both buy a train ticket _and_ take a ferry or special leave from work. It was perfect. Hokkaido was on a separate island.

"Kurosaki! If I didn't know any better I'd say you're trying to hide from me!" Misuke sang playfully.

_That's because I am, don't you get it?_

"That's nonsence!" he laughed without meeting her eyes as her ever-present smile widened. "I don't need to hide from anyone!" There went his plans on getting rid of her. If he continued being nice she'd never go away.

"Oh, okay!" her cool slender hands grabbed one of his arms to hug it to her chest. "Because I'm not leeeeeeetting you gooooo!" That sounded more like a threat than anything.

Blanching at how far things had gone, his smile faltered just as his eyes looked distantly at the glass next to their table. Misuki was a nice girl, but her psychotic behavior in clinging to him after just having sex was wearing him down. He usually just brushed the girls off and treated them like aquaintances. In the university there were some girls he frequented; girls that didn't actually expect anything other than sex. As long as they didn't want to 'hang out' and 'date', he could stay with them for months, just seeing them when he needed to do it.

Hearing someone speaking to Misuki, steering away from the conversation regarding plans for the weekend, he relaxed and left her gripping hands linger on his forearm.

_I'll have to talk to dad about changing the number at least until I leave._

Suddenly the last thing he would expect entered his line of vision. Faces he hadn't wanted to see for a long time.

His body became rigid as he saw Tatsuki walking beside Mizuiro right on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, but that wasn't what had him stiffening in dread.

It was the couple meeting up with them from the opposite direction.

Ogichi and Orihime. His eyes stung at the sight of them. Seeing Orihime so radiant rushing up to her friend while dragging a sulky Ogichi behind was the worsest thing he could see at that moment.

Reaching Tatsuki and Mizuiro, Orihime spoke excitedly to them and though he couldn't hear the words due to the glass, he could tell that Tatsuki was uncomfortable by what she had said. When she spoke, her shoulders were tense and Orihime's bright smile began to fade little by little.

_What the hell...?_

Pointing a some place further down the street, Tatsuki continued speaking solemnly until Ogichi burst out laughing before appearing to have spat some words that had her glare and snap back at him. Orihime being the peace-keeper chastised her sneering husband and then looked at Tatsuki beseechingly. After a couple of moments, she nodded and murmured something that had the tension between them dissipate.

_She can't be telling them... about me, is she?_

"Kurosaki?"

His brows lowered as the four of them walked off further up the street.

"Kurosaki?"

"Ah!" he looked down at Misuki and laughed out nervously while awkwardly removing his arm from her hold,"Listen! I just saw someone that I have to talk to walk by and I-I," seeing her fulminating glare he stammered, abruptly rising off his seat making the rest of the group look at him, "and I have to talk to her-I mean _him_!"

_I really suck at this!_

"But what do you mean? You-?"

"Yeah! So... Later!" just as she opened her mouth to speak again, begining to stand up from her own seat, he waved and quickly exited the restaurant as if his ass was on fire.

_I really have to be careful who I do stuff with in the future! _

Glancing over his shoulder a couple of times, he saw that he wasn't being followed once outside of the restaurant. Seeing the group of four ahead of him, the familiar backs of their heads coming into view through the milling people, he began to walk after them, one of his hands distractedly going into his right pant pocket.

Without removing his eyes from them, he flipped a cellphone open and hit speeddial, putting the phone next to his ear.

It was picked up after two rings.

_"Kurosaki residence! How may we help you and if you are calling for the clinic, this is the wrong number, but what the heck?"_

Rolling his eyes at his father's greeting, he snapped,"It's me, dad!"

_"Oh! You've just made me waste so much spit in my friendly-"_

"I need you to do something for me," he cut his words, while speeding up his pace to keep tracking the group that were nearly swallowed up by other people busily walking the same sidewalk.

_"I don't like the sound of that! You never ask me for favors!"_

"Yeah, well I need you to listen very carefully," the group stopped in front of a bussiness and were met by other familiar faces, "I want you to tell Ito-_shit!_" he finished in a hiss when someone that was obviously Keigo glanced his way absentmindedly. Lucky for him, he rushed into the entryway of a clothing store just in time.

_"Alright... Tell Ito SHIT! Got it loud and clear, son!"_

Widening his eyes, Ichigo yelled into the cellphone drawing far too much attention to him from the women shopping in the store, "Not _that_, you goddamned idiot! I want you tell her that I'm in Hokkaido visiting grandma!"

_"Visiting_ grandma? _She's been dead since you were in kindergarden! And what the heck is in Hokkaido? She lived here!"_

"That's the thing! I'm not _going_ to Hokkaido! I just want her to back off because she thinks we're going out after having _sex_ a couple of times! She just doesn't get it!" A chorus of feminine gasps echoed his words and his face heated at what he had just blurted out in public.

Slapping a hand to his forehead and wincing, he slowly turned his head to see a group of women holding their shopping bags to exit the store gaping at him in horror.

"This is just great," he muttered through his teeth, noting how _offended_ the women looked, especially two of them that were covering the ears of their children.

_"Can't get them off you, huh? You've made your papa so happy! Even though you didn't inherit my rugged sexy looks, you have a way with the ladies! I'm so proud after so many years of dissappointment and thinking you were gay...!"_ sniffling ended his father's emotional words.

"Shut up and just do it!" he gritted, backing out slowly from the shadowed entrance of the all _female_ clothing store. The last thing he wanted was an angry mob of women beating the living shit out of him. 

* * *

><p>"Kurosaki-kun doesn't want to see us?" Orihime asked meekly as Tatsuki winced.<p>

She hadn't meant for it to come out that way. When they had all taken seats in a back booth hidden away from the rest of the restaurant slash bar, she had chosen her words carefully. All that had been said was that Ichigo was going through a stressful time and that it wasn't good to surround him by people. Unfortunately, Orihime and Ogichi had caught on immediately. Uryuu and Rukia who already had a good idea of Ichigo's emotional state were intrigued but remained quiet for her to continue.

"It's not that...," she lied, her voice showing some reluctance that a certain albino sitting next to her best friend caught on to if his flashing yellow gold eyes were anything to go by.

"So, _Ichigo_ is still emo about that shit that happened, ain't he?" he asked smugly, making everyone else in the group shift in discomfort at how callous he could be.

_Goddamned Ogichi and that psychic connection!_ Glaring at him, she clenched her jaw.

"I don't think it's that, Shirosaki. He is going to an university in a highly populated city. A lot of things there could be distressing to him," Uryuu murmured as if trying to make the albino's attention shift to something else.

It worked to no avail. Ogichi was tenacious and when something sparked his interest he didn't let it go. Orihime was the perfect example of how determined he could be.

"Hah! Don't sell me that load of shit, Quincy boy! I know, _King_ and he's still hung up about it! I can _feel_ it, remember?" finding that funny, he snorted wearing a smirk, draping his arm lazily around a saddened Orihime's shoulders.

"Who's 'King'?" Mizuiro who didn't know half the things they did asked.

"That's what I was wondering!" Keigo just _had_ to pipe in.

Looking as nonchalant as only he could be, Tatsuki saw as Ogichi opened his mouth to explain as if it were no problem.

"Ogichi!" she hissed through her teeth just in time.

Closing his mouth, his pale expressive face hardened, stopping any unneeded information from being revealed to both Keigo and Mizuiro.

Everyone else in the group knew his true origin and still had a long way to go in coming to grips with it. He was still a part of Ichigo except he moved more freely and in a physical body. Everyone that knew the 'original' thought they were closely related due to how similar they were to each other in looks and build. Telling the others that Ogichi was actually a inner Hollow would have caused a panic.

Thankfully, he knew that he had to shut up when she had said his name. He rarely showed any patience for anyone, including her. Often times he just cursed her out and threw a fit until Orihime stepped in. She guessed that it was because he was still a Hollow. Nothing could change that. The only person that could keep his temper under wraps was Orihime herself. She was also the only person he showed any affection to, meaning that he was pretty much a mouthy smartass to everybody else.

He did have his good points though... Like the fact that he avoided hurting Orihime's feelings at all costs. He had been learning how to keep that from happening which was a hard task considering that she was hurt easily. A year ealier her friend had cried plenty of times for him and because of her tears almost physically hurting him, he tried to prevent them from falling.

For that Tatsuki was grateful. Orihime had cried enough in her life, especially with what happened to her friendship with Ichigo.

At that moment as if she had predicted it, Ogichi's face contorted in a pained grimace as Orihime sniffed wetly.

"Sorry! I-I'm okay!" giving a quick watery smile, Orihime's nose was reddening as her eyes grew moist. Hastily yanking a napkin off the round table they were sitting at, she quickly dabbed at the tears that had begun to pool in the corners of her eyes.

"I-I think it's th-the hormones!" she lamely explained, sniffing loudly, mustering up another fleeting smile.

"Do you think...?" Rukia spoke up uncertainly as all eyes moved to her. "When do you think would be a good time to see him? He won't always be like this, right?"

Tatsuki didn't know how to answer that question. Rukia knew more details than Uryuu and was perhaps blaming herself just as much as Orihime was.

"It'll take him some time..."

"Is he upset because of me and Ogichi?" Orihime whispered, taking all of them by surprise. She had just asked what many of them had been thinking.

"Actually...," For once Tatsuki felt sure in answering truthfully. "I don't think it has anything to do with that anymore."

At that Ogichi snorted but didn't comment.

_It has to do with his whole life._

"He's had issues before," she swallowed and looked away from her best friend's teary grey eyes,"so it's not you or Ogichi, Orihime-chan. I... I can't say any more than that."

Ichigo would never forgive her if she told their friends about his near permanent grieving. It was something that had been difficult to reveal for him and she had to respect that. The subject of his mother and the way he had constantly pushed people away seemed to always put him on edge. His true reasons were far too intimate to tell to just anyone, even if those people were considered to be friends.

Orihime nodded, but at that precise moment Ogichi suddenly exclaimed.

"Speak of the fuckin' ghost! Look who's here!"

Noting that his smiling eyes were directed to somewhere behind her, she stiffened as the rest of the group looked in the same direction in shock.

_He shouldn't be here!_ Her fists tightened under the table as she shut her eyes tightly.

A smiling voice said,"Long time, no see!"

"Ichigo!" Keigo shouted, jumping off his seat so fast that the chair clattered to the ground. People surrounding the table began to stand to greet him, speaking all at once while Tatsuki remained sitting. She knew full well that he was just pretending.

"We were just talking about you!" Mizuiro sounded genuinely pleased to see him again.

"I can see that!" Ichigo barked out a laugh.

_That fucking moron is putting himself through this..._

"Kurosaki-kun-?"

"Inoue or should I say 'Shirosaki'? Heard about the marriage! Congratulations! Also about the baby-!"

"You knew about that?" Orihime squeaked and Tatsuki shivered at hearing the conversation taking place just feet behind her.

"Yeah! I guess, that means you're a mom now! That's great!"

_He's such a liar._ Her fists were now growing numb at how tightly she clenched them. He was probably doing what he always did when in pain; laughing and smiling without meeting their eyes directly.

It felt as if his suffering was actually physically touching her. There was a dull pain growing in her chest that was making it hard for her to breathe with every passing moment that he tortured himself through his acting.

"Don't say that load bullshit, Ichigo!" Ogichi snapped moodily, not too happy about seeing him after a year.

There was a lengthly silence after his words and Tatsuki began to fear that Ichigo had finally broken down by how quiet the group had become.

_I have to stop this!_ Opening her eyes slowly, she began to rise from her seat as Ichigo laughed again.

"It's not bullshit! I'm really happy for the both of you!"

Who was he trying to fool?

"Are you sure you're okay, Ichigo?" Sado, who rarely spoke, asked lowly.

"Yeah, yeah..."

Standing up, she turned around to face the group, her whole body feeling cold. The emotion that had been assaulting her earlier seemed to intensify once her stinging eyes fell on his fakely smiling face. It felt as if her chest was being torn apart from the inside out. She sincerely hoped that the pain she was undergoing wasn't what Ichigo was suffering. It was downright excruciating that it was like someone was trying to tear her soul from her body.

Anyone that didn't know Ichigo the way she did would assume that he was a very nice guy with his bright smile, but she knew better. He was dying by merely standing there.

"Ichigo," saying his name brought a piercing pain to her stomach that had her gasp inwardly.

"Tatsuki! Just who I wanted to see!" he looked at her the moment his name left her lips; that familiar and unnerving hot and cold draft hitting her face full force.

_Oh, Kami...!,_ all blood drained from her face and she had to quickly put her hands behind her to grasp the back of her abandoned seat to keep standing. It was getting painful whenever his eyes looked at her a certain way. The first time it had just been disorienting, but now it brought nausea and dizziness.

"Tatsuki-chan...?" Orihime's voice was closer as she shut her eyes to take deep breaths in hopes that she could get back to normal.

Ichigo's emotions had become _toxic_ to her. She _had_ to be feeling what he was... at least the physical ailments of it. The cold heat on her face could be his shame or anger and the urge to vomit was perhaps how sickened he was by being around Ogichi.

_Why is this happening?_ As Orihime approached her, her worry was so pure it touched her heightened senses soothingly. Just what the hell was _wrong_ with her? It was like the emotions of everyone in the group were passing off to her and it was driving her crazy! Her body was soaking it all up like a greedy sponge, making it a part of her.

"Ichigo...," she panted, her pained eyes still closed,"did you come here... to see me?"

"Yeah... but if you're sick maybe we should go to the hospital-"

She shook her head quickly, yet he continued.

"-or the clinic."

"Kurosaki is right, Arisawa-san. You don't look too well," Uryuu reasoned, some concern entering his voice.

She smirked weakly at that. She must really look like crap if even Ishida was worried.

"We should all go!" Orihime agreed.

_No!_

Forcing her eyes open, she looked squarely at Ichigo who finally stopped his fake smiling and currently stared back at her worriedly. She was wondering about what was wrong with her... and she was also wanting to find a way to get both Ichigo and herself away from the rest of them. Being around all of them at once was making her sick, or maybe just _Ichigo_ sick which in some way was affecting her.

In spite of how obvious her plan of escape was, she managed to say quietly,"I'll let Ichigo take me to the clinic... but the rest of you should stay here."

***


	9. Temptation

**Chapter 8**

After Tatsuki's request, they left the club in silence. Everyone had tried to stall them by asking many questions like 'Are you okay to walk?' and 'Don't you want us to come along?' but she just shook her head and smiled weakly.

Ichigo could tell that all she wanted to do was get _him_ out of there in particular. She had looked so pale and sickly that he hadn't uttered a word afraid that she wouldn't feel like talking about it or would just snap at him for following her there in the first place.

He knew he shouldn't have done that. It had been a masochistic urge that had pushed him to go inside to see his friends speaking of him. Some pieces of the conversation had reached him and had jabbed at him until he couldn't take it anymore... That was when he abruptly walked up to their table and acted unaffected by the pain he had been feeling at seeing all of them there.

How he had managed to stand there and laugh along with them was a miracle that spoke for itself. He, himself, was surprised at having been able to pull it off, yet now as he sat outside of the examination room waiting for his father to finish checking a light-headed Tatsuki, he hated having done it.

While he had stood among them he began to suffer the knotting in the pit of his stomach and the tightening of his throat that always kept him from screaming at them. He had wanted to yell at them so badly, yet his actions had showed otherwise. It had been an automatic response that had saved him many times in the past.

Laugh it off and say the exact opposite of what you really want to say. It was easy to stand there letting his instincts of self-preservation take control. It would have been perfect if Ogichi, the perceptive _bastard_, hadn't seen right through him. Their connection could be quite inconvenient at such times and he was certain that he knew just about everything he was feeling about both him and Orihime.

The only reason why Ogichi hadn't pressed further was because he didn't want to hurt his pregnant wife's feelings. There was no other explanation. Ichigo had seen it in his sharp yellow-gold eyes that he would have wanted to torture him some more, but held back when she quickly grabbed his hand to calm him down.

Another thing he regretted having to see. The silent understanding between them always left a bittersweet taste in the back of his mouth. They had been like that in the last months of high school as well.

Ogichi would be about to explode and with a single word or light touch from Orihime he would immediately stop as if he had an off-switch. It was surprising that she had so much power over him by merely using gentleness. In the past she had feared him until she became as obssessed with him as he was with her.

Rukia hadn't said anything to him which didn't strike him as odd. They had barely spoken after the day she had returned to their lives to make amends. All she had done upon seeing him pretending while being eaten up inside was stare at him measuringly as if trying to figure out what was truly happening in his soul.

She was too smart to fool, but Tatsuki was way ahead of her.

_Why is she getting sick?,_ her sudden illness when he had been about to crack under pressure had suprised him. He had known her long enough to say that she _never_ got sick, yet seeing her so wan and about to faint with her voice coming out in a cracking whisper, he realized that something was definetely wrong with her.

Even when he caught the flu at age seven, she hadn't caught it. In fact, she was the only kid that dared to visit him at the house and played alongside him like it was no problem.

He smiled remembering those carefree days. The days that she would boss him around and would laugh at his stuttering and worries over her crazy stunts. She had been the most daring of the two of them and hadn't kept up that barrier of boy/girl between them that other kids usually did. While girls her age were crying 'boy cooties', she just didn't care and had stayed his friend like it was natural to her. She was always the one to snatch his soda to take a sip to later ruffle his hair to embarrass him when other girls eyed her strangely as if she'd lost her mind for 'touching Yucky-Kurosaki'.

Nothing had been separating them back then, not like now and the only one to blame for that was him. He could see that she was desperately trying to rebuild that innocent connection they once shared... Unfortunately she was wasting her time. He was just too _unhealthy_ for her, or was it the other way around? What he had been thinking of doing to her recently was nothing compared to the pure thoughts of friends. How could he be friends with her if he...?

Grinding his teeth, he glared at the white wall of the narrow short hallway he was sitting in.

_"He's been sick since yesterday, Tatsuki-chan. You might catch it if you get too close," his mother's soft voice came faintly from outside of his closed bedroom door._

_"It's okay, Mrs. Kurosaki! I just came to drop some of his homework off!"_

_'Tatsuki?' Opening one of his heavy lidded eyes he stared weakly at the closed door, anticipating her entering loudly. For the last couple of hours his parents had forced him to stay in bed, eat bland soup and drink just plain lukewarm water saying something about keeping him 'hydrated'. His child's mind didn't understand any of that since the tasteless food and isolation from both TV and the rest of the house was slowly driving him crazy. No one feeling as crummy as him would be happy about that and if he didn't know any better, he'd say it was making him sicker._

_Tatsuki's arrival might keep him from going insane, even though he was too sick to be much company._

_"Alright, Tatsuki-chan...!" his mother's affectionate laughter-laced voice said as the door slowly creaked open, letting in a sliver of light from the hallway flow in._

_A bit hesitant, Tatsuki whispered, "He's not asleep is he? Because if he is, I'll just leave his stuff-!"_

_Closing his eyes, he rasped lowly, his throat dry and scratchy,"Tatsuki...?" Hopefully the mask meant to keep him from contaminating the air wouldn't muffle his voice too much._

_If she thought he was asleep then she wouldn't visit him and he didn't want that alone and bored out of his mind again._

_"I suppose he's awake!" chuckling, his mother opened the door further to let his friend inside._

_"Oh, okay," Tatsuki's voice was more confident and he tried to smile when he heard her feet padding into his room._

_"Just remember that he's highly contagious right now, but your visit will probably do him some good."_

_"I'll keep that in mind, Mrs. Kurosaki," he could almost hear her smile in those words._

_"Alright then," hearing his mother's footsteps moving across the floor towards the door, she added before leaving, "You two be good now!" Saying those words, her feet echoed further down the hallway outside of his room._

_If he had felt better he would have laughed. How could they get into trouble if he could barely move from his bed?_

_"Ichigo...?" Tatsuki's voice was soft and coming closer. Once he sensed her next to his bed, she said bluntly, "You look horrible!"_

_A cough left him when he tried to laugh, though it was embarassing to have her point that out. No one liked to have someone seeing them so sick._

_It was normal for her to say things like that after all._

_"I brought your homework over and...," he heard a little chuckle as she lowered her voice,"some snacks."_

_At that he opened both of his eyes widely to look at her mischiveously smiling face._

_"I...," he cleared his throat with a cough behind the cloth covering half his face,"I can't..." In spite of saying that he really wanted whatever she had snuck in for him._

_"Psch! Quit acting like a wuss and scoot over!" one of her hands lifted the edge of the blanket on his bed and he could feel his once bloodless cheeks heat up at what she was doing. _

_Tatsuki wanted to get in the bed with him._

_"Tatsuki...!" Too late to argue because not only was he weak, but he didn't want her to see the childish pijamas his mother had made him wear. The two-piece set had a dark blue background with many orange dinosaurs printed on it. If she saw that she would laugh at him._

_The blanket lifted briefly letting in some cool air and he was grateful that she didn't say anything about his clothing when her slender form settled next to him. His bloodshot aching eyes were wary on her as she laid beside him without touching, her head of short choppy black hair laying on his pillow._

_"Nice pjs," she smirked not looking at him as she shifted her hips up to search through her pockets while under the blankets._

_If his face got any redder he would combust! She had SEEN them! _

_Not cool._

_"Here!" finally finding what she was searching for, a candy bar was nearly shoved in his face making him completely forget about the shame of his funny clothes at the sight of it. _

There had been many times such as those. She spent most of the day with him, cheering him up and helping him with what he had missed at school the previous day. It was in that day in his childlike mind that he realized that he had a truly loyal friend in her. He had other buddies in school but none of them had visited him like she had. Those 'friends' had been too afraid of catching his flu while she, being careless as she was, had enough guts to even lay in the same bed beside him.

As the years had passed, she no longer did that. That was when puberty changed things for them. If she visited him, the visits would be mainly done in the living room and if he had been sick, she would call over the phone to tell him the stuff he needed for school.

Its not like he resented her for it since in a way he too had stopped being as open as when being a child. Some things were just too personal to even tell her and yet now as he waited for his father to figure out what was wrong with her, he felt that he _needed_ to start telling her those things. Even if it was only to have someone to listen.

He jumped startled when the door behind beside him opened suddenly.

"She's okay!" his father walked out and look down at him smiling so brightly that it hurt his eyes. He might as well have been doing something fun rather than checking a nearly passed out girl.

"What do you mean 'she's okay'?" he narrowed his eyes before standing from the metal seat in the hallway.

"That's she's okay!" shrugging his father explained,"What she probably had was a drop in blood-pressure, which is rather normal though not for someone as physically fit as her." Shooting a glance into the room discreetly, he added,"She's lying down now. I gave her some pain-killers since she was complaining about her head hurting."

Ichigo still didn't like that as he scowled at his dad, letting his eyes scan briefly the small examination room his friend was in.

"I tried to convince her to let me take some blood to have some tests runned, but she argued about it and even told me to take blood from _myself_! Hah! She's quite moody when she's not feeling well!" laughing and shaking his head, Isshin walked past him, leaving the door wide open.

With his father gone, he was left staring at the inviting open doorway, feeling unsure if he should go in or not.

_She's my friend and is sick! If I don't go in, she'll probably think I'm still being an asshole!_

Sucking in a deep breath, his face already blanching at the thought of being alone with her, he stepped into the small room full of glass cabinets, yet another metal chair and a small narrow stretcher in which she was stretched out on.

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he entered further into the room. She looked so helpless, not precisely lust-inspiring; a small blessing... That still didn't mean that it was safe for her. He hated feeling like a deprived pervert, especially when she was so defenseless.

Walking awkwardly towards the metal chair next to the stretcher that his father had surely occupied while examining her, he sat down on it stiffly, feeling as if his whole body was sore. Being around her had him feeling like a cowardly virgin, or like a very _beaten_ cowardly virgin. It was probably because he couldn't stop doing a discomforting mix of both blushing and paling. Everytime blood rushed to his cheeks stingingly, they would go cold again.

She wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were closed while one of her pale hands held a cooling pad over her forehead. The other hand was laying limply on her flat belly and he shifted in his seat at seeing how her flat position on the bed had her clothes drape her torso in such a manner that her curves were more defined.

One of his fingers twitched at how her small firm breasts rose and fell evenly.

"I'm surprised that you are paying me a visit, Kurosaki," a faint smile curved her lips.

Snorting, thankful that she hadn't looked at him and seen how he was grimacing and blushing in nervousness, he said dryly,"I'm not that much of an unconsiderate jackass, Tatsuki."

"Nice to know," a laugh left her lips, making her chest jerk lightly bringing his attention unwillingly to her breasts again and how her unrevealing black t-shirt contoured it.

_I need to leave NOW._

Gulping, he forced his hungry gaze to the glass cabinets lining one of the walls.

"Do you need to go to the bathroom, Ichigo?" amusement colored her tone and he flinched realizing that she was finally looking at him and had seen his anxiety.

Clenching his teeth hard, his eyes were still glued to the glass cabinets as if his life depended on it. In some way it did.

"No, why do you ask that?"

"Because you're so twitchy and look like you're in pain, that's why!" laughter erupted out of her and he snapped his eyes to her to see how her eyes lit up as her body shook.

_It's funny for her, but for me...,_ he could feel his cock begining to harden and in order to stop the rush of blood from engorging the blasted excited thing, he rubbed his legs together.

Though her eyes were on his face, her laughter and smile faded.

"I really hate it when you look at me like that."

His eyes widened as dread sunk deeply into his belly, thankfully stopping his growing erection before it had became too noticeable.

"What are you talking about?"

"It just feels weird...," narrowing her eyes, her voice faded as if she didn't want to elaborate.

"It feels weird-?"

"Tatsuki-chan?" Karin's voice called from the doorway breathlessly, making both of them look in that direction in unison. His sister's eyes fell on him and her young face hardened,"Oh, _he's_ here with you."

_She's still pissed at me for what happened yesterday at Tatsuki's house._

"Hey there, Karin-chan!" sitting up slowly on the stretcher, Tatsuki gave her a carefree grin, obviously ignoring what she had said regarding him. It was just a sign that she had pushed it behind her as he hoped she would. He didn't relish the idea of her thinking he was out of control which was the actual truth.

Even with his little sister in the room with them he wanted her.

Walking into the room, his sister's eyes glared at him until she stopped right at the foot of the stretcher.

Once she looked at Tatsuki again, she grinned, completely disregarding his presence as if he were just a bug that had irritated her,"Can you spend the night?"

"What?" he jumped off his seat and both of the girls looked at him as if he had just lost it.

_Is she out of her mind? I can't wait to get away from Tatsuki and she wants her to stay over for the night?_

"She's going to be staying in my and Yuzu's room so you can't jump her like a perverted dog. She's not going to stay for _you_," Karin glowered at him, muttering angrily.

"Actually I don't think that's a good idea..." Tatsuki began slowly while he eagerly nodded in agreement.

"Exactly! She can't stay!" he blurted out, feeling his cheeks sting when his sister's eyes shot him a fulminating glare.

"Who was asking _you_, Ichigo?" looking away from him, she smiled hopefully at Tatsuki who was still uncertain,"Besides! It's already dark out and dad was the one that suggested it, so he's okay with it."

"I still...," shaking her head, Tatsuki slowly moved her legs so that her feet nearly touched the floor.

"Don't worry, Ichigo won't go anywhere _near_ you," she promised, giving him yet another killer look from the corner of her eyes. "It'll be just us girls." Those last words were said with a dark edge obviously directed at him.

He glared at his younger sibbling and opened his mouth to tell her to back off in the agression when his father exclaimed from the doorway she had once occupied.

"So did she accept?" They all looked towards Isshin that beamed back at them while Yuzu stood behind him, looking just as hopeful as Karin.

"I've been trying to convince her, but _Ichigo_ here is afraid of jumping her again."

Furious over how she was able to read him so easily and had to just bring something like that up, making Tatsuki's own face turn a beet red in the process, he snapped at her.

"Listen, Karin, you really need to cut this shit out! I've had enough of it!"

"Ichigo...," Tatsuki whispered but he continued staring his sister down that looked back at him wide-eyed at how angry he had become.

"Whatever _I_ do with Tatsuki is _none_ of your business!" her jaw dropped and everyone in the room remained silent as the tension escalated. "So quit pissing me off about it! It's _adult_ stuff that little brats like you have no business getting into!"

"Now, Ichigo, that's no way to talk to your little sister and Karin just drop it, okay?" for once his father didn't sound jovial and teasing which suited the particularly tense situation taking place in their house. In the past Ichigo had argued with his sisters, but never enough to the point to sound as insulting as he was now.

_I don't feel safe even in my house._ That was what bothered him so much. Tatsuki wasn't safe around him just as he wasn't safe around her. Just standing in the same room with her was taxing and his family had no idea what was happening to him. To them he was just acting like a bad-tempered asshole.

His face hardened at Karin's expression. Though shock was the strongest emotion in her face, hurt was also there, taunting him.

_I really need to get out._

With his whole body stiffening, he glanced over at his father who looked just as surprised as everyone else in the room. Straightening his back, he shoved his hands down his pockets and headed towards the door just as his father stepped aside to give him room.

"Thanks a lot," he whispered flatly to Isshin on his way out the door. Not once did he bother looking back to see his father's reaction while leaving them.

* * *

><p>Tatsuki had only stayed for Karin's sake. After the incident in the examination room had taken place, the younger girl had become sullen and withdrawn. Ichigo's attitude had mellowed her down enough that she didn't even look as excited as before. Even Yuzu was more subdued though she was at least making an effort in making her staying for the night entertaining by suggesting watching some DVDs on a portable player she had gotten for her birthday.<p>

When she had gone inside the Kurosaki residence that was attached to the clinic, she had barely left the twin's room. It was a lame attempt to prevent Ichigo from getting angrier than he already was. No one had to tell her that somehow she had upset him by accepting his father's offer.

It wasn't the first time she'd stayed the night with the twins. In middle school she had done it when their father was swamped with patients. It had been similar to hanging out while babysitting, though the twins were pretty independant, mostly after their mother had passed on. Out of the twins, Karin was the most attached to her. She supposed that it was because she viewed her as an older sister that happened to like the same things she did. Not many girls were into sports as they were and her own twin sister was very feminine and into regular 'girl things', like wearing dresses, sowing and cooking. Yuzu was pratically a miniature housewife while Karin was the boyish one.

Yeah, they had a strange sort of kinship because of that.

In the past Ichigo had never complained about her staying the night with his sisters. A lot of the times she had done it he had watched movies along with them until the early morning hours before sleepily dragging his feet back to his room.

Now those days were over. His anger in the examination room had put a cutting finality to what they used to have.

"He's not mad at you, Karin-chan," she whispered to the girl beside her. Yuzu had already fallen asleep since they had put a horror movie on. The girl hadn't wanted to watch it so she had spent most of the time cowering under her sheets until she eventually dozed off.

Karin scoffed, her dark eyes looking at the small screen flatly. The room was mostly dark save the light coming from the small screen and the house was eerily silent. Tatsuki wouldn't be surprised if they were the only ones still awake.

"Believe me... When Ichigo gets that pissed it can last for days," she whispered back, letting out a sighing breath.

"Yeah, but he's not mad at you," feeling awkward when Karin looked at her obviously expecting her to talk further, she added,"he's mad at me."

Though there was barely any light in the room, Karin's frown was seen by her.

"Why would he be mad at you of all people? He's the one up to no good! I _saw_ him, Tatsuki-chan!" all blood drained from her face. Karin clearly knew more than the rest of the family. "Dad and Yuzu might have not noticed it, but Ichigo had _jumped_ you and was pinning you down!"

Feeling a bit flustered at what the younger girl was assuming of her older brother, Tatsuki shook her head, widening her eyes,"No, Karin-chan! We were just fighting and he got on top of me!" her whisper came out more like a loud hiss.

"That's not what it looked like to me," those being her last words, Karin gave her a measuring glance before getting off the bed they had been all sitting on to watch the movie to walk over to her own bed on the other side of the room.

Karin perhaps thought that Tatsuki didn't trust her enough to say the truth. Ichigo ihad/i jumped her, but... it hadn't been as physically threatening as the other girl thought. Or was it that Tatsuki was carefully avoiding thinking that of her friend?

He had been warning her, just as his temper shown hours earlier.

That knowledge alone was enough to make her want to stay holed up in the twin's room until morning, not just out of fear of him, but out of fear of herself. She had no idea how she would react if he were to do something like that with no interruptions in sight.

She didn't trust herself. She knew that she couldn't. That truth had become clear when she began to feel attracted to him. The only thing keeping her from reciprocating was that he wasn't completely all there with her. He was only acting out of his own distress, meaning that it wasn't _her_ that he truly wanted.

And how it hurt to know that he didn't give a damn about tossing their friendship away just because he wanted to console himself. It was selfish and cold, the opposite of how he used to be. The only thing that kept her from hating him was his agitation moments earlier that proved that he at least cared enough to push her away, to save her from himself.

* * *

><p>Ever since the house had become silent, Ichigo had been thinking up ways on getting out without being detected. He knew that it wasn't impossible since he had done it many times in the past and being able to change into a shinigami did come in handy except for one little detail...<p>

Tatsuki could see spirits. He might go undetected by others in the house but when it came to her, it was highly doubtful that she wouldn't find out. She was staying in a room down the hall, a measly couple of feet from his own door. It was irritating having her so close even if they had walls separating them.

The sensation of his own sheets against his flushed skin was torturing him and had been doing so for hours. In spite of wearing boxers and having the air on, he felt feverish and his breathing was coming out in harsh short pants.

Studying generalized medicine had taught him how to detect the signs of physical distress. His symptoms were just hard cold proof that there was something wrong with him. Like the way a junky would act when having no access to drugs. Trembling, having difficult time breathing, sweating coldly... Yeah, he was clearly affected by forcing himself to stay away.

He doubted that he could leave the house even if he wanted to. It made him wonder if Tatsuki was as affected by him as he was of her.

Shuddering, he writhed his hips and winced, cursing in the darkness at how his painful erection strained in his boxers at the slight movement of his hips. He might as well have been in fucking heat which was illogical. This only happened when he was undergoing an unsual amount of stress and needed to get out. At least... that was what had been happening physically to him ever since he had begun to use sex as a self-medication. Like always, his brain would tell his body what it supposedly needed and he would harden in response. It was automatic and unwarranted. Sometimes it happened without even thinking of sex.

He hated himself more and more in those moments. The cool sheets rubbing mockingly over his skin and his twitching cock were just dirty painful reminders of Tatsuki's words the day before.

_"Do you honestly want to keep living this way, Ichigo?"_

No, he fucking didn't!

Gritting his teeth, he jerked the sheets away in order to punish his body with the frigid cold of his room. He had the air-conditioner on full-blast just to keep him cold enough to stay in bed like he _should_ be.

His skin was hit by the intense chill, but his erection didn't wither like he had hoped. It remained stubbornly hard and upright. The cursed thing was so long that he could see it peeking through the slit of his boxers.

He was so disgusted by it that he didn't even want to touch it. Even as a pre-pubescent brat he hadn't had such problems. Sure, he did have an awkward stage in which his cock would become rigid over nothing and then there had been the times that he had awakened jerking off or coated in his own semen.

It was embarassing, but those were normal things young boys entering puberty went through, not a guy nearing twenty.

_I don't think I can make it through a night of this shit!_

Hissing with a pained grimace, he forced one of his hands to push his boxers down enough to show the part of him that refused to obey.

Once out, the long organ bobbed sharply.

He studied it through cold amber eyes. For years he had seen the thing, but now he actually stared at it, taking in it's length and width and also the short light brownish hair at its base. In his eyes, it was just a part of his body that he'd always had so he had never been truly interested by it.

As he looked at it, he made a face at how engorged it was. The first time a girl other that Rukia had seen it, he had been so ashamed thinking about how unimpressive it was, only to be proved with sexual partner after sexual partner that he was considered to be quite large. One girl had even said it was 'abnormal', which had somehow turned him off since no guy liked having their dick called something like that.

At present _it_ wasn't something to be particularly proud of. In fact he despised how needy the thing was.

_Tatsuki is just next door..._ At that thought the thing gave a hard twitch that had him flinching.

"I can't use her like this."

Pulling his boxers back up, he then sat up with some effort to rub his face vigurously with both hands.

Damn, he wanted her so much that he doubted that he could stay away for the rest of the night.


	10. Begining To Break

**Chapter 9**

Tatsuki was sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag, completely unaware of what was about to happen that night.

Her dreams were nonexistent. Just a peaceful blackness enhanced by the warmth of her blankets. She could have slept in one of the beds offered to her, but she didn't like the thought of putting one of the twins out of their own beds. It was somewhat uncomfortable to sleep on the floor. The hardness of the ground was minimized by the thin cool cushioning of her borrowed bedding.

**"**_Psst! _Tatsuki!"

Frowning at the voice hissing just inches from her face, she rolled on her side and lifted the blankets over her shoulders. Whoever it was would have to wait till she _felt _like dealing with them.

"Damn it, Tatsuki!" a warm large hand tentatively shook her shoulder, making her moan sleepily. It had been just a gentle swaying that didn't have much effect on her.

The exasperated breathing of the other person reached her ears, but her mind had yet to truly register it.

"Go away...," she mumbled, barely moving her lips.

"As if I could."

Slowly, her slumbering senses became alert. Opening her eyes, she looked over her shoulder and saw a hunched large shadow next to her on the floor. If it had been another house, she would have beaten the crap out of the person rousing her, but the dim street lights shining through the bedroom's window, showed her exactly who was intruding in her sleep.

"Ichigo...?" confused at seeing him there, she lifted half her body on a elbow to better look at him, wearing a puzzled scowl.

"What're you doing here?" she rubbed one of her eyes with her fingertips, keeping her other eye trained on him.

The street lights made his face look paler, the same with his familiar spiky hair. On all fours, he appeared as if he would pounce on her, yet the expression on his face was one of uncertainty.

"I...," his face tensed as he closed his eyes that had looked more reddish under the light flowing into the room. "I just needed to see you."

Making a face at his excuse, she asked slowly,"Needed... to see me?" For some reason those words had her heartbeat racing in odd excitement. Having Ichigo acting so strange wasn't anything to be getting thrilled about.

"Yeah... I... I need you, Tatsuki."

_What the hell?_

That was enough to realize what he really meant. Widening her eyes, she noted how his shoulders seemed to tremble in a misplaced anxiety and his brows creased.

"Go back to your room, Ichigo!" she whispered furiously at him, angry that he would be twisted enough to go into the room of his sisters in the dead of night, looking for a 'fix'.

"I'm sorry...," one of his hands grabbed her blankets.

_Crap!_

He wasn't being threatening or agressive, but he certainly was hard set on getting what he wanted. If his sisters hadn't been peacefully sleeping in the same room, she would have yelled and broken his jaw for even thinking of seducing her. The only thing that kept her from doing so was the thought of how everyone else in the house would react to his condition.

Ichigo was obviously not thinking straight. When the thin blankets were gently pulled of her shoulders the cloth softly dragged over her breasts until stopping at her hips.

"Ichigo...," though she could barely see him in the darkness, she could make out how his hunched form neared hers until he was hovering over her without touching. His body heat and smell was now close enough for her to sense them as if he were blanketing her own body.

She was frozen in shock as one of his hands reached out to cover her stomach. The heat of his open palm seeped through the cotton of her shirt, warming the skin below. She held her breath as that hand began to push her shirt up, purposely making the cloth rub over her skin teasingly.

Between her legs, a strange pooling hot ache began to form and it was frightening to her that he was the one creating it.

In a attempt to stop the new sensation, one of her hands lashed out and grabbed his, ceasing his upward movement just under one of her breasts.

"Stop it!" she spat and he shook his head, his hand persistently pressing, pushing the shirt upward in spite of her hand gripping it.

"I can't...," her legs trembled under the blankets when he moved over her, so that he had his knees on either sides of her hips without actually settling his weight on them. He was slow in his movements, careful as if to keep from scaring her in his obvious dominance.

Nervous, her eyes shot towards Karin's bed that was right beside her chosen sleeping spot on the ground. The younger girl had her back turned towards them and was breathing evenly in her sleep, showing no signs of being disturbed by what was taking place on the floor.

"No one has to find out...," at hearing his tremulous whisper, her gaze snapped to his shadowed face. One half of it was visible to her now. In his pained eyes she could see a battle between yearning and pulling away. Just being above her was proving how much restraint he had.

"Do you have any idea what you're saying, Ichigo?" she whispered back, her hand over his slackneing its hold. In some way she was giving him permission to continue, yet at the same time she was afraid of what giving in would implicate. It was like she was willing to let him take full advantage of her because... she wanted him to.

It was still wrong.

_I can't let him... I might as well be raping him! He doesn't really want to do this!_

"I know," his hand, now free of her tight hold, lightly brushed the skin of the underside of one of her breasts.

(**sexual content deleted)**

"We... we can't do this here," her throat was dry as her whisper flowed out. It sounded like the voice of a sick exhausted woman. A woman that was fighting something beyond her. She loosened her grip in his hair to let him know what she meant.

That was all he needed to hear, for when those rasped words left her lips, he moved his chest off hers and sat up. With his weight pinning her hips to the floor once more, he dragged his hand away from her sex, deliberately teasing it by pressing before removing it completely away.

"Then you'll go to my room with me?"

_Crap! I can't think straight! _Her breathing quickened at what she was agreeing to. Ichigo had made her so painfully aroused and aching that she would easily give into his demands.

_Manipulative bastard!_

He was silent waiting for her reply and even in the darkness of the room, she should see the shadowed shape of his broad shoulders and how the light glowed on half of his face. The one eye visible was intense and staring right down at her, instantly making her self-conscious. He didn't say anything about how her breathing came out anxiously through her parted lips and how heavy-lidded her confused lusty eyes looked to him. Nonetheless, she was still rather ashamed of being seen that way.

"Do you?" his fingertips brushed the waistband of her shorts before threateningly tugging as if to pull them down.

"Y-yes!" though she hated answering his question, he immediately pulled his hand away and rose off her, taking off his feverish warmth.

_What have I just done?_

* * *

><p><strong>If you haven't all noticed, this version is CENSORED. Sorry about that, but little eleven year olds had sent me PMs in the past complaining about the explicit sexuality of my fics when I have had the presence of mind of rating them 'M' and also warning of lemons, but kids will be kids! Alas! For mature individuals *winks* that do like lemons, my profile has links to uncensored versions. Note: the AFF links use as age verification page. All you have to do is PROVE you're an adult so that very same page will redirect you to the very first page of the uncensored story. Also, the prequel to this fic (hichihime 'Reflection) is on AFF for obvious reasons. ;-) I plan on picking up this fic again so expect a whole bunch of uploads!<strong>


	11. Shattering What Is Left

**Lemon Deleted**

**Chapter 10**

She should have known that there would be more than mere 'touching' involved. As soon as they had silently padded over to his room that only had a desk lamplight on, she had _felt _that she would eventually give in to him.

She had been the first one to enter, her gaze landing on the messy bed. For some reason seeing that familiar yet foreign bed was like a harsh slap since he had always had the same bed since they were kids. Now it seemed unrecognizable because he probably wanted her to get on it.

"We have to be very quiet...," his voice whispered behind her and she blushed at realizing that his voice sounded nearer than she had first thought. He was standing just inches behind her.

His questioning tone was soft, "Are you scared of me, Tatsuki?" and _much _closer than imagined. This time his body heat was nearly burning her clothed back. Just having him standing so close to her, was making her shiver uncontrollably. He had still been aroused when they'd left the twins' room. She had seen a clear outline of his erection in the dark hallway during the short trip to his room.

"No," she lied. He wasn't being himself and briefly she wondered how he would be in bed, not that she had any actual sexual experience to compare what he wanted to do to.

"Oh."

She jerked when both of his hands gripped her hips and gently pulled her back to his front. Gulping, she closed her eyes at how that long intimidating thing he had her touch moments earlier pressed firmly against her ass. He slowly grinded his hips, making her feel how hard he was as a gasp left him.

Dragging his hands away from her hips, he caressed the sides of her waist, lifting her shirt in the process.

"You have a beautiful body, Tatsuki."

Biting her lower lip to keep from biting his head off for lying, her body swayed as those large hands of his skimmed the soft skin of her ribs, lightly tickling her before cupping her breasts underneath her oversized shirt. His erection jerked against her ass just as he pinched her already hardened nipples between his fingers. Tweaking the tight little points teasingly, he shifted behind her so that his face was next to hers.

"You don't believe me, do you?" his breath had the side of her face tingling hotly.

"It's... It's not that," her voice cracked and she winced at how he affected her enough to make her feel stupid.

**(lemon deleted)**

It was almost perfect, if she didn't think about what had made them do it in the first place.

Wincing mentally at how she had just thought of that at that precise moment, she rested her head on the mattress, physical exhaustion finally taking hold. His breathing was just as fast and as uneven as hers and she could feel his hardness still jerking strongly within her in aftershocks.

_I really hope he doesn't want to continue this all night. I'd die if he does._

And what made the shame of taking advantage of him worsen were his next whispered words that cheapened and pratically hurled her into self-disgust.

_"Thank you."_


	12. Bad Mornings

**Chapter 11**

The next morning things were as Ichigo had half-expected. Upon awakening, he had procrastinated going downstairs out of shame and self-disgust over what he had made Tatsuki do with him. Though she had been willing, what he had done was in his point of view close to consensual rape. He had taken advantage of her inexperience to satiate his sickening curiousity and selfish hungry needs. The moments before he had dared to seek her out had been pure agony. Dirty images that he hadn't even tested out on her had plagued his mind. It had made him feel ill in a way, just lying in that lonely bed, wanting her and writhing without something tight to move inside of.

How many times had he insulted himself after she had left his room? There was no valid excuse for what he had done to their friendship. His actions had practically cracked the fragile trust he had barely begun to gain once more and maybe this time the brokeness was unrepairable.

It was haunting him even as he sat among his family members that ate in steely silence. Perhaps that was what made him so empty inside at present. How his family somehow mirrored his bleak perspective. There was no laughter or loud crashes. Even his father hadn't tried to kick him or goad him into a fight. The only one that had dared to greet him upon entering the kitchen that morning had been Yuzu, who after sitting down to eat with them, had become just as quiet and twitchy as the rest of them.

Tatsuki probably hated his guts and didn't want to see him. _That _was why she was still upstairs, feigning sleep. Karin had muttered something along the lines of that at least. He knew that she was just pretending to be lying down so she could take time to gather enough bearings to face him.

Such was the awkwardness in which she had left him in the early morning hours. After he had spent himself on her, laying limply over her shivering form, she had untangled herself from him, taking away that smooth warmth he had been enjoying. It was then that it became clear to him.

She regretted having sex with him. The way in which she had dressed in silence and murmured a 'good-night' before leaving him baffled and naked on his bed had been answer enough. He couldn't blame her for not wanting to see him after how he had dirtied her. That was the only way he could see it as... Dirtying.

Tatsuki wasn't meant to enter into his permanent wallowing. He had indirectly made her a part of it by taking full advantage of how he affected her body. Just pure manipulation and psychological tactics. Pressing and taunting until she became willing participant.

He was sick and the moment he had her under him with her insides clasping him firmly enough to hurt his cock, there had been no remorse. The lust distorting his thoughts had been that blinding.

_She's my fucking friend! How could I... _drag _her into my problems? _He knew why and was avoiding the truth like the coward that he was.

He needed her. In spite of how feverish were his thoughts, there was still that yearning to have her around him. She was someone familiar, comforting and also... so increadibly _new _to him. Sex always did that to people; made them seem different than they usually were. While joining her, he had forgotten what his cold darkness felt like. Unlike all of those times in the past that he thought about it even in the middle of sex, teasing her until getting inside had thrust away his void and filled it with something that he could not see, touch, sense or begin to fathom.

A fullness that he'd never experienced had been with Tatsuki. The selfish, careless side of him wanted to feel that again even if she had seen through his sexual torturing. In the past, he had never used such teasing methods to get what he wanted in bed, but testing it out on Tatsuki left him cold and disgusted. Overwhelming her had been easy, as well as pushing her over the edge with his words. Over the past year, he had learned things that made sex seem almost like a joke.

Usually he just made out with a girl or gave subtle hints until they practically jumped him and blatantly offered themselves... Not Tatsuki though. How could he have done this to _Tatsuki_? He knew that she was only trying to help him learn to cope without completely destroying himself and the way he had paid her actions as a _friend _was by 'talking' her into spreading her legs.

He couldn't stop thinking about it and it was wrenching at his insides. As if he hadn't suffered enough pain to begin with, this new 'fuck up' added more to it. His body had enjoyed itself, yet his mind... his mind couldn't bear it! Whenever he felt the remorse crawling into his mind, he would see images of the things his friend had done for him... Them as children, as preteens to teenagers. Silly things like how she had tried to teach him how to fight better when he could barely throw a punch, how she made fun of him whenever he did something utterly stupid and even the blows she landed on him the times that he had done something callous.

She wasn't supposed to be a part of this. His damned self-absorbtion was not to blame. What was to blame was his weakness in times of pain and confusion that brought said greediness.

His eyes glanced at the most tense of his sisters.

Karin didn't look desolate, but whenever her eyes took a distant quality while chewing her food he could catch glimmers of a numbed sadness that just reminded him of how his foolish lust had him snapping at her.

He would apoligize if he knew what would make her trust him again, even if it was remotely. He had lashed out because she wanted to shelter Tatsuki from the new hateful version of him. Instead of that helping him understand his problem, it had pissed him off because his true intentions had become too obvious to everyone with her remarks.

His family shouldn't ever know. He had caused them enough worries as a child centering on his own guilt to dump this new mess on them. There was no use in worrying them with easily avoidable mistakes.

Lusting after Tatsuki hadn't been as avoidable as he would have wished. It had complicated his infinite turmoil because she was someone he actually cared about and held in high regard... Not someone he could easily forget about. With her, he had felt _all _of her and had been so sexually sensitive it was a miracle he hadn't hurt her in a frenzy.

"Tatsuki-chan!" Yuzu, perked up in front of him, all of her uncomfortable wary gloom disappearing instantly.

All blood drained from his face at knowing that the object of his constant thoughts was standing right behind him. Stiffening, his head lowered slightly as his cheeks chilled at the sensation of smallness he got in her presence.

_Just act normal. She probably feels weird too._

Gulping, he schooled a expression of normalcy as she walked around the small table to sit beside his beaming younger sister. Karin who was beside him, gave her older friend a slight smile in greeting while Isshin just blurted out.

"What the heck did you do last night that had you sleeping so long?"

Ichigo's eyes widened in terror just as hers did. She looked like she always did, though a bit tired compared to the twins she had supposedly spent the night watching movies with. She was wearing the same clothes she had used the day before and her face was clean as if she had washed up before going downstairs. Just seeing her had him recalling the hushed things they had done together in his room...

And not once had she looked at him.

"Um," she blinked, her cheeks getting slightly pink, "I guess I was still feeling sick from yesterday." A forced smirk lifted the corner of her lips and her eyes nervously looked down at the offered plate of food laid out in front of her.

"Is that it? Well you are almost glowing for some reason! If I didn't know any better," a mischiveous smile split Isshin's face, "I'd say you had se-!"

"Will you shut it?" Ichigo spat, interrupting the obvious words his father was about to use.

_He sometimes says the most fucked up shit imaginable even in front of the twins._

Looking surprised, his father was dubiously innocent in claiming, "But I was just kidding, Ichigo! I know she didn't do something like _that!"_ A snort and eyeroll followed his defensive exclamations.

"What are you taking about, Dad?" Yuzu who was sometimes too innocent for her own good, asked curiously.

Isshin, being a brainless idiot like always, was about to tell her but Ichigo cut off his words.

"It's nothing that important," he growled, his smoldering eyes not leaving Isshin's now sulking face, "just stupid perverted crap Dad makes up to bug people." And him most of all, though this time Tatsuki had almost fallen victim to his odd humor.

_Who am I to talk? I'm a fucking pervert myself. _That sobering thought had him grinding his molars as bitterness ate at him

Feeling eyes on him, he shot a brief glance at Tatsuki who looked away just as he did. Her face had become redder with an easily discernable expression of embarassment.

He had messed up again. Why did he keep doing this? He thought he had been over that so many times!

Breakfast passed among them with a few said comments that he didn't join into. Tatsuki spoke, almost normaly yet the flushed cheeks and strange trembling that sometimes came over her features were visible to him. He had been studying her when she wasn't looking and from her reactions, she _knew _he was watching and was disturbed by it.

When breakfast had ended, his father continued to put him in situations that he couldn't get out of... Like walking Tatsuki back to her house after she had clearly said that she could do it on her own since it wasn't that far away.

Now, an hour and a half later, they both walked on a sidewalk, heading towards her house. All he intended to do was walk her and then run away. It was a dumb thing to want to run away, but he didn't know what to say or how to act around her. Her prolonged silence wasn't helping.

The sun beat down on their heads and he thought of how unfair it was for nature to reflect the opposite of what he was feeling. From how Tatsuki kept squinting her eyes against the brightness in badly hidden frustration, he wasn't the only one despising the deceptively merry day. Even birds sang and laughter from houses lining the street were harsh to his ears. Life always continued when one was stuck in nothingness.

He wished that nothingness accompanied him now as a warm summer breeze brushed Tatsuki's dark bangs bringing his attention to her eyes absentmindedly staring ahead of them. At the moment he was feeling too damned much. He was like a shy kid that had done something shameful enough to want to die.

That feeling was easily comparable to what he had experienced after having sex for the first time with Rukia. He had been so damned timid and clueless that he had blushed painfully every freaking time they had been together during that short-lived relationship. However, with Rukia he had always been clumsy, with the girls after her he had been careless and then with Tatsuki it had been so natural in spite of how dumbly ashamed he was feeling afterwards.

He was almost like a kid walking next to his crush who had just rejected him. It hurt, was nerve-wracking and somewhat oddly exciting in a frightening manner riddled with questions like 'What does she think about me after _that_?'

What a weird way to feel. He hated and yet welcomed it.

Beside him Tatsuki stopped walking suddenly, successfully putting an end to his trail of thoughts. Wondering what had her so frozen and staring fixedly straight ahead, he frowned and followed her wide eyes.

A particular couple was just leaving her house and though a couple of days earlier the sight of them had tortured him, now as he saw Ogichi and Orihime, the pain was nearly unfelt. The pain now was that of when he saw people laughing happily on the street while he felt trampled on.

Impersonal and easily forgotten. Something that he could look past and brush off without lingering side-effects. For once in the past year, the gaping soreness in his chest wasn't present.

"You can go back to your house now, Ichigo," startled that Tatsuki had said something to him after so many anxious hours since they had last 'spoken' in his room, he looked down at her and noted that she probably thought that he was despairing at seeing them.

Clearing his throat and tearing his eyes away from her tensed face, he managed to say lightly, surprising himself, "It's okay!" Her disbelieving eyes glanced at him for the fraction of a second and apparently being satisfied by what she had seen in that short surveying look, she nodded.

He saw the couple look their way and how they looked at him tensely. Well Ogichi was the one glaring at him cooly while Orihime was just surprised. After a couple of seconds, the couple seemed to come to a silent agreement.

Ogichi was the one to approach them as Orihime headed to the steps leading to Tatsuki's front porch. Ichigo didn't need to be told that the Hollow was trying to protect her from the gloom that hovered over him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't hide what he felt. He had never been good at it and it was laughable that he tried.

Putting both hands in his pockets, he studied the annoyed looking Hollow that for some reason, and in spite of the irritation on his face, there was a smirk begining to form on his lips as he approached them. Why was he smiling as if he had a inner joke?

Ogichi's animal-like yellow-gold eyes kept looking at Tatsuki before scrutanizing him. If Ichigo didn't know any better, he would have said that the bastard was laughing at them.

"Hey, there, Ogichi!" the Hollow's eyes flashed when Ichigo greeted him like nothing was wrong. It was just a small battle won. Usually the Hollow was the one to stun him speechless, not the other way around.

Reaching them, Ogichi scoffed, his eyes sharp.

Without looking at the twitchy Tatsuki, he muttered while his hard stare that saw all stayed on Ichigo's smiling face, "We talked to your mother and she said somethin' about you staying with Ichigo here."

"Ah, yeah that..." Tatsuki began awkwardly, looking away even though the Hollow wasn't even paying attention to her.

"Lil' hime wants to talk to you about some baby stuff." It was almost a polite way to tell her to leave them alone.

Shooting Ichigo a fleeting glance, Tatsuki surprisingly obeyed the Hollow's indirect command, murmuring a low, "See you later, Ichigo." In the past he would have found it odd for her to let Ogichi boss her around, but he knew that she only did it to get away from him.

_What the hell does he see when he looks at me?_

With Tatsuki stiffly walking away without sparing him a glance, heading towards Orihime that smiled brightly at her from her front porch, Ichigo took in his Hollow's appearance.

He had barely changed from the pallid creature he had inside of him a year ago. The only differences now were that instead of wearing white shinigami robes, he wore jeans and a t-shirt. His once colorless cheeks had a very slight healthy hue. The blackness in his eyes was gone, only leaving humanized orbs with irises that were sometimes too bright to stare at for long.

Another version of him that looked more whole. He still had an air of menace around him, which wasn't new, but now he was strangely _complete. _Even though he was a part of him, he felt so increadibly disconnected from the similar looking man that smiled easily, laughed loudly and blunty spat everything that popped into his twisted head.

_That is why Orihime loves him so much. He doesn't hurt her because in being honest to her, he makes her truly happy. He doesn't ever lie._

That was far more than Ichigo could ever do for anyone. Talking about his feelings, fears and things that made him angry always left him exposed and desperate to find ways to hide. Ogichi had been so right in telling him over the years that he was better than him in every way. Better lover, perhaps better friend, if seeing how he had allowed Tatsuki to escape his presence was a sign of that, and as morbid as it was, a better person in not giving a damn what others thought of him when he said exactly what he thought.

"You _fucked _Arisawa." The words had been said flatly, with the smallest of mocking hints on the word 'fucked', as if it had double meaning.

Ichigo's heart gave a painful twinge at seeing how Ogichi's smirk slowly began to widen, his eyes so sharp and astute drinking in his expression of dismay.

If Ichigo thought Tatsuki knew too much of him, Ogichi knew far more.

"What makes you...," he swallowed, his face aching in a furious blush though he forcedly mentained eye-contact with the sneering Hollow, "What makes you think that?"

Snorting, Ogichi glanced over at Tatsuki and Orihime who was animately talking to her while all she did was nod and give smiles with short comments that didn't reach their ears.

"I ain't stupid, King. I know shit you wouldn't want people to find out," his smirk was more like a slash on his pale face, his stare now glued on the auburn haired girl that laughed while covering her mouth with one hand bashfully over something Tatsuki muttered . "When you feel too much, I feel what you're goin' through and why. It's a big fuckin' pain in the ass when I stop to think 'bout it though."

"And you find it funny, don't you?" his voice hardened making Ogichi look over at him boredly and unaffected by the icy anger in his tone. "What's happening to me is a sick joke to you? You have everything while I haven't got shit!"

"Relax, King...," the Hollow curled his upper lip in a snarl, "I'm just pointin' out the obvious. You fucked Arisawa and your excitement over it just confused me." amusement entered his bored stare. "I didn't think she'd be your type, but goin' by how damned horny you were, you liked it more than those other sappy dumbasses you've been bangin'. Even more than the Kuchiki bitch you had droned so much about lovin' and whatnot."

His eyes widened in disbelieving outrage. Ogichi... He fucking knew everything that was wrong with him!

"Have you _told _her?" he breathed, hoping that the Hollow being a blabber mouth hadn't spoken a word of how disgusting he had become.

Annoyance crossed Ogichi's face.

"What do you fuckin' take me for, _Ichigo? _I'm not as big a failure as you. She knows you're depressed as shit, but not what you're doin' 'bout it. I'm tired of her crying so much over your ass to add more to it." By 'her' they both knew that they were speaking of Orihime.

Some tension left his shoulders and his breathing that had begun to speed at the thought of his secret being discovered evened.

"Why... why would she cry for me?"

"Still a clueless bastard," Ogichi remarked, barking out a laugh. After that short laugh, distaste had his pale lips thin and his eyes glow in pure dislike. "She's cryin' over you because you are bein' an idiot, _that's _why she cries. And if it weren't for me being connected to someone as _pitiful _as you, I would kill you just to cut the stupid shit. This Arisawa bullshit just topped my list."

That was when he knew why he had gotten rid of Tatsuki... because hurting her would be the same as hurting Orihime.

"So that's why you're even talking to someone as clueless as me?" his question was said through his teeth and the Hollow just smirked.

_Damned sneaky Hollow. _He glared at the albino spitefully. How he ached to fight him like they had many times in the past... If he did so at that moment it would have been a fair battle. Ogichi was stronger than most humans when in his 'body', but he was nothing compared to what he had been in his inner world. If they had begun to exchange blows at the present time, it would have been more even on either side.

"If it makes you feel good, believe whatever the fuck you want, _King_. And to answer your question," an odd flash passed his eyes that Ichigo couldn't read into, "Stop being so fuckin' pathetic for once in your life and quit sinkin' in even more shit! It's really annoyin' the hell outta me!"

He could only hopelessly stare at the Hollow in dumb gaping amazement as he cooly walked away from him abruptly ending their conversion as if he hadn't said anything at all.

"What...? Damn it, Ogichi! Come back here!"

_What the hell was that just now? _So deeply shocked he watched as Ogichi that now stood among the girls acted like nothing strange had just been said between them. Like always, the bastard had to stun the crap out of him with some strange remark. It was almost oddly comical how he always managed to have the upperhand in both battle and verbal sparring.

This time instead of merely insulting him, crushing what little he had left in him like in the past, Ogichi had actually _advised _him. Ichigo really had to hand it to the Hollow for stooping low enough to say something of that nature just to win a 'fight'.

Like everyone back in Karakura, _he_ hadn't changed one bit, no matter how 'human' he forced himself to be.

* * *

><p>The weekend went and passed like it was supposed to. Time never came to an end, and sometimes thoughts lingered, just as much as shame itself.<p>

Tatsuki felt like crap after what had happened in Ichigo's room. Throughout the weekend, she couldn't stop thinking about what she had done. In a way, she wanted to blame Ichigo but couldn't bring herself to. It had been a weak moment and a huge mistake. At least... that was what she tried to force herself to think so that the truth wouldn't hurt.

She had felt close to him. It made hurt her head whenever she wondered if he had felt anything other than pleasure... If he had felt as connected as her. Ichigo was a different person. It was something she reminded herself constantly, but no matter how hard she tried, she had _felt _something that night. While it had all been taking place, there only had been the embarassment of being seeing naked and of experiencing new things with someone that used to be so close to her. One would think that she would be ashamed of being with a stranger, but with Ichigo who had painstakingly made an effort to make her comfortable enough to accept him, it had been even more shameful.

Shameful because he was accostumed to another side of her... Not considering herself sexual or even curious about sex made the whole experience more personal than she would have wanted. Ichigo's true thoughts were more shuttered than in the past and the connection they had once shared was now a gaping vacant spot between them. The sex, in spite of being just a lustful moment in their long friendship, had given them more, even if it was just for a short while.

Their barrier had been replaced by something intense. No friendship had existed between them in those moments... Just two people wanting to join bodies. When he had shuddered to fall on her in such a way that his weight didn't crush her chest, she had sensed a frightening dose of intimacy just briefly until he thanked her.

Why did he have to thank her? Those weakly whispered words had everything crash on her so suddenly that she couldn't wait to get away from him. It was like he was grateful that she had served as a last minute fix. Or that was what she thought.

His face had been so confused when she had left his room. Like he didn't understand why she didn't wish to stay longer with him.

Tatsuki knew that it was because she didn't want to be hurt. It wasn't that she saw Ichigo in a romantic light, but if she had allowed him to continue pleasuring her and creating that strange feeling... the one of two spirits touching after being apart for so long... she would have been hurt if it turned out to all be a lie.

She was so damned confused and it scared her! Fear was a rare emotion in her so to feel puzzlement, yearning and that odd apprehensive sensation taunt her heart until making it ache at the thought of the detached Ichigo, the wretchedness within her grew.

Could they ever be the same again? Would this separate them or bring them closer? She had a feeling that it would separate them, yet there was the hope that something good and meaningful could come out of it.

Healing Ichigo had always been her main goal.

After abandoning his room, numbed by what had happened, she had gone to the bathroom to clean herself the best she could without making too much noise. That act itself had been sobering. Being in a silent small space with bright artifial lighting, cleaning away what he had left inside of her, had been a reminder. It had felt as if he was still with her, or at least part of him was. Just thinking of him 'leaving' a part of himself within her body was enough to have her cheeks scorchingly heating. She didn't even understand why she had thought that he was with her by the mere fact that he had 'finished' inside. It was just an odd symbolism, she supposed. That physical remnant he had given her had been washed away that very night, yet left that lingering sensation of merging even days later.

"Tatsuki... Sweeeeeeeety? You only have foooooooooorty minutes to get ready for class!" her mother's voice sang out, interrupting her dream full of questions.

Mumbling incoherencies, she rolled on her bed so that she laid on her stomach, kicking off her blankets in the process. The room was warm in spite of it being morning, and for some reason just lying there felt too good to pass up.

"Tatsuuuuuuuuuki I bought you a new dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess...!"

That had her jerking her head off her pillow, fully alert.

"Damn, I'm good!" her mother exclaimed proudly.

Blinking away the sleep from her eyes, she turned on the bed to lay on her back.

"Honestly, sweety, you can't stay in bed forever."

Knowing that her mother was actually talking about how she had stayed holed up in her room for the whole weekend, Tatsuki closed her eyes and took a deep labored breath, while covering her eyes from the early morning sun with an arm.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you, it can't be bad enough to stop wanting to live..." Surprised at her usually jovial mother's words, her eyes snapped to her to only see the older woman giving her a gentle smile before leaving her.

Thinking over what she had just said, Tatsuki forced herself to get ready for her morning classes. Just the typical morning routine of showering, throwing on the first thing she found in her closet and finger-combing her hair because she couldn't find her hairbrush. The stupid thing only disappeared when she needed it.

All she had for breakfast was juice and with that only filling her stomach, she walked over to the local university. Usually she took the bus there, but she prefered to walk there in order to give her thoughts some sense of balance. If she went to class thinking about Ichigo and his problems, she wouldn't be able to get anything done.

Pushing all thoughts of what had transpired between them that night, she could see the many connected buildings of the university. Whoever had built it must have been a madman because all of the buildings were of different sizes and were joined by long narrow halls and breeze-ways. It was easy for anyone to get lost in it like Orihime who had to call her during her afternoon classes because she had gotten stuck in one of the buildings, which pushed her to make a map of the place.

Finding the thought of her other close friend funny, she smiled almost sadly. Orihime was so excited with the arrival of her baby that the girl had literally made her a permanent part of all of her planning. It was sweet to think of such things because Orihime's happiness was contagious. Whenever around her, she almost felt like laughing about the dumbest of things, joking and forgetting her own troubles.

_I haven't seen her this whole weekend. Maybe I should call her to hang out later, even if Ogichi tags along._

The Hollow had made her feel increadibly uncomfortable after Ichigo had left for his own house that one morning. There had been measuring stares and sometimes barely audible snickering. He wasn't being openly mean, but his attitude spoke volumes of just how much he knew without being told.

_I just hope that he didn't blab it off to Orihime-chan. She might be over Ichigo, but I don't know how she would react..._

Seeing someone walking further ahead of her that seemed just as dejected, with lowered shoulders and slowed steps, she frowned upon recognizing who it was.

"Oi, Ishida!"

Flinching in surprise, he stopped and turned slightly to look at her. His blue eyes were wide behind his glasses and she almost laughed at how stunned he was at seeing her walking the same as him. He didn't like taking public transportation and even though his father had enough money to buy him a whole warehouse of cars, Uryuu who wanted nothing to do with him, chose to live by himself in a small apartment close to the campus and walked there.

"Arisawa-san," pushing up his glasses that constantly fell over the bridge of his nose, he coughed, "this is an unexpected surprise."

She snorted with an eyeroll, reaching his side. She noted that there was something off with him. Like he was nervous and trying to futilely hide it.

"What's up with you?" she asked, starting to walk once more and was somewhat relieved that he decided to stay beside her. The thought of heading off to the university alone after finding someone she knew didn't seem all that good, especially if said person was so twitchy. If she saw something was wrong, she instinctively pointed it out and tried to fix it. It was annoying at times, but it came out naturally.

"Ah... nothing."

"Yeah, right!" a laught left her and he smiled faintly at her before looking towards the clutter of buildings ahead of them. "There seems to be some kind of bug going around that depresses people and I was wondering if you caught it."

Her tactic was starting to take effect.

A blush ate away the paleness of his cheeks as a frown marred his face.

"My problems are... complicated, Arisawa-san. I don't consider them worth speaking of."

_Believe me... problems are commonplace._

"Ishida," she sighed heavily, shooting him a sideways glance. "We all have those days. Even a couple of days back... I had one of those days." _And still do. _"It hurts, but it can't be helped."

"Are you speaking of Kurosaki's return?"

"Yeah...," uncomfortable by how he had just turned the subject away from him, she bit her lower lip before asking,"Are you and your mystery girl having problems?"

It was a welcome relief when he paled at her question. If she didn't want to talk about Ichigo, Uryuu definitely didn't want to talk about his 'girlfriend'.

"She's fine...," at hearing that she thought it was all that he woudl say, only to be shocked to hear him add in a very low tone,"It's me that has been giving her problems."

No one could hold in things for long and even Uryuu needed to talk things out in order to release them.

"Afraid of commitment?"

"No," he shook his head with a strained smile. "I sometimes... feel so much that I fear losing her."

_Whoa, overload! _Not wanting to scare him off, she nodded while mentaining a solemn expression.

"Have you ever felt something for someone and knowing that the other person feels the same way too, you still are uncertain?" some faint anguish showed on his face.

Her brows shot up at his question.

"You don't trust her?"

"I...," his face tensed. "I do trust her. I just don't trust others around her."

Realizing that he had disclosed something that perhaps the rest of the group didn't know, she murmured, "Then tell her your feelings to make it more official. You said something about her already knowing it, so," one of her shoulders lifted in shrug, and in spite of feeling odd talking about something so personal, she felt she was giving the right advise, "tell her until she's sure of it even if you have to say something bad about her buddies. If she truly cares about you, she won't give a crap about them anymore."

"I doubt that, Arisawa-san. The problem is larger than I had first anticipated. She can't get out of it now."

_Larger problems?_

"Ishida...," her eyes narrowed as she asked slowly, "Exactly, who _is _this girl?"

His face became neutral at that and she knew that their conversation was over when his eyes moved away from her face and focused ahead of them.

"We should head to class, Arisawa-san, or we'll be late."

_Avoidance mode extraordinare. _

"Yeah, you're right," she agreed, though annoyed at how he had just steered the subject of the girl's identity away.

All he did was nod without uttering further words.

Sighing mentally at that, she wondered if there indeed was a bug infecting the air in Karakura...

A clingy heart disease that made people lovesick and helplessly confused.


	13. Seeing You Again

**Chapter 12**

_Just how much baby stuff is there?_

For the last hour, Orihime had introduced a traumatized Tatsuki to something she has privately deemed as 'baby world'. How her friend had discovered everything from special foods to eat that supposedly gave children inhaced intelligence while in gestation and even _music _that 'soothed' them while in the womb was beyond her. The girl had only known she was pregnant for the past two weeks and she already had a list of possible baby names and what colleges the unborn kid could go to.

It was almost horrifying to watch, but she forced herself to be there for her friend. To Orihime it was important to have a female close to her to share something so important with. She guessed that Rukia couldn't really participate due to how busy she was in keeping other passing shinigami from detecting what Ogichi truly was.

"So have you seen Kurosaki-kun again?"

That cheerfully asked question had her jerking on her seat on Orihime's living room couch. It was an innocent enough question. How could she answer that? Ichigo hadn't called or looked for her and she accepted that in spite of how much it hurt that he just forgot about her after...

_It was just a one night thing. Why do I keep beating myself so much about it? It's not like he remembers it all the time; why should I? _

The last thread of their friendship had been severed. She had to face that crude fact.

"No, Orihime-chan... I haven't." Damn did it hurt to say it! Even though Karakura was a small town, Ichigo was no where to be seen. The only things she knew of him came from Karin who said that he usually stayed up in his room for most of day to leave late at night. Tatsuki didn't want to even think about what he was doing. Just wondering if he was making other girls feel the same thing she had with him was torture.

Beside her, Orihime widened her eyes, obviously seeing the sadness Tatsuki tried to hide.

"Did something happen, Tatsuki-chan?" the question was soft and concerned, almost making her want to crack and tell her. She really needed to let it out, but was held back. Knowing that Orihime had once loved Ichigo for so many years was what kept her from confessing. Telling her that she had sex with him would be like a betrayal.

"No," she lied, forcing a smile and leaning forward to the coffee-table in front of them to grab a magazine. Feeling Orihime's studying eyes on her, she exclaimed at her with a snort, "Honest! Nothing's wrong, Orihime-chan! Those mother hormones are getting the best of you!" Making herself seem relaxed, she opened the magazine and leaned back on the couch, making sure that most of her face was covered by the laminated glossy pages.

"You're just as bad as I am..." hearing Orihime's soft whisper, Tatsuki stiffened.

"Did you know I have a meet three weeks from now?" she hurriedly changed the subject, closing the magazine to grin at her. "From what sensei has told me during practice, I'll surely get the gold medal this time."

"Tatsuki-chan... Are you _sure _that Kurosaki-kun hasn't hurt you or anything? I mean... He was acting rather strange that day at the restaurant and after you left with him for the clinic, you avoid talking about what happened afterwards."

"What's there to say other than he threw a fit at Karin for saying something that pissed him off and me watching Clash of Titans and Cloverfield three times in a row with the twins?"

Her friend studied her for a couple of moments before nodding and beaming as if the awkward questioning hadn't happened.

"Well if that's the case, then where's your meet at?" Tatsuki couldn't keep a smile from her face as Orihime quickly shaked off the gloom. She honestly hated lying to someone as innocent as her. "I missed the last one because of that problem Ogichi had over at that club, but this time I _really _want to go!"

Barking out a laugh, she looked at her excited friend amusedly, "I really want you to come too; just make sure that Ogichi doesn't get drunk and start using people's heads for bottle-throwing practice again."

Orihime blushed in embarassment for her husband's bad temper which made Tatsuki want to laugh harder.

"Tatsuki-chan, it's not funny!" she chastised as she continued to laugh until her face reddened brightly.

_Good thing Ogichi isn't here because he'd probably think it's normal to crack people's heads open if he sees me laughing about it!_

About two months earlier, Ogichi had been arrested for agravated assault on a club bouncer. Eventually after the 'reasons' behind his violent reaction were discovered in court, he got away with a clean record while the bouncer both got fired and a charge on sexual harrassment against another male. During the time the Hollow had been arrested, Orihime had to find him a lawyer and also miss her meet in a nearby town that was taking place at the same time.

It had been a mess, but Tatsuki had forgiven her friend upon finding out and even aplauded Ogichi's self-defense, though she didn't voice it out loud. It wasn't a really good idea to incourage someone as deranged as him.

Just recalling how Orihime had comically told the pouting Hollow after he had been released that saying 'fat ugly bastard' and 'ass' in court was rude had her howling and falling on her side as her friend looked hurt by her amusement. Orihime had been so beet red in repeating her husband's usual string of profanities that just picturing the look on her face had her gasping for oxygen as she laughed obnoxiously.

"But you have to admit that Ogichi has come a long way, Tatsuki-chan!" the hurt in her voice had Tatsuki trying to stop her laughter. Coughing a couple of times, though still lying on her side, she looked at her long time friend and smiled playfully at her.

"You're right..." Orihime was very sensitive when it came to her husband's true nature, just as he was protective towards her. They were an odd couple... The sweet girl with the perpetual foul-mouthed smartass, yet they seemed to blend perfectly with one another.

_That must be nice..._

She wasn't thinking about romantic love, or so she told herself. What she felt was good about seeing two people not normally meant to be together so deeply in love, was the strong loyalty and acceptance. Those two even loved each other's flaws even if they caused trouble, because regardless of Orihime telling Ogichi it was wrong to curse in a courtroom, he had sulkily remarked that she had burst out giggling when he had done it.

They were so strange, yet so damned united, in spite of the ugliness and sadness their relationship had many of them facing from the begining. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't see a better match for her friend other than the high-strung sarcastic Hollow she had married. That was why no matter how many times she had wanted to hit him for making Orihime suffer so much pain before getting his own body, she couldn't bring herself to. They just seemed to fit enough to the point to make it look like a crime to separate them.

_Ichigo tried..._

That thought had her once good-humored smile disappearing.

"Tatsuki-chan...?" Orihime looked at her worriedly as she sat up slowly on the couch.

"It's nothing, Orihime-chan!" she gave her a quick smile before saying, "Now tell me about those names you came up for the baby!" Seeing her friend's eyes brightening in childish enthudiasm, she felt a sense of relief at having something else to think about other than the friend she used to have and had just lost.

* * *

><p>Ichigo had walked though every alley and street in Karakura. He made sure to only do it at night to avoid running into anyone that knew him. Answering questions about what he had been doing over the past year of absence didn't sound like a good converstaion topic considering his true circumstances.<p>

At times such as those, he felt so stupid without any thoughts on _where _he was going and _why. _There was no use in knowing because he didn't see a bright future for himself. Why waste his time in fixing something that seemed to have no resolving? He couldn't help destroying everything he touched; it was a part of his nature or had been once he had seen the truth behind his entire life.

Due to his late night walks, he slept for most of the day. Exhausting his body appeared to work in keeping his need for numbness at bay, though he still felt anxious and carried a sour snappish attitude when asked a simple _single _question:

_"How are you doing?"_

That damned question always threw him headfirst into a private hell. His lips would tremble and his heart would hammer violently, but no words would every come out as if his body refused to relieve him of such guilt.

_Tatsuki..._

Rolling to lie on his side on the bed, he saw the clock on his desk and slightly widened his eyes in shock.

It was past 1:00 pm. He had no idea how fast time flew by when he lied in bed just staring at his ceiling. In the begining time hadn't bothered him, but now he viewed every passing hour as something that ate away his mind.

_I can't stay in bed all day! Geez! No wonder Dad keeps nagging me about 'getting out more'!_

The only reason why he sat up weakly on his bed wasn't because he didn't want his family to wonder what was wrong with him. If they kept seeing his self-destructiveness, they would figure it _all _out.

That wasn't an option. His misery was his own. Not exactly something to be dragged out in the open. Not something worth pitying. He had dug his own grave and he alone had to deal with it the only way he could.

Unfortunately, his dismal view of things kept him weak and his thoughts weren't focused and constant. The only thing that remained without changing was Tatsuki and the dispicable fact that he had tainted her by dragging her into his self-made hell.

Why did he have to be so fucking _weak? _It disgusted him to think that way. It was just an automatic thought that popped into his head when he least expected it.

He did the only thing he could do. He got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, making himself think of changing his new bad daily routine. It was easier said that done since as soon as he saw his face in the bathroom's mirror he cringed at how haggard he looked.

Shadows that looked like bruises marred the skin under his eyes, his tanned skin was sallow and his hair looked wilder than usual. What unnerved him the most was the lifeless flatness of his eyes.

He might as well be dead. Even feeling too much, he appeared to be physically glacial and detached from everything and everyone.

His eyes showed the state of mind he _wished _he could have. Empty and lacking in emotion because emotion only brought pain.

He tried the best he could to not look so lifeless by washing his face, attempting to fruitlessly tame his crazy hair that just couldn't stop standing on end and applying some eye-drops from the medicine cabinet for his sleep-deprived bloodshot eyes.

Seeing himself after all that work still had him gag.

_I look the way I feel... Like shit._

Almost laughing out loud at that, he left the bathroom to go downstairs. He still ate regularly but in a totally off schedule. He ate breakfast at noon, ate again at nearly eight o'clock and then during his late strolls he made himself eat whatever junk he could buy at local stores that happened to be open at that time of night.

It wasn't much, but at least he wasn't in a pathetic hunger strike. He _did _have his limits, even if it was just for something as normal as eating. Sadly he couldn't control all else in his daily life.

Once in the open doorway of the kitchen, he froze at seeing one of the twins there.

Yuzu was in the process of cleaning up after everyone else had luch. Her back was turned to him while she washed the dishes at the sink.

He really hated to run into his family in the house. It always had him think of renting a place until his six months in Karakura were over. The less people saw his change, the better. Someone that didn't know him wouldn't over-analyze everything that _wasn't _right about him.

"Ichi-nii?" Just as he had dreaded, Yuzu turned her head to the side.

_Crap! She's going to see it! She going to see that I'm dead...!_

When his sister turned around fully to smile at him in greeting, he felt that he had grown considerably paler than usual.

"Hey, Yuzu!" his attempt to smile only resulted on having the corner of his lips twitching and Yuzu's brows shot up at how awkward he was just standing there.

"Oh! You must be hungry!" pushing aside his strange attitude, probably more for her benefit than his own, she beamed while rapidly wiping her wet hands on her apron before going to the refrigurator.

_Okay... I can do this._

If it had been Karin or his loud-mouthed father, he would have been put on the spot. Lucky for him Yuzu was either too polite or too innocently ignorant to read into him.

Feeling a bit more comfortalbe now that she was busily taking out food to set on the kitchen counter, he took slow jerky steps to the table and pulled out a seat.

Sitting down, his eyes stared vacantly at the clean wood surface of the table. He stayed like that for minutes without paying attention to anything else.

"...Karin-chan left to watch Tatsuki-chan practice and...," he let her chatter on while staying silent, though his ears unwillingly picked up his friend's name.

_Tatsuki... _He couldn't stop thinking about her. Her name kept crawling into his brain like a pleasant disease.

Under the table his fists clenched. He felt that he _missed _her, in spite of her always beating him up and just pointing out things he liked to hide. She was his closest friend, closer than anyone... Someone he was supposed to respect. Not a sexual object or someone he had just briefly met for a one-night stand. The fact that she was and always had been above all other girls made his actions even more repulsive. he had twisted their friendship. How could he have shown her _that _part of himself?

Those were the kind of things that had been plaguing his thoughts lately.

_I have to see her again... Even if she kills me._

Clearing his throat, he grimaced when Yuzu looked his way and saw his very pale embarassed face.

"Um...," he swallowed, his throat dry for some reason, "Do you know where Tatsuki's practice is?" Back in high school she hd used the gym there. Now in the local university...

"She goes to some place across the street from the hospital," Yuzu informed him without showing any hints of surprise at his question.

"Oh," was all he could say. He knew of the place she mentioned and didn't want to speak further on the subject because it would just make him too obvious. His sisters would be dismayed if they found out about him seducing Tatsuki into having sex.

He had already shown what an asshole he could be when feeling too exposed. It was practically an uncontrollable part of him that exploded to defend himself.

Going to see Tatsuki also meant that he would have to face Karin, who was still very pissed at him.

_This isn't going to be easy, but then again nothing is... least of all for me._

* * *

><p>Practice was already over and Tatsuki still felt too energetic. Sometimes the adrenaline brought on by a fight did that to her. Her body was stronger than that of most girls and was far more resistant to physical pain and soreness.<p>

However on that day the rush of energy wasn't what had her wanting to continue, but the need to let out her anger and helplessess. It had fueled her extra viciousness that had the poor males in the guy falling victim to it shrivel in fear.

"Wow! You really were something today! Who pissed you off?" Karin laughed once she walked over to the bleachers to sit beside her.

Panting, Tatsuki gave her a trembling smirk while wiping off some sweat from the sides of her face with a towel draped around her shoulders.

"Just-getting ready for-the meet!" she rasped out between harsh breaths before taking a deep gulp of water from a bottle she had carried with her there.

"Then if that's the case, you need to save that kind of energy for the competition and not for these losers here!" snorting, Karin rolled her eyes and rested her elbows against the higher bench behind them.

"I hear ya'! Can't get rusty though!"

Her clothes were sticking to her in sweat and her chest felt as if it were on fire. She had lied to Karin, of course, because on that day she had truly outdone herself. Bruises were allowed during practice since they appeared quite naturally, but she had made her opponents bleed which only meant that she had used uneccessary force.

_At this rate no one will want to spar with me..._

"There goes that guy that got his mouth busted," Karin remarked and in response Tatsuki looked up to see a tall young man holding an icepack to his swollen lips.

As if sensing her eyes on him, he looked her way in evident fright and sped up his pace to leave the near empty gym in a rush. The heavy gym doors banged loudly in his cowardly escape.

Next to her, Karin burst out laughing at that reaction when all she could do was muster a weak smile. She had no right take her anger out on the guys. It wasn't their fault that she was still upset at herself for being so willing with Ichigo. If things had taken place under different circumstances, she wouldn't have felt so much guilt and anger.

That was a laugh! If Ichigo hadn't changed he wouldn't have seduced her in the first palce. _None _of the same would exist because _nothing _would have happened. She knew him and he was naturally too shy to pull something like that off, meaning that his diminished pride and self-respect had him losing all qualms at least... at least when it came to relieving himself physically.

That was how he regarded life now. Something as intimate as interwinding nude limbs and joining two bodies together had lost all emotional significance to him. If only she could let it go as easily as he probably already had.

He may have done it hundreds of times before, but she... only that one time and with _him _of all people. That's what made it all the more personal. Someone she thought to have known inside and out had done that with _her. _Ichigo wasn't just some ordinary guy...

The double metal doors of the gym opened and closed thunderously, which couldn't be helped. The gym, especially when empty of all people and cleared of all training equipment had a tendency to echo out every little sound.

Instinctively, she looked in direction of the loud metallic clanging and had her pulse racing at who was walking slow steps their way.

_Ichigo... _Her eyes widened and instantly her cheeks ached in a hot stinging blush. She was frozen in her seat, her stare glued to him, taking in everything in his appearance like she hadn't seen him for years instead of days. Just having him there, staring directly at her, had her oddly excited and somehow fearful of what he would say upon reaching them.

_Why is he here?_

Gulping, she felt like kicking herself for being so freaking giddy. It was just _Ichigo. _Yet even as she mentally shouted that fact, she unwillingly liked to see his uncommonly bright hair and the masculine angles of his familiar face. He was no longer a kid with the chubbyness of youth, but a man. How hard it was to accept that after growing up alongside him! It was difficult to even admit to herself that he was undeniably attractive in spite of having sex with him and seeing the naked perfection hidden under his clothes and purposely awkward gait.

_Relax and just breathe... He's not doing anything weird. He's probably here for Karin anyway._

When he stopped in front of them, she was sure that her whole face was bright red, mostly because he wouldn't stop looking at her.

"Tatsuki...," her heart hammered in a rush,"we ah... need to talk." The way he said her name wasn't close to sexual, yet hearing him say it had a shiver run down her spine. He had said her name plenty of times that night too. Was that why she was feeling so strange?

"I guess that means that _I _have to leave, right?" Karin asked dryly showing her dislike at the idea and Ichigo glanced at her dully.

"I have to to talk to you at the house too," he finally murmured after a brief silence.

Clenching her jaw, she studied him for a couple of tense seconds before rising off the bench. Walking by him to leave, Tatsuki distinctly heard her mutter to him, "Don't do something stupid."

He merely nodded as the younger girl left them without looking back.

Once alone with him, Tatsuki shifted nervously on her seat, and her nervousness grew most all when his eyes fell on her.

"You wanted to talk?" she asked in a surprisingly steady voice.

"Yeah...," looking just as nervous as she felt, he took the empty spot Karin had once occupied. She studied him from the corner of her eyes when he did because he was far too careful in sitting down, making certain that there was a respectable space between them. Even with such a distance, his presence for some reason had her skin sting. It wasn't discomforting, but a tingle of embarassment combined with goosebumps of anticipation rising over the little skin she had exposed.

_Just talk! _She shouted mentally, hating how her body reacted to him

Glancing at her, his lips struggled to smile softly which only made her remember what he had done with that mouth a couple of days earlier.

Closing her eyes in self-disgust, she cursed herself inwardly.

"I've been wanting to see you, but I wasn't sure if you wanted for me to look for you or not after... that night," his voice was low and carried his uncertaintily in a barely noticed tremble. It became clear that he was forcing himself to be there out of obligation for their friendship.

"I shouldn't have," she heard him take a deep breath. "I shouldn't have _pressured _you like that, Tatsuki. It wasn't my place to do that to you."

_What?_

Snapping her eyes open, she looked at him to see what he truly meant to say.

Ichigo looked as if he were in pain. Shame had his eyes glazed over dully as he stared back at her. His face was taut, but had a slight grimace of anguish. He was trying to keep it all bottled up in like in the past, yet now he was failing in hiding it miserably.

"Ichigo... I...," she didn't know what to say. Just seeing how his suffering was so clear to see had stunned her speechless.

"You can't stand the sight of me, can you?" his voice cracked as he looked away from her to stare vacantly at the floor. "I took advantage of you. That's why I came here... You are so important to me-"

Her eyes widened until she heard his next words.

"-as a friend and I don't want to lose you because of something stupid I did."

Swallowing, trying to keep the sudden surge of anger at his words on hold, she asked sharply, "So you regret it?"

This was the last thing she wanted to hear. She didn't even know why it upset her so much. Coming to see her to apologize was difficult for someone like Ichigo. He had probably spent hours planning and mulling about how he would go about it and yet there she was... getting angry at him.

"Regret it?" he looked at her and she cringed at the surprise in his eyes.

"Yeah... You...," a lump formed in her throat,"You didn't want to do it and yet you and I...," she didn't finish. If he had a hard time apologizing, so did she.

"I _do _regret doing it," her chest hurt at those frankly stated words,"but what I regret most is making you stop trusting me. I know that what I did has broken everything between us and I... want to _fix _what's left of it."

_Like it would be that easy._

Ichigo only wanted to remain friends. He didn't need to say it for her to know it.

"You want us to be friengs... like before?" she asked slowly, still unwilling to accept it.

"Yeah. That's what I want."

_Why does it hurt so fucking much? _Feeling her eyes begin to sting, she closed them, unable to take the very sight of him saying that to her.

"I understand if you don't want anything to do with me," he continued, unknowingly hurting her. "You deserved much better than that. I took something I shouldn't have-"

"That's enough, Ichigo!" she snapped already reaching her breaking point.

"What...? Tatsuki?" hating the confusion in his questioning voice, she opened her eyes to glare at him. A year ago she would have punished his usual stupid reckless stunts with a punch or a kick; now she just wanted to hurt him as much as she was.

_It meant nothing to him._

"I can't believe you come here talking about regret!" her face hardened as he blinked taken aback by her anger. "I _too _have regrets about having sex with you!"

The shock on his face would have been laughable under different circumstances. At that moment it just hurt her. How could it be painfult to hurt _him? _It was pure torture to tel him those things; she couldn't deny it.

"_I _hate that I agreed to do it," his face slowly began to show anger, but she couldn't stop. Standing up from the bend, she crossed her arms to glare down at his increasinly angering visage.

"And what really makes me _sick _to my stomach was that I _wanted _to do it even though you didn't!" she had finally said it, in spite of all of the shame.

"You wanted it too...?" losing all anger, his expression was of sheer disbelief.

_Great! Now he thinks I'm a sexually frustrated oportunistic freak!_

Paling, she grinded her teeth and refused to answer though his searching stare was nervewracking. She wanted to hear him say something yet at the same time she was apprehensive of what that 'something' could be.

"Shit...," he whispered, craddling his lowered head in his hands and gripping his hair tightly. Her confession had shocked him a bit too much. His whole body showed just how tense her words had made him and she couldn't help blanching at his reaction.

"Forget I said anything," she said softly and almost recoiled when his hard eyes looked up to her.

"I'm not mad at you, Tatsuki-"

"I know that you're just saying that-!" she argued back, hearing her voice starting to crack again

"No, I'm not _just saying that _damn it!" his eyes were furious now and she shuddered. Lowering his voice, he added, "I came here thinking that you hated me and now you tell me-"

"That I'm a freak, right?" the conversation was putting her on edge.

"No," he said flatly, anger shimmering in those reddish brown orbs that had been haunting her. "The only one that did something wrong is _me, _but it wasn't because I needed it if that's what you've been thinking. I _wanted _to do it too, otherwise I wouldn't have tried so hard to convince you! With other girls that tell me no, I just walk off," she winced at hearing him speak of 'other girls', "but with you... I just... had to have you, Tatsuki." Having said that, his face contorted in shame before he continued to stare at the floor while still gripping his hair punishingly.

"What are you trying to say, Ichigo?"

"I shouldn't have done it..."

Ignoring his whispered guilty words, knowing that he was speaking to himself in his pain, she repeated her question this time more firmly, "What are you trying to say, Ichigo?"

"I don't even know what's the matter with me anymore. I feel so helpless and stupid all the time... Then when I started coming on to you, I started... shit! Please don't ask me that anymore!" he hissed without looking up at her.

"Tell me. I need to hear you say it, Ichigo!" her heart wouldn't calm down unless she heard him say something to soothe it.

"Usually," his agonized eyes finally met hers, "when I do the stuff I do, I don't really feel anything for those girls. With you... it was different. I wanted you because you _know _me. It just came... naturally, I guess," he swallowed, his direct stare wavering on her own. "I thought about how much I wanted you and I couldn't get it out of my head! Trying to stay away didn't help because when you didn't look for me, I searched for you even if it meant following you all the way to Ogichi and Inoue!"

_So he...?_

Her confession was nothing compared to his, so some of the tension building up on her shoulders eased.

"I never wanted someone so much..."

She gasped and felt a knot form in her belly at that.

"See why I regret it now, Tatsuki? I lured you in and _made _you want me back."

Shaking her head, she denied what he said, "No, Ichigo, I wanted you-"

"No, you didn't, I kept pushing at you until you _did _want me!" That just proved how low his self-esteem had gotten. Noting how his shoulders trembled, she felt lost. Nothing she said appeared to be reaching him. Ichigo was far too broken inside to hear what others had to say to him.

"Let's go my house."

"Huh?" his surprised eyes shot up.

"I said 'let's go to my house'," she felt so nervous in making such an obvious offer.

"Tatsuki, you don't have to-"

"I want to do it and so do you." Now that a desicion was made, there was no going back. What she was agreeing to went against everything she held sacred to herself. Things like their friendship and her own hardset rules.

It took him a while to finally nod to her offer. Unfortunately she didn't know exactly what an important and life changing desicion they had both made.


	14. You Are What I See

**Lemon Deleted**

**Chapter 13**

Was is pity or actual desire that pushed Tatsuki to accept him? Ichigo was so lost in his own lack of pride that for a moment he had started to think that she only offered herself out of sympathy; perhaps in a attempt to keep him from sinking lower in self-degradation. These thoughts tore him between what was wrong and what was seen as the right thing to do. His body wanted her, but what was the price of giving in? Their friendship...? His secret pain that she saw and knew so well?

Like always he didn't know what to do as they walked in the sidewalk, not far from her house. She had looked so determined, yet so nervous when she had told him that they should go to her house. Over the years, Tatsuki had proven to be sometimes far too selfless though she hid it behind a no-nonsense exterior. Even when the problems with Orihime had risen, she had confronted him, endangering their own friendship and had chosen _her _side.

She was loyal and it was that loyalty that made him doubt what she truly wished. He desperately wanted to believe that she wanted him as he did her. In fact, he still didn't know if it was just physical desire or something of a more emotional level that made her so fascinating to him. Maybe it was both. He did find her attractive and knowing her for so long had what they were planning on doing seem more meaningful with the heavy intimacy that he usually feared experiencing. With her that intimacy wasn't as frightening. It was accepted willingly thanks to the pleasure that took away his pain.

"No one is home," hearing her murmur more to herself as she unlocked the front door of her house, heat crawled on his cheeks. He was feeling shy again. Ever since he had begun to see sex as a humorless game, only she could make him feel as timid as he used to be in spite of having far more experience.

With the door finally opened, she silently stepped into the darknened house and he let his feet, that apparently knew what to do without him telling them, guide him to the inside. They took off their shoes quietly and the nervousness he already had inside him seemed to escalate in the silence. It made what they were about to do look more secretive. Though there was no one in the house, the way they did something as take off their shoes so carefully, gave it a feeling of forbiddeness.

_First time my house, second time her house._

It was probably because it was her house this time around. He didn't know when someone could burst in and catch them in the act.

"Ah, Tatsuki...?" he began unsurely and his damned cheeks flamed when she looked at him in questioning. "Are you sure your parents won't come in?" It felt stupid to ask that like some naughty high school kid, but he had to know.

"My mom said something about visiting my aunt who's sick, so she might stay the night there and Dad is out with his buddies from work...," as if uncomfortable for admitting that, she trailed off, her eyes looking at the flight of stairs that led to the second floor.

_Are you sure you want to do this? _That was what he should have asked but feared the answer. His body was already reacting by just having her alone with him. Eyeing her through hooded eyes, he tried not to wince as his sex flexed in anticipation. It wasn't completely hard, but from how it heated, he would definitely be painfully erect by the time they reached her room.

"Shouldn't we...," he gulped at hearing his voice oddly deepened, "go up to your room?" If they didn't go up there quickly, he might do something stupid. He knew that she had been a virgin, regarless of having no hymen and that alone spoke for itself. He had to be careful how he did things with her in order to not frighten her. It would have to done slowly until she herself demanded things more roughly done. Usually he didn't hold back; he never really had to...

"Ah, yeah." Shooting him an embarassed glance, she added lowly, "But I'll need to shower first... since I went to practice and all."

_Goddamn it! Stay down! _His whole body stiffened as the rapidly hardening thing between his legs gave a hard pumping jerk at the thought of her showering. Feeling his mouth going dry at the idea, he closed his eyes, embarassed over how he wanted...

"Do you want me to join you?"

Her gasp of shock had him wishing he had kept his stupid mouth shut.

_I shouldn't have asked that! What the fuck was I thinking? _It was like he couldn't control both his body and mind.

"Ichigo, I..."

"You don't have to say yes, it's just that I...," the manipulator in him rose out with a vengeance, "I probably need one too." It was a lie. He had showered in the early morning hours after walking endlessly, working himself into a sweat. With his bad luck, she'd tell him that he'd have to wait till she was finished. He didn't know how he would react if she told him something like that. It he kept thinking about helping her bathe, he would finish in his pants.

Making himself breathe steadily, he slowly opened his eyes to look at her red face.

_She's going to say no. _If only she would say something! His balls kept tensing as seconds passed by and he just knew that the front of his pants were being pushed up_. _It felt as if his clothes were too damned tight and the cloth of his boxers kept rubbing against the tip of his cock.

"I suppose you are saying this because... you want to shower with me?"

A smile played on his lips that he was sure came off as a smirk.

"Yeah, but you don't have to do it if you're too uncomfortable."

_Do it! _He hated how his mind shouted that. Seeing how her eyes subtly looked down at the obvious tent his cock had formed in his pants, he groaned unable to help himself. Just the fact that she could see it excited him.

She licked her lips before shyly looking into his eyes.

"I'm okay with it. It's just that I've never showered with anyone like that," her tone was firm, but the bright blush on her face spoke of how reserved she truly was.

_Good, because I would be mad if you had done that with someone else. _Wincing inwardly at that, he smiled at her to hide what he had just thought and for some reason her blush seemed to heighten.

Blinking, her chest rose and fell in a deep breath as she looked away from him as if unnerved by the smile of his lips.

"Tatsuki... you know that you don't have to do it if you don't want to...," he was still willing to let her escape if she so wanted it even if it killed him.

"It's... It's not that, Ichigo. I'm having a hard time seeing you this way, that's all."

He frowned and wished that she was looking at him while speaking because with her eyes staring hard at the stairs, he couldn't even begin to guess what she was thinking.

"Seeing me 'what' way?" waiting for an answer, hopefully a positive one, he held his breath.

"Let's just go upstairs," without glancing his way, she headed to the stairs.

_She thinks that I'm going to just give up that easily?_

She didn't say anything when he followed her up the stairs, though when she reached the half open bathroom door in the end of the hall, she paused and looked at him over her shoulder as if to see if he was behind her. Her eyes widened slightly and in some way it annoyed him that she would be surprised at having him still ready to go for it.

"I still need to get clean, Tatsuki," hopefully his whispered words will snap her out of it. All it did was make her more nervous.

_Damn it! _He hadn't thought about it before, but literally everything that had left his mouth since going inside her house had some sexual hint behind it. How come he hadn't noticed that? Her eyes once more glanced down at the jutting erection that hadn't lost any of it's stiffness on the way there.

"Are you sure you want to just get clean or do you want to have sex with me in there?" she completely turned to face him, her back to the slightly open door that hid the room that kept giving him ideas.

His lips parted when her eyes directly met his. They weren't accusatory, but they definitely were sharp enough to not give him any means of escape. She wanted an honest answer and wasn't going to back down until he gave it to her.

"I want both," he told her truthfully. There was no use in lying to her. She had known from back at the gym that they would have sex again at her house. What was the big deal about exchanging a bed with a shower? If she wanted to bathe alone, where would that leave him...? Half crazy in her room thinking of the innocently dirty things she could be doing while cleansing herslef. He'd go insane before even having her.

Studying his face, what Tatsuki did next shocked him.

Both of her hands craddled the sides of his face and though there was some uncertaintity in her eyes, she wasn't backing down. Since he was at least a foot taller than her, she pulled him down to her rather forcefully. When her lips met his crushingly, he moaned in his throat. Her lips didn't move, showing inexperience and so to help her, he wrapped his arms around her to run his hands down her back soothingly.

Wanting to show her something new, he tilted his head so that his lips would move over hers. Letting his hands reach her ass, he gently squeezed her to make her hips press against him. His erection jerked which had her gasping in surprise since she was so tight against it.

_Good... just relax..._

Her gasp had opened her mouth enough for him to draw her lower lip into a light suck. She began to tremble as he suckled her hotly. Even the hands holding his face in place were nervously twitching. He almost smiled at her reaction and wanted to see how she would like what other things he had in store for her.

In spite of trembling, her smaller frame wasn't as tense as before. Seeing that as a good opportunity, he abandoned her lower lip and subtly licked it so that his tongue could snake into her mouth. She jerked slightly when he slipped inside. For a moment he felt the tip of her own tongue timidly touch his until she much to his disappointment, yanked his face away from her, taking away her barely explored mouth.

They might have had sex together, but she was obviously disturbed by simply kissing him. It just didn't seem fair to him. He had just been getting started.

"I-I think we should go in now," her words calmed down any need for him to argue. It had annoyed him that she stopped what was their first actual kiss, yet what she had just said was enough for him to know that she was still willing.

With her eyes trembling and her face flushed she turned and pushed the door of the bathroom open. The bathroom in her house was a bit larger than the one at his house and was predominantly white. Once she stepped further inside, she glanced his way anxiously.

Having a feeling that she was nervous about undressing, Ichigo grinned, "Come on, Tatsuki. I've already seen you naked."

"I know that! The light is too damn bright in here!" she snapped in embarassment. Ichigo would have never figured that Tatsuki would be insecure about her own body... A body that he liked a bit too much when comparing it to that of other girls.

"You worry too much at times...," shaking his head, he showed her that there was nothing to be so shy about by pulling his shirt off. The air in the bathroom was warm, yet he was already so aroused that his nipples hardened as soon as his chest was uncovered. Seeing her eyes wide on her red face, he confidently began to unhook his belt to take off his pants.

**(extremely long lemon deleted)**

"What...?"

Still a bit breathless, he whispered softly, "I bet that the third and fourth time will be even better," he pushed aside the shower curtain with a hand that he had freed from holding her just to do that.

_Even if someone comes back to the house, I don't think I can stop... Not now that I have her._

Her arms tightened as did her legs when he carried her out of the shower. He didn't care about the wet footprints he left on the floor or the water that was still running. All that mattered to him was that he was connected to her.

The moment he reached the open doorway of her bedroom, he walked inside with her slight weight and kicked the door closed behind him without a second glance.


	15. The Things We Hide

**Brief Lemony content deleted.**

**Chapter 14**

Tatsuki didn't even know what to think of herself anymore. The day before had passed as a pleasant blur. When Ichigo had taken her to her room, he hadn't wasted time on taking her two more times. It wasn't as shameful as expected. Her body had been so numbed by the lust that he had evoked that she eagerly accepted all he did to her without complaint or an ounce of shame.

**(lemon deleted)**

However at the present moment, she was stunned. There's wasn't any mortification. Just plain shock that someone that had done something imaginable could feel. It was like... she couldn't _believe _that she had done that.

_How can I look at Ichigo without-?AH!, _she stiffened on her bed, seeing Ichigo's intense amber eyes looking down at her, his lips gaping as sounds of release left him.

He had made her watch him every time they came together. That sensual mental image would be a permanent part of her thoughts, she was certain of it. Every time she so much as blinked, he would appear and every time there was an eerie silence in the house, his throaty groans would echo against her bedroom walls like ghostly sounds recorded in the atmosphere. There was _no_ possible way she could forget all that had happened.

Moving to lay on her side, she winced at the squeaking of the bedsprings underneath her. She hadn't realized exactly how loud her bed was until Ichigo had given her the ride of her life on it.

_I hope my parents haven't figured it out... _After night had fallen, her mother and father had returned. Ichigo who had been in the process of getting dressed hadn't been as surprised as her. In fact, he had left her room by calmly climbing out the window just before her mother had gone inside to ask her why the water in the shower was still running. It was the most uncomfortable experience for her... Mostly because her mother had been confused as to why she smelled of sweat if she had recently showered.

It wasn't that she didn't want anyone to know about her and Ichigo. What she _didn't _want was for other people to know any of the details. It was far too intimate to make into a 'normal' conversation topic, especially if she was still struggling to believe it herself.

There was a soreness between her legs. It was a dull throbbing burn that only bothered her whenever she accidently rubbed her thighs together while lying down. Ichigo was probably in better shape than her. He had no problem walking when leaving her room. Her body, not being accostumed to having something large thrust into it repeatedly, was just barely getting rid of the still present sensation of him stretching and surging. Even hours later, she felt his warmth within her. It was odd how he was still present even when gone.

_What would Orihime-chan think if she finds out?_ Tatsuki would have to tell her everything eventually. The question was _when. _The other girl had told her about Ogichi when his 'attentions' had begun... Would she accept her sexual relationship with the man she used to claim to love? Even if she was content with the pale _opposite _version of him? Then there was another issue that she rarely wanted to delve into...

What were Ichigo's feelings towards Orihime? Did he still yearn for her in silence and berate himself for not taking the opportunity to have her before his Hollow did? Hating to think that he was perhaps thinking of her friend while having sex with her, Tatsuki shuddered and curled her body under her thin sheets. It was almost nauseating to think about... to be used as a replacement by someone who didn't care what was at stake. He may have gasped her name during sex, but that didn't mean he was there with her... or did it?

Most importantly, why did she sense that something unexpected would crash down into their lives? She was _waiting _for something that had yet to reveal itself. What _was _it?

Whatever it was... It had the power to change her life forever.

* * *

><p>"Why do you keep covering your neck like that?" Isshin asked, narrowing his eyes dubiously.<p>

Ichigo swore under his breath, suffering under his father's intense scrutiny. Keeping his hand covering the side of his neck, he picked at his breakfast, refusing to answer. Hours after leaving Tatsuki's house, he had discovered that she had _marked _him. It was a sizeable purplish bruise with clear teeth markings. It wasn't the first time he had gotten a hickey, but it certainly was the first time he had to hide one from his family. Back in the university, he didn't give a damn if people saw them on him. People in Tokyo pretty much knew everything about everyone even if there were no physical signs of it.

Sensing that everyone at the breakfast table were studying him, he shot his father an icy glare and muttered, "Will you stop staring at me, pervert?"

"AHAH!" as if discovering something of extreme importance, Isshin pointed at him excitedly, "You were with a girl and are concealing the damning evidence!"

"Could you _please _not make Ichigo and his neck a morning topic, Dad?" Karin asked flatly, not looking up from her own food.

"Why not? It's funny as hell!" to demonstrate how 'funny' he found it, his father barked out a laugh as Ichigo tensed. He didn't see any humor in the situation. To tell the truth he wanted to disappear at hearing it put out in the open. One thing was for his family to know that he had sex, but it was intirely different for them to know who the girl was. He didn't think he could deal with everyone seeing Tatsuki in a different light. They were used to the tough, sisterly girl they had seen for years. She wasn't necesarily seen as someone to participate in sex, especially with him. In a way, he could say that he was protecting her.

"So who was the lucky girl that got the Kurosaki 'treatment'?" the old man just wouldn't let it go.

"That's none of your business."

"Weren't you going to visit Tatsuki-chan over at the gym yesterday? What happened with that?" Yuzu questioned innocently, messing up his plan on not letting Tatsuki get involved in the conversation.

"Yeah," Karin eyed him suspiciously, "If I'm not mistaken, I left the two of you alone there."

"Don't tell me it was _Tatsuki-chan!" _Isshin gaped, his eyes unusually bright. "How did you manage to get _that _far? She's as hard to get as they come!"

_I've had enough of this._

Nailing his father with an angry, nearly hateful, stare, he gritted through his teeth, "_Nothing _happened, so get that fucking head of yours out of the gutter for once and _drop it!" _

Everyone at the table stared at him wide eyed, yet they thankfully refrained from further remarks. He could just see what the rest of the day was going to be like. The old man didn't know the meaning of the word 'stop' and knowing him for his entire life, he would bring up the subject at least a couple of more times during the next couple of days. It'd probably take him a week or so to forget about it altogether.

_Like I need this right now._

For the rest of the day he mostly stayed up in his room until night began to fall, thinking of ways to approach Tatsuki after what happened. He wanted to see her again and wasn't as ashamed as in the past, though there was the sensation of selfishness that he had never felt before overtaking him. He wanted to continue twisting their friendship. It was a welcome diversion that carried many things that had to do with intimacy and a merging of souls. It was a drugging new experience, so different than with Rukia or other women. Tatsuki was bringing him both a physical thrill and comforting warmth. Not something he often associated with sex that had become so empty.

His body, for once in a long time, was sated and so was his mind. There was a looseness to his limbs and weightlessness in his mostly tight chest. It was a welcomed peace that only lasted until he thought of certain things that always had the ability of sending him head first into his emotional pit.

Yeah, as long as he just thought about Tatsuki and at least pretended that the past didn't exist, things just seemed to be better.

Lying on his bed, he smiled at the ceiling, feeling dumb for being so... satisfied by it. Tatsuki, unlike him, was probably having a difficult time understanding what was happening between them.

He wished he could explain what he was feeling. It was too rare of an emotion to put into words. If he told her that he lusted _and _liked feeling the closeness that went beyond the one they used to share, she would think he was crazy or obsessed. What he was doing was making their once innocent friendship sexual and with an array of odd emotions that had no definition. By all rights, it should be considered a crime, yet he didn't feel an ounce of guilt, only that drugging problem-free peace.

There was no way of telling what she thought about them now. She cared about him... Like any friend seeing someone they knew in trouble would. Tatsuki cared for Orihime as well, so did that make it any different for him?

It was pointless to try understanding it anymore. If he thought too much about what could be happening inside her head, he would lose his fragile hold on the little normalcy he had earned while with her.

He scoffed aloud at the word 'normalcy'. There was nothing normal, or at least _common_ about what was happening. It had been so damned obvious from the start. He hoped that he could still think of ways of going further with her, or at least how to act around her now that things were so different between them. Unfortunately, other people had other plans...

A small sound. More like a flapping of cloth, drew his attention to the window. What he saw there had him widening in his eyes in disbelief.

Rukia was staring back at him through the glass, just a surprised as him.

_What the fuck is she doing here? _It didn't anger him, but it still irked him somehow. There he was in his room trying to enjoy the soothing sensation of not thinking about his problems and having someone interrupting it annoyed him. It was difficult to force the urge to scowl down.

"Rukia, what the hell-" he immediately sat up and slid the window's glass open to finish his question, "are you doing here?" For some inexplicable reason, he felt as if he had seen her just the day before. The image of her crouching outside his window was a familiar one that had been permanently stamped in his mind.

Perching on his window-sill, her small pale hands held unto the frame. His reaction to her appearance unsurprisingly pissed her off.

"What the heck kind of greeting is _that? _The least you could say is 'Hi, Rukia, long time, no see!'"

"Well you could have just used the damned door or call like a normal person!"

"I couldn't go back to my apartment to get my gigai! I have to _work _all day, you know!"

Life worked in mysterious ways... Strangely, seeing her did absolutely nothing to him. It wasn't like in the past that he would sputter out a lame insult to cover up the shyness she easily made him feel. There was no attraction or sense of loss. Just the sensation one would get after seeing a good friend. That densely laced familiarity not associated to former lovers.

Nothing more, nothing less. He might as well had been staring at a person he only said a occasional 'hi' to. It was similar to what he had felt upon seeing Tatsuki when arriving in Karakura, though Tatsuki had awakened plenty of other emotions in him when she had gone off about how much of an asshole he had become. It was so odd... Even with Rukia being his first 'girlfriend' there was no sadness at losing her the way he had when she discovered Ogichi using his body to have sex with Orihime and had thought it was him. Her presence was vaguely disorienting only because it was unexpected.

Taking a deep breath, his eyes glaring at her involuntarily, he forced his voice to be even, with less bite than before, "Whatever. What do you want anyway?"

Studying him silently as if searching for something, her fury at his reaction towards her vanished as she said softly, "I can't patrol on weekends."

"So what does that have to do with me?" he tensed when her eyes flashed.

"What do you _mean _'what does it have to do with you'? I can't be here on weekends because of my semi-permanent post! Ukitake-taichou has been ordered by the sou-taichou to keep extra tabs on me due to my half-residence in Karakura, which means that I have to stay at the Soul Society on weekends!"

"Wait," he frowned at hearing this, "What's this 'half-residence' stuff?"

She visibly stiffened as he narrowed his eyes at her. When they had been living together, the 'arrangement' had been different. She only had to report on Fridays to return on Saturdays. Why would things change now?

Looking away from his sharp stare, she murmured, "I've taken full responsability of Karakura. No other shinigami are to be involved unless I am injured or sent on a special mission which is highly unlikely under the circumstances."

"Under _what _circumstances? And what is this stuff about you taking full responsability for the town?" Her sudden evasiveness was frustrating him. None of what she was saying made sense. If the old man sou-taichou gave such an order, he had to be suspicious of Rukia or of something occuring in Karakura. Her living with him due to their relationship had been accepted, at least by her superiors though Kuchiki Byakuya didn't seem so happy with her living with a 'commoner' and a 'human'. The strained acceptance of their living together was probably because all of the 'favors' he had done for the Soul Society. Well... more like getting himself nearly killed a couple of dozen times protecting both that world and the human world.

Hesitantly, she said something that still didn't give him enough of an answer.

"A lot of things have changed since you left, Ichigo."

There it was again. That blasted word... _Change. _Why did things always have to change? Everything around him was in constant movement while he was always stuck in one place he couldn't get out of.

"Tell me the real reason, Rukia."

He could hear her deep intake of breath, as if she were steeling herself to speak,"It's because after you left, the Soul Society decided that with only one shinigami posted here they should send more people to this area. This is a spiritually rich zone and with...," she then reluctantlytold him exactly why, "... Ogichi and Inoue, I couldn't allow more people to come here."

His heart nearly stopped at her way of thinking.

_She thinks that I'd be upset over this...?_

"We've all been pitching in to keep the Soul Society from growing suspicious. All Hollows are dealt with before they even appear on the radars of the department of research, so that no one there feels the need to send reinforcements to help me handle Karakura."

"Are Ogichi and Inoue the reason why you didn't want to tell me?" For a brief moment he wanted to tell her that he didn't care anymore. What really bothered him was that she thoughtit bothered _him_ like in the past. The whole joint effort of keeping the Soul Society in the dark about that bizarre relationship was far from his mind. What he only thought about was that she believed he'd be angry for being asked for assistance in keeping that couple safe.

"I wasn't sure...," she shifted uncomfortably in the space of his window, "I wasn't sure how you would take it. If you wanted to help us keeping the Soul Society from finding out or not?"

Scoffing mirthlessly at that, he said, "I'll do it."

"What?" her surprised expression just irritated him more. Offering his help wasn't something to be so surprised about. In spite of how things in his friendship with Orihime had ended, she was still a friend that needed help, even if that help came from him that had hurt her so much for years. It still hurt to know that she needed him like in the past, regardless of having Ogichi with her. Thinking about it was like thinking of a dark humorous graveyard joke. It was morbid and ironic.

_This is what I needed, right? Being useful in being worthless. _He forced his negative trail of thought to end right there. It was bad enough that in the last year he had to accept that he couldn't protect everyone like he'd first thought. No one was invincible and could shield others from pain and confusion. When he had discovered these things, that he himself had added to a situation that plunged him into a state of seeing only_ his _own flaws, he had forcedly become detached. Being cold wasn't just to protect himself... It was to keep himself from seeing into others and only hurting them some more by trying to 'help' them.

He had simply reached a point of not caring and not getting too involved. Unfortunately, now in Karakura, he couldn't stop _seeing _what other people liked to keep hidden. Why couldn't he stop seeing it? He knew that the reason why Rukia was endangering herself was because she felt guilty for taking advantage of Orihime's naivety. Ensuring her happiness was her way of asking for forgiveness.

"I said 'I'll do it'," he repeated solemnly, making sure to remove all sarcasm from his eyes and voice. It was an inward oath.

"Are you sure you want to do it? Because I could just-"

"Damn it, Rukia, I'll do it!" the words came out more sharply than intended. Why couldn't people just back off that particular subject? If he told her that he didn't give a shit about Orihime and Ogichi would she even believe him? Would _anyone? _

Apparently no, because almost the instant her eyes widened in shock at his hardened tone, they dimmed in sympathy.

"I know, Ichigo," nodding, she swallowed before speaking further and giving him an obviously strained smile,"I guess...," one of her shoulders lifted in a shrug, "I'll be seeing you around more often, huh?"

_She's uncomfortable. _He should have noticed it earlier. Everything in Rukia's body language screamed nervousness. As if she expected him to spot _something _different about her. He didn't see anything she had to keep from him, so why all the tension?

Staring at her for a couple of seconds which had her almost squirming, he finally nodded and muttered, "Yeah." His eyes didn't move from her pale face that seemed to have become whiter under his scrutiny.

_I know I can sometimes intimidate people, but this is Rukia for shit's sakes! What's up with her?_

"Okay... See you later then," as if wanting to bolt out of there, yet not wanting to look too obvious at the same time, she slowly backed out of his open window. He continued staring after her as she leapt away from his house and disappeared into the night blanketed Karakura.

All he could hear now were her sandaled feet running in the darkness.

That was when he realized that Rukia hadn't been afraid of him seeing something... He didn't know why that thought popped into his head, yet it was still there. An evident awkwardness had been present in her leaving. It had only been there for a brief moment before she jumped off the sloping roof of his house, in the way she moved her head as if to scan the area quickly and how her small body had been tense and then relieved at noting that nothing was in sight.

She had been afraid of being seen by someone else.


	16. The Shirosakis

**Hollow Ichigo is a bit of a potty pervy mouth in this chap, though there's no lemon, so NO content is deleted on this chap. **

**Chapter 15**

_Tatsuki-chan is acting strange lately. _Orihime had been watching her friend closely for the past hour and kept noting how the other girl carefully avoided her eyes and didn't smile as sincerely as before. It was like her mind was preoccupied by other things or like... she was hiding something from her.

When her friend had called her saying that she wanted to hang out, Orihime had been thrilled. Ever since they had all started different routines due to after-high school graduation stages of getting married, working and going to classes, they barely had any time to just sit down and talk. It would have been even more thrilling if Tatsuki weren't so distracted and awkward around her.

"Is something wrong?" her question was tentative. Deeply she was afraid that her friend would shut down and not say what was on her mind.

_There's something different about her... _It was something she couldn't put her finger on. Tatsuki looked the same as she always did, so it wasn't her physical appearance that had changed. Her attitude in the other hand, was another matter. She wasn't the kind of girl that flinched at questions and had the look of a deer caught in front of speeding headlights.

That was what Orihime saw in her eyes after asking something as simple as 'Is something wrong?'. The expression of someone that was afraid of having something seen and being judged for it.

"No. Nothing's wrong, Orihime-chan," giving her a wan smile, Tatsuki leaned her back on the chair she was on. For their outing, Orihime had picked a restaurant that had just opened weeks earlier a block from her apartment. They were sitting at a table outside, under the extreme summer sunlight and in spite of the brightness outdoors, Tatsuki looked eerily pale.

"But... you have been like that ever since we've got here, Tatsuki-chan! If there's something wrong, I'd like to know!" somewhat embarrassed for her outburst, she blushed and bit her lower lip. She had allowed her worry to reflect outwards. It was something Ogichi constantly teased her about... How visible her emotions were. He called her an open book because of it.

Tatsuki stared at her wide eyed for a couple of seconds. She could see that she was inwardly debating whether to tell her or not.

"Is it... is it Kurosaki-kun again?" hearing her friend's low gasp, Orihime winced. Ogichi knew far more things than she did and the morning after Tatsuki had spent the night at Ichigo's, her husband had been more gleeful than usual, which was a feat. He always had a secret joke. It was easily seen by the permanent mirth in his eyes; that there was something amusing him at all times... So when he had been far more teasing and saying cryptic comments under his breath through some snickering after their visit with Tatsuki that specific day, she had insisted on him telling her what exactly was going on.

Knowing how she hated to have people keep things from her, he only told her.

_"King and Arisawa have been playin' 'House' and they liked it so much, they're scared shitless."_

Only _he _would say something like that. He didn't tell her the details, but 'playing house'? That didn't make much sense to her. As far as she could remember when being a child, playing house involved a boy (or sometimes girl if there wasn't a boy) to play 'daddy', a girl to play 'mommy' or if an extra friend was around, a 'baby'.

She should have known that Ogichi had said things a little too clearly, yet had used words to confuse her into thinking _anything _but what was really happening to her friends. Her husband had a strange way of doing and explaining things.

"Ichigo... Is not the same guy I knew, Orihime-chan."

Surprised that Tatsuki was finally opening up, she didn't speak a word and stared at her expectantly, wishing to hear more.

Obviously feeling unnerved by how Orihime was staring at her, she shifted in her seat and cleared her throat before speaking again.

"I haven't been helping things between us either," this was admitted with downcast eyes.

"What do you mean?" frowning, she leaned forward in her seat, hoping that she would say more. She had known Tatsuki for enough years to say that the girl did everything in her power to righten things. It was rare for her to make mistakes, because she was far too level-headed and thought things over before acting on them. Sometimes she did act before thinking if the situation was overly threatening, but when it came to personal matters, she was very careful in giving a final opinion unless everything had been looked at from every angle.

_Like she had done for Ogichi and me. _Due to that part of her friend's personality, Orihime had found closure in accepting Ogichi into her life. Tatsuki, naturally, had been against his agressive amorous attentions, yet as things had progressed, she had actually _helped _her in not losing her mind when everything had been falling apart.

Somehow, staring at Tatsuki now made Orihime feel like it was _her _turn to help her from going insane. Thinking about how Ogichi had mentioned playing 'House' being the actual problem between them, Orihime furrowed her brow, trying to finally _get_ what he meant by that bizarre example.

"Ichigo has been having some... issues for a long time."

"Does this...?" Orihime blushed furiously at how stupid she was about to sound to her friend. "Does this have to do with you and Kurosaki-kun playing... stuff?"

"_Playing _stuff?" at that Tatsuki blinked and made a face, completely confused.

_I shouldn't have said anything!_ Her face was so hot that she was sure that the redness of her cheeks had spread to her hairline and neck.

"You know...?" she lifted a shoulder awkwardly. "Playing with... each other." To someone else her words would have seemed naughty, but she was still thinking of playing 'House'. That was why she was surprised by Tatsuki's expression of absolute mortification.

"Ogichi _told _you something, didn't he?" she breathed in shock.

"Um... no," the lie was so evident in her apologetic wince.

"I should have _known _he wasn't going to keep his mouth shut!" Tatsuki spat more to herself.

"But... does that mean that you and Kurosaki-kun had a problem because of playing? Because if it's that-"

"No," sighing heavily, Tatsuki rested her forehead on her palm, completely hiding her face from Orihime. "I... I don't even know what the problem is anymore. At first I thought it was... that first time, but then after we had settled things and agreed that we wanted-"

_What is she trying to say?_

"-to keep doing it, he just... I haven't heard from him all weekend. I don't know if that's his way of saying that it was just a one time thing. Damn, what does he think of me?"

_One time thing? _Now Orihime was even more confused.

"You must be so _mad _at me!" she was startled when Tatsuki finally looked up at her. Apparently what she had disclosed was personal because she looked very shaken and paler than before..

"Why... why would I ever be mad at you, Tatsuki-chan?" In the past, especially during the begining of her and Ogichi's relationship, there had been rare moments in which she had become angry at Tatsuki. She was just incapable of acting harshly towards her friend and if she did, she would be more angry at herself for treating her that way. Merely recalling the one time she had raised her voice at her when defending Ogichi outside of her apartment a year earlier still brought tears to her eyes upon occasion.

_I could never be so mad at her again. It hurts me to feel that for her. _Tatsuki was more than a friend; she was a sister. Someone that had unconditionally connected to her pain when she had needed her the most and had been alone in the world.

"For me... sleeping with Ichigo."

Her jaw dropped. Not once in her mind had she thought _that _was the gist of it. Only shock was present at her revelation. To be honest, Orihime didn't know how to react to Tatsuki's confession. It was the last thing she would have ever expected to hear from her.

_Tatsuki-chan and Kurosaki-kun... had sex? _It was hard to put everything together in her mind. She wasn't upset by it, because ever since she had restarted her life with Ogichi the only thing that had clouded her happiness was Ichigo's own despair. Everyday, just before he had disappeared from Karakura, she and everyone else had seen signs of his demeanor drastically changing from stiffly cordial to withdrawn and vacant to what anyone said to him. She blamed herself for it. He had tried to get her to love him again and it hadn't worked because all she had in her mind was the seductive darkness he kept hidden in a mistaken belief that he was protecting her from more pain.

"Why would I be mad at you for that?" she asked softly, looking at her friend's trembling eyes unwaveringly. It would be a lie if she said that it wasn't startling. The thing that was trully upsetting to her was that Tatsuki was troubled by it and Ichigo was evidently avoiding her.

"I-I don't know, Orihime-chan," almost sounding defeated, Tatsuki slumped in her seat, looking away from her as if unnerved. "I wasn't sure how you would take it... for me to do... _that _with Ichigo."

Her eyes widened. Tatsuki was concerned that she would be angered over her sleeping with her old crush after all the tears she had cried for him.

"Actually...," Tatsuki looked at her as she began, "I'm not mad at you, but... I'm mad at _him." _

Her friend gaped.

"You're mad at _him?"_

"Well, yes!" Orihime hit the top of the table with her fist, wearing a scowl on her face that other people would have thought of as cute. No one took her seriously when angry because she was incapable of being intimidating. "He hasn't even _called _you! That's so mean! He can't just do th-things with you," her cheeks flushed at what 'things' really meant, "and then pretend nothing happened!"

"Now, listen, Orihime-chan, it's not that big a deal-"

"Not that big a deal?" her voice raised enough to have other people sitting on tables closeby eyeing her strangely. "I ought to go to Kurosaki-kun's house and... and _yell _at him for being so inconsiderate! What a... a _jerkass!"_

Tatsuki coughed loudly at the profanity that she had just clumsily blurted out and Orihime felt as if her head was about to explode in embarassment as she covered her mouth with a hand.

_I should tell Ogichi not to curse so much since we're going to have a baby and all... But I'll have to stop doing it too because it rubbed off on me!_

"A... _jerkass?" _Tatsuki asked slowly, raising a brow.

"Um... Sorry," Orihime grimaced, lowering her hand from her mouth so she could toy with the cloth covering their round table nervously at saying something so strange in front of her. "I-I couldn't think of anything else to call him."

"Well," scratching the back of her head, wearing the slightest of smirks, Tatsuki muttered, "He _is_ a major jerkass, so I can't blame you for calling him that."

Relaxing in her seat, mostly because Tatsuki wasn't teasing her for her odd use of curse words, Orihime studied her concernedly.

"It still isn't right, Tatsuki-chan... I should have Ogichi talk to him or... I should talk to him myself." In some way it was partly _their _fault he had grown so cold towards all of them.

"No," shaking her head, Tatsuki's smirk was almost sad. "I doubt that would help. Ichigo might be a wimp for some things, but when it comes to the things he has been going through lately, he... he just doesn't want to listen to anyone."

"Things... he has been going through lately?" she didn't like the sound of that.

"I'd rather not talk about his personal things," taking a deep breath and widening her already melancholic smile, Tatsuki quickly changed the subject to other things and Orihime understanding the maneuver, a trick she had used so many times herself in the past, played along for her sake. They spoke of the normal things they usually spoke of. TV shows, music and food, well Orihime was the only one bringing up food in their conversation while Tatsuki rolled her eyes at her recipe ideas and murmured about Ogichi's lack of good taste-buds for actually _enjoying _her cooking.

In spite of the discomfort Tatsuki felt at speaking of Ichigo, Orihime couldn't help bringing it up once they parted ways.

_"You know... you can tell me everything, Tatsuki-chan. Kurosaki-kun...," she trailed off, not knowing which words could bring some comfort to her friend._

_"Don't you worry about it, Orihime-chan. I... I think I can handle him," though her words had been slow in coming out, Orihime had seen the determination in her eyes. That alone spoke of Tatsuki's strength. She never gave up._

_"Thank you for listening to me... and not judging me," Tatsuki said lowly, lowering her gaze to the sidewalk they were walking on._

_"Oh, Tatsuki-chan!" Orihime laughed. "You don't have to thank me for listening to you! That's what friends are for, silly!"_

However when she reached her apartment, she let the sadness she felt for Tatsuki roll over her. It was the first time she had actually seen her so lost. Tatsuki always had logical solutions to things thrown her way. She always found ways to fix things, either by words or actions. Now, her reliable friend was feeling hopeless, thrust into a situation she had never experienced before.

Stepping out of her shoes, her eyes instinctively moved to the couch in the middle of the living room.

Ogichi was where she had left him. He had been somewhat moody over being told to stay put as she spent quality 'girl time' with Tatsuki. After living together for a little over a year, he still retained a childish sulkiness when he was told what to do. He got annoyed whenever she pointed out how cute he looked whenever broody, but that didn't stop him from huffing and pouting.

He didn't like being deemed as 'cute', but to her his expressiveness was always adorable even if other people found it odd.

_People think I'm weird too._

Smiling contently, she silently walked over to him.

He was lying on his stomach, his naked pale back to her as he breathed lightly in his sleep. It never failed to amaze her how innocent he could look while asleep. His hard sharp features would relax and his pale lips would part to breathe. One of his fists was resting close to his face, almost as if he were a baby.

Trying to smother a giggle behind her hand at how cute he was to her, she went down on her knees to study his slumbering features a while longer before he woke up and started his routine of scowling about her leaving him all 'alone'.

"Are ya' gonna keep lookin' at me like I'm a cuddly lil' puppy ya' wanna pet?" his pale lifted into a familiar smirk and he didn't open his eyes.

_He was pretending!_

"I thought you were sleeping!" she complained as he opened his inhumanly bright golden irises to look at her in lazy amusement.

"Lil' Hime... I knew ya' were here since steppin' in the buildin'."

"Hmph!" Ogichi had uncanny senses. Not only was he perfect in detecting reaitsu, he could also sense the emotions and oftentimes, _secrets _of others. She should have known that sneaking up on him unawares was a waste of time.

_It's sometimes so unfair! I can't surprise him about anything!_

"'Bout time ya' came back anyway. I was startin' to get pissed," his voice lost some of its groggyness as he moved to lie on his back to look at her.

Regardless of how long they had been together, he still had her swallowing dryly whenever he gave her a certain look. It was just a heavy-lidded promising stare reserved just for her. She wondered if he would always look at her that way... With the early stages of her pregnancy, new issues had started to rise. Like her personal criticism of her body. Ogichi liked it, but she, in spite of how many people may find it shocking, had things she didn't like about her body. Her chest was one of them.

_And they're going to get bigger._

"What's with that blush, lil' hime?" he rested his head on the armrest and pushed his hips off the couch, insinuating what he had been thinking about while she had been gone.

"Ogichi..." she didn't need to look at the growing bulge forming between his legs to feel her lower belly heating.

"C'mon! Ya' left me here all by myself! Ya' have to give me some!" he scowled at her hesitance, as if peeved that she hadn't spared a glance at the sizable erection pushing unshamedly at the front of his pants. Such things didn't embarass him and he rather proudly displayed himself when the 'mood' struck him.

Giggling at how blunt he was, she rose off the floor and confidently straddled his hips, lifting up her long skirt so that she could deliberately press down on the hard length that was punishingly being squeezed by the cloth of his pants.

"That's more like it," his hands went for her hips and though her cheeks reddened, she smiled down at him and leaned towards his lips to give him a quick peck.

At the innocently brief kiss, he growled in annoyance at how she teased him.

"Ya' can do better than _that, _lil' hime!" a small laugh escaped her at how agitated he sounded, but her urge to laugh disappeared when one of his hands grabbed the back of her head to force her lips down on his.

She never got tired of kissing him. It was hard to control him at times, especially during sex because he didn't know the meaning of 'holding back', but everything about him seemed to grow more intoxicating with the passage of time.

His hot breath tickled her moist lips as she sucked his tounge inside. However, when the one hand on her hip moved to caress her lower belly, she stiffened. She knew that he was directly touching the budding little mound in which their baby was growing. Her pregnancy was barely noticeable, but she could see the subtle differences in her body, even if Ogichi didn't say anything about them.

Pulling away from her, he whispered, "What's up with ya'...?"

"Ah...," feeling suddenly shy about him purposely testing the hardening spot on her once softer belly, she sat up to look down at him, her cheeks a heightened pink.

He was absolutely puzzled.

"Lil' hime, ya' still owe me," his puzzled expression was replaced with a mischiveous smile and as if he knew that she was uncomfortable at having her slowly growing belly wordlessly pointed out, he removed his hand almost reluctantly. It wasn't that she didn't want him to show affection towards their unborn child. It was more like she was timid about how her body was changing with the pregnancy and what he would think about it. He was always fixated with the size and firmness of her breasts, though she didn't like them, the curve of her hips and the smallness of her waist. Well, he liked everything about her body, even though she had some problems accepting it. She wasn't precisely 'conventionally built' by all Japanese standards.

_He's so stubborn!_

"If ya' don't give it to me good, I'll make ya' fuck me on the porch."

"W-what?" he had only been teasing that time! At least, she thought he was teasing but with him there was no way of telling.

"Hah! Ya' think I won't make ya'!" she yelped when he firmly grabbed her hips to get her off him.

"Ogichi, we can't do that _there!" _

"Yeah, yeah!" not sounding put out, he easily lifted her off so he could sit up. "That whole 'We can't do _stuff _on the porch because the neighbors 'ill be lookin'!" he comically mimicked a feminine voice as he set her on her feet.

"Can't we... can't we at least wait until it's nighttime?" she asked lamely as he stood up and stretched his arms above his head, his stark white leanly muscled chest rippling at the motion of him arching his back to pop some bones.

"Nah, it'd be borin' than way," he reasoned nonchalantly, lowering his arms to his sides to look at her calmly.

"Can we bring... a blanket?" _To cover ourselves up._

"Too hot outside."

Huffing at how he pushed all modesty outside, she crossed her arms as he smirked knowingly. He had a hobby of pushing her to do things that she normally wouldn't do. Cursing was one of them, as well as his sexual habits. Ogichi had a particularly voracious appetite when it came to sexual creativity. Nothing was 'too much' for him.

"I'm kind of mad at you," she tried to sound upset and one of his brows shot up in confusion.

"What the heck did I do now? I've been good!" he argued, his past playful mood gone.

"You said that Tatsuki-chan... and Kurosaki-kun were playing 'House' and never said anything about them having sex."

Rolling his eyes at that, he snarled, "What's the use in gettin' mad 'bout that? Don't tell me ya' still want that piece of shit King!"

"N-no!" Sometimes he said things that stunned her. Not once had she thought of Ichigo that way... At least not since Ogichi had entered her life. Alarmed she looked at him through wide hurt eyes and then felt some relief at seeing that he was just once again teasing her.

"That was quite rude, Ogichi...," she murmured, looking down at her feet.

Hearing a low chuckle, she wasn't surprised when one of his hands snaked around her waist to pull her closer to his tall frame. Her full breast pressed against his stone-like chest and she could feel his heart, the heart Ichigo had given him in his sacrifice, beating fiercely in spite of him appearing to be calm. It always baffled her how his heartbeat raced, but her heart did the same thing too... Going at a fast tempo whenever he touched her.

Feeling a very pleasant heat course her from head to toe, particularly her womb, she timidly looked at his smiling face.

"Ya' worry too damned much at times," the warm tip of one of his fingers ran over her lower lip and she trembled. "Why dontcha' just forget 'bout those two and think 'bout us...?"

She began to smile until she gasped in shock as he suddenly pulled away from her, gleefully finishing the rest of his phrase.

"...fuckin' on the porch!"

"Ogichi, that's exibitionism! I-I think it's illegal!" she exclaimed helplessly as he raced to a glass sliding door leading to said porch.

Only hearing the door sliding loudly at being opened excitedly, she sighed, though a smile graced her face at her husband's antics.

No matter how much of a handful he could be, she wouldn't change Ogichi for anyone else. It had been stupid for her to think that in the past when she had been mourning her loss of Ichigo to Rukia. When the sadistic loud Hollow had crashed into her bleak world, he had brightened it after bringing a moment of darkness that helped open her eyes.

_Tatsuki-chan... could she be going through what I went through? _Ichigo was nothing like Ogichi, of that she was certain. There was the nagging feeling that her friends were going to go through something more agonizing than she had. It was almost inevitable. Why couldn't she stop worrying about it? Perhaps... it was because she felt like she couldn't be as much of help as Tatsuki had been to her when she had her own problems.

"Lil' hime...! If ya' stand there spacin' out I'll have to come getcha' and I'll be extra nasty 'bout it! Ya' owe me _big time! _I'm gonna' start countin' already...!" Ogichi's laughter filled voice sang from the sunny porch that looked out over the main street.

Paling, knowing that what he trully meant to say was that things would be more 'risque', she pushed all of her inner questions aside and ran towards the inviting open doorway to her impatiently waiting husband.


	17. Truths To Behold

**Chapter 16**

_Ichigo thinks I was born yesterday... What a dumb kid., _From the begining Isshin had been aware of his son's 'problem'. Why he bothered to hide it was laughable since _any _parent, even one as apparently dimwitted as him, paid close attention to all of the going ons in his household. Most of all, if he was the only parent that child had to look up to.

As if Ichigo would ever look up to him, but that was _besides_ the point!

Until then he had remained quiet because he knew that as soon as he said something, Ichigo would either run away or... like always; _lie _about it.

Nope. Isshin wasn't dumb. Not by a long shot. Sometimes _pretending _to be the resident idiot helped in revealing things others liked to keep to themselves.

Like the fact that Ichigo had sex with Tatsuki in his bedroom the night she had stayed over. The twins may not have heard a thing that had been going on, but he sure did.

The loud hushed whispers and the sound of barefeet walking out in the hallway. The gentle squeaking of a bed that later turned into a hard tempo that rose and then steadied. Then of course the tense silence and the quiet clicking of a door being closed as Tatsuki went to the bathroom to turn the faucet on to clean herself of Ichigo.

_I'm way too old for this._

Being a former taichou, he had learned how to deal with unruly 'youngsters'. His squad had been full of immature trouble starters and he hadn't been that different from the rest of them, though he did push his own childishness to the side when serious matters arose. He'd never thought that he would have to use _those _kind of tactics with his own son.

Now it was time for him to set things straight. He didn't know what Ichigo felt towards Tatsuki, but he didn't want the girl to suffer for the stupid things his son was doing. Of course Ichigo had calmed down considerably... staying in the house during the day and being a shinigami at night, yet Isshin hated the thought that he was foolishly risking something that could become special. Something like what Isshin had with his long gone Masaki.

Standing in front of the closed door of his son's bedroom, Isshin tried to think up ways to have himself taken _seriously _for once. It was one of those rare times he mentally kicked himself for doing stupid things over and over again that made his kids think he was too idiotic to understand life itself.

Taking in a deep breath, he scowled in a effort to look intimidating and finally put his hand on the doorknob and turned it.

Once the door was open, he saw that Ichigo was laying on his bed reading a magazine. He had yet to acknowledge his presence in the doorway.

Walking further inside, Ichigo finally heard his footsteps and glanced up, putting the magazine away to sit up, instinct telling him that this wasn't a casual visit or kick to the face. All Isshin did was mentain his solemn expression while pulling out the chair from the desk beside his bed.

"What do you want?" it wasn't asked rudely. It was just a logical question anyone would ask. Isshin supposed his 'poker face' was working because Ichigo was displaying some actual nervousness at seeing him there.

"We need to talk about some of the things that you've been doing during your time away from home, Ichigo," sitting down heavily in the chair, he fought the urge to drag a hand over his face at how tired he felt at having to have 'the talk'.

Frowning, Ichigo was obviously slow in understanding what he meant.

"What things?" now he saw that his son was in denial. Ichigo knew what he was talking about but was playing dumb. Even seeing him putting on a tough face didn't help him come clean.

_Here we go..._

Sighing at that, Isshin decided to finally tell him what he knew.

"Ichigo... I know who Ogichi is."

Alarm flashed in his eyes and as he opened his mouth to interrupt him, Isshin held a hand up to stop him.

"I'm not going to get on your case about it! You did what you felt was right for Orihime-chan! I'm not going to hold that against you!" his words came out rushed and defensive.

Closing his lips, Ichigo prepared to listen even though Isshin could tell that there were plenty of excuses he had lined up to speak out about the rather reckless action of allowing his hollow to have a body.

"I've always known this, son!" he made a face, feeling some annoyance at having to even say it. "I know everything that goes on with all of you."

Showing some guilt, Ichigo adverted his eyes.

"...but none of the choices you have made mean you have to take advantage of Tatsuki-chan."

The whipped puppy expression vanished as Ichigo's eyes snapped up to his in disbelief, "What? How do you...?"

"I _said _I know everything, Ichigo. Now let me _finish-_Masaki taught you better!"

Ichigo clenched his jaw, some annoyance written on his face. Isshin hid a wince at bringing up Masaki in the conversation, but it proved to be an effective way to keep him in line at least until all he needed to say was out.

"You're an adult now... Well _almost _an adult. Tatsuki-chan... Is like an important member of our family," it was a relief that Ichigo didn't argue that point, "and I speak for all of us when I say that _we'd _all be upset if you do something to hurt her, do you understand me now?"

Nodding slowly in agreement, Ichigo asked softly, "What makes you think I'd hurt her?"

"Your stupidity."

He wasn't surprised to see his eyes flare in anger. It was so good seeing Ichigo about to burst in one of his snappish fits and though no parent should feel good at having a child going off on them, Isshin welcomed it because it was far better than the quiet shuttered boy that kept them all at arm's distance.

"What the hell?"

"That's all for today!" cheerfully ending their father/son moment, or what he would call, a 'Hallmark' moment, Isshin rose off his seat, feeling like his old self again.

"B-but you can't just come in here saying you know everything and then leave-!"

"Oh, yes I can! My favorite TV show is coming on...," he checks his wrist that didn't even have a watch strapped to it, "five minutes!"

"You're not wearing a freaking watch!"

_Thank you, Captain Obvious!, _mentally slapping a hand on his forehead, Isshin tried to exit the room with some dignity and to get away from his son that was steadily growing furious at him.

Heading towards the door as Ichigo himself was getting off his bed to go after him or to heartily slam the door behind him, Isshin abruptly turned at the open doorway.

"And please _remember _to use protection! I would _love_ to have some grandbabies from Tatsuki but considering how big of a moron you are, you'd just damage her whole genetic code!"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" just in the knick of time, Isshin bolted out of the room as the magazine Ichigo had been reading earlier was thrown directly at him. If he had still been standing there, the thing would have hit him squarely on the face. By missing it, thankfully it just hit the other wall of the hallway and fell on the floor.

Hearing some angry stomping feet and the much anticipated slamming of the door, Isshin shook his head and chuckled to himself while quite calmly walking away, with a puffed out chest to the staircase that lead to the first floor.

_Kids these days..._

"That went... okay," he said quite proud of himself, wearing an idiotic grin. At least he had some peace of mind at letting Ichigo know that he was being watched. And that meant _everything _he did from then on was going to be taken into account and held against him_. _If his stupid kid even did the smallest of things to get Tatsuki upset, Isshin would have to give him a serious 'not so playful' beating.

* * *

><p>If Tatsuki ever thought that once out of high school, the dreaded word 'homework' would reappear in her vocaburary, she had been wrong. Ever since entering an university, that was what she had the most. Essays, projects, 'hands on' research with actual people that had mental problems... Just sitting down to stare at the piles upon piles of assignments that didn't seem to end no matter which work she finished was stressful. Things would have been easier on her if she didn't have her mind continuously returning to Ichigo and the <em>lack <em>of him in the past couple of days.

It was evening already and her parents had decided to go out. It was normal for them to go out on 'dates' at least once a week and for her, she was relieved to see that her parents, unlike the many parents of her classmates, still mentained a happy marriage through so many years. Some people would have thought that having their middle-aged parents dating like kids was weird, but to her it was just a familiar weekly occurance. What was always annoying was how much they kissed each other during the day and the way her father playfully smacked her mother's rump while she was cooking, making her giggle like a schoolgirl.

_Sometimes makes me wonder if I was adopted._

Some short hesitant raps sounded at her door and at the sound, Tatsuki dropped the pen she had been holding on the scattered papers on the floor that she used as a 'desk' to do her work.

_That's definitely not supposed to happen., _she hadn't heard a car parking on the driveway or her parents' usual loud shattering while entering the house. _No _one was supposed to be inside the house with her.

Quietly, as to not disturb the papers thrown across the floor beside her bed, she grabbed a thick textbook.

_"Tatsuki...?"_

The heavy book fell on the floor loudly as she deflated in relief.

"Ichigo, you fucking _idiot!" _if he hadn't said anything, she would have barged up to her door, thrown it open and knocked him out unconscious or done worse by maiming him permanently.

_Goddamn it! He scared the crap out of me!, _dragging a hand over her forehead tiredly, she stood up from the floor and stepped away from the accumulated mess there. Still shaken by the sound of his voice appearing behind her closed door, she didn't stop to think about how _long _he had been gone, though she was annoyed at his method of visiting her.

_How the heck did he get in here without making a sound?_

Reaching the door, she quickly opened it with a sharp jerk only to be taken aback at Ichigo's appearance.

He was dressed in shinigami robes. Of course, she had seen him dressed in such a manner before, yet this time around it was different because he wasn't fighting a monster or dashing off somewhere thinking no one could see him.

"Sorry I was gone for awhile... Just had to get back on track," somewhat bashful at how she was staring at him in dumb silence, he eyed her nervously while scratching the back of his head out of habit like when he didn't know anything else better to say.

Swallowing, she finally found some words, though having him there openly in soul form still surprised her, "But since when...?"

"Ah...," making an awkward gesture with his hand, still a bit uncomfortable by how she stared at him, "Rukia came over and asked for help in keeping the Soul Society away from Karakura."

Somehow hearing Rukia's name had some jealousy spear Tatsuki. She didn't know why she should feel that way, yet being told that Ichigo's ex-girlfriend had been alone with him and requested his assistance brought some unneeded insecurity to those already present within her. It wasn't like Ichigo had voiced wanting to start over with Kuchiki...

_We're not... an item., _It was harsh, yet true. They'd had sex, a friendship of many years, and sadly, there was nothing else between them. Nothing that should give her such a possessive feeling at the thought that he was alone with a former lover that he had shared similar things with and even more things that had to do with his 'other life' as a shinigami.

"Are you okay?" he asked slowly, getting her attention focused on him once more.

"Ye-yeah..."

"Then... may I come in?" there was a teasing lightness in his tone.

Embarrassed at being caught spacing out, she widened her eyes and stepped aside to give him room to go inside, murmuring, "Yeah, sure..."

Walking right past her, all she felt was a breeze that reminded her that it was his _soul _that it was visiting her while his body was probably at his house. Seeing him heading to sit on the edge of her bed after carefuly stepping around the scattered papers, the oversized sword strapped to his back wrapped in white cloth caught her attention. She always wondered about it, yet never bothered to ask since Ichigo had a tendency to avoid talking about that aspect of his life.

"So.. you've been killing monsters these past few days?" she started, wanting to take some of the strangeness away while rubbing her hands over her thighs. Soon she was going to pick up Orihime's habit of twiddling with her fingers when anxious. Ichigo had lately been bringing up a shy side of her that she disliked intensely. It made her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Giving a laugh, he answered, "Yeah, you could say that."

"Oh," nodding, liking that he didn't seem to be lying about just 'killing monsters' while she had been beating herself thinking otherwise, she approached the bed and sat beside him. She was surprised that though he was technically a soul, he managed to dip her matress with his weight.

_And he can knock on doors..._

"Are you uncomfortable seeing me in spirit form?" in spite of speaking, he wasn't looking her way, a slight smile on his lips. For a moment she sensed that he was a bit disappointed in her reaction.

"No!" she was a bit too fast in saying that because his clearly disbelieving, damnable amber eyesmet hers.

His broad shoulders that had apparently tensed when he had asked her that particular question, sagged. Softening his expression, he remarked almost shyly, "I... I thought it was about time to be more open about this stuff..."

Her heart skipped a beat, knowing what he meant by those words. When he had become a shinigami, a rift had formed between not only her and him, but everyone else that wasn't part of the elite circle that also included Kuchiki, Ishida, Inoue and Sado. Before he had entered that life, everything had been just... _comfortable_ between them. They would go to school, and sometimes hang out; all of that had come to an abrupt end when he had turned his back on her and the rest of their friends.

"Thanks."

Startled, Ichigo's brows shot up. "What are you thank me for? I'm just...," closing his lips, a blush stained his cheeks as he trailed off.

Smirking at how naturally awkward he was, she said, "For showing me this."

A bit embarrassed, he let a faint smile lift his lips.

"Ah...," his eyes strayed to the mess of papers strewn across the floor, "What were you doing before I got here?" he was already changing the subject because perhaps opening himself revealed far more than he would have wanted.

"Studying," _and thinking about you and being pissed off at not even getting a phone call, _she added inwardly.

"I bet you're pretty pissed about me not calling or anything, right?" a light chuckle left him as he gave her an apologetic glance.

She couldn't hide the surprise from her face at how notably perceptive he had become.

_He's getting smarter., _Maybe Ichigo was finally growing up after all, though he had made far too many mistakes until gaining _some _maturity. It was a natural part of life, she guessed. To make mistakes to grow stronger and better than your past self.

Admitting defeat, yet hiding her anger at his sudden disappearance after that day he had spent with her in her house, she slumped her shoulders.

"Yeah... I kept fantasizing about stomping your balls to the ground," he flinched beside her as she added matter of factly, "I had a lot of fun thinking it too."

He had paled to a sickly grey at her words and at this her lips struggled not to smile as the sudden urge to laugh nearly overwhelmed her.

"Man, you could be so retarded! I was just joking!" choking that out, she burst out laughing at his expression of male mortification, in spite of her anger still festering inside. From how ill he looked, he believed she was actually capable of doing it.

Some laughs left him, though they were more like nervous huffs that were pitifully trying to pass off as laughter while he eyed her warily.

Calming down to a couple of chuckles, she shook her head and said amusedly, "Only _you _would be stupid enough to believe that!"

It surprised her when he became solemn, all nervousness at her childish threat gone.

"You don't fool me, Tatsuki."

This was a rare time for her to regret Ichigo's growing astuteness. It wasn't because she wanted him to remain in immature ignorance... It was because she didn't want him to see how much his unexplained absence had upset her. From the begining of their, should she say 'sexual', unofficial relationship, she had wanted to avoid getting her hopes up when it came to him. It seemed rather selfish of her to want him to see only her when he was evidently not ready to be in a steady relationship with his unresolved problems. He probably didn't even see her that way in the first place.

_Thinking about it isn't going to help me., _It was downright depressing to try to see things from a realistic perspective.

"I figured you'd say that, but don't say you don't deserve it," shrugging, shaking away her earlier self-defeating thoughts, she mustered a slight smile.

Smiling back, his eyes were still doing that avoidance routine. The maneuver he only did when he didn't want people to see something he wasn't ready to explain.

"I've been thinking a lot these last couple of days...," she felt some dread at that admission because it could mean that he had regrets.

_I _said _I wasn't going to get my hopes up and like an idiot I still do!, _She couldn't even control how she felt about him anymore! Whenever she tried to think logically by detaching herself from all possible heartbreak, all of the thoughts regarding her and Ichigo kept coming back, overwhelming her with what she was so carefully keeping at bay.

"About us... and what is happening with us...," having a difficult time in letting it out, his stare was listless on the floor. "And I just wondered...," she stiffened when he looked at her, almost searchingly, "Where does all of this put us now?"

"I...," her throat was dry, "honestly don't know."

Scoffing softly, his intense stare left her as he admitted reluctantly, "I'm really fucking bad at this stuff."

"What stuff?" frowning, her curiousity got stirred. He wasn't acting like he had something bad to say, though his mysteriousness had her on edge.

"Asking...," making a face, his face turned a shade of red that only confused her further, "a girl out on a date."

_HUH?, _she gaped at him helplessly. _That _was what he had been going on about? There she was about to have a nervous breakdown and he just had to stun her with that?

Someone else would have laughed at his boyish request, but when she thought about what a ladies man he had been in Tokyo, used to only offering and receiving sex, asking her or any girl for something more meaningful was practically new for him. The way in which he shifted, waiting for her to say something was almost endearing.

"A-Are you asking me _out, _Ichigo?" she breathed disbelievingly and he winced, perhaps seeing that as a negative answer.

"Listen... I _know _I'm not the best catch in Karakura. If you want we could...," he was visibly struggling for words, his face becoming redder with every passing moment,"just hang out until you get used to the idea-"

"I didn't say _no! _You just surprised the hell out of me with that!" her words came out sharper than intended. It annoyed her that she couldn't think of anything good to say in the present situation he had put her in. Boys had never asked her out and if they had, it was usually as an invitation as 'buddies' to some spot that a bunch of other people their age hung out. Never anything as a date or nearly romantic outing.

He blinked and then asked carefully with a barely detectable hint of hope, "So is that... a maybe?"

_Damn it... What am I supposed to say to this?, _Tatsuki would have thought it was what she wanted, because there had to be something more profound to their friendship after they had become intimate. Just being friends that _had _sex left a sour taste in her mouth. It sounded cheap and not really worthy of time and emotion. Not the emotions she had been feeling lately at the thought that they weren't really anything except childhood friends separated through the years that had found each other again in a different manner than expected.

Ichigo was barely starting getting a strong hold of what should have been his life.

"I think... just to be safe, we should hang out and start over again," deep inside she would have liked to say yes, yet her uncertainty kept getting in the way. Could they even _have _more than what they already did? There was a wordless darkness that didn't give her the slightest hint of an answer. She couldn't just step into a relationship that she was already anxious about before it started, without knowing all of the good and _bad _things it could entail.

Seeing the disappointment flash in his eyes, Tatsuki felt like taking her words back until he spoke up, wearing a wry smile.

"I guess that's better than nothing, right?" there was forced lightness in his words that belied how her rejection affected him.

Feeling a heaviness in her chest, she nodded letting a smile that nearly stung her face in its falseness appear on her lips.

"Yeah... consider yourself lucky."


	18. Closeness

**Chapter 17**

Ichigo couldn't blame her for not letting down her guard. Not once had he given Tatsuki reasons to think he was trustworthy or even worthy as 'boyfriend material', but he could say that he had at least stopped being such a coward for once and had made the first move in making what they had into more.

_What if she just doesn't want me...?_

While he had been busy exorcising hollows, he had taken the time to think on how to make it up to her and had come to realization that from the begining Tatsuki had tried to make him 'normal'. Wasn't it normal to stay with one girl? Wasn't it normal to be open with those you cared about?

He cared about her. Probably more than he did for his friends, or even Orihime and Rukia. He couldn't compare what he felt for her and once in a while when he thought that it might be a slowly growing love, he stopped himself because of his past mistakes.

With Rukia he had claimed to be 'in love'. The same went for Orihime... What did he do to them? Hurt them with his so-called love. He had hurt Rukia by not being truly honest when he begun to feel something towards Orihime, even when she had given him chances to come clean... Then with Orihime he had done the worsest things imaginable. In trying to keep her separated from Ogichi in the utterly fake belief that he was protecting her, he had in fact been eaten away by his jealousy in not winning her from his own hollow.

None of that had been love. His fear of being alone had made two girls he had believed to love suffer. Knowing this now, he couldn't let Tatsuki go through the same as them. Regardless of how much he liked to see her and how natural it felt for them to be together after so many years of being separated by his own stupidity, he couldn't be selfish enough to tell her he loved her.

He couldn't love anyone. He feared saying that word anymore. He cared for her deeply and the thought of her being hurt by him pained him, he lusted and got along with her when he wasn't being an idiot... Was that enough to be called love?

Still. It was far more than what he had felt for Rukia and Orihime. He _knew _that there was more to his feelings. To him Tatsuki had literally become the embodiment of fresh air in his daily uncertainties. She broke down his defenses and helped him forget everything that made him incomplete.

Yes. He owed her and he couldn't be selfish in paying her unconditionality for helping someone as unreachable as him. He had to think of _her, _rather than himself.

_I was so stupid for asking that! I was trying to get what I want again! What the fuck is _wrong _with me?_

Then his father that obviously pretended to be a moron had to surprise him the day before in his room by saying that he had known everything. Things like this sometimes made Ichigo wonder if he was insane because everyone _else _was. Maybe the madness was in his blood because Isshin had only been upset at the thought of Tatsuki being taken advantage of, not at how he had given a powerful shifty and unpredictable hollow a body to move around in.

_Gue_ss _Ogichi has been calm enough to keep everyone from worrying too much._

_"Ichi-nii! Breakfast is ready!" _he flinched, startled in his bed at the sudden voice yelling from behind his door. Yuzu may be soft-spoken, but she did have a set of lungs on her when it came to such things. Sometimes he could hear her calling from the kitchen as if she were in the hall.

Having been out of his body for so many hours in shinigami form had made him stiff. Just sitting up on his bed reminded him how sore his body was in places he didn't think could even get sore. His neck, shoulders and back were practically popping bones at his movements...

And in spite of everything, he had every intention of seeing Tatsuki. He knew that she had been mad at him for disappearing for the last couple of days. If he stayed in the house like an idiot moaning in pain, he'd just make her believe he was as worthless as he felt he was.

_I'll got to her college as soon as I eat something. _He knew that she wasn't at her house since it was a weekday. Even if it hurt him, he would at least go see her so she wouldn't think wrongly of him again. He had been able to tell that his absence had angered her, mostly because in his own idiocy he hadn't taken the time and presence of mind to tell her what he was doing.

That's why he thought of going to her house in shinigami form in the first place. So she would see it for herself that he wasn't hiding anything from her anymore. It was still a selfish strategy of his, since in being more upfront he was hoping to win her faith him, but it also served to ease her because he wasn't shutting her out of other aspects of his life anymore.

Sighing tiredly, his bones popping as he sat up, he set about doing the regular morning routine of going to the bathroom and then eating some breakfast with the rest of his family. In spite of the soreness, he was able to move about without making any sounds or grimaces of discomfort at the ache of his shoulders and knees.

_I was _really_ rusty._

Making a mental note to not let something like 'getting rusty' happen again, since the future, like always, was uncertain when it came to battle, he finished washing his teeth and fingercombing his already untameable hair and headed downstairs.

As expected, his family was all there, but his father who had been smiling dumbly before he had dragged his feet into the kitchen gave him a specially sharp warning look that said 'I'll be watching you'.

_I liked him more when he was an idiot._

"Nice to see you up early, Ichigo," Karin said flatly, and Yuzu, who was sitting beside her, was slightly surprised to see him there even though she herself had told him that breakfast was ready. In the past couple of weeks since his arrival in Karakura she had yelled for him from the kitchen, yet he never paid any attention and just stayed napping until lunchtime.

He only gave a nod in greeting, not really feeling like speaking because there was an charge in the atmosphere. The energy was familiar, yet he couldn't quite place it. Something about the tension in the room heralded that something unexpected would occur.

Sitting down on his usual seat, he pushed his ponderings aside and began to eat his breakfast as he normally did, however there was something different about this particular morning.

He sensed the older man's eyes on him. With every bite of food he took, he tensed under Isshin's intense, _thoughtful _stare. It was like there was a crazy scheme running wildly through that fantastical brain of his.

_He's up to something or he's going to kick me in the mouth. Is that it?_

Shooting his father a studying glance, he straightened his back, ready for anything. He could already feel adrenaline rushing in his veins at the thought of the man wanting to give him a sudden pounce attack.

Instead, Isshin shocked him by smiling.

"Wow, Ichigo, you should have stayed in bed! You don't look so hot, but then again you never do!"

His left eye twitched. Isshin sure knew how to push his buttons until making him want to kill him.

_He's definitely planning some crazy shit._

"I'm fine," his words were hard, giving no room for negotiation since he knew that Isshin was _waiting _for something from him.

"No, you're not!" Ichigo's eyes grew large as Isshin suddenly rose from his seat so fast that the chair fell on the floor.

"Dad?" Yuzu looked up at their beaming father in questioning.

_I knew it!_

"Your big brother here needs to get some well needed rest-"

"What the hell? I have to go see Tatsuki-!"

"and to take some painkillers! He looks crappier than usual and doesn't know it!" Isshin continued on as if he hadn't uttered a word.

Grinding his teeth at how irrational his father's argue points were, Ichigo gritted out, "I. Don't. _Need. _To go lie down."

He should have known that the glint in Isshin's dark eyes was bad news because before he could prepare to lunge a blow at the bigger older man, his father already knocked him to the floor along with his chair _and _breakfast.

The food from the table fell over his father's back as he was pinned to the floor.

"GET THE FUCK OFF!" he didn't get it! One moment his father was talking about 'painkillers' and now he was actually hurting him! It didn't make a lick of sense!

"Sorry, Ichigo! But daddy knows best!" though he yelled, Isshin tried to sound paternal.

"Dad, you're only hurting him!" Yuzu's voice exclaimed from somewhere in the kitchen.

Trying to knock Isshin's heavy weight off him had been easier in the past. He didn't know if his sore muscles attributed to him being unable to knock him away, or if he was so out of shape that it was impossible. The other possibility was too laughable...

That possibility was that Isshin was actually being serious in spite of smiling like a dumbass.

_Fuck! I think he's for real!_

His father was practically wrestling him to the floor as if trying to smother him, his larger body unyielding on top of his.

"Don't worry... You'll see her today...," hearing his father's low whisper meant only for his ears, he was stunned enough to stop trying to knock him away. That was what unfortunately didn't prepare him for Isshin's fist hitting him directly in the face that thrust him into dark oblivion.

_Should seen this coming..._

* * *

><p>"Dad? Why did you do that to Ichigo?" Yuzu cried when Isshin rose off his now unconscious son.<p>

Without answering his panicking daughter, he smiled fondly at the idiot that was his son. Ichigo no matter what he did, was still a moron. If he thought that he would let him leave the house in that shape he was dead wrong. Isshin knew that he desperately wanted to see Tatsuki and that was why he had decided to 'speed' things up for the two of them.

_Ichigo is doing a crap job with her. Even as an adult, he still needs papa's help._

Dusting his hands, he leaned down to start the process of picking up the unconscious Ichigo that had food splattered all over his clothes and hair.

_Hopefully Tatsuki-chan will not know that it was me that put him in this shape or she won't come over to play 'nurse'._

Snickering to himself, he set Ichigo's limp body over his shoulder as if he were as light as a feather, which to him he was. Ichigo tended to forget that he was used to fighting. He was actually a _veteran _compared to him. Why the kid had been so surprised kind of injured his pride, but he'll let it slide this time.

"Why are you...?" Yuzu trailed off as he walked to the stairs heading to the second floor. He just couldn't take the mischiveous grin of his face. It was kind of fun to play 'matchmaker' even if it involved hurting his already weakened son.

_He'll thank me later._

"If I were you, I wouldn't ask. There's no telling what is going on in that head of his," Karin muttered, still sitting on her seat, eating her breakfast as if nothing had just transpired.

* * *

><p><em>"My poor only male son is in his deathbed and as a final request-," <em>the frantic male voice paused to sniffle wetly, _"-he wanted to see you and hold you tenderly in his arms! To tell you how much he loves you!"_

Tatsuki frowned, holding her cellphone to her ear as Isshin went on to spin a fantastical tale only _he _could come up with. She had already begun to suspect a lie the instant he had started talking about hoodlums jumping on Ichigo and throwing him down three flights of stairs at some mall. The reason why she didn't believe him right of the bat was because One: Isshin wasn't a reliable source of information and Two: he had a bad habit of over-dramatizing things.

"Are you telling me the truth?" she asked slowly while pushing one of the double glass doors that led to the courtyard of her college.

The drawn out silence on the other line had her sighing heavily.

_Is this his way to cover up for Ichigo or is he trying to pull a prank on me?_

_"Yeeeeeeeees...,"_ she slapped a palm on her forehead while rolling her eyes at hearing the slow answer, coming to a stop as other passing students eyed her strangely.

"Listen, Isshin," starting to walk once more since she was practically blocking the entrance of her school, she headed over to another building in which her next class was, "I don't mean to sound cold, but if this is a sick little joke of yours-"

_"Its not a joke!" _Isshin interrupted her too quickly. _"If you don't believe me, come over and see for yourself! Ichigo is so upset that he...," _another sniffle, this time accompanied with a whimper sounded out in the receiver, _"he doesn't even want me to t-t-tend to him!" _the words were finished in an almost convincing wail.

Damn it. Now he was making it hard for her to _not _believe him. If he was telling her to go see Ichigo in bad shape so confidently, _something _must have really happened to him.

Letting her eyes look over to the building she had been approaching, she was torn between going to class and writing off Isshin's story as bullshit, and heading over to the Kurosakis' to see how Ichigo was.

Frustrated, she just couldn't continue with her day while doubting on whether or not Ichigo was alright.

Dragging a hand over her hair, she gritted her teeth, mentally making a note to strangle Isshin for making up something like that.

"When can I come over?"

_"Is right now alright?" _her brows rose at Isshin's suddenly chipper tone. _"And remember to bring some clothes with you and lot's of tender/loving/care!"_

"Say what?" she half shouted and then deflated at realizing that the hyp_e_r man had already hung up, as if knowing she would notice that he was up to something.

* * *

><p><em>"You're <em>such_ a liar! You beat him up! Admit it!" _that was what Ichigo first heard when his bleary pained eyes slowly opened. Blinking against the sunlight entering the window next to his bed, he squinted in direction of the voices and then widened his eyes at seeing an angry Tatsuki repeatedly punching a yelping Isshin on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, but he wanted to go see you while being all bashed up from work!" Isshin's voice whined as he shielded himself futilely from Tatsuki's blows.

"That's no _excuse! _What kind of father beats his son up when he's in bad shape?" growling, she gave a harder solid punch on Isshin's side that him recoiling and yelling girlishly.

Ichigo's brows knitted together as he struggled to understand exactly how he ended up in his bed with a sore nose and seeing a furious Tatsuki about to kill his father. When he went over his first memories of that day, his confused frown turned into a fullblown scowl at recalling being _attacked _while eating his breakfast.

"_Dad...,_" his voice edged evilly from the bed and the one sided argument just a couple of feet away ceased as both Tatsuki and Isshin looked at him, startled.

"She started it!" lamely pointing at Tatsuki, Isshin wasn't fooling anyone.

"I... don't... _care...," _he grounded out slowly and his father paled before looking at Tatsuki anxiously.

"See? See?" now his father's trembling finger was pointing at him accusingly, "I _told _you that he didn't want me to take care of him! This is _proof!" _Theatrical as always, Isshin covered his face with both hands and sobbed, "My own son...," he whimpered,"...doesn't _love_ me! Where have I gone wrong?" To keep up with his drama, he started weeping behind his hands to hide the fact that he was actually very dry-eyed.

Glowering at him as well in spite of his performance, Tatsuki crossed her arms and said sharply, "It's no wonder he doesn't want you to take care of him! You put him _there!"_

_This is _increadible_!_

Leave it to his father to embarass him like that. When he had been in elementary school, he had been submitted to such public fits whenever something bad happened to him. If he had been beat up by other boys, Isshin would rush to the school to throw a fit that not only scared the school director but made his bullies burst out laughing. Now the situation was different since he was doing it in front of a girl he l... _liked_.

Lucky for him, judging from Tatsuki's unamused expression, she was used to it already and didn't hold it against him. He could say that she was one of the few people that could handle Isshin's soap operas and that somehow made a slow smile appear on his lips without him realizing it.

His father was an overwhelming person to be around of. Barely anyone could stand during his exagerated shows as if it were a normal occurance. That just went to show how much Tatsuki knew him and his family. He didn't know why that would make him feel happy, but it did.

Her eyes met his while his father continued his false blubbering. Seeing how they widened, he blinked in confusion. That was when he finally noticed that he had been smiling like a dopey idiot while watching her exchange with Isshin.

Embarassed by being caught, he tried to school his features to no avail as Isshin's muffled crying began to die down.

"Well, enough of that! I'll leave you kids alone now!" as if the guy had an off switch, his father took his shielding hands from his face to beam at them as they stared at him agape.

"What the hell...?" Tatsuki breathed in amazement as Isshin waved sloppily before darting out of the room and slamming the door behind him. All that they could hear of his father now was a riot of very conspicous snickering fading while he ran down the hallway _away _from them.

One of his brows shot up. Even knowing the old man since the day he was born couldn't help him fully understand his way of thinking. Isshin always seemed to be in another world that no one could reach. The only person that had understood and accepted his crazy over the top personality had been his mother that had usually laughed and patted him on the shoulder as if to soothingly say 'There, there'.

"Man, that dad of yours is a piece of work," hearing Tatsuki's murmur, he tried not to smile again. It was like his face kept automatically lifting the corners of his lips. Perhaps it wasn't what had just taken place that made him want to smile, but the fact that she was _there _when earlier that day he had been planning of going to see her again.

Though he didn't like complimenting his old man, he almost felt like thanking him for somehow bringing Tatsuki to him.

The sounds of his bedsprings shifting under his body as he moved to sit up made Tatsuki look at him. Wincing at her measuring stare, he tried to smile apologetically.

"I'm sorry about him suckering you into coming over like this..." it was a lie because he wasn't sorry now that she was there.

Her tense body relaxed as she lowered her arms to her sides. Her own lips smirked and at that he frowned, knowing that she was going to say something so Tatsuki-like.

"Shut up, you know you missed me."

Those words had his heart skip a beat, though they had been said in a teasing tone. Not really something for him to get so excited about, but after Tatsuki's rejection the night before, having her at least playfully acknowledging what he was so afraid of admitting made him nervous. Nervous in a good, nerveracking way. Who would have thought that nervousness would actually feel welcomed?

Giving a laugh, he let his lips twitch into a smirk that was similar to her own, "Yeah, you're right."

Her playful grin faltered slightly and he mentally cursed at making her uncomfortable. It wasn't like he could take the words back already.

"Did you... Did you really miss me? Even if you just saw me last night?" her voice was unusually soft. So soft and almost beseeching that he couldn't hide what he trully wanted to say.

"Yes, I did miss you, Tatsuki," he made sure to be solemn in his admission and all he got was her looking away from him as if discomforted.

Some awkward silence that nearly had him wanting to fidget passed before he heard her scoff softly.

"That's good to hear..." he opened his lips to speak yet he didn't know what to say to her low words as she quickly covered up what she had just let him see by nearing his bedside, saying, "At least he wasn't lying about you looking like crap."

He blinked at that. Somehow having her visiting him while he was lying weakly on his bed reminded him of something that had happened many years earlier. When they had been children and she had visited him in spite of him being sick. It was like history were repeating itself, instead now they were adults. It was eerie just noticing the similarities. Like fate was saying that Tatsuki was always there and always _will _be there for him.

If she thought the same thing he did, she didn't show it. It was hard to handle all that he was feeling for her when he couldn't read her or so much as hear what she herself was feeling.

Smiling at him, like in the past, her hand reached for the top of his blanket to pull it back.

"What-?"

"Shut up! Your dad told me to stay with you and I'll do that, though I wish he hadn't beat you up to get me to come over," he chuckled at her blunt embarassed words as she slowly got on the bed beside him, her warmth heating the side of his body once her delicate weight dipped the mattress. He could tell that she _was _embarassed, because even though their relationship had become more intimate a bright red blush stained her cheeks, even as she confidently shifted her body besides his for a more comfortable position.

Once the blanket was convering the both of them, another silence ensued. He would have minded under different circumstances, but having Tatsuki's head settling next to his on his pillow while she stared absentmindedly at the ceiling, kept him from complaining.

"You should have told me you were in bad shape last night."

Moving to his side so he could face her, he better studied her. He almost wrapped his arms around her instinctively, yet he was content just having her next to him, regardless of the lack of contact.

"Sorry about that, but I didn't feel any pain until this morning...," it was true. Apparently stopping to finally get some needed rest had made all of the running and swinging of his zanpakutoh sink in heavily into his muscles.

She shot him a studying sideways glance, her dark familiar eyes staring into his for what appeared to be an eternity.

"This feels kinda' weird, doesn't it...?" her tone was almost shy as her lips smiled wryly, "Being over here like this...? We haven't been lying on the same bed like this since we were kids..."

He felt his own lips smiling for the hundreth time since she had gotten there. It was an involuntary reaction his face seemed to be having every time she looked and spoke to him.

"I don't find it that weird...," he admitted slowly at first, feeling some shyness as how she stared at him. It wasn't like it bothered him, but her stare was making him feel helpless. No girls had really made him feel that before. "...but I'm glad you came here even though he lied."

A burst of laughter escaped her as she looked away and he felt a piercing pain in his chest because her eyes were no longer boring into his.

"It's so weird seeing this side of you! Usually you're just stuttering like a little kid!"

He rolled his eyes at her reasoning because it was true that he was naturally too shy to say exactly what was on his mind. Opening up to her in order to make her trust him again was at lot harder than he had first thought. It _did _feel good to tell her what was going through his mind, yet he felt as if he were leaving himself vulnerable to everything else.

"I was telling the truth, Tatsuki," her laughter stopped when he confessed that.

Seeing the matured features of the girl he had known for most of his life, someone so comfortable and yet exciting to be around of was exposing him. He disliked being so open and yet he couldn't help himself.

_We're just hanging out... She rejected me, remember? I can't be pressuring her like this!_

Feeling heat crawling into his own cheeks, he moved his body so he could lie flat on his back just like she was, their sides barely brushing. The warm firmness of her fit body was driving him crazy, because she was so close and so far away at the same time. Her warmth, her smell, the fact that she was right beside him, hearing her soft breathing while she stared at him without uttering a word.

"Ichigo...?" he stiffened at the soft hesitant voice. Was she going to reject him again? He didn't think he could handle it another time around. "I... I'm happy to be here with you too..."

If his heart kept leaping in his chest so much, he was going to surely die. Snapping his eyes to hers in surprise, he saw that she didn't look away once their gazes met.

Gulping, not really knowing what to say, he did the only thing he could do that didn't need words and wouldn't lay him out bare.

Under the blanket covering them, his hand reached for hers.

* * *

><p><strong>Well there you have all first 18 chapters folks! Review if you dare! I might have the next chapter out by this weekend, since I'm fully cramming to get out of this pissy writer's block! <strong>


	19. Can't Always Foretell The Unexpected

**Chapter 18**

Things were similar but different from the past. Lying beside Ichigo in comfortable silence made the endless questioning inside Tatsuki's tortured mind come to an end... At least temporarily, which for her had been a small blessing considering how she had been feeling regarding their shaky 'friendship status'.

Nothing needed to be said between them for the moment to be held as precious, yet she knew that many things would be needed to be said in the future; though at that time, with both of them alone in his darknened room, the silence and each other's presences had been enough to keep them from speaking for the longest of times.

_Enjoying the moment._ Someone had once told her that people had to always enjoy the moment because you never knew if that moment would be your last. How come being quiet, hearing someone else's breathing, having someone else's familiar smell surrounding you in his sheets and merely knowing he was there with you probably feeling the same content disorientation feel like a 'moment'?

_Maybe because... I have always lov-_

Shaking her head at her foolish thinking, she uninterestedly watched her sensei calling out names for people who had to get tested for the upcoming meet. She wasn't nervous, simply sitting there on a hard-backed chair as fellow dojo members went inside the small examination room designated for the task of an overall physical check-up.

The night that she had stayed with Ichigo felt like an eternity ago. In fact all of the things they had done from that day forward seemed like an endless dream. Usually when you had fun, time was meant to fly, yet with him, it felt as if they had been side by side for years. Like nothing had separated them in the first place.

Taking their 'agreement' a little too much to heart, Ichigo respected the whole hanging out and starting over deal she had set for him. He respected it so much that he barely laid a hand on her, though on occasion whenever they entered those quiet yet so intimate moments in which they simply enjoyed sitting side by side after running out of words to say, his fingers would graze the back of her hand as if asking permission to hold at least a part of her in his palm. To her, as silly as some may find it, those rare occasions that Ichigo shyly laced his fingers with hers felt as personal as the few times they'd had sex. Something as simple as having his long slightly calloused fingers between her smaller thinner ones was so...

_If I keep this up, I'll start spouting poetry!_

Disgusted with herself, she chewed on her lower lip, suddenly growing impatient with the snail-like pace of the physical check-ups. She didn't like thinking of such revealing things while in the presence of others, because she feared that the helplessly confused expressions that flitted her features from time to time were seen by all that looked at her.

Because of Ichigo's still depressive state of mind, their outings were kept strictly between themselves. No one else was invited and they only stuck to places that she knew their other friends didn't frequent. Orihime had been made aware of this and much to Tatsuki's surprise, she understood their reasons fully, though it was obvious that her friend was dying to be able to see Ichigo again without any regrets for mistakes made in the past.

Things were progressing slowly, but perhaps it was for the best. Deep down, as much as it irked her, she knew that _neither _of them were prepared for a relationship especially after their mistake of involving sex into an already tough situation.

Having no one else to talk to about her doubts, she spoke to the only person that could understand what she was going through.

Orihime. Her friend unconditionally listened to everything she had to say and gave her insightful advice. She never would have guessed that her oftentimes ditzy friend could be so wise when it came to reading into life's hard lessons, but Orihime herself had been through hell and back, so her support shouldn't have been shocking.

That goes to prove that sometimes, even though you think you know everything about a person, that same and seemingly predictable person could turn around and surprise you.

The only downside to her conversations with Orihime, that had first started out as awkward until she gathered enough courage to come clean enough to speak of it naturally, was Ogichi's presence.

The Hollow turned human would either be out of the apartment or sitting in the living room boredly watching television while Orihime took her to the porch to speak more privately... yet that albino with the uncanny resemblance to Ichigo _still _knew what they were talking about. She could hear him snort and mutter to himself whenever she said something about Ichigo's behaviour and sometimes his lowly uttered comments were humorous or on most occasions downright rude, which wasn't news when it came to him.

It was like he had ears on the back of his head or like Orihime said, _"-alien super-powers that give him X-Ray vision and mega-sonic hearing! He can only read thoughts on the new moon though!" _For a brief moment she had almost believed her friend's crazy little green-men story because her husband's perceptiveness was far too abnormal. It was sometimes hard to believe that Ogichi had come from Ichigo himself, seeing that he was freakishly observant even when appearing disinterested while Ichigo struggled to see the smallest of hints other people gave off.

"Arisawa Tatsuki!" she stiffened and raised her once thoughful gaze up to her sensei that stared back in evident annoyance. "I've been calling you this whole time and all you've done is stare off into space!"

She clenched her jaw when everyone else waiting for their own check-ups tittered at the sensei's tone. It wasn't the first time she'd been lost in space and ended up having someone 'real' to calling her back to reality. Lately all she had been able to do was think. Think of what could be and could not be. Thinking of various ways to help Ichigo and trying to see if he was improving. She was being subtle in observing him and asking careful questions about his thoughts about normal day things, but his habit of concealing his true feelings and laughing anything that bothered him off even though it bothered him still got in the way.

It would take her some time to help him let go of his past like a badly remembered dream... Just like she had to let some things go, like her uncertainty about where they trully stood with their strange arrangement. She didn't even know if they were a couple or just friends that made a 'simple' mistake of crossing the line. What exactly _were _they now? He had offered to give her a place in his life by asking her out on a date and she had rejected him because she was unsure of herself and how she was begining to feel about him.

What a pain in the ass...

That damned _feeling. _Could it really be that she may have felt this all along and kept it bottled inside because she thought it was impossible to want him? Had she been too afraid to admit it to him that acted so indifferent and to Orihime that had claimed to love him since middle-school? Had she been _repressing _that deep frightening emotion for so long, forcing herself to stop thinking about it before letting it really grow?

Just what the _hell _was wrong with her?

That uncertainty was what made it hard for her to pay attention to things standing right in front of her as it was and her sensei's present glower told her that she really needed to get her shit together.

Inspite of the heat on her cheeks at being caught in her thoughts, she nodded at her impatient sensei and rose off her seat while rubbing her sweaty palms on her jean clad thighs. Soon everyone would start thinking something was wrong with her if she continued being consumed by her thoughts.

Convincingly ignoring the murmurs from the all male audience that had witnessed her embarassment, she walked into the small makeshift clinical room. It wasn't even a real clinic. Just the sensei's regular office, with it's desk and metal chairs and shelves with trophies that the dojo had won over his years as coach and manager for their group and those before them. The only addition to her sensei's office on this day, was the male doctor sitting behind the desk with an open folder in front of him.

She knew the list of tests and questions that would be asked before the doctor, who apparently had just graduated from medical school, started. Some would be blood tests and others would be urine tests that she would have to conduct privately in the bathroom adjoining the office.

Ordinary drug testing procedures. Nothing more, nothing less... Yet despite it being all routine, she felt a hard compressing sensation in her chest as soon as she sat down on the uncomfortable chair facing the young doctor. It was an unwelcome anxiety. The kind that someone felt when expecting something they didn't want and were afraid of.

"Arisawa Tatsuki?" the young brown haired man looked up from the documents lain out in front of him and smiled almost shyly.

"Yeah," she muttered, feeling that eerie boredom that came with all doctor appointments. Feeling that boredom nearly had her relax into her chair, even though that unusual anticipation still lingered keeping all her nerves unwillingly alert.

Just then as if summoned with a vengeance, that growing heaviness in her chest pounded and seemed to move slowly to her lower belly almost making it cramp. A grimace crossed her features at the odd sensation as she shifted in her seat with a suddenly pale face.

_Something is wrong. I don't know what it is, but something... Something is wrong._

"I'm sure a lot of doctors have already told you about how long some test results take, and that by this afternoon your sensei should have at least half the results...," the male doctor started and she nodded as a cold sweat began to break out over her skin.

Gulping, she forced herself to keep her face attentive, trying to futilely hide how physically uncomfortable she really was.

"-I don't think you should have any worries though because according to your files, you are the one with the most excellent health. Your sensei has never had any difficulties with you in that respect-"

Her throat contracted and blood rushed to her face.

_Oh crap... This can't be happening!_

"Excuse me for a sec!" she interrupted the dumbfounded doctor and before he could could say anything she rushed to the open bathroom close to his desk and slammed the door behind her, all the while holding a hand to her mouth.

Heaving dryly behind her hand, she leaned her back against the closed the door, her stomach muscles twitching uncomfortably, yet painlessly.

After breathing steadily through her nose for what seemed to be hours but were just mere seconds, the sudden nausea that had taken her by surprise eventually subsided.

Removing her hand away from her mouth, she gave a loud sigh of relief, feeling the cold sweat that she had been feeling moments earlier in the office dry on her skin, ending her brief mysterious misery.

_What the heck was that?_

_"Arisawa-san? Are you alright?"_ the doctor's voice called from the other side of the door.

"Crap!" she hissed under her breath. For a moment she had almost forgotten that she had run out on the doctor.

Taking a deep breath and running a hand over her cool forehead, she mentally assured herself that no more surprise ailments were going to take her offguard again. At least that was what she thought because she felt closer to normal now that the nausea was gone.

"Y-Yeah! Sorry about that!"

Shaking her head, she turned around and opened the door, prepared to continue on with her physical like nothing had transpired; successfully pushing what had just happened to the back of her mind.

* * *

><p>In just a couple of more hours, Ichigo would see Tatsuki again. He had been counting the minutes away, unable to do anything for himself while waiting. It was pitiful but having her familiar presence and wry remarks on normal things, at least things that he deemed as normal, was the only thing he had to look forward to during the too long days of being cooped up in his house.<p>

Due to staying out for most of the nights doing Hollow patrol, regardless of how much Rukia had already told him how unnecesary it was for him to 'work' on weekdays, he used the day to just rest up... His father didn't want him touching anything in the clinic, his sisters had school and when they weren't attending classes they had social lives or like in Yuzu's case, housework and cooking or girly things that he couldn't begin to understand.

But there was a secret reason why he didn't go out and socialize during the day and that reason was quite simple and yet complicated because he did sometimes yearn to walk out in the street without any worries...

He didn't want people that recognized him stopping him for idle talk. He still couldn't handle it fully; well he didn't think he could handle it because so far he hadn't tried since that day that he had spied on Tatsuki and their group at that restaurant. The brief ripple of discomfort that had passed through him on that specific day was something that he didn't want to experience any time soon.

Yeah, he was a coward, but Tatsuki was helping him get back on track. She didn't have to do much to make him feel at ease and didn't act shocked at his appearance or strange random comments that burst from his lips like he knew their other friends would. It was like they knew everything about each other and at the same time were _relearning. _

Over the past week he had discovered things about Tatsuki he hadn't taken into notice before. Things he hadn't known at all because of the years he had kept her at arm's length.

He hadn't known that she didn't like sugarfree things in spite of her constant supposedly 'all healthy' diets. That she still read some manga and what was more shocking, while he had been in her room he had spied some shojo manga stuffed haphazzardly between her bed's headboard and wall. The thought of that surprisingly feminine thing in her room full of band posters, corners with stacked books and strewn clothes and complete and utter lack of girlish frills, still brought a smile to his face. She also didn't like the new sitcoms on tv and preffered watching reruns and most of the shows she enjoyed were unshockingly about martial arts or detective mysteries.

These were things he hadn't taken into account before because he had dumbly spent so much time staying far away from everyone even though they were physically right beside him.

Then there was how genuine her laugh could be. Tatsuki didn't giggle or hide her smiles like most feminine girls... No. She laughed with her whole body into it. Her eyes would always light in mirth everytime she threw her head back to laugh heartily. It was rare for her to have a full on guffaw, yet when she did, he couldn't help love watching her as if hoping that her short-lived humor would infect him and ease some of the heaviness he constantly carried on himself.

However, he was still fearful of thinking that there was more to them than attraction and a strong bond of friendship. He didn't think he was worthy of anything more that her friendship in the first place. Giving into love again and handing it to her when he felt so incomplete and weakened by merely breathing for yet another day didn't seem fair for all she was doing for him. Just having her hanging out and filling him into what was new in Karakura should have kept him content, but like always he selfishly wanted more from her.

_I swore to myself that I would respect her this time!_

He knew what he wanted... He wanted her to accept him fully. To be a permanent vital part of her life. Something more than old friend with a load of emotional problems that needed resolving.

But how could he want that when he was so damned afraid of giving that very same thing all away again?

A groan of defeat left his lips as he dimly heard the distant hum of a vaccum cleaner being turned on somewhere in the house. He really needed to get a tv in his room. Just lying around in bed, reading old magazines or listening to music made time go by so slowly. Slowly enough to drive the sanest person crazy. His faulty reasoning for staying holed up in his room while there were other people in the house was because he didn't like having his family seeing how anxious he felt.

One look at him would tell even a stranger that he could pounce or bolt any second. That he could crack like aged pottery.

_Ogichi is right about me being pathetic._

The erratic gritty suctioning sounds of the vacumm cleaner being moved accross the rugs downstairs was oddly soothing to him. Normal, proving that life still kept going on. Every day Yuzu would clean, every day Karin would say dry comments about the going ons around them and their father would still act like an idiot begging to be pounded by his fists.

Life still _flowed._

That thought, as stupid as he may have found it in the past, had him smiling.

_I can still move on from this..._

It was _proof _that he could be normal some day in the future; that not all hope was lost for him.

A new unwelcomed sound broke the meditative humming of Yuzu's cleaning and at this he jerked into sitting position, snapping out of his trance. Now he felt like an idiot for going into a zen-like state because of a noisy vaccum-cleaner.

_Who the heck could be coming over the house at this time of day?, _Running a hand through his unruly hair, he winced. Karin and Isshin both had keys and Yuzu, well he couldn't actually ever remember Yuzu having many friends to hang out with so having someone ringing the doorbell startled him.

Hearing the soothing sound, that now seemed like a racket to him, being shut off, he silently waited.

He heard no shouting or struggles, he couldn't even hear his younger sister's voice which was odd to him because the entrance of the house was right underneath his room. He _should _hear his sister's greeting and some low mumble of voices, not a thick tense quiet.

Knowing how unusual it was, he thought it was best to get his heavy body out of bed and see what was happening, even if whoever made a surprise visit was there to see him specifially.

_Perfect. What if its Ito or someone else I never want to see again?, _An annoyed scowl appeared on his face at the thought without him being aware of it. His face, no matter how he tried to smooth it over, always instinctively fell into hard unfriendly lines of irritation. Scowling was practically permanent.

Leaving his room almost reluctantly, he padded silently down the hallway to the head of the stairs that led to the entrance of his house. He was so quiet and slow in his movements that he didn't warn the two people speaking quietly, unaware of his presence.

_What the hell is this?, _his eyes widened and a abrupt surge of outrage coursed him at what he saw taking place on the open doorway of his house.

Ishida was standing a bit too close to his sister. Far too close for Ichigo's like and what made him seethe about the other man's closeness to Yuzu, was that she didn't push him away or seemed uncomfortable by it. In fact, she appeared to be listening with heavy concentration to every low word he spoke to her as if agreeing with him.

Frozen on the spot, he saw as Ishida's hand rose and squeezed his sister's shoulder and how she trembled while nodding.

"Mind explaining to me what the hell you're doing here, _Ishida_?" he gritted through his teeth, hating what he was seeing and how his dirtied mind conjured the possible answers as to why his former classmate was so damned intimate not only with someone that was his sister, but someone that was _underaged _of all things.

The two of them pulled away from each other, putting up a respectable distance as if they had been doing something naughty, which in his mind they were though they were merely speaking and not doing something even slightly sinful.

_Still... What the fuck is he doing here talking to my _sister_? I didn't even know they knew each other well enough to have visits like this! And why did he have to put his _hand _on her like that?_

"Ah... Kurosaki...," Uryuu coughed and looked away from him, clearly and very wisely, intimidated by his murderous glare.

"Ichi-nii? I thought you were still sleeping!" looking at his sister he could see how nervous she was by how her bright smile trembled under his dark stare.

"Well I wasn't."

"Oh...," she cleared her throat softly behind her hand, her eyes shooting a quick glance at the tense Uryuu that appeared to be just as twitchy as she was. "Then," her forced smile wavered some more, threatening to disappear at any given moment, "I guess... I'll go back to cleaning then!"

"Yeah," his humorless hard tone didn't change as he continued to pointedly stare at her.

Once she left them quickly with her eyes looking everywhere but him, his sharp eyes fell on Uryuu.

"I asked you a question, _Ishida. _What do you want?" hearing no answer from the other man, he crossed his arms and slowly started descending the stairs. Thankfully Uryuu didn't move from his spot which gave him more than enough time to ask him very thoughroughly why he was there speaking so intensely with his younger sibling.

"What were you and Yuzu talking about?" he tried to ask that question conversationally, seeing that Uryuu was reluctant to answer.

"Well," he coughed again which made Ichigo's eyes narrow threateningly on him the moment he stood just inches in front of the man, "... you see..."

"I see _what _exactly?" the more Uryuu the beat around the bush with the subject, the more he felt like beating the answers out of him.

"We were...," the intimidated Uryuu straightened his back and stared at him straight in the eyes. "We were actually discussing you, Kurosaki."

"_Really? _Did you have to _touch _her and _breathe _over her face while talking about me?"

In that instant, he _saw _it. The slightest widening of alarm in Uryuu's dark blue eyes.

"What are you trying to say?" he had to give him some credit for keeping his tone composed.

"What do you _think _I'm trying to say?"

_Strange... Now that I notice it... Yuzu hasn't turned the vaccum-cleaner back on..._

Shaking his head, Uryuu almost looked offended by his question.

"You're seeing things where there aren't any."

_Yeah fucking right., _Clenching his teeth together, he took hold of one of Uryuu's thin shoulders and attempted to push his outside.

It came as no surprise that he put up a fight and tried to jerk himself away from his hand, "What hell do you think you're doing-?"

"Shut it!" his hand squeezed, purposely digging his fingers to show he meant bussiness. "Anything you have to say to me, will be said outside, _away _from my _sixteen year old sister!_"

The thinner smaller man stiffened, his eyes giving off a glimmer of understanding.

"Ichi-nii-?" Yuzu cried out somewhere behind him as he dragged the still uncooperative Uryuu outside.

"Stay in the house and don't come out until I say so, Yuzu!" he shouted, not wanting to look at her. The mere _idea _that something was going on between his former classmate and innocent younger sister made it unbearable for him.

"Do as he says!"

"But-!"

"Just stay inside while we handle this!" hearing their exchange was enough to grate under his skin.

_How could I have not _seen _what was happening under the roof of my own home? How could I be so stupid?_

* * *

><p>This goes to prove that he still had a long way to go before truly knowing the people that had been around him for so many years.<p>

_Damn it! I know that nearly throwing up got my sensei all riled up!, _Never in her life as a fighter for the dojo had she been called in to read test results. Usually her sensei told them all in a group that everything turned out fine, never calling people out individually.

The strange ailment hadn't happened again, but it was evident that the doctor had a big mouth and just _had _to mention it out of medical concern.

That was why, after going to her morning classes, she was standing outside of the gym waiting for her sensei to call her inside for the private test reading, if it _was _a test result that got him nervous in the first place. Leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, she bit the inside of her cheek, feeling impatient at how long her sensei was taking in calling her inside.

She didn't want to admit it, but the mystery was making her nervous. There was nothing wrong with her that she knew of, discounting the rare moments in which she felt ill whenever Ichigo was in one of his dark wordless moods.

This time was different though. _This _time she had gotten ill without Ichigo's influence. In fact what she had felt while being around the doctor had been a strong sense of forboding. Such a strong sudden wave of it that made her nauseated.

_Who am I kidding? Maybe I _am _really sick and it shows up now!, _That didn't help her feel any better. If she did have a terminal barely detectable disease, that could mean her days were numbered. Then again if it turned out to be just a lecture from her sensei about her having to take better care of her health, she would be pissed at wasting her time when she could be heading over to Ichigo's house like she did every day since they'd decided to start knowing each other again.

_"_Arisawa?" flinching at the sound of her name, she looked over at her sensei.

_Whatever it is... can't be good., _She had known her sensei for years, in fact she had known him since she had first started at the dojo ever since she could walk and throw a punch. He was normally a loud, harsh man, not unkind, but with a strong forceful personality that let everyone know who was boss in the place, so seeing him saying her name so solemnly made many questions rise in her throat.

"It's not good, is it?" that question left her lips before she could stop herself.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and lowly murmured, "Just come inside, the doctor wishes to speak with you."

Swallowing, she nodded and followed the large man inside the dark interior of the empty gym. Because of the physical check-ups, the dojo had the day off, so there being anyone inside the gym at all boded ill with her.

_Because they're only sticking around for me..., _She had the dumb question 'Am I going to die?' on the tip of her tongue, but she held herself back at seeing the doctor standing inside waiting for them, a gentle harmless smile on his lips.

_He doesn't look like he's got bad news... That doesn't explain why sensei is so tense though., _Her eyes strayed to the sealed envelope the doctor held in his hands before glancing at the stony faced man walking alongside her.

"Sorry for having to have you come all the way here." She nodded jerkily at the doctor's words, too tense to say much of anything else.

Hearing a sigh, her nervous eyes shifted to her sensei and she noted that he dragged a hand over his hard face showing a tiredness she hadn't ever noticed in him before.

"Listen, Arisawa...," she gulped, yet kept her back straight and her face relaxed though internally she was becoming a wreck. "You...," her sensei's dark eyes looked at her apologetically, "You can't participate in the meet."

She blinked stunned, her eyes moving from him to the doctor that continued to smile, holding that damnable envelope that she suspected hid the real reason why she couldn't go to the meet she had been preparing for weeks for.

"Wait... What?" her eyes kept looking between the two men in confusion.

Seeing that as his cue, the doctor began gently as if he were speaking to a child throwing a tantrum, "If you go to the meet or continue practicing for the time being, your health could be greatly jeopordized-"

"What the hell do you mean that my _health _could be jeopordized?" she snapped heatedly and her sensei groaned shaking his head at her outburst.

The young doctor's face turned red in either embarassment or anger at her show of temper. Perhaps he felt frightened at the fact that she was one of the champions at the dojo or because he wasn't used to having people just going off. Whatever the case she was pissed because neither him nor her sensei were giving her any clear answers.

"Just give her the test results so she could know for herself," a hint of impatience and resignation edged in her sensei's voice.

"Right...," the doctor blushed more furiously, "how rude of me."

As soon as the envelope was offered to her, she yanked it moodily from his hands and tore noisily at the thing, already desperate to see whatever conclusive document laid inside it.

Nearly ripping out the neatly folded piece of paper from the destroyed envelope, she gave a final glare at the doctor as if blaming him for whatever misunderstanding or medical mistake he may have committed in her testing earlier during the day.

Unfolding the thing harshly, all she saw was a line up of results. Mere numbers and codes for blood minerals, blood sugar and ordinary drug tests.

_What the heck am I supposed to be looking for? I don't understand this medical mumbo-jumbo!_

"Ahem."

Her glower shot up to the doctor's nervous eyes in annoyance.

"The result you're looking for is at the bottom."

"You're the only that takes that test here, Arisawa," grinding her teeth at her sensei's added low words, she searched for the result that was making everything in her day all the more difficult.

_What?, _Her breath hitched as her disbelieving eyes saw _it. _

"This... This has to be some kind of mistake!" she exclaimed, denying what was in the clutched piece of paper in her trembling hands.

"Actually, because of your physical shape and lack of sickness, I estimate that you have been along about a month-"

"This is absolute bullshit!" she shouted, crumpling the paper in her hand and tossing it on the floor, her wide eyes looking at the discomforted doctor in both rage and hope. "Those tests aren't always conclusive, so it might be some kind of mistake!"

"Arisawa... The doctor used about three tests on the urine sample you gave him and they all came back with the same result. I didn't believe it myself, but..."

_No...!, _Panting in shock at what the now balled up paper had shown her, she shook her head frantically. It was just too hard for her to believe. It was the wrong time! This kind of thing usually happened to other people, but never to _her. _

With her heart pounding strongly, she gulped dryly, feeling as if her throat had been scraped with a scalpel. Even her stomach protested as that nausea that had plagued her that morning during the doctor's consultation came back, but swallowing repeatedly and breathing steadily though quickly in her shock kept her from disgracing herself in front of the two men.

"Now you see why you can not go to the meet? It's not only risky, but its illegal endangerment-"

Her mind didn't register her sensei's explanation. In fact she could no longer hear _both _of them.

_It can't be... _

Though she repeatedly told herself that, she knew that it was true. She should have seen the signs and known that things like this _could _happen to her. She was no different than everyone else just because she had never been faced with such a problem before.

"Luckily, you appear to be in the first stages, so if you want you could come over to my clinic to have your-"

She closed her eyes at how fast everything was moving. How fast someone's life could change at the blink of an eye or a simple routine test that she had never tested positive in.

"-pregnancy monitored-"

_Pregnant... I'm... _pregnant.

As harsh as it was, it was her reality. She was pregnant and probably had been from the first night her and Ichigo had had sex together. Sucking in a deep breath, she let the truth wash over her. She couldn't do anything else but accept it because it wasn't like she could will her body to change at will.

_How am I going to handle this now? It's not like everything has been easy from the begining..._

* * *

><p><em>BOOOOM! Yes! Finally! After so long a new chapter is out! I was kinda rusty, so I hope it didn't suck much! And don't feel shy about reviewing. I had planned this little plot twist from the begining but because my stupid brain couldn't process it properly, I hit a writer's block on this particular chapter. *whimpers* Hopefully it WONT happen again! I plan on finishing this story even if it kills me! Not literally, but I guess you guys get the point... *grins sheepishly* This chapter should have come out sooner but because of my crappy internet (public airwaves that neighbors like to hog up on weekends slows my net down bigtime) I couldn't upload fast enough. It just kept being too slow or disconnecting because of stupid IP conflicts and whatnot. Stupid linksys and selfish net hoggers! *shakes fist at them*<em>


	20. The Importance Of Family

**Warning: **OCC, Angst, Fluff *gags* I'm really BAD at fluff.

**Chapter 19**

What should someone do when faced head on with such a problem? Should they tell the other person as soon as possible or handle it by themselves?

Tatsuki didn't know what to do. It was like her mind had gone completely blank as the news of her pregnancy washed over her in a confusing wave of fear and a strange sort of elation. The unusual smidge of excitement the news brought her was easily over-powered by her fear, not allowing her to actually get used to the idea of carrying another life inside of her.

A life her and Ichigo had created unknowingly. What she had growing so innocently inside her womb was a part of a both of them and proof of what they had done in a moment of desperation.

_I should have known. We had never used a condom. I never thought of telling him to use one either..._

She knew why she had never told him to use protection during their sexual encounters. When they let their guards down, giving into lust, neither one of them were capable of coherent thoughts. All they could both think about was joining and finishing together so that the twisted intimacy they had gained could overwhelm them again and again. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that only Ichigo could make her feel that way. If she were with another guy, she doubted that he could make her so careless.

Yeah, if it hadn't been Ichigo, she would have definitely remembered a condom.

_I have to... I have to tell him._

Though on the outside she looked determined and confident, on the inside she was crumbling with uncertainty over _how _to tell him that it was no longer about _them _anymore. Now a child was dragged into it. Someone that hadn't asked to be created. Someone that shouldn't know what was happening around his or her parents because no child should ever learn that he was conceived by accident.

A very _negligent _move on her and Ichigo's part.

Unconciously, her hand lingered on her belly as if she were comforting the small life inside while she walked over to the Kurosaki Clinic. Her hand had been doing that a lot since she had been told of her pregnancy. Just thinking about the child's suffering made her constantly reach out with comfort. It almost made her scoff out loud.

_Right now he's the size of pea and yet I want to make sure he's okay._

Now she could see why Orihime was so enthusiastic and _paranoid _with her own pregnancy. Knowing that someone else's life depended on her love and body gave her a feeling of disbelief, anxiety and...

Pride.

It was all too strange a feeling for her. Was it even normal to feel pride at having something new counting on her to live? Bringing and giving life? Shit... It was almost godlike, though she knew about the X and Y chromosomes and how the sperm fertilized the ovum and all of those natural genetic wonders that had to do with Mother Nature.

_I'm just being stupid._

Still rubbing her stomach, she took a deep steadying breath and eyed the glass doors leading into the clinic. She didn't know if she should just go up to his house or go straight to the clinic...

_What am I freaking thinking? Going to the clinic? Its like I'm announcing to his entire family that I'm pregnant before telling him about it! Geez! I might as well get a megaphone to yell it all over the street!_

Wanting to kick herself because of her not thinking anything clearly since hearing the startling news, she walked away from the glass doors and headed over to the wooden gate leading to the entryway of the house. The mere act of pushing through the gate had her nervousness spike and she almost froze on the open gateway with her eyesight glued to the concrete walkway that ended at his front door, wanting to both flee and go forward.

Telling Ichigo was the correct thing to do, yet... She wasn't sure that he could really handle such a responsability. Hell, she didn't know if she couldn't handle it herself. She felt like she was heading off to battle instead of walking to his house!

Inwardly battling with what to do, she was surprised by the slow hesitant female voice in front of her, "Tatsuki-chan?"

"Huh?" jerking up her vacant trembling gaze from the ground, she straightened her back at seeing Yuzu, Ichigo's younger sister standing there staring back at her in questioning. Looking at the younger girl now for some reason reminded Tatsuki of how Orihime had been like at that young age.

So innocent... But _hiding _a secret pain. She could see it in Yuzu's large young eyes. There was the slightest moisture of evaporating tears still clinging to her lashes and her sad attempt at a warm welcoming smile was brittle and easily breakable.

_She's been crying for awhile..._

"What happened?" she blurted out and just as those words left her lips Yuzu's eyes filled with fresh tears.

Obviously trying to keep herself from breaking down, she sniffed loudly, keeping that unnerving small sad smile on her lips. "Ichi-nii fought with Uryuu-kun..."

"What?"

_Why the heck would Ichigo fight with Ishida? What the hell has gotten into him?_

"We-we wanted to wait to tell him-," Tatsuki stared at the now lowly sobbing girl in growing disbelief, "bu-but he found out and got so angry at both of us!"

_Ishida and Yuzu-chan? _She _was the one he was seeing?_

Yuzu tearfully continued, giving up on hiding how she truly felt, "Dad had to separate them-!" the back of her hand sloppily wiped at the tears over her cheeks, "and Uryuu-kun was knocked unconscious when Ichigo threw him against the wall! I'm-I'm so worried but Ishida-sensei told me that he wants me to stay away from Uryuu-kun so I don't even know how he's doing! And Dad... hasn't talked to me ever since he took Ichigo into the clinic! He told me to stay out...!" Probably unable to speak because of her crying, Yuzu just continued to sob while wrapping her arms around herself, her eyes looking at her almost beseechingly as if she could do or say something to aliviate the problem suddenly thrust at them.

_How can I tell Ichigo what's going on if _this_ is going on over here? Damn! Even Ishida's father got mixed up in this!_

"You said...," Tatsuki swallowed to clear her voice, "he's inside the clinic with Isshin?"

Yuzu nodded a bit too eagerly.

"Ichi-nii can't stand to look at me! He to-told me when I tried to stop him from hurting Uryuu-kun!"

_Damn it, Ichigo!_

Without a good plan or any words to solace for the broken girl, she spun around to run over to the clinic she had been standing so hesitant in front of moments earlier. She was definitely angry at fate's screw up. It was like all of their problems came in groups. Before you could get out of one problem, another one had to rear its ugly head to fuck with what little peace you had left!

Luckily the double glass doors to the clinic were unlocked when she burst through them. Already knowing the general layout of the place, she continued her purposeful run towards the short hallway that had three single patient rooms.

_"-WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN? YOU _KNEW _ABOUT THIS AND STILL LET IT HAPPEN? SHE'S SIXTEEN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD-!"_

_"Ichigo, you really need to calm down. Ishida-"_

_"HOW COULD YOU LET THEM KEEP GOING ON LIKE THIS? SHE'S YOUR _DAUGHTER!"

A long sigh followed Ichigo's outraged shouts.

"Ichigo..." Pausing in the hallway, she could literally feel ripples of raging energy emanating from the room the yelling came from. Ichigo was obviously still out for Uryuu's blood after discovering the secret relationship. Tatsuki herself was still reeling at the truth, yet she knew Uryuu well enough to say that he wasn't the kind of guy that played around with serious matters.

If he dared to go into a relationship with Yuzu and still had enough balls to face a fully pissed off Ichigo in a fight that he couldn't win on equal ground, he was being pretty damned serious.

_"You know that the legal consent age-"_

_"Fuck the legal consent age! She's still underaged and he's almost twenty already!"_

_"I know! I know!" _Even Isshin himself was losing patience with Ichigo's mood.

This was like living the past all over again. This time, instead of Orihime's apalling sexual connection with a Hollow, it was Yuzu's relationship with Uryuu. Though Japan did indeed have laws that said that certain ages didn't matter as long as it was consensual, Tatsuki could see why Ichigo was so livid with his younger sister and former classmate.

No one, no matter what age, wanted to admit that their younger sibbling was with someone they knew. If Yuzu had been with someone else, Ichigo would have still been protective of her, but not to the point of physical violence like he was now.

There weren't any legal grounds to actually stop that relationship because it was allowed by the law. But what about a family's opinion? Could that be what was underneath it all? Family?

_Maybe he's not mad about them being together... Maybe he's angry because he wasn't told about it._

Whatever the case, Ichigo's fit had just created a problem that could have been avoided if everyone had just sat down and spoken like adults. He wanted to continue protecting everyone, but unluckily for him, not everyone needed or wanted protecting. He had made that mistake with Orihime over a year earlier and of course he had done the same with Tatsuki by shutting her out from his double-life of being a high-school student and shinigami.

_"She should be with a guy her own age or at least someone that's still in high-school!"_

_"Don't be so old-fashioned! Ishida has always been very respectful towards your sister-!" _it was evident that Isshin was trying in his hardest to put some lightness into the conversation. Perhaps hoping it would soothe Ichigo's temper.

It of course didn't work.

_"If he respects her so much, then why the heck was his father so surprised when he found out about him and Yuzu? Can you explain _that _to me? If he really wants to be with her like he said he does, he wouldn't be hiding this stuff from everyone! If he had come right out and said it instead of being all embarassed and covering up, I wouldn't have gotten so damned pissed at him! I don't want Yuzu with a coward that doesn't give her place! How long was he planning on keeping this up?"_

Isshin remained quiet for the longest time that Tatsuki began to wonder if he even had a reply for Ichigo's snappish words.

_Might as well go in there and see if I can do anything... Ichigo doesn't seem to be ready to cool off and Yuzu-chan... Crap! Why couldn't this have happened on some other day?, _She felt a bit of guilt at being angry at the situation. Like it was Uryuu's and Yuzu's fault for being caught on the specific day she found out she was pregnant. She felt ashamed because it wasn't like life had perfectly spaced timing. Sometimes things came slowly while in others these _things_ came like a tsunami.

_This _was definitely a tsunami. A couple of problems happening all at once. All disconnected yet having one thing in common.

Ichigo. The problems always ended up meeting up with him as if he were a magnet to it all.

_What will be next...?_

Forcing all anxiety from her face, she walked as calmly as possible to the room the heated mostly one-sided conversation had been taking place. It wouldn't help if she ran in there ready to crack heads open when Ichigo was wishing to do that himself.

_What if being too calm is too obvious? What if he _notices _something is off with me?_

There was no time to think about that. If he thought something was wrong with her falsely calm demeanor then she could use the shock of Uryuu's and Yuzu's relationship as a good excuse. In fact, she was still surprised about it, though her surprise was shadowed by nervousness at even thinking of telling him the real reason she wanted to see him.

When she reached the door, she knocked gently. Far too gently to be heard by the two men inside. Gulping at that, she rapped the door a bit harder and got the desired response.

_"Hold that there while I see who it is," _these words were said lowly by Isshin and at hearing his voice, she straightened her back and tried to smile tentatively before he opened the door.

"Tatsuki-chan!" she visibly flinched at the sudden exclamation that burst from the once solemn sounding man. Before she could dodge the grabby Isshin, her body was ingulfed by a pair of strong hairy arms.

_This guy sure gets over stuff fast! I wonder if half his brain is missing!_

Because of her unwanted hug attack, she couldn't see Ichigo rising from the stretcher he had been sitting on. "Tatsuki's here?"

"My _real _third daughter came to visit Papa! You're worth fifty-thousand Ichigos! I can now die a happy man now that you're here pressed to my strong manly chest!" Isshin blubbered happily, rubbing his cheek against the spiked hair on the top of her head as she twitched in annoyance.

"Would you cut it out, Dad? No female in her right mind would want her face anywhere near your chest!"

"You're just jealous-!"

"Just shut up and let go of her already! Can't you see she doesn't like it?"

She was relieved when Isshin finally released her from his uncomfortable hold. If things had been different, she would have slugged him for surprising her like that, but at present she was still numbed by all that was taking place.

"You're a cruel son!" the older man pouted angrily, thankfully a safe distance from her.

Finally able to see the damage done on Ichigo, she winced inwardly at seeing that even though Uryuu had been outmatched by Ichigo's size and shinigami fighting skills, he had still taken a fair amount of blows in the fight.

_Ishida must have really let loose._

One of his eyes was nearly swollen shut in a purpling bruise and from the waddled up gauze pressed to his equally swollen nose, Tatsuki had a feeling that his nose had actually been broken at some point during the fight. From what she could see of Ichigo's skinned reddened knuckles, Uryuu had to have been thoroughly pummeled himself. She didn't even want to imagine the shape the Quincy was in.

_Must have been really bad if his father had to take him out the clinic..._

"I think...," her gaze landed on the sulking Isshin, "I think you should go outside with Yuzu," his childish pout began to dissipate. "She really needs someone right now..."

At the mention of Yuzu's name, tension began to grow in the room and she guessed that most of that tension came from Ichigo himself as Isshin that nodded gravely at her suggestion left them, probably as uncomfortable about the situation as they were.

After hearing the glass doors of the clinic opening and closing, she forced her eyes to stare directly at the silent Ichigo that valiantly stared back at her. He could tell she was upset with his attitude towards his sister. He should know by now that his sister was not only torn up by the fight between him and Uryuu but by the fact that he didn't want to be anywhere near her.

"Mind telling me what happened?" she asked as calmly as she could muster.

"You know everything," was all he said.

"Yeah," she crossed her arms and raised a brow at him, "and I'm sure at least half of Karakura does too since you took the fight to the middle of the street."

He grimaced, either from actual pain or embarassment, maybe both, because with a battered face any physical expression would be pure torture.

"I just... I just didn't like seeing them together like that..." she closed her eyes almost defeatedly at his whispered words. It was all repeating itself... He had lashed out similarly a year earlier. He had even yelled and cursed at Orihime at the high-school's rooftop when she had admitted to willingly giving her virginity to his inner Hollow. At that time he hadn't taken into consideration how sensitive Orihime was to such crude words directed towards her. It had taken Tatsuki about forty minutes to talk her out of her crying because of his insults. For crying out loud! He had practically called Orihime a whore in front of their school!

Ichigo wasn't precisely discreet when gripped by rage. He'd usually let _everybody _know he was pissed.

"Why should you be upset by this, Ichigo?" she didn't need to open her eyes to know that he was gaping at her.

"Isn't it _normal_ for me to be upset? Yuzu's never even had a boyfriend or gone on dates before and now I find out that she's been secretly going out with Ishida for _months? _I didn't even know she was working with him in that sewing side bussiness of his until I punched him a couple of times! Why shouldn't I be pissed at them-?"

"Ichigo!" she interrupted him, snapping her eyes open to see his fuming face. His lips pressed into a thin line at her reprimanding tone, but she really had to stop him before he continued with the same screw ups he had already committed in the past.

"You _really _need to hear all sides of a story before starting fights like this!" he opened his mouth to argue, but she continued onward, "_Remember _what happened last time! You can't protect _everyone _and not everyone needs protecting! There's only _one _you! You can't take it all on!"

"But she's still a _kid!_"

"She might still be a kid for a lot of things, but she's old enough to choose who she wants to be with! And to be honest, Yuzu is a lot more mature than _most _people our age! Haven't you noticed that she's practically been a housewife since she was six, cleaning up and cooking after _all _of you? She's been taking care of all of you instead of having a regular social life!"

Whatever arguments Ichigo had lined up to counter her died on his lips before he could voice any of them; because it was all true. His little sister had been doing the work of two people since a young age.

Closing his one unwounded eye, his chin lowered to his chest almost as if shamed by what she had just told him.

"You don't understand... I don't want her to get hurt..."

The anger she had felt began to wane as her rigid posture relaxed.

"He won't hurt her. He isn't the type...," he scoffed at her intuitive revelation.

Lowering her arms to her sides, she told him what she knew, deeply hoping it would make him more accepting of what he had discovered, "I can tell because of the way he talks about her."

His wide eyes looked at her, "You _knew _about this too?"

"Now don't start arguing with me! I knew _about _him seeing someone, I just didn't know who that someone was!" she wasn't in the mood to deal with one of Ichigo's 'nobody-tells-me-anything' tantrums.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed harshly.

"And what does he say about her?"

"That he loves her so much that he's scared of losing her. He was even depressed at the thought of not being with her." The few times her and Uryuu had briefly spoken of his relationship, he had let that much be clear. She had noted that he was desperate to tell anybody about his lover, yet something seemed to be holding him back.

_Yuzu-chan must have told him not to tell anybody because of Ichigo., _her eyes widened as the realization hit her. Uryuu hadn't been cowardly in his part, but respecting his lover's own wishes. Yuzu didn't appear to want to upset her already depressed older sibbling, so she _must _have told him to remain quiet.

Uryuu would have told Ichigo from the begining if it hadn't been for that.

"He should have told me-"

"Yuzu told him not to," she quickly cut him off.

"What?"

"Don't ask me how I know all of this," she made a face, because it was yet another one of those occasions in which she knew something without being told. "Just know that Ishida isn't playing with Yuzu-chan and would have told you as soon as he started seeing her."

A familiar tremble in Ichigo's eyes let her know that he was heavily weighing what she had said.

"I've... I've messed up again, haven't I?" lowering his head once more, he hid his tortured eyes from her.

"I think anyone would have reacted the same-" he shook his head at her reasoning.

"No, I keep messing up because I don't bother to know this stuff about my own family. I can't believe that after being here for a while, I hadn't figured out that Yuzu was working with Ishida... I've spent so much time in my room ignoring everybody and their routines that I hadn't noticed it. For all I know Karin probably has a boyfriend herself and it totally flew past me."

"She _did _have a boyfriend, but she dumped him a couple of months before you came back here," she smirked wryly when he chuckled.

"I'm totally hopeless," though there was a smile in his voice, he still sounded somewhat dejected.

"You can't help it. You're barely learning how to handle this stuff...," her words trailed off when he looked at her.

"I would have a tougher time if it weren't for you showing me how to..."

Why did her breathing stop every time Ichigo said anything that made her feel important to him?

She _wanted _to be important to him. More than just a friend, but something he needed and couldn't live without, because she felt like she couldn't live without him as it was.

He was far more important to her than he imagined. He had become a permanent center to her every thought and now with a child...

"You shouldn't rely so heavily on me. You're learning a lot of this by yourself. I'm just here reminding you that you have it in you," embarrassed by his earlier words, she looked away from him, still debating about telling him about the baby or keeping it to herself until he s_aw _that she was pregnant.

_I'll have to tell him someday..._

"You're hiding something from me," his voice was close and she stiffened, fully aware that he had seen through her facade.

"How can I hide anything from you, when you already know everything there is to know about me?" she whispered apprehensively, privately praying that he wouldn't see the truth in her attitude change.

"Whatever. If you're not ready to tell me, then fine. We have plenty of time so there's no rush. Just let me...," she let out a breath of relief when his hands gently grabbed her hips to pull her towards him. It wasn't sex he was looking for, but the fact that he was looking for a form of contact in his awkward wordless manner relaxed her when otherwise she would have snapped asking what the hell was his problem.

Letting Ichigo search for comfort by allowing him to wrap his strong arms around her, she closed her eyes.

"You give me so much. Just felt you needed to hear that..." she shivered wanting to blurt it all out.

"Don't sell yourself short," she tried to sound tough, "You still have no idea how much you give to me...," a soft scoff left him as his arms tightened so that the front of her body was pressed comfortably against his strong long one.

_No. Right now is definitely not the right time to tell him._

* * *

><p>All was quiet in the house for once, though that didn't bode well with Ichigo that was accostumed to the lively loudness that was natural in the Kurosaki household. He knew that the near impenetrable silence had stemmed from his thoughtless actions moments earlier. He had yet to go inside the house to apologize to his sister for his violent reaction to Uryuu's visit.<p>

_My sister... is growing up. I shouldn't be surprised that she has someone... I was still in high school when Rukia and I were a couple and to be honest, Rukia is way older than I am-Shit!, _Cringing at how his logic made his earlier ourage seem hipocritical, he swore under his breath.

Fisting his untameable hair, he glared at the concrete beneath him. He was procrastinating going inside the house, opting to sit on the front doorstep with the large oak front door wide open behind him. It was as if he liked torturing himself by wanting an opening he didn't desire to use. His slouched shoulders, his beaten face and the open door were ironically simbolic to him for some reason. It was nearly laughable.

When all things were said and done, he was still a coward in the end. He was well aware that he was wrong for judging Yuzu and Uryuu, but he didn't want to face up to it just yet. He _should _do it out of respect and love for his sister, but like always, he was afraid of facing someone he had wronged with another one of his many screw ups.

Yuzu, though still too young, was very firm about her relationship with Uryuu. He had seen it in the deeply hurt _betrayed _look in her eyes when he had yelled at her during the fight. His sister hadn't needed him to champion her. What she needed from him was acceptance, not another fight with yelling and half-said truths. To this day, after so many trials and errors, he hadn't learned how completely see _into _a person. He couldn't even tell when his sister was safe or in trouble...

"Seeing you out here all alone tells me that Tatsuki-chan must have gone home already, huh," hearing the flat voice of his other sister, he glanced up to see Karin staring down at him.

"Yeah... She was in a hurry to see Inoue about something."

"Oh."

Blinking up at his sister that never seemed to change in personality, always with her dry remarks and no-nonsense expressions, he just had to ask," Did you know about Yuzu and Ishida?"

Now it was her turn to blink at him in surprise.

"Well, no... But I suspected something... Why? Did something happen?" the tiniest hint of alarm entered her tone, confirming what Ichigo had thought.

Karin _hadn't _known about it.

_So Tatsuki was right about Yuzu not wanting anybody to know. She would never hide anything from Karin even if she had sworn to the other person. I know at least _that _much._

"Nothing much other than Yuzu and Ishida dating behind everybody's backs for nearly eight months," he tried to make it come off as a joke, the fake faint smile on his face hurting due to his bruising.

"Huh? You're shitting me, right? Yuzu and _Ishida_? She's seriously dating that guy?" giving a gaping Karin a solemn nod, he instinctively scooted over on the step he was sitting on to give his stunned sister some room to sit beside him.

"I can't believe it..." she breathed dumbly once she was sitting by his side.

"I didn't want to believe it myself, but it still happened...," he sighed beside her, his eyes staring blankly at the stretching concrete walkway ahead of them.

"Geez! I had asked a hundred times why she kept spending the night at that Aiko girl's house and she always told me that it was near Ishida's place which it made it easier for her part-time job with him-"

Sharply looking at her, he snapped coming fully alert at what she was saying, "Wait! Are you telling me that Yuzu has _spent the night there_?"

She stared back at him in annoyance, "I didn't _say _that, Ichigo. I just think that its kind of weird that she liked spending the night over there so much with him living so close by!"

"So she stayed at that girl's house so she could be alone with him!" he was already begining to lose it again.

_Next time I see Ishida, I'll make sure to kill him!_

"Since when have you been so uptight?"

His jaw dropped.

"Isn't it natural to feel weird at finding out that your sister might be having...," his face reddened furiously at what he was about to say in front of the scowling Karin that technically was still a kid in his eyes, "_sex..."_ the word came out in a cough, "with a guy you went to class with?"

"No, not really, but that's just me talking," she shrugged, "compared to us _kids _you guys are pretty old."

"Hey!"

She smirked half-heartedly at his offended exclamation.

"Ichigo, believe it or not, we have had sex ed classes, watched naughty r-rated movies and read some shojo manga before. All girls do that," he started to really hack up cough storm at her startling revelation as she watched him dully, not the least bit shocked at his downright allergic reaction.

_Whoever has corrupted my little sisters like this is going to die!_

"Old goat chin even got me a whole collection of shojo when I turned fifteen, did you know that? I don't think he even knew what half that stuff was about probably seeing pretty pictures on the covers. You know how innocent and girly all of those bishojos look. Anybody could think a manga with a big-eyed cartoon girl in a school uniform can't be evil but those things can get pretty crazy to read after a couple of volumes depending on how fast paced it is-"

Slowly processing all that information, he half-shouted still wheezing slightly from his coughing fit, "Dad did what? How long have you been reading that stuff?"

"Relax," she glared at him. "You make it sound like its the end of the world."

"Bu-but-!"

"Being sixteen doesn't make us idiots."

He promptly closed his mouth.

Sighing, seeing that he was finally giving up, she readjusted the baseball cap that appeared to be a permanent part of her since he could remember. Through all the years, he'd always seen his sister use the same styled cap. Whenever she outgrew or even lost one, she would buy one that looked exactly like it. It was either out of habit or because the first hat, the _original _one, had actually been a gift from their mother.

As if thinking of their mother at the precise moment she touched the cap, a soft smile lifted her lips as she looked distantly at the same listless spot he had been staring at seconds prior, like she was thinking of something painful yet bittersweet. A memory of a time she wished she could keep but couldn't have anymore.

"Without Mom around, we've had to find out about most girl things on our own. Being a girl without a mother to explain things is not the same as for guy. That crazy Dad of ours has tried really hard though, so I can't hold it against him... A bunch of other fathers would have given up already, but he's so damned stubborn that he keeps trying to fill in for her whenever we're confused about something we can't figure out on our own."

He swallowed, understanding what she letting him know.

_All this time I've thought I was the one missing Mom the most, but Yuzu and Karin still _need _her. _

"But you know that don't you, Ichigo?" he paled when she looked at him. "That we're all trying the best we can with what we already have?"

His brows trembled.

_Trying the best we can with what we already have..., _What was she trying to tell him with this? That there was nothing missing within him like he had first thought? That he had everything he needed and all he had to do was try harder?

"I think I do...," he finally said lamely, still a bit shocked by his sister, his _younger _sister's, maturity.

"You can be such an idiot," she snorted as he shifted awkwardly at the insult without commenting on it because as much as it pissed him off, she was so right about him being completely clueless.

"Man, you're really lucky to have Tatsuki-chan helping you understand what it means to be one of us again."

"What?" he hadn't once thought that anyone in his family had figured out the real reason behind Tatsuki's visits.

Giving his a sideways glance that almost said 'Are you really that dense?', she explained flatly, "How to be one of us again. You think we all haven't noticed that something has been bugging you for a long time. I mean...," she paused as if unwilling to continue,"before you used to hide it better but a couple of months before you left for Tokyo, you hadn't bothered to keep it in anymore."

"I...I...," he didn't know what to say to that and Karin wasn't surprised.

"Ichigo... we're your family. When something is wrong with one of us, _all _of us can tell. That's what a family is supposed to do."

_I hadn't realized that they were always watching me, probably waiting for me to reach out for their help. This whole time, they'd been just waiting for me to ask them..., _Guilty over learning that during a long-delayed conversation with one of the youngest members of his family, he quickly adverted his eyes.

"I am pretty lucky, aren't I?" he grinned weakly, still not looking at her.

"Damn right you are, though I think Tatsuki-chan is the one that deserves all the credit for making you stop acting like a total dumbass."

Instead of snapping at her, he chuckled dryly.

"You're finally learning for once."

"And what would I happen to be learning?" he asked without really expecting a good answer because he had mainly asked to humor her mature moment.

"Do I have to tell you everything?" the annoyed edge on her voice made him smile because it was so Karin-like.

He shot her a half-humored glance.

"You're finally learning what it means to be just another human," his smile faded at her factual statement.

_Another human..., _His sister's simple words unknowingly answered so many of the questions he had been asking himself for the last couple of years. What he had been missing was what he was living in that moment sitting down with his sister having a conversation. _Knowing _the people around him, sharing with them, taking an interest in what they wanted, knew and really honestly needed.

"Just another human, huh?" he asked quietly, feeling as if a one of the numerous veils shielding his sight had been lifted.

* * *

><p><em>You guys have no idea how much I appreaciate all feedback so I would like to thank the following reviewers: <em>_**bfat81**__,__**foREVer-SyNyStEr**__, __**unnamed-reviewer**__, __**Sallie**__,__** I'm Solo**__,__** JJ**__, and __**lesles **__(especial thanks to you for knowing that what fanfic writers hate the most is a lurker. We already have WAY too many of those! Huggles to you! Its great to see that some people know exactly what's going on in the story! It means a lot to little ole' me!) _

_Age-Consent Reference:__ I talked to a friend who told me that the consent age in Japan is generally between 13-18 yrs depending on districts. And 20 is actually the majority of age instead of 21 like in the USA which is why Ichigo makes a big deal out of it. (I didn't believe it myself.) And NO! I'm not saying its okay-this is coming from someone that has always liked attractive older men since I was old enough to do something about it. Okay-I'll shut up now!_

_In fact... who thinks Ryuken is a total DILF?-He might pop up in Salvation. I'm aware that a number of people don't even know who he is or what he looks like! People really need to know this stuff! (believe me, Ishida Ryuken is pretty hard to forget... *fangirl swoon*) Anyhow... Uryuu/Yuzu are just a tiny part of the big picture because this is an IchiTat fic. I've seen fics that have at least 10 different pairings together and I dunno... I lose track quite easily. I have to see how to work it out while keeping 99% of this on the right track. (By the way... Something mighty caotic and wonderful will start to surface in the next chapter! I'm so excited!)_


	21. Just One Awful Day

**Warning: **Short chapter.

**Chapter 20**

_Coward., _It was like Tatsuki's mind kept going over that word. She had known it wasn't the right time to tell him due to everything that was taking place at his house. It would have been selfish of her to want to take advantage of the conflict by blurting out the news of her unplanned pregnancy.

_Well it isn't like I made the kid by myself! He would want to know... If I wait for too long, he'll just feel betrayed., _Feeling like she was between a rock and a hard place, she rested her back against the wall waiting for the one person that could understand what she was going through to some extent. She honestly didn't know what to do... The child wasn't only hers, therefore whatever plans she had for his or her future wasn't up to her alone.

_What am I supposed to do with a kid? Ichigo and I aren't married... I'm still in college and the only work I do is working part-time at the dojo and with this whole pregnancy thing _that _spare money has gone down the drain... And then there's my parents! How will they react when they find out?_

Cradling her throbbing head in her hands, she waited, without really waiting at all because all of her inner questions were keeping her mind far too busy for her own good.

She wanted to keep the baby. It was selfish and stupid to want to have a child without being prepared or even knowing how to deal with infants in the first place, but she _wanted _to have the baby. She didn't care if people told her it was wrong or if Ichigo started a fuss, it was _her _body.

This baby was going to live because she couldn't bear the thought of ending it's life because of someone else seeing it as an obstacle.

Hearing a high-pitched girlish voice she had memorized over the years, she lifted her head and let her bleary pained eyes look down the hallway of the apartment complex she had been waiting inside of. How long had she been there sitting on the floor besides Orihime's apartment door? An hour? A couple of minutes? She didn't know because she had lost track of time while being inside her head, stubbornly making a desicion over her next course of action.

"Tatsuki-chan!" she flinched at the obvious surprise in her friend's voice, once she and the persistant negative presence of Ogichi were standing in front of her.

Rising up from the floor, feeling as if her whole body had aged ten years in just one day, she couldn't even muster a smile for her friend that was now starting to show worry at her graveness.

"I-I need to talk to you alone...," saying this, she shot a wary glance at the unusually quiet hollow turned human standing beside her friend. She had realized over time that Ogichi had a very strong connection to Ichigo's emotions and had the ability to read other people like an open book. If she said her true reason for being there, he would probably run up to Ichigo and tell him _himself. _He wasn't precisely a good keeper of secrets.

"Whatever...," though annoyed at her request, Ogichi didn't throw a tantrum like he usually would have, "It's not like I wanna' listen to you and King's emo bullshit."

"Ogichi!" Orihime hissed in a admonishing tone though Ogichi was already moodily unlocking the door to their apartment to go inside and give them some privacy.

He left the door open and from what Tatsuki could see, he just nonchalantly plopped himself down on the sofa of the living room, grabbed the remote and started clicking away searching for a channel to watch on the small tv set on the coffee table in front of him.

_He's just being melodramatic., _Tatsuki realized by noting how calm he was.

"Sorry about that," she looked at Orihime that apologized with her head down in natural embarassment for her husband's permanently bad attitude. "He has complained since this morning that his connection to Kurosaki-kun has been depressing him..."

Tatsuki already heard an unasked question in her friend's words. If Ogichi felt something strange from Ichigo, that could only mean that something was weighing heavily on him.

"Um...," not knowing how to start since so much had happened in just one day, she started with what she guessed was Ichigo's problem, "Ichigo just found out that Ishida and Yuzu-chan have being seeing each other..."

"What?" Orihime gasped, putting a hand over her chest, her jaw dropping. "Ishida-kun and _Yuzu-chan_? But how is that possible? Ishida-kun has never even dated anybody!"

"I guess," Tatsuki smiled half-heartedly, lifting her shoulders in a light shrug, "appearances can be pretty deceiving, huh."

"Well, I'd s_ay!_ Kurosaki-kun must have been so angry about it!"

"Yeah, he fought Ishida-"

"He did _what?_!"

_But that's not the only thing... You see I'm pregnant and am too scared stupid to tell Ichigo right now..., _Swallowing as her friend continued to have her one-side questioning spree, she readied herself to tell her what she really wanted to talk about.

"-so that's why Ogichi has been having so many mood-swings all day!"

"Ah, Orihime-chan," her friend stopped her endless stream of words and looked at her in wide-eyed curiousity, obviously expecting her to say something else.

"I'm... I'm...," she took a deep breath as Orihime's eyes started dimming the way they always did before she started firing off worried questions, "I'm pregnant and don't know how to tell him!"

Orihime blinked, her curious expression not changing as if her mind was slow in accepting her confession.

"HOLYFUCK! KING KNOCKED ARISAWA UP!" hearing the stunned laughter-filled shout from the living room, Tatsuki out of reflex widened her own eyes and reached behind Orihime to slam the apartment's front door shut.

_Goddamned Ogichi and his fucking hearing! He knows that this is a private conversation and was _still _paying attention to it!_

Closing her eyes, she could already imagine the hollow jumping out the window of the apartment and rushing to Ichigo to rub the information in his face.

"Please tell me that your windows are shatterproof...," she whispered, her hand still lingering on the doorknob of the door she had just heartily slammed.

"Um... I'm not sure, but I hid the phone-book from him a couple of days ago because he was about to call the Kurosaki Clinic to go off on Kurosaki-kun for being so down..."

Leave it to Orihime to say something so weird in such a moment. A slight trembling smile quirked her lips, though her eyes remained closed.

"Tatsuki-chan...?" the tell-tale concern in her friend's tone gave her the courage to open her eyes to finally look at her.

"I'm stupid for letting something like this happen, aren't I?" her smile felt more like a crack on her face as her eyes blurred at seeing Orihime quickly shake her head.

"Don't you dare say something like that, Tatsuki-chan! Sometimes things like this happen for a reason, so that means that this baby is meant to happen!"

A year ago she had been trying so valiantly to be both Orihime's and Ichigo's anchor during hard times and now... She needed an anchor more than anything. She who had always been so independent and seemed to always have her life well-put together in front of all who knew her.

_I feel stupid for breaking down like this! I don't like breaking down in front of anyone! I'm supposed to be an anchor for my friends, not just another freaking burden!_

"And you don't have to be so scared about telling Kurosaki-kun! I don't know him as well as you do, but I know him well enough to say that he wouldn't turn his back on you! And he does do it, he'll be hearing from me and he's not going to _like _it!" Orihime's stubborn brave words combined with her usual girlish voice had a small chuckle leaving Tatsuki.

"I'm sure you will...," she looked at her friend, knowing full well that the backbone Orihime had earned was actually thanks to Ichigo, and not to Ogichi alone. If it hadn't been for Ichigo fighting everything about Orihime and Ogichi being together, her friend would have still been a sobbing pushover. Ichigo had given up on her the instant that he saw she had grown stronger and more adamant about what she wanted.

_If only I could be that strong now..._

"You still have to tell him... He'll do the right thing. I _know _he will. Kurosaki-kun always does the right thing even if it hurts him," Orihime said solemnly, probably thinking of exactly how giving their friend was.

_But... I don't want to be another responsabilty. I just want Ichigo to want to be with me without..._

She had to admit that the only thing she honestly yearned from Ichigo was his love, not his bravery or power, but his love. But what if that was too much to ask for?

"Tatsuki-chan... Don't cry! It's all going to be okay!" surprised she blinked as her friend abruptly hugged her tearfully.

Frowning over Orihime's heartfelt exclamations, she raised her fingers to one of her cheeks as her friend rubbed her back reassuringly. Inspecting her fingertips over her friend's shaky shoulder, she couldn't help smiling ruefully at the moisture glistening there.

She had been crying that whole entire time without realizing it.

"-just let it all out! You'll feel better once you let it all out! You'll see!" Orihime assured her, though her own voice cracked with emotion... and strangely, it was true. Hating to cry as much as she did, letting herself show some actual emotion made her feel some very needed relief from it all even if she stopped being the anchor for a brief weakening moment.

* * *

><p><em>Damn it! How couldn't I've noticed it? This whole time!, <em>Rukia shun-poed as quickly as her body allowed over the rooftops of the night-blanketed Karakura. Her heart was hammering so wildly that she couldn't even hear the wind being sliced by her speeding body. The panic at overhearing what was determined at a tai-chou meeting minutes earlier had caused her to take action. She hadn't even had time to think of a plan when she...

_We're all going to be put on trial! _All _of us had a part in this! We all knew the truth! I should've had a good strategy! This was just a disaster waiting to happen!_

Every single one of them had made their mistakes and in some way were atoning for their sins committed in the past. The war that was about to break loose was just one of the many consequences of their actions. Just recalling _her _own sins made her feet move faster to her first destination. Even after seeing Ichigo again, she hadn't been able to tell him the _real _reason why she had left him and that had been burdoning her for the longest time.

If he was blaming himself for Orihime's resentment, Rukia was blaming herself for stopping a relationship that could have begun because of her selfishness. If it hadn't been for _her _none of them would have been in danger.

She could still remember the day Orihime had told her about her feelings towards Ichigo with stunning clarity. She could also still recall the panic her friend's confession had brought and how she had quickly reacted by 'confessing' her socalled love to Ichigo so he would never find out about Orihime's girlish feelings that seemed more like a crush than a woman's love.

Their relationship had all been a sham from the begining. She had cared for him, yes. Had even harbored deep feelings of gratitude and friendship, but it hadn't been like the love between lovers that had no lies separating them.

She should have told him the truth! Rukia felt that _she _was the one that deserved his hate because from the very start she had been comparing him to a man she shouldn't have been with in the past. A man that had had a loving good wife and had rejected her to stay with her until the very day they had both died. A man she had knowingly slept with when he had belonged to someone else. Her guilt wasn't only about Ichigo but for her taking a married lover when she had been too young to understand how _wrong _and painful it was.

In the begining she had been so angry at thinking of Ichigo starting to desire Orihime, but when she had cooled her rage she had come to the heartbreaking realization that if she hadn't interfered in Ichigo's choices Orihime wouldn't have found love in his inner-hollow.

If she had thought about the possible repercussions, Ichigo wouldn't have felt the need to sacrifice his chance in true love by giving his hollow a body.

_Now all of our lives are at stake... If it hadn't been for me, Ichigo would have had a normal relationship with Inoue and that hollow wouldn't be in a walking illegal soul-transfered gigai! He wouldn't have existed to begin with!_

Urahara would be condemned once again for his experiments because he had been the one that had originally came up with the idea. Rukia would be held responsible because she had known what Ogichi was and hadn't informed it and with her position as resident shinigami, her offense was probably doubly as griveous. Ichigo could be even executed for permitting and _allowing _the obviously succesful experiment to happen with his own hollow of all things. Both Ogichi and his 'body' would be destroyed. Orihime also ran the risk of execution and having her child aborted. Even Arisawa, Ishida and Sado were on the Soul Society's hit list for accepting the crime and remaining silent about it.

And what was most saddening of all... They were all going to die and the Soul Society, in its quiet hush-hush manner, would cover it all up with even more lies. Their transgressions would become nothing more than a rumor, erased by a pompous burocracy that loathed having their mistakes and slip-ups aired out publically.

_It'll be like we never existed! We'll end up being another filebox under Central 46!_

Hating to see it all end so unfairly. she finally landed silently on the metal veranda of the porch of the place she had to go to could sense the presences she sought inside, probably unaware of the unwanted predicament she was about to reveal. _Nobody _was going to like her brand of news, especially when lately everyone had been trying with great difficulty to heal their old wounds on each other. Learning how to accept one day, to become fugitives the next wasn't going to help matters...

Still shaking from both fear and her ealier excertions, her feet touched the concrete flooring of the porch. Taking a couple of deep breaths in hopes to calm her pounding heart she effortlessly due to her soulform walked through the glass sliding door of the apartment.

"Woah! What da' fuck are ya' doin' here, shinigami?" she wasn't surprised at seeing the starkly pissed white hollow leaping up from his lazy lounging on the couch of the living room.

"Where's Inoue?" she snapped breathlessly, knowing full well that Orihime was a lot easier to deal with than the hollow.

A hard scowl appeared on his face that was so disturbingly like Ichigo's.

"What da' hell you want with her?" he asked suspiciously eyeing her. Even after all this time, Ogichi didn't trust leaving her alone for extended periods of time with Orihime.

"What's going on...?" hearing the voice of the person she wanted to talk to, Rukia blinked taken aback at seeing that she wasn't alone. Standing beside her was a very tired-looking Tatsuki that was just as puzzled as her.

_She is a part of this too, so I guess I should just tell them everything! We don't have much time to get out of here!_

Forcing her surprised down, she knew that she had to move things along quickly because as badly as things were, time was definitely _not _on their side.

"The Soul Society!" both of the girls standing in front of an open doorway of what seemed to be a bedroom gasped. "They know and now have sent out an order to arrest any of us on sight!"

"What...? How da' fuck did they find out?" Ogichi snapped at her as if it were her fault they were all now in danger.

"I didn't say a thing!" she snapped back, "They had a remote squad watching over the town ever since I requested permanent residence! They figured it out on their own!"

Seeing that the hollow wanted to continue arguing, she continued on angrily, "Listen! If you don't want you and Inoue _dying _you'll just go with me-!"

"How are we 'sposed to trust you when you're one of _them_?" he shouted, for the first time showing actual fury instead of that misplaced merriment he usually displayed when taunting others.

Closing her eyes, she reeled in her temper. Dealing with Ogichi was almost the same as dealing with Ichigo. They were both equally as stubborn and couldn't see what was good for them during desperate times.

"You guys really have no other choice!" she finally hissed, putting an end to the escalating argument.

She could only hope that Ichigo was a bit more accepting with the situation and was moving quickly on his end. When she had found out, she'd had no other choice but to accept Renji's help. She had told him not to get too involved since it was _their _problem but he had insisted on at least informing the others to start readying themselves to run until being ready to face their speedily moving pursuers.

* * *

><p><em>I'm actually splitting one looooong chapter into two. Explains the shortness...<em>

_Also... I've got a poll in my profile regarding my next writing project! So feel free to vote though I think the voting is only limited to signed-in FF members. Remember! The winner gets to be my next fic so DO IT! Besides that; It's anonymous (I don't know who is chosing what so more power to you!) For Bleach I've got Byakuya/Rukia AU, dark&sick Ulquiorra/Momo, Urahara/Yoruichi, Hichigo/Orihime AU, Ryuken/OC taboo, Rukia/Orihime (yes I can write yuri or yaoi), or finishing my old Grimmjow/OC. There's other pairings for other fandoms as well and the choice of 'Surprise Me!' which means I could come up with something even weirder; but some very awesome people read my mind are actually leaning towards my personal choice! *smiles* You guys won't know since its a blind-poll! The winner will be known the day I post the very last chapter for this story so keep an eye on it if you've put me on author alert!_

**For all my wonderful reviewers... I've put my responses in my profile to avoid taking up too much space in this site.**

_Also a very special thanks to those that have favorited or put this on story alert. It's really heart-warming to know exactly how many people are reading this (though a review or two would be nice to know what you're thinking when you read this). _


	22. Escape Plans

**Warnings: **multiple-POVs, long chapter. (sorry for any typos!)

**Chapter 21**

"What do you mean I have to run? What the hell are you talking about? You have to at least tell me what the hell is going on before breaking my window in yelling about executions-!"

"Would you just shut the hell up and get out of your damned body already? Half the Sereitei could be here any minute!" Renji gritted through his teeth before jerkily looking over his shoulder at what remained of his window. Seriously, the guy was in soulform and he still managed to clumsily break the thing in a shouting fit that hadn't made a lick of sense to him.

"Why would the Sereitei...?" he muttered rubbing some sleep from his face as he sat up in his bed, "Be after us?"

"Man, you really are stupid! The _hollow, _Ichigo!" Ichigo's breathing halted as a familiar chest pain came back with stunning force at what Renji was telling him. Rubbing over the pained area, he listened to the panicking redhead, "They've sent out an execution arrest order! Which means if you guys fight being arrested, they can _kill _you on the spot and call it a day!"

_That means... That they know that we're _all _involved!, _That knowledge alone made him whip the sheets off his legs and though his body was still sore from his fight hours earlier with Uryuu he was alert enought to move quickly towards the closet to pull out something he didn't think he would have to use again so soon.

"We need to round everybody up and get them to a safe place-" he only half-listened to Renji's words as he pulled the shinigami substitute badge to his chest to feel the suctioning sensation of his soul leaving his body. "-Rukia has already gone to Inoue's to get her and the hollow out of there, but we have to get Ishida, Sado and that girl..."

Ichigo's heart hammered as he glanced over at Renji, "Tatsuki?"

"Yeah," Renji nodded gravely. "She'll have to run too because she has been put on the arrest order as a person of interest."

_Shit even Tatsuki could be killed because of this!, _Knowing her the way he did, Ichigo wouldn't doubt for a minute that she would fight anyone that got near her or Orihime. The girl was brave and a strong fighter, despite being a human female, but she couldn't handle hoards of trained shinigami in combat. She, along with Orihime, would be vulnerable and Ogichi whose powers were limited to his human form probably had enough strength to fight some of the Sereitei's men off but he still couldn't keep them completely safe.

Closing his eyes he sucked in a deep trembling breath that felt cold and stinging into his lungs. This was something none of them could have prepared for. Rukia was probably in even more shock than him, mostly since she was the one that had been in charge of keeping the truth behind Ogichi hidden from the Soul Society. They had all made the mistake of thinking that they were away from all possible dangers, especially after his inner hollow had been inhabiting a physical body for over a year without raising suspicions.

_The Soul Society must have been watching all of us from the begining, waiting to make their move..._

A beeping ring interrupted the silent air in his room and he could hear Renji's annoyed sigh as he answered the call from his soulpager.

"Yeah?... Oh you've got them!" Curious about the conversation, Ichigo watched the expressions crossing Renji's rough features as he spoke with who he assumed was Rukia. "Arisawa was there too...?" his eyes widened as the red-haired shinigami scowled. "You're taking them to Urahara? But that guy has probably skipped town already!... Oh... Shit, Rukia! I'm in soulform! I can't go carjack a van to take them to out of town and none of them can leave their bodies...!"

"But you can break my freaking window, you dumb asshole...," Ichigo muttured darkly, disliking the fact that they were all sitting ducks in his own hometown.

Renji shot him a fulminating glare and turned around to continue shouting into the soulpager. "But... But do you even have Ishida's number?... An ambulance? Yeah, I know the kid's father owns a hospital but the Soul Society probably knows that already and will be looking out for one and with Ichigo being an idiot that can't control his leaking reiatsu...!" Glaring in his direction, Renji snapped obviously speaking with him instead of Rukia who was clearly anxious over the phone, "Do you know any way to contact Ishida's hospital without using phonelines?"

He gaped at him stupidly, "What the heck? How can I contact anybody without using a phone? Can't we just run over there?"

Rolling his eyes, Renji muttered into the phone, " If Inoue can use her Shun-Shun-Rika to go over there to get Ishida and an ambulance-"

"What the hell is all this shouting in _my _house?"

_Great. The person that I don't need knowing about this just has to burst in with his big mouth!_

Both him and Renji looked over at a livid Isshin who was wearing a garish pijama set that depicted a bunch of hearts floating among purple vines in a red background.

Red faced and glaring back at them for dumbly staring at him, he snapped, "Though you two are in soulform, you are so freaking loud-!"

"Will you just shut up?" Ichigo was no longer in the mood for anymore unwanted interruptions. If his father was complaining about loud mouths, then he was clearly being a hypocrite for shouting and letting every spiritually _unenlightened _person in their neighborhood hear him.

Shutting his mouth, Isshin scowled at noting his anxious expression.

"Wait a sec... What's going on?"

Grinding his teeth, he debated on telling him the truth... He honestly didn't want to drag the rest of his family into this because everyone would be in danger for something _he _could have kept from happening.

His eyes bulged out in disbelief when Renji blurted everything out for him,"The Soul Society has sent out an execution arrest order-!"

"Renji!"

"What?" Renji shot him an annoyed look, "You were just going to stand there all night looking torn up and worried about it when every battle-hungry shinigami in the Sereitei are after us!" to further anger him, he shrugged matter of factly when finishing stating the obvious even more than before.

Tensely looking over at his father to see how he had taken the news, he was shocked to see that Isshin was unusually quiet with a pensive distant expression.

_He's thought of something..._

"How long ago was this?" he asked in a subdued tone.

"Forty-five minutes," Renji informed him.

Nodding with after hearing those words, Isshin gave Ichigo a hard look that gave no room for arguments.

"Get your sisters out of bed. I know a way to get us all out of here without them finding us."

* * *

><p>"When in the hell were you planning on telling me about this?" Isshin mentally rolled his eyes at Ichigo's snappish question. Honestly, how long was it going to take for Ichigo to know that he wasn't really that <em>big <em>an idiot? He had always figured that something like this was going to happen in the near future. Him being a former defected shinigami, his son's constant association with them, all of the spiritual foes and semi-allies trampling up and down Karakura nearly every day... It was about damned time that Ichigo realized that Isshin was always prepared for the inevitable.

"Yeah, Dad. You keeping this hidden behind Mom's poster. No wonder you always went nuts whenever we tried to take it down," Karin muttered somewhere behind him.

"I _know!_ With all of the dust the frame had on it, Dad could have at least told _me _about it to clean it up!" even Yuzu was criticizing him.

"It's lined with zuki-zuki, isn't it? I can't even feel reiatsu in here," the one named Abarai wasn't giving him a hard time at least.

What the use in keeping it a 'secret' if he told everybody about it? When he had just bought the house after him and Masaki had moved out of their cramped little apartment decades earlier, he had constantly worried about being discovered and being brought to trial along with his then very pregnant _human _wife. So with Ishida Ryuken's reluctant help, he had managed to create a tunnel lined with stone that deflected spiritual energy that connected to Ishida's own hospital in the case of emergency. Ryuken off course hadn't liked the idea, like always, but he had nagged him until he just said 'Do whatever you want. I could care less. Just don't destroy my hospital while at it.'

And he had. The tunnel which had taken him nearly eight years to create underground led all the way to the hospital's own basement where yet another door would greet them upon arrival.

"It wasn't _that _hidden," he murmured lowly in his own defense and unfortunately Ichigo just _had _to hear him and say something about it.

His son, obviously eager to start shouting at him in frustration, stepped up to walk alongside him angrily,"Then why did you have to pull out a sledge-hammer to get to that door?"

"It wasn't like it took so long! It was just painted _cardboard!"_ he half-shouted, shooting him a twitchy eyed glare.

"Would you guys quit arguing? The longer we take on getting to the hospital, the longer it'll be before we see if everyone is alright!" Renji hissed at them, showing the worry he had been trying to hide ever since they had entered the dark tunnel.

Giving a studying glance at the tall red-haired shinigami that was walking just a couple of steps ahead of them, Isshin gave up. He had to admit that he was being childish, but he couldn't keep himself from worrying, given the predicament him and a good number of people were already in.

_I just hope that Ryuken won't give us a hard time once we get there. He was pretty pissed the last time I saw him., _Him and Ryuken had a distant bizarre friendship, if it could be considered that. They were more like two people forced to socialize unwillingly with each other. Isshin had always tried to make the best of it by being humorous and nagging him, but Ryuken would just eye him coolly and then would ignore his tactics in making him less tense.

Ryuken had always acted three times his own age. Never indulging in childishness even his youth. Maybe that was what explained Isshin's constant need to bug him... To remind him that there were other people outside of his hospital. Like his only son for instance.

Now with this and... Yuzu's relationship with Uryuu, that tension had increased tenfold. His old classmate still had a dislike towards all things shinigami and even with Yuzu's increadibly low reiatsu, she had a shinigami parent. That was what had angered Ryuken the most about the situation when he had to be called to pick up his son from the clinic.

_"I don't want you anywhere near my son again!"_ closing his eyes at remembering the sharp wounding words Ryuken had snapped at a crying Yuzu hours earlier, he nearly stopped his walking to turn around. He wasn't all too happy with Yuzu's choice, but he couldn't fault Uryuu for anything. From what he knew of the boy, Isshin was aware of how responsable and mature he was for his age. It was like he was looking at a young Ryuken again, except this younger version was more polite and empathic towards others. He had seen it in the respectful way in which he always interacted with Yuzu and how he was always genuinely concerned whenever the smallest of things happened to her.

No. He couldn't be against the boy if he cared for his daughter that way. Any father would give an arm or a leg to have a guy care for his daughter so deeply and that was why he had tried his hardest to make Ichigo see that.

Looking over at his silent angry son that decided to keep quiet for once while still walking beside him, he almost sighed. Ichigo hadn't talked to Yuzu about it. In fact as soon as they had gone into the tunnel, Ichigo had kept a physical distance from his sister and hadn't looked at her once.

_We all still have so much to learn._

* * *

><p><em>Kurosaki..., <em>Ishida Ryuken knew who was steadily approaching before they ever entered the hospital. The increase of unfamiliar reaitsu in the air had been a dead giveaway that something unwanted was happening in Karakura. The peaceful quiet atmosphere he could seldom enjoy had been disrupted by a rare increase of energy that he could detect with evident distaste.

Shinigami. Dozens of them were scattering all over the town. Some of the energies he could sense from his office on the top floor were strong, others lesser so. Perhaps some tai-chous and fuku-taichous. Whoever these shinigami were, it didn't take a genious to know that they were there to attack. This fact was also coupled with the sensation he had gotten when he no longer sensed Isshin and his family's own spirit energy a couple of blocks away. He knew that Isshin, in spite of his moments of sheer stupidity, had reacted quickly and had instinctively used the forgotten tunnel he had insisted on years earlier.

He didn't rise from the comfortable leather-backed seat behind his desk. He didn't need to, because it would be just a matter of minutes before Isshin would kick his door in, speaking a mile a minute about another mess he or his _son _had created to rouse up so many shinigami.

All of it displeased him. He, like any last Quincy, stayed out of shinigami business. He didn't like drawing attention unwillingly to himself or those remotely associated to him. There were many reasons why he had taken the option of pretending indifference towards the lives lost to Hollows and the many dangers the small town he resided in often faced.

Uryuu. His own son was breaking every rule he had set for both of them to survive. There were only two of them left and yet Uryuu still insisted in endangering himself foolishly with something that never seemed to have an end.

There will always be Hollows, just like there will always be human souls lingering in the streets unknowingly becoming something for the foul beings to feast on. Quincies and shinigami could never change something as old as time.

However they were both the last of their kind and Ryuken intended to keep things that way. There was no use in fighting what was already in nature's design. He prefered saving the living, than concerning himself for the dead. The dead could give nothing to him and if he dared to show even the slightest hint of worry about the matter, he would only get himself involved with those... _shinigami._

There was no usefulness in his Quincy powers, because in the end there would be no ultimate reward. Hollows would still exist and shinigami who were numbered in the thousands, existed for the purpose of exterminating them. It was an already set cycle of redundant battles over the same thing.

Souls. Good and evil. Living and dead. Things had reached a point in which he no longer cared much for it.

The folder he had open in his desk with only more documents he had to sign and look over, was gently closed as he folded his hands over it, patiently waiting for his unexpected visitor. He wasn't surprised in the least with Isshin's choice to come to him of all people.

Especially after he had found out about his son taking that young girl as his lover. Even Ryuken had to admit that those news had shocked him. Uryuu rarely spoke to him and when he did he was usually as cold as he was. Distant and without telling him anything about his personal life. In fact the only way he had discovered about Uryuu's entry in college to study design was because he had him investigated.

Uryuu always told him _nothing._ Every acomplishment, every tiny thing his son had ever done... Other people had to tell him about it because otherwise he would never know because of his son's enstrangement.

_Disrespectful boy. Always so willful. He's become worse after he was befriended by that Kurosaki Ichigo._

Though complaining about it would make him look like a hipocrite for the mere fact that he tolerated Isshin's own insufferable presence.

"RYUKEN!" he narrowed his eyes cooly as his office door burst open. His eyes became narrower seeing wood splinters flying in the air at the large shinigami's idiotic entrance and the unmistakable loud metallic pop of the door's lock being broken.

"You owe me a new door," were the first words Ryuken said at noting how the door now hung loosely from one hinge after Isshin had slammed it with his shoulder to get in. He hadn't kicked it as he had expected, but he had still broken it in his usual clumsy loud ways.

Evidently embarassed and rushed, Isshin gave a quick glance to the door he had efficiently destroyed.

"What did you and your son do to make so many shinigami infest Karakura?" leaning back on his seat, Ryuken eyed Isshin icily from behind his glasses. He already had a good idea, but he wanted to hear Isshin admit to his follies and not make any excuses for it. He was well aware of Isshin's habit of deflecting the blame for specific situations.

Isshin's broad shoulders tensed as he took a deep breath, "Ichigo gave his inner Hollow a body so he could be with Inoue."

Now this came as unexpected, _unpleasant _surprise to him. He would have expected Ichigo to have done some other type of idiotic offense, but giving a Hollow a body so he could stay with a human girl was a serious crime no matter how anyone tried to look at it.

Both dangerous and foolish, not just because of the shinigami. Hollows were naturally untrustworthy creatures. It was a miracle that it had taken a while for the shinigami to make a move with something as delicate and hazardous as that.

"How many people can I expect to come here because of your son's idiotic choice?"

He could literally hear Isshin gulp from accross the room. He knew that the number of people involved was daunting even if it was for one person's mistake.

"More than ten people at least."

Upon hearing this, Ryuken had to resist the urge to rub his eyes in weariness. Ten people in the run, dozens of shinigami hunting them... The problem was far bigger than imagined at first glance. No one needed to tell him that his own son, his very _disobedient _sensitive son was a part of it. Refusing to help everyone, would leave Uryuu alone and make him an easy target...

"Any more unsavory news you wish to tell me about before I lower myself by helping you?" he kept all expression from his face to hide his thoughts. He didn't like showing weakness by displaying worry over what was happening, though inside he was enraged by it. Even if people considered his 'paranting' to be harsh, he understood why he treated Uryuu the way he did.

It was meant to strengthen him and sadly, he had to face the fact that all he did was push Uryuu away from him and into enemy territory. Now he had even taken a half-shinigami girl as his lover, which proved how his strategetic parenting had failed.

"I need you to take Yuzu, Karin and Arisawa Yoshiaki and Megumi in."

Ryuken's brows lowered slightly at those names and at noting this Isshin quickly explained.

"I know you don't like having to babysit people, but the ones being hunted are _not _them," Isshin almost looked frustrated in explaining, "But I know that the ones after us will go after them for information and I don't want any of them to have to go through that. It's for the best so the rest of us can keep running without worrying if they've made contact."

"So I'm correct to asume that you will go with your son and his friends as well."

Even in the dimly lit room, he saw Isshin paling. Isshin didn't like the thought of leaving his two daughters behind to keep them out of danger, especially if _he _was the one left in charge of them.

"I need you to do this for me, Ryuken. I know that what happened with Yuzu earlier didn't sit well with you, but I need you to push that all aside and think about what your son would want."

Ryuken could feel his jaw clenching. It was an involuntary physical reaction to hearing the mere mention of Ichigo and Uryuu's fight hours earlier. He had been the one that had to pick his unconscious son up to rush him to the hospital. In fact, Uryuu, though having regained consciousness an hour earlier, was still in delicate condition because of Ichigo's fists.

He reacted angrily towards the girl, yet it had been because Ichigo had beaten his son because of her. He knew that she honestly had no fault in it, though he avoided feeling guilty about telling her to stay away from Uryuu. He refused to admit to it because he really wanted her to stay away for the sake of his son.

However, Uryuu still wanted to be with her regardless of the dangers. He had even tried to argue to him about it, saying that he was an adult and that what happened between him and Ichigo had been a mere misunderstanding...

"Ryuken... We don't have much time," Isshin was trying to sound calm, but even he could detect hints of desperation in his tone.

Still having his jaw clenching, Ryuken glared at his almost friend. He didn't have to like the situation, just like Isshin didn't. With his son involved, he was unwillingly drawn into it himself.

"If I do this, there will be some conditions."

Isshin nodded gravely, probably guessing what some of these 'conditions' were

* * *

><p>She felt sick.<p>

For the last twenty minutes, Tatsuki's stomach had rolled and burned in fear and anger since she had been rushed off along with Orihime and Ogichi to Urahara's shoten by a tense Rukia. Being nauseated while on the run with a group of people emanating forboding energy only worsened her condition.

She knew that they all tried to play it off as if everything that was happening was normal, but she could sense their fear and it sickened her.

"Are you alright, Arisawa?" startled by the soft direct female voice, Tatsuki looked at Rukia who stood beside her in her shinigami robes. It was one of those rare times in which she spent more time with the smaller girl and Tatsuki couldn't really say she disliked her as much as in the past. Rukia had managed to earn some unwilling respect from her for all of the sacrifices she was obviously making in protecting all of them.

"Just feeling a bit dizzy," she reluctantly admitted and couldn't help paling when Rukia studied her from the corner of her eyes. It wasn't a searching stare, but she could tell that the other girl was curious about her ailment. Tatsuki wasn't precisely the type that got sick for no apparent reason. In fact, she couldn't recall the last time she had been ill with something as mundane as a cold or stomach ache.

Pregnancy though... Could that be considered an illness? Sometimes she thought it was. Lately, whenever she felt anxiety, that dreaded nausea would come back and her lower stomach would twist uncomfortably.

"I bet ya' dizzy with the King's brat planted in ya' belly and everythin'!" stiffening at the jibe Ogichi just had to toss in, Tatsuki gave him a furious glare from under her bangs while Orihime tried to shush him while shooting an nervous glance at a now gaping Rukia.

_This is perfect! Now he told someone else about it and it was Kuchiki of all people!, _Realizing that the shinigami's eyes were on her in shock, Tatsuki didn't bother to try to look at her to gauge her reaction. She should have known that Ogichi's big mouth would not keep quiet, but did he have to tell _Rukia_? Anyone with common sense would have tried to keep the _ex-lover _from finding out first.

"Is that true, Arisawa?" she even refused to answer the softly asked question. There was no hostility in Rukia's tone, but a well-placed tentativeness as if she knew that the subject was awkward for the both of them. The time and place wasn't right, and she doubted that there ever would be a right time to reveal her pregnancy to everyone. However, at the rate things were going, Ogichi would tell _everyone _including Ichigo before the night was over.

_How can I answer that...?, _Disturbed by everything, she remained tense without saying any further words. All she wanted now was to see if Ichigo had made it safely to the hospital. After they'd all arrived at Urahara's shoten, Rukia had received a call from Renji saying that they were at the hospital and that Isshin was trying to convince Ryuken, the hospital's director, to give them some aid in leaving Karakura.

That was how their group had ended up at the underground parking-lot of said hospital. It was mostly dark and the only vehicles that seemed to be housed in the section they were standing in were ambulances and some expensive cars that she asumed belonged to some of the doctors that worked there.

Looking at the metal doors that had a sign on it signifying it lead to the stairs, she attempted to relax her shoulders. She could sense Ichigo's reiatsu and it was still strong, though it had equally strong emotions in it that added more to her nausea.

He was probably more anxious than all of them put together. She had yet to come to grips with her heightened sensibilities to the emotions coming from everyone. It hadn't taken her long to realize after Rukia had picked them up that she was feeling what everyone else was.

Orihime's almost maternal concern. Ogichi's combination of anger and ease with a deeply seeded manic rage that frightened her. Urahara's attempt in seeing humor in their predicament while he was truly worrying for what could happen next. Rukia's desperation and _guilt..._

Even the other people that had come along with them in their escape were affecting her. The man named Tessai was unusually calm, though had a reasonable amount of worry with what was going to happen to all of them. Ginta's energy was just that, _energy_. In fact the younger boy felt almost hyper and his particular energy made her light-headed. Ururu's, Sado's and Yoruichi's emotions were more soothing. She wondered how could those three in particular could keep their feelings so controlled to the point that all she could feel was calmness by simply standing near them...

She didn't have to like it. She knew that, even though she wished she could understand why she was so sensitive to everyone. She would have thought that she was more connected to Ichigo, but it turned out that everyone affected her physical ailements in some degree.

She couldn't even bear to look at them directly in the eyes because whenever she did, their emotions and nearly their _thoughts, _would hit her in the face harshly. Maybe all she needed to do was to calm _herself _down. Everyone was nervous and had different ways of handling it. She had yet to learn how to come to grips with her own feelings because she could only think about Ichigo and his family... Whenever she tried to think that they would all make it out fine, she would then wonder if everyone in the other side had reached the hospital without running into any shinigami.

_I need to calm down! Kuchiki said that Abarai told her that they haven't run into anybody! I'm just worrying over nothing!_

The beeping sound of Rukia's cellphone broke her train of thought, though she avoided looking at her because she had never answered her question.

"Yeah?" Rukia answered in a bussinelike tone. "One ambulance?" she couldn't help glancing at her when she exclaimed that one question.

"We'll need at least three of those...," Urahara muttered a couple of feet from them. Ever since they had reached the hospital, him, Yoruichi and Tessai had kept their distance and had been privately conversing. She wasn't particularly interested in what they had been talking about in hushed tones, but she suspected that it had to do with what to do next regarding their escape.

"Renji... Tell Kurosaki we have to transport at least _fourteen _people out of town! We can't all squeeze into one ambulance, especially with Ishida in a stretcher! It would be suicide to be all in one place like that! We'll need to split up to meet somewhere else away from here!"

The sharp anxiety Rukia exuded made Tatsuki's temples pound and she squeezed her eyes closed as yet another wave of nausea overtook her.

_Damn it!, _Wrapping her arms around her mid-section, in hopes it would keep some of the vile from rising up her throat, she was a bit surprised at feeling a soothing familiar hand on her back.

"Tatsuki-chan...?" Orihime asked gently and she tried to muster up a smile because her friend was clearly seeing what she was going through.

"It's cool... Haven't gotten used to it yet," she rasped, shooting her a brittle little smirk to tell her everything was alright, but Orihime's eyes showed she wasn't convinced.

_"Ichigo's sisters are staying with Ishida's father...?" _Rukia kept talking beside her.

_"Ginta, Ururu, and Tessai will stay too,"_ Urahara's voice spoke up from his 'conference' with Yoruichi and Tessai.

_"Okay, then we're..."_ she didn't get to hear what else was said because Orihime was already gently pulling her away from the group and for that she was grateful because when she did some of the heaviness she had felt lessened.

_How long will we have to do this? Why do I get the feeling that there's more to come?, _Sensing Ogichi's violently gleeful energy nearing her and Orihime, she stiffened without looking at the albino.

"Ogichi! What did I tell you about telling everybody about Tatsuki-chan?" Orihime chastised him in a hiss while unconciously rubbing her back.

"Pfft! I just wanted to know Kuchiki bitch's reaction to it! She handled it better than I thought!" hearing that damned laughing tone of his, Tatsuki looked at him in a glare that only made his ever-present smile widen.

_Ichigo will know... But it will probably won't come from me., _Glancing over at the shinigami that was still shouting over her phone, she wasn't surprised when Rukia looked at her. Though there was no hostility in her eyes, Tatsuki saw something that momentarily stunned her. It was an emotion she would have never expected to come from someone that used to be Ichigo's lover and made her rethink her earlier opinions regarding the girl...

Concern for her. Rukia was actually worrying about _her. _Why?

Tatsuki didn't think she would ever know.

* * *

><p><em>HAPPY VERY LATE THANKSGIVING! *throws tons of kisses and turkey meat at dodging readers*<em>

_Thanks alot to SomeoneWhoLikesBleach, Skelle and bfat81. You three really got my butt in gear! I was too busy bitching some people out (having PTAs with bitchy people at my daughter's school *grumbles*, x-mas shopping, flamers/forums, court hearings... TONS of stuff)_

_A prepubescent twat threw a HUGE tantrum and another one PMed me IN TEARS! HEHE! Sweety... Next time you call someone a 'stupid untalented cow', TRY to check your spelling, USE a spacebar, have an MEMBER'S ACCOUNT with a much more better story than mine, and TRY not to sound so EMOTIONAL in it. Obviously you're just 13 year old that can't handle realism. 'Butthurt Shipping Rants' are just too funny to take seriously. I was already bored by the time you flamed me for the second time in the same oneshot. I'm a sadist/masochist by nature so you really didn't garner my interest..._

_Look up the meaning of 'fantards' in Urbandictionary dot com (def. Number 1 and 5. You're too sensitive to read number 11 on the second page though.)_

_PS: I've added new Poll choices!_

_There's a new Ulqui/Hime called 'All Along'. I wrote it as a oneshot request for SomeoneWhoLikesBleach, but may extend it in the future so if you like that pairing check it out in my profile(there's a small lemon in it)_

_Until next time, you fine wonderful people! Don't forget to leave a review! (99% of the visitors hitting my stories ARE LURKERS.)_

_Also read the story titled 'Orihime Hate?' by BlackerThanMySoul (look for it in the favorites in my profile). It rings true!_


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